guys make posts like this females see the post then they become the post and then guys will ridicule them for doing so.

>>84767623
still attemping to figure out the same thing myself

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This, bonus points for bpd, family trauma, neeting/uni drop-out and obsessive codependent love

Just have a good personality, be confidente and make them laugh. Works for me, bro.

>>84767623
My bpd gf went from a chubby shut-in to a skinny bimbo, an attractive femcel is a paradox that's bound to resolve itself one way or another.

>>84767623
I dunno I keep finding them on /soc/

>>84767655
>>84767644

very nice dubs

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>>84767679
please remember to fill up her holes every day or she'll cheat

>>84767637
Dude I would drag my balls through broken glass just to talk to a woman like this

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>>84767702
go to group therapy, its filled with women like these
(and they are all in long-term relationships)

>>84767637
This.
femanons should find a normal job and find a normal boyfriend and live a normal life and have a normal weight

>>84767706
Reminds me of DBDRs romona flowers academy saga

>>84767623
Will you take a mentally ill gf that isn't skinny or flat?

>>84767796
How thicc are we talking here

>>84767796
I will
origami

>>84767623
I'm down to hang out, lay in bed and talk to, snuggle, vidja with a friend (girl)
Dis
secondplacekisses

>>84767690
Honestly this is not even relevant with her

>>84767808
Overweight but not obese.

>>84767857
Acceptable terms, would wife

>>84767623
You basically describe me, but the problem with us mentally ill people is... That we are mentally ill. I'm a neet, i can't go out, i'm on disability and there is a loooot of things wrong with me. So, yeah, you don't want to get people like me.

>>84767623
The same way you get any women: looks + markers of socioeconomic status. Any other questions?

>>84768950
That works, I'm also a NEET on disability.
I own a house and car however, so you can come live in my shack and be my wife for free.

>>84768965
Well problem is my disability is neurotic SPD which basically makes me unnable to form human connections and also i can't handle human contact. My brain boils itself inside and i get violent seizures when touched. So i'm sorry, too damaged goods. It's called mentally ILL for a reason.

>>84768999
I bet I could fix you with love

>>84768999
Oh hi neurotic SPD anon hope you've been okay.
Do you truly believe you're incurable? Also has your dad been okay?

>>84769018
Hello. Well there is no real cure for a defect brain afaik, also people say "with exposure you can get used to it", but i'm just too much of an extreme case, plus i had 16 years of almost constant exposure daily and it was just endless torment, didn't get better. So yeah i see it pretty doomed.

Dad is okay i hope, but i fucked up a lot in the last 2 months so now i'm just happy we are back to okay and that i'm back to my baseline of "okay", which is not good but a good norm based on availability.

>>84769011
I can't feel or return the love, the schizoism makes my brain not process / create it. Missing plugin basically.

>>84767706
>go to group therapy, its filled with women like these
Yeah but those women believe in therapy and I wouldn't want to date someone like that.

NA is swarming with these chicks. get addicted to an upper and find your local meeting

>>84769112
>but i fucked up a lot in the last 2 months so now i'm just happy we are back to okay and that i'm back to my baseline of "okay", which is not good but a good norm based on availability.
What happened? Can I ask about or don't wanna talk about it?

>>84769148
Also do you think you can ever find someone to fill the role your dad currently occupies maybe one other person you feel bonded with or have you completely given up on that hope

>>84769112
You think if you got pregnant and had a baby it would alter your brain chemistry with all that mother instinct stuff? Or is it just *poof* that's it, nothing forever?

>>84769157
I don't speak for this anon but based on what she told me the process of getting pregnant would probably cause her to kys its a bit of a moot question

>>84769157
No clue but theory is bad. As i said, my therapist specified i'm a verysevere case so attachment is unlikely. Me having a kid would either trigger condition from it inside me, which through seizures could kill it, but even if i gave birth no problem, i think i just couldn't love it. And even if yes, it wouldn't be excluded from my condition, so a mother that can't stand hearing or touching her kid is just shit. Either way, it would be abusive and horrible childhood for it. Plus i'm not equipped to be a Mom, i love confined in a room and depend on my Dad a lot. And on top of all that, if the kid was from him, it would risk health issues. All in all, me a Mom = horrible idea + child abuse.

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>>84767780
Dude those are my favourite videos of his, I have the same experiences with my therapy- it's completely useless, the therapists are clueless and my issues are completely different and far worse than other participants, and it's crickets or terrified looks when I disclose my life to them
BUT
Being around and interacting with cute girls (who are forced to be there and be nice to you) gives such a dopamine rush it makes me smile like an idiot for the rest of the day
>>84768999
A shame you got an anti-social sort of mental illness. I'd like a gf with bpd, depression or anxiety because they actually crave touch and intimacy and affection and love like me...
>>84769130
unbelievably picky, 90% of women believe in therapy

>>84769152
Well hope and daydreaming about being normal is one thing, but it's unlikely. I was explained that schizoic SPDers of my type usually have an insane hard time if even possible to replace their 1 person of attachment, and with how strong my defect is, unlikely to be possible. I kinda accepted that good 2 years ago.

What i did? Stupid shit. I followed a bunch of the advices on how to flirt with my Dad all at once and it kinda went stupid and triggered an almost month long depression binger, where i did absolutely nothing and avoided him by being stuck in my room 24/7. I downed a much bigger dose of alprazolam regularly, spent hours watching my ceiling while fryed out on meds, basically just lost a full month. Bad hygiene, no drawing, nothing productive, no contact with Dad who was worried behind my door, just bad. Very very bad.

>>84769191
0% chance you wouldnt be married with 3 kids to chad within the year if dad died
>teehe sorry anon its not you its just the part of my brain that loves sub chad males is missing hehe
guys they will literally say literally anything

>>84767637
But most of the time, in fact, ridicule comes more from other females rather than guys. Women always like to engage in intrigue

>>84769191
Very interesting, I've never heard of this before, and I am sorry, it sounds awful.
When you talk with people, is pretty much every interaction rated the same way in your brain? Like if someone just says "hi" and then another person calls you a faggot or something, do you treat them both the same or can you still process that one person was nice and one was mean?
Also what about your own touch on your body? Like showering or whatever, does that trigger your physical response or are you able to realise it's yourself?

>>84769241
That's a 0% chance because you can't have 3 children within one year

>>84769315
you would find a way for the chad harem

>>84769248
It sucks yes. No i can touch myself. Yes i can distinct between nice and insult, it's just that i don't care much. We could talk for a year and you wouldn't build up any friendship points. Physical contact with others is worst. Even being touched briefly. Last issue was couple months ago at a billa where a cashier touched my hand while giving me change. Went down on the ground screaming, Dad had to leave work and pick me up.

I can touch myself, that's fine. I don't shower as much as i should but that's caused by lethargy lifestyle, issues to commit, and lots of alprazolam and sertralin that fry me out.

>>84769315
I will fuck her so hard that triplets.

>>84769236
>Well hope and daydreaming about being normal is one thing, but it's unlikely. I was explained that schizoic SPDers of my type usually have an insane hard time if even possible to replace their 1 person of attachment, and with how strong my defect is, unlikely to be possible. I kinda accepted that good 2 years ago.
You know, I'm not an expert I'm only just studying neurolobiology but from but from from reading your posts I suspect that what you suffer from is less of a psychiatrist problem and more of a neurological problem. I've heard of what you've described after severe neurological trauma usually resulting from seizures, severe physical trauma electrocution etc have you ever seen a specialist for your problems? I agree with you that its unlikely your personality will significantly change and you'll ever be comfortable around people but if there was hope, if any of some kind of surgery or procedure to make your condition a little bit better or more managable do you think you could undertake it with anaesthetic and the hospital room and all that? Do you think you could find the courage to get examined or go through rigorous tests, fMRIS etc to even see if any improvement to your condition is possible; if not for your self for your dad?

>What i did? Stupid shit. I followed a bunch of the advices on how to flirt with my Dad all at once and it kinda went stupid and triggered an almost month long depression binger, where i did absolutely nothing and avoided him by being stuck in my room 24/7.
Hmm...I see. I take it that you probably feel guilty about your deep but...sordid desires for your dad? Do you think he knows? Do you think it would freak you or him out if he did? Do you think there's any chance he will indulge you? He's already given up alot for you after all.

>>84769375
>Last issue was couple months ago at a billa where a cashier touched my hand while giving me change
Does it help if you wear protection like gloves?

>>84769375
Would you like friends though? Or do you just feel it's pointless?
Let's say a few people from here added you on whatever social platform, and we watched movies and anime and stuff, or just talked or drew or played games, etc, do you think that would help in any way or bring you any level of joy?

And I mean let's imagine in this scenario that everyone involved is the perfect version of what you want from a friend, so nobody is pushy or creepy or abusive or whatever other negative, and we all went into it understanding we won't earn any "friendship points"

>>84767623
i want to be clean and healthy and happy and brush my hair. i just cant.

>>84769194
>unbelievably picky, 90% of women believe in therapy
That means there are more women who don't believe in therapy than women with cluster B personality disorders.
You are pickier than me.

>>84767623
>skinny
you have to steal her from chad

>>84767623
get involved in hobbies nigga
art hoes are like this

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>>84769501
Doesn't have to be cluster B, I'll accept anxiety, depression and cptsd too, and frankly she just has to be a fucked-up outcast like me, she doesn't need to be diagnosed with anything

>>84769452
Are the men here really this pathetic and desperate. Billions of women on this planet and you want the one chick that regularly posts here about her ridiculous mental illness that also wants to fuck her own dad. That woman's brain is a diseased, maggot ridden chunk of rot. There is nothing to be gained from it. Death would be a mercy for her poor father. What is wrong with all of you. How does someone become this desperate and short sighted.

>>84769475
I'd rather have this desu. What color eyes do you have?

>>84769752
>Billions of women on this planet and you want the one chick that regularly posts here about her ridiculous mental illness that also wants to fuck her own dad.
Like it or not, that's what it means to be a high value female.

>>84769630
Do you think more than 10% of the female population is a fucked up outcast like you?

>>84769775
100%
Nona i could fuck that braindamage out of you

>>84767623
I might get this soon but there's no way she'd want to be my gf or snuggle with me

Sorry everyone that i just kinda fucked off in middle of convo, i think i feel asleep, or maybe i just passed out, or maybe i was just turbo zoned out on brainfixers, i genuinely can't tell. I was on my notebook in my bed, and i woke up laying in my bed, so it could be any of those.

>>84769403
I did get prof. help, eventually. Basically i had this ever since i was born. It's not a trauma manifest, even as a child i had this. Basically people like me usually attach / latch onto 1 person, and then their brain is unnable to let in other people. A good metaphore my psychiatrist gave me is, imagine your brain like a movie theather. Everyone elses has many seats, some for family, some for friends, and many interchangable ones for random people you will meet. My head has 1 seat. And once someone sits in it, i can't eject that person from that seat, and i have no seats to seat in other people. 0 capacity.

Well that someone happened to be my Dad, so