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>>84719618
So i'm going to be a wizard in a couple of months. It aint so bad coming out the other side of it all

Tell me your story. Use multiple posts if you like

>>84719618
>Be god
>Say "fuck this nigga in particular"
>The end

>>84719635
I feel like that sometimes too
I sometimes like to fantasise that my suffering was preordained by God for some higher purpose. It feels like I was meant for something. But I know that is just my mind trying to find meaning in my suffering. I don't see my purpose on this earth yet, and I am not sure I ever will

>be born
>realize I hate people as soon as I become sentient
>flashforward to now
>be 32
>still hate people

>>84719618
hispanic parents emotionally unavailable since birth , brother in and out of jail , sister gets ran over & dies , moms mental health gets worse after that , beatings are now with closed fists , diagnosed with depression & anxiety at 10 , start cutting around then , 1st mental hospital visit at 11 + ptsd diagnosis + first medication , hate school and start acting out , move out of the ghetto and isolate more , brother tried to murder parents & i had to call the police , age 12 asperger's diagnosis , bunch of new medications every now and then , discover 4chan sometime in 7th grade , get sent to small alternative schools , had no friends in high school, 22 year old student was touching me while i was 17 and school uses his autism to excuse it, drop out at 18 , isolate until 19 . decided to meet a guy and get raped violently as a virgin + given a concussion , develop late epilepsy , start abusing alcohol and pills to cope and get dt's few months after , 8th mental hospital visit + bpd and ppd diagnosis , bipolar 2 diagnosis at 20 , did shrooms in march had a bad trip and started isolating myself more since then. masking overwhelms me.


lifes painful but i try to stay positive , i sleep well knowing nobody dislikes me or considers me a bad person . my lithium and therapy has helped a lot.

>>84719618
What is your family like? You didn't mention them at all

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>>84719618
Born with autism and bad at socialising from the start. Nobody forced me to try so I never got better, then my parents let me have completely free internet access from the age of 6 and I became a weird recluse. Now I'm 22 and unemployed with no friends lol.
I think parents should really put more effort into parenting. Otherwise you get people like me.

>>84721016
I should have just try to be more outgoing at an early age, my parents tried to help but oh well

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>>84719618
>be baby of family of 5 girls.
>be male
>get bullied a lot by my sisters
>become favorite
>have autism/adhd
>stay inside all the time
>my sisters are normies and are outgoing
>they get into trouble a lot
>my only trouble was school
>sisters get jealous and bully me a lot
>have a hard time understanding my feelings and become shy and intimidated by girls
>was told by mom that if a girl picks on me then that means they like me
>took her advice but it blew up in my face many times
>they actually dont like me
>go to hospital after girl shoves me against wall with head injury
>mom furious and I became scared of women around age ten I think
>stay home a lot in my room and play with legos and read dinosaur books
>bullying at home increases
>get very sick and cannot do hospital
>mom goes to doctor to get suppositories
>I am around eleven I think
>no idea what those are but okay
>mom has me and a few of my sisters go to her bedroom
>holding me down and putting the medicine in me
>I freak out and cry
>sisters make fun of me as mom tries to soothe me
>very traumatic experience for me
>i hate it but it turned me hypersexual soon after
>cry a lot and tell mom but it makes things worse
>middle school growth spurt and i raise to 6ft5in
>bullying stops
>still feel shy and uncomfortable/awkward
>can barely hold eye contact and talk to girls
>have few friends
>attach myself to a girl who smiled at me and let me borrow her math notes
>become infatuated with her
>pursue her
>she doesnt like me and instead ignores me after that
>feel terrible and stick to myself
>high school comes around
>I feel a little better about myself
>home life is a smidge better but sisters say nasty things to me making me feel small and insecure
>struggle with school and lose friends
>figure out that I can mask and seem normal
Life is rough and stuff.

>>84719618
>>am nearly 30 now
>>am happy and have reconciled with myself
same except im nearly 30 and will be killing myself as i cant accept this is all thats left

>>84719618
>parents divorced
>mom ESL
>step dad a cunt
>dad a bit of a cunt
>only female friend was BPD cutter hapa who abandoned me during covid
>only other females who talked to me outside of family were the ugly weird chicks
>all male friends are autistic weirdos
So yeah. Been recovering I guess. One friend's gf likes talking to me help set me up on dates. They went nowhere unfortunately. Also friend's gf reminds me of my female friend just white instead of half Asian and has bigger tits. Being in my 20s feels weird.

>>84721203
early life is pretty similar for me anon. being born as the only male among a group of sisters is genuinely a terrible fate, especially if you are not the oldest sibling.

>only boy, 5 sisters
>le low dopamine depression prone gene runs heavily on both sides of family
>silent baby, almost lost hearing in one ear due to not crying about it
>sisters unironically treat me like a doll for the first few years of my life when my mom wasn't around.
>dress up, make up, etc.
>sisters do uncountable odd things with me past this, including SA
>neighborhood girl significantly older is kind of like playmate
>presumably had weird stuff done to her, frequently did even more bizarre things than my sisters did.
>as i get older, weird stuff stops
>replaced by physical, mental, and emotional abuse
>le neglectful depressed and detached mother who basically knows whats happening but doesnt have the energy to care
>continues on for years
>able to put on good front and play pretend in school till my preteen years
>one day, just couldn't do it anymore
>frequent breakdowns in school, panic attacks
>try to get therapy
>therapist is a woman and by this point i am already so traumatized that i have a panic attack the whole time for the three sessions i am forced to attend. she only noticed during the last session.
>get big enough at 14 that sisters are too scared to do anything physical anymore
>verbal, and emotional abuse remains
>drop out of school not long after, completely unable to function in the setting.
>fast forward to now
>be CPTSD + panic disorder truecel
>every older sister now has a husband and kids.

skipped over a lot of stuff but there you go.

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>>84721529
>anon has sisters
>anon goes insane

>>84721596
i am only thankful i haven't trooned out anon, never even had the thought in my mind to be honest.

>>84719618
>be only child, autistic (never diagnosed)
>mom dies of cancer when I was five
>dad remarries to a third worlder gold digger, has child with new wife
>messy divorce a few years later (going through legal shit to this day with her, and we know nothing whatsoever about my step sibling's life)
>remarries again later, has another kid
>stepmom is narcissist (very emotionally abusive towards us), father just deals with it
>become isolated in my home, retreat to grandparents house during weekends
>go through depressive period between grade 8-9 (wasn't super serious but I just stopped caring about school, was transferred to public hs in grade 10)
>poor social life until I befriended a few normies, got into psychedelics around grade 11
>get into philosophy to cope with chaos of life
>after graduating hs, move in with grandparents, start bachelors (in philosophy)
>about a year or two into uni they start developing symptoms of dementia
>life becomes extremely stressful, for about a year or two (memory is foggy) develop chronic insomnia, sometimes go two to three days consecutively without sleep
>get into health, eventually solve the issue and slowly start the path to healing
>get autistic gf
>graduate, do a certificate program, then begin masters after (legal profession)

I had a poor start but turned out good because I got into philosophy. Helped make sense of myself and the world, and it's probably been more effective than any amount of therapy could be. My mental health is good, although motivation is an issue (I don't go outside much unless its for BJJ or to see my gf on the rare occasion she's free). Have imposters syndrome with my education because I am cheating, but there should come a point where I will have time to catch up (don't have the motivation/incentive to be serious now, my motivation purely works off of interest).

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>>84721638
Are you having a panic attack seeing this image anon?

>>84719618
I hate faggots like you that blame all of their failings on various diseases and mental issues. Just be a fucking man and admit you're a fucking failure fuck up lazy piece of shit for once in your pathetic loser life.

I may be a loser but at least I'm fucking honest and not a giant whiny faggot.

>>84721719
no but having to walk by them in public or being too close to them for too long in general, or god forbid extended conversation, yes.

>>84719618
>Born with undiagnosed 'tism to two fucked up parents who loved each other, but could not co-exist.
>Father, a drinker and smoker - mid-30s. Mother, ex-heroin addict - mid-20s.
>Am relatively quiet for a baby. I was always observing everything. Only child.
>Mother leaves my father when I am 2.5y, ghosts him. He was a violent drunk.
>Custody battle ensues. Father granted access.
>Father in and out of my life until I was 11.
>Start school a year late.
>Somehow made some friends, but they all disappeared.
>Father emigrated 'forever' (I wept), but was deported back home after two years.
>High achiever who lost motivation at 12 and became another 'failed gifted kid'.
>Changing to the senior school was awful. Much more hostility around.
>Father was finally around and after a year in a hostel, settled in a flat a few miles away.
>Spent regular weekends with him from 11-18.
>Skipping class whenever I could.
>Diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
>Would get in fights, usually did well because anger.
>Eventually got my nose broken when I was 14. Taken out of that school.
>Was always fearful of getting into fights ever since.
>Basically NEETed for the last 1.5y of mandatory edication.
>Went to a special unit for fucked up kids for six months. Actually enjoyed it.
>Caseworker became a friend for over 20 years.
>Almost escaped perma-inceldom, but she was a cocktease. Friend-Zoned.
>Passed two years of college. Business and IT.
>Still never got laid.
>Father died soon after I turned 19.
>NEETed for a decade.
>Finally got an apprenticeship.
>Found my mother dead in our kitchen a couple of months before I was 28.
>Destroyed me.
>Passed the year under extreme stress.
>Glad to return to NEETdom.
>Get another job a year later.
>Last a week.
>Fully Black Pilled on waging and women.
>Since NEETed another decade.
>My last relative, my grandpa, dies.
>Fully alone now.
>No hope of escaping NEETdom.
>No hope of escaping inceldom.
>40 in August.
>I long for death every day.

I've reached the point that my life is too fucked up to summarize in these threads. Every single year would need its own post for anyone to truly appreciate the scope of it all. Just one shitty thing after another and it never gets better. It wouldn't make for a very interesting story as a book or a movie. It's just non-stop misery porn without a satisfying ending.

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>>84721750
If I saw a fat woman like this in real life, I would have a panic attack, she would try to eat me

>>84719618
>start falling in physical development by 14-15 years old
>my x-ray wrist bone age was measured to be 3 years younger than actual range
>very thin, underdeveloped boy with poor eyesight big glasses, small dick, since then heavy body anxiety
>never had female attention at school, at least had some male frens
>helicopter nagging mother, aslo doing damage to my psyche with her mistakes (like leaving me to stand lines in stores and running at her errands, I hated been in stores since then without releasing why, it greatly affected my functionality in life latter, like I couldn't spend time to choose myself good clothes in stores, so my wardrobe was awful).
>when went to university felt like a boy surrounded by grown up men
>went completely looner mode, I don't remember a single person name form my university days
>got extreme cases of social anxiety, catastrophizing, attachment avoidance, touch avoidance
>after graduation went depression and spend several years neeting
>thanks to parents nagging found employment and started slowly building some sort of career (still massive underachiever considering my education and capabilities)
>due to exposure to people at job social anxiety reduced but damage is done and I am completely behind in romantic relationships
>exist between work and cope by playing videogames at home
>have no money to leave parents house, or car
>it's over

this is a price of being special, common nigga

>>84721923
How did you spend your 30's as a neet?

I think nothing in particular, but maybe i'm too tard to see the real reasons
I just think my choices in life made me akward, introverted and weird, and now that i'm over 30, jobless, still with my parents and no gf, it's too late to change.
At this point i just want a job so that i can live alone and wait for death with my few close friends

>had to leave school
Weak parents to allow that to happen I'm sorry.

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Cliff notes version:
>autism
>no dad
>BPD mother
>socially 0/10 since I was five
>internet addiction since 1997

Extrapolate the rest. You know.

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>>84721529
You are not wrong. We are pretty similar anon. How are things with you and your family now?

>>84723150
i didn't mention it but
>mom left dad while i was a toddler, he did when i was 10, haven't seen him since i was a toddler
>oldest sister i get along with, shaped me before the internet did. always decent towards me
>second oldest sister gave a half hearted apology years ago but still treats me pretty poorly, avoid interaction
>directly older sister has never apologized and has tried once or twice to interact like they didn't ruin me, avoid interaction
>directly younger sister is drugged out and doesn't bother talking to me
>youngest sister i don't really have a relationship with at all

i don't really talk to my mom either, though other than my oldest sister shes the only one i particularly get along with. i don't really value family as a concept and would be pleased if i went the rest of my life without seeing most of them again.

>>84723174
Yeah I only talk with two of them and keep the rest at arms length. They got mom in a constant stress battle because they keep messing up and run to her for any and all problems they have. This is why I am considered the favorite and they are still upset over it. I am the only one who came out decent to her. She has no idea about all the crazy things they did to me. Yeah they act like nothing happened between us and I got no apology from them. I try my best not to bring up our childhood because all it will do is have them scream and yell at me about how much better I was and I was just a child. They had complete control and made things worse. Whatever. Im glad you have a peace of mind without most of them and what not anon. Thanks for sharing. I really thought I was alone in my situation desu.

>>84720951
Irish family, northern Ireland. Working class. They were always poor. Two siblings, elder sister and younger brother. My parents didn't understand my autism, not until maybe my late teens. They tried to though. But they probably ended up making things worse. Especially in childhood. My sister was a crazy bitch. She used to try and kill me when we were children because she was the only child at first and got all the attention, and then I came along and and took what ever attention was left. My parents were too busy working just to survive. My father would work on an excavator in the day and my mother would work as a barmaid at night, and when they were home, they'd have to look after me, a baby. Same story when my younger brother was born, but she wasn't as jealous with him. She took it all out on me. She became real trouble in her teens and 20's. Any trouble you can think of, she was apart of it

My brother is the only normal child. He's doing well. So is my sister now, she's sort of matured and is getting married soon and has a child

We had problems as a family but it was a stable and intact family. I didn't get beat or anything, just the odd kick up the ass, or wooden spoon. Sometimes i didn't deserve it, it was a misunderstanding, and that makes you resent, but most of the time I did. And most of the time they didn't resort to hitting me or my siblings
My parents just did their best the only way they knew how and it could had been much much worse. I can't complain, ultimately

I grew up with a very tight bond with my cousins. First and second and even third. But drifted away from them when I had to leave school. I didn't go out much at all back then. Many of them are strangers to me now

>>84723226
>They got mom in a constant stress battle because they keep messing up and run to her for any and all problems they have.
this was my family for years but 2 of them calmed down finally and settled down with total cuckoids, and the other one thats still a nightmare moved away a bit.
>This is why I am considered the favorite and they are still upset over it.
i would say i was the favorite of my mom growing up but i didn't really get benefits for it (it was just because i caused the least stress) now she spends most of her time with my sisters, i think maybe she knows i'd rather be alone and i appreciate that much.
>Im glad you have a peace of mind without most of them and what not anon.
i am super petty and grudgeful, likely a learned behavior from my environment. its actually pretty frustrating how easily i just dislike someone forever but yeah, has made it easy to not care about those evil people.
>Thanks for sharing. I really thought I was alone in my situation desu.
no worries anon, it was comforting me as well. rarely do i see someone else with the same awful draw that i had. i feel for you man.

>>84721741
You have nothing wrong with you, so you project your own problem (being a lazy faggot) onto everyone else but "admit" to being one to make yourself feel better about it and better than everyone else

>>84721966
Make the thread. I will read it. Link it here

>>84722778
I wasn't in any state to learn anything and it was getting worse. No words can describe how bad it was and im not even going to bother. But trust me, it was the only thing that could be done. It was bad

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>>84719618
be born with autism and adhd. i physically could never relate to anyone in the whole world. i did not understand people and never understood social norms. i literally have no emotions (that sounds so gay but its whats wrong with me). I am a robot everywhere, I see people happy, loving, the whole 9 yards, and I realize I will never get to experience any of this due to how I was born. it doesn't really bother me all too much, I can't really feel bad for myself so it's kind of a blessing. also happen to get pectus excavatum so I can't even go out and socialize at the beach without thinking im a disgusting freak.

nothing in life really brings me joy, I don't have hobbies in the conventional way, I don't enjoy the things I like doing, it's just stuff that I don't hate so I can fill my time up. except for vidya, videogames have been the only proper constant in my life that I somewhat enjoy, it's how I interact with the world and how i have fun so I just become a recluse and only play vidya all day when I dont have work. fast forward to 19, turns out I also have schizoid personality disorder, so yay me!

I don't really care that much desu, i am content with being alone all my life with nothing but vidya, anime, and substances to abuse to fill my days. seems kinda neat lol

>>84719618
> be raised by a hateful single mother
> domestic violence and screaming is a daily struggle at home
> poor
> hard time making friends, bullied constantly
> grew ugly and with a small D

I should have just died at the womb, but I guess god wanted another clown on his playground

>>84721741
I admit i neeted for several years.
But since then I was working, and I didn't achieved anything the man of my old age shouldve achieve. I have no my own hose, I have no car. And looking at my savings and income I will never will.
I am excessive parody of man who should've never been born.

Ok heres my story altough Im reject the deragotary notion of being a robot.

>me very high IQ asperger autist
>scapegoat in pathological family, mother is a covert narcissist, father is a schizoid narcissist, older brother is a classical narcissist, younger brother is antisocial personality but lightly (what people commonly call sociopath, reactance).
>became a masochistic covert narcissist myself
>Overcame it trough a healing kind of psychosis and learning a shitton
>After was in paranoia, mania, depression, quiet BPD phase and breaking down of basic skills.
>I wrote trough this. Manuscript advances the fields of philosophy and a psychology.
>Looks like Im actually becoming famous

I actually want to save myself and save the world now. I lost my crazy levels of creativity with my mental illness but overall I still have some creativity and Im better adapted to the world now or rather to a degree Im adapting it to myself. With healing I have gained a better understanding of other people and how to deal with them. I still have lots of problems. Im still changing and I cant put it into words

>>84719618
>What made you a robot?
>>be born with aspergers
answered your own question desu. Humans are a social species. Not being able to socialise is like being wolf with no teeth. Why are you even here? (as in, part of human society). You have no value to the pack, and will be treated as such

>>84723821
Autism comes in degrees and variants and its a threshold diagnosis. No two autists seem to be the same. I have some social skills and in some niche regards it can be said that I have actually very good social skills. But these are probably traumatic intelligence. I learned to be very good at gauging certain things about people for survival reasons.

>you have no value to the pack

not true and also not true for autists in general. Autism in its degrees and variants would not have evolved if it didnt provide some survival advantage in some niches. There are niches for different kinds of cognition. Im not saying that autists are flawless but they are not as a class useless either.

>>84724053
then why is autism one of the leading causes of unemployment? I'll tell you why, as an aspie, is because no one wants to work with you. People would rather work along side someone fun to be around rather than someone good at their job. Autists dont socialise at work. they hold their head down and get on with it. they eat their lunch in silence then leave when it's time to clock out even if others arent ready yet, all the while making everyone else look bad with how productive they are in comparison. ALL of life is going along to get along. That's why the only jobs i've ever gotten were factory jobs, one of the few industries were you truly dont socialise at work, because we've a production line to run. This wouldnt be a problem if factory jobs werent objectively SHIT. Long hours, on your feet, in cold and noisy environments, all the while building resentment that this is the only value you have to society, all because some fucking normie gets mad you dont talk to them in their cushy air conditioned office job where they send 15 emails a day at best.

Autism, and any other social disorder ARE the worst things to be born with as a human. Idgaf about your stupid niches and vArIeNtS. All of it sucks. Autism is one of the biggest causes of suicide, because we all come to the same conclusion
>Why am I here? Clearly I'm not wanted. No one hires me, dates me or befriends me. I have been rejected by my own species

>>84724143
>I have been rejected by my own species
This indeed is not inherent to autism but to a failure of positive interactions with the environment which does become harder with autism but could also be due to bad parenting or cold social circles. I do share some of your frustrations and I guess despite it all I have been lucky. Im a virgin at 30+ too and have no friends. My family mostly is toxic. I understand you. I just dont want to give up hope and believe in the good. I do have unique chances but its not certain or going to be easy.

>No one hires me, dates me or befriends me
You are not entitled to any of that if other people arent voluntarily willing to give it to you (or take it away). You can just try to do your best or become a cold blooded killer and fuck corpses or something. In which case I would oppose you. You do have my sympathy. I dont want you or anyone to suffer unnecesarily.

I know its very frustrating and sometimes the world really does suck but we only can deal with the cards we are given in life.

>>84723821
>>84724053
>>84724143
OP here. Both of you have valid points. Not all autism are the same, everyone get's different symptoms. And some autists do better, then tell you with a worse combination of symptoms and degrees that they made it so you can too. Which is frustrating.

I started out absolutely clueless socially, but i eventually pieced it all together for the most part. But I still have limits and am underdeveloped socially. It doesn't come natural to me when socialising, I have to manually process it all and in complex social situations I can't do that on the spot and it is also just draining to process social situations in general. People like me it seems, they think i'm nice and a good person, but they don't want to be friends with me. I'm just not socially developed enough. They get bored of me. But I don't even get to worry about that because the primary difficulty is just managing my nervous system. I'm not even able for a job and any job that I might had been able for required education and qualifications for. The excessive bureaucracy in my country has put up hurdles for me that I cannot jump, and it makes me angry and frustrated. It also feels violating, like you are being treated like cattle to participate in. I understand why that stuff is there, but I don't like it

I'm not angry at anyone in particular. Just my national government. For many reasons. I don't think anyone is obliged to be my friend, or give me a job. I've always just seen it as my own struggle. My own problem. For me, aspergers has been nothing but a curse and a source of suffering. It has actually ruined my life. There is perhaps a path for me to take. An unorthodox path to make a life for myself. But I have not found it yet and I'm not sure I am ever going to. This world isn't made for people like us. But there's no point in being angry at non autist normoids about it. We are the minority, the world doesn't have to and shouldn't have to bend for us. It is also futile

>>84724053
>>84724851
Also, there probably was a use and a place for autists in medieval and earlier societies. But not in this one. He is correct, we are not wanted. The feminisation of workspaces has just been the final nail in the coffin. They've been turned into social clubs and daycare centres for women and their shrill judgement and scorn against you for being an autist rules. You'll be bullied out be a collective of crybullies that "just don't like your vibe"

>>84724955
But if you believe that isnt then the only conclusion to either give up completely or to lash back at society in an act of revenge? I dont want to see it all black and I know good people exist that wont judge me unfairly.

>>84721741
I can smell the privilege from your post

>>84725009
No, just keep trying. Use unconventional means. Don't ever stop, don't ever give up. Inspite of the odds you must keep going. I've been doing some hobbies at home, and i'm expanding it and thinking about making it into a business. Or at least some cash on the side of my tismbux. I'll see how it goes. It would be work on my own terms at my own pace, i would be in complete control of my environment

If you give up, then you've nothing to work towards or aspire to. And that will empty you out and destroy you slowly. Don't give up. Think outside the normoid box that they tried to shove you in

>>84725009
>>84725281
I've suffered for so long, i'm not about to willingly let it all be for nothing. That's how I see it

>>84719618
>be born
>reliable but emotionally distant parents
>dumb and/or violent peers at school
>understand from a young age that 90% of people are garbage and I should avoid them
It really was just that and having an IQ above 120. If you are smart and sensitive from a young age, all that society teaches you is that nothing is fair and most people are violent dumb savages. So naturally you decide to avoid them.

>>84723627
>Manuscript advances the fields of philosophy and a psychology.
how so?

>>84723288
you think admitting I'm a fucking loser makes feel better than everyone else?

No, pretending you have a thousand diseases and mental issues for your shit life is what actually makes you fee better about yourself. I'm just so tired of these excuses and copes, you're like fucking women making up 50 mental disorders to feel special and excuse themselves for being whores.

>>84725198
>privilege
Actually kill yourself normalfag.

>>84725457
Well it is a list of notes and insights and because of my mental illness back then I got into a few very creative angles. It has not so much been a conscious target but an unconscious process of ideas, comparisons, metaphors, thinking. Mostly arisen from spontaneous insights and constant learning about many different topics trough youtube videos mostly but also books and articles. In essence I was living my neet life and sometimes taking notes.

>>84725467
>you think admitting I'm a fucking loser makes feel better than everyone else?
Yes. You think you're better than everyone else ITT because now you're not just a loser, but a self aware loser
> pretending
I was diagnosed when I was 10. And I lived with the consequences of autism all my life. I don't need a petty clueless retard to tell me that it was all just made up in my mind to know if it was real or not
> pretending you have a thousand diseases and mental issues for your shit life is what actually makes you fee better about yourself
If you read the OP, you'd know that that is the complete opposite case. Half of the post was about it making me feel shit about myself and my capability and my future
YOU are the retard who thinks I deliberately ruined my whole damn life on a delusion for... what? To make myself feel better about myself? You are projecting your own twisted psychology. Stop calling yourself lazy and get the fuck up off your ass. I guarantee you i do much more than you despite my disability

>>84725457
Philosophizing is self therapy. For example marcus aurelius notes were never meant for public. He was talking to himself to cope and it turned out very helpful to other people too. Im not Marcus Aurelius tho

>>84725617
My autistic friend, you've misread your debate partner. He knows he is severely mentally ill, and has decided to reject psychiatry in order to protect his ego. His arguments are nonsense self-delusion, and should be ignored.

i have aspergers but my childhood was great, i was very social as a kid and even remember girls having crushes on me in my early teens, but i just never grew up in some ways. I always hated going to school because of boredom, i never wanted a job and i never wanted a girlfriend. Now i just NEET and make time pass playing games and reading webnovels. I'm not gonna larp as a genius who had potential but i was frequently praised by teachers, i just knew i didn't have it in me to be a functioning member of society. It's like when edgy kids call school/work prison but for me that feeling is just way too real. I don't even have anxiety or anything like that and have no problems interacting with others but the thought of getting a job makes me feel dread. I tried going to counselling but any hypothetical presented to me involving having a job gave me a fight or flight reaction

>>84719634
You're going to be shocked when you get your powers. There's so many new recruits now

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>>84719618
My life wasn't perfectly exactly desu but it wasn't nearly as bad as most here. But it really doesn't take much to become a total fucking loser.
>mom was unstable bitch growing up, verbally abusive, would randomly hit me or come into my room and throw shit at me like a baby
>dad was beta cuck wagie who knew it was happening but just ignored it
>end up having "avoidant" tendencies like picrel (aka youre a complete beta male and feel worthless)
>Have poor social skills and am a framelet manlet (5'4) to boot, feel alienated growing up
>Constantly try shit to self-improov, keep failing by quitting cause i'm just a pussy with no self-belief I guess
>Desperately looking for a way to self-improov, but still never achieving anything
>become more and more demoralized. >Constantly wondering wtf is wrong with me
>Graduate highschool, fail entrance exams
>Don't know wtf to do with life, mom is just freaking out at me to go to uni
>I go to another uni like a good cuck (then drop out cause i'm miserable and for some reason I suddenly had crippling social anxiety)
>Don't know wtf to do, feel powerless and like a complete loser fuck up (in hindsight it was no biggie I just had to go work a job for a while)
>NEET for 3 years
>Now 22 and just getting job experience, now going back to uni
>Had to fight my parents all the time my mom just telling me to quit my job super often

Basically my mommy made me feel like I'm worthless I internalized that and it cost me all my teen years basically. Also I discovered 4chan and the blackpill when I was young which was not a good idea. That, and my parents didn't give a shit, and actively enabled my avoidant tendencies to be a NEET loser. I even fake-enrolled into an online university and I told my dad and he was like "yeah i'll cover for u" lol

>>84725617
I'm better than anyone ITT blaming their shit life on minor mental disorders
>I was diagnosed when I was 10
They all were, they all say the same shit. Its a great cope though. Despite this, you're high functioning enough to be using 4chan and debating here, you're high functioning enough for a normalfag job.

You ruined your life on presumptions about your condition and ability. Yes, that is my assumption. You went "I have autism I'm not even going to apply for job or join the anime club because i'll just be rejected boo hoo"

>>84726239
Now that you are aware of the source of your self loathing, you can overcome it. I'm the same height as you, too. So im not dismissing that either. But just realise the only thing that is keeping you back is your unwarrented low self esteem. I believe in you even if you dont yet

>>84725617
Oh also just because I'm better than those in this thread doesn't imply that I feel better about myself. I'm squarely below 99% of people, I can barely look people I know in the eyes out of shame for my current conditions and life. And yet, i'm not about to blame this on dyslexia, which I was officially diagnosed. Nope, its a result of upbringing, undisciplined behavior and a complete lack of motivation. least I'm honest.

>>84726239
What you are describing is definitely not normal. Your mom is a scary person and you had to become very resilient is what Im sensing.

>>84726360
>Despite this, you're high functioning enough to be using 4chan and debating here
Autism doesn't mean mental retardation
>you're high functioning enough for a normalfag job
I'm not. That's the whole thing. I'm not able to, like i wasn't able for school

>You went "I have autism I'm not even going to apply for job or join the anime club because i'll just be rejected boo hoo"
I suffered sensory overload long before I knew what autism even was. But look, you can believe what ever you have to in order to cope with what ever is going on as I know you will. I'll leave you to it

>dad was a serial adulterer who claimed I was a bastard child to justify it
>kept losing jobs so we kept moving
>beaten constantly whenever he had a mental episode
>only friend i had was a tranny pedophile who ERP'd with me
>kept getting fucked over by shitty people
>gave up

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>>84721709
I believe in you anon. You had a rough start, but you were able to pull through. You were destined for greatness.

>>84725009
>isnt then the only conclusion to either give up completely or to lash back at society in an act of revenge?
Lashing out won't do shit but ruin what little positive reputation autists have. Elliot Rodger didn't accomplish shit except become a laughing stock. Even a failure like me has some pride. So giving up is the answer. Here's hoping I'm part of the 40% of autists who successfully rope. This life has nothing for me, and I won't beg for help. Even a failure like me has some pride. Other people dont have to try this hard and I feel nothing but hatred and resentment at them to "play with the hand I'm dealt" I don't have to play shit. I can curse humanity. I can curse God. I can curse myself and end this miserable existence myself. I just need to get over this annoying indomitable human spirit that insists upon my suffering. Once I break myself, it'll all be over, and I will be free. Truly free. Free of you all. God I hate humanity. I hope in my final moements every government drops the pretence and nukes each other off the face of the planet. I was never allowed to smile, why should any of you get to? What makes you so fucking special? Humanity, go fuck yourself. You reject me, but I reject my own species too. Hatred goes both ways.
>I dont want to see it all black and I know good people exist that wont judge me unfairly.
You "know"? How? Based on what? Where's your proof? Or are you confusing "know" with "hope"? Because I can assure if such a person did exist I wouldnt regret not dying in my sleep every day I wake up

>>84726423
Yeah sensory overload is the real deal. It forces a kind of stoicism and bluntness on autists merely to survive. Some become unresponsive others act out. In any case it can be traumatic and is extremely taxxing. Normal people dont know the mental first overload then overemotionality and later exhaustion. And even there are differences between autists. Some amount of habituation can help (the famous routines of autists) but it does not solve the underlying issue.

>>84723112
thanks for not wasting my time anon

>>84726558
I know based on some past experiences with other humans and based on my ability to judge their character. Mind you there are plenty that are terrible including most of my family which I therefore try to avoid. I think even if you could eradicate humanity you still wouldnt be happy. I think you have been very hurt and treated unfairly though. I still wish you the best even after death if you choose so. I dont want to see you die tho <3

I wont force you to do anything I respect your free will.

Here some of my horny writing if you are interested:

>>84722736

You can completely ignore this if you want.

>>84726563
Story of my life. The long term stress fucked me up in so many ways. And I'm always going to have to live with this. So I just have to manage myself carefully and I try to orientate what ever life I can create around managing it. It was pretty blackpilling for me but as I said in OP, i've since reconciled with it all and I'm happy now

>>84719618
There was no catalytic event that made me what I am. I simply never stopped being myself. I have been ridiculed, conspired against, betrayed, and executed many times for my beliefs and existence. This world can't break me or mold me into something I'm not. I will continue to break the bindings of others trapped here, as I have no guiding light to escape. I hope that something will free me, too.

Women have disappointed, betrayed, and taken advantage of me repeatedly. I'm almost 40 and completely exhausted.
I try to do the right thing and they never hold up their end of the deal, they just take take take then shit on me for not giving more and paint me as a villain when I leave

>>84726745
Makes me actually think if I would want an autistic girlfriend. There would be some mutual understanding at least. On the other hand Im concerned about passing on my own autistoc genes, especially if combined with another autist could probably produce complete retardation. This is what Im thinking about a lot lately. My future and wanting a girlfriend/wife and fmaily but then the many conflicts. Whether or not I would fail. So many thing that could go wrong but also the chances that are there. Biologically I just want a loving wife and children.

>>84725572
>>84725641
So would you describe them as being more literary and personal rather than formal and argumentative? I'm a big philosophy guy, know a little psychology (enough to know how much the field is in bad shape due to the replication crisis and issues of unfalsifiability).

>>84726554
based and white-pilled, thanks anon :)

>>84719618
>born
>always felt abnormal and often treated that way by other children and my siblings
>always tell the truth and be blunt which nobody liked, couldn't handle the sights and sounds of daily life or wear most clothing because it irritated my skin
>parents are too busy to raise me, dad tries doing the standard manly things like fishing with me but i hate it because i was too immature
>dad eventually gives up and from age 12 or so i was on my own, only saw my parents at breakfast or after dinner
>wasn't independent at all and needed help often but didn't get it
>parents were emotionally weird and made me afraid of my own emotions so i became a cold unfeeling machine
>years behind my peers socially so i ended up being bullied severely
>caused all kinds of mental problems which led to me being a scared obese recluse
>become adult and hope if i jumped through hoops i could get a starter job and transition to a high paying one like engineer after a few years
>no jobs because post 2008 lol fuck you
>go to college to do something anything to launch my adult life
>end up having a mental breakdown and moving back home and living with my parents
>therapist clocks me immediately and sends me to a psych and they diagnose me as autistic
>now living with my parents trying to lose weight get fit and find some kind of income so i don't die homeless in a ditch once my parents die

>>84726916
Literary and personal but at times very creative. Sometimes a bit repetitive, unfinished manuscript but already very good. This is one of the few things I dont want to post here because I would dox myself, although in a way I already doxxed myself.

It started formal, then that ended quickly into unstructured thoughts, paragraphs. I have about two books in volume. I write it down trough my smartphone into a note app then later copy it over into my manuscript or rather big scratchpad. It is still unedited and raw. It contains more about me than probably any person I personally know knows about me. It was my way to cope but it has become a bit difficult once people seemed to recognize me. I am already popular but in an underground kind of way. I think Im even already tracked by the police in a weird way. I did it all to myself. I also like it and there is a bit of fear in it. I feel this huge responsibility, then that I can do it, then that it is too much. People want me to succeed but this is oh so scary and exciting

>be me
>31 year old white dude
>grew up obese as a child
>lost the weight in adulthood but it didn't matter cause I am still 5'7" (1.73m) at the end of the day
>literally invisible to women
>have to geomaxx to find a decent woman my age who wants the same things in life

Fuck this gay earth.

>>84723247
>Irish family, northern Ireland. Working class.
At least you managed to avoid drugs/ever being an alcoholic

>Born in a US shithole to poor working class african immigrant parents
>ugly and autistic
Need I say more?

>parents don't encourage me to try and fail and let my anxiety fester until i become scared
>or they suddenly remember i exist and panic because i'm x age and should know y and z so they just put me on the spot and tell me to do it and i have no clue what they're talking about and then i get publicly humiliated and then they forget about me again rinse and repeat
>tell me they love me and i'm important but never sacrifice for me or put me first or above their jobs or even acquaintances literal strangers get more care and consideration
>never value anything i say and blatantly ignore all my thoughts and advice then wonder why i never talk or share anything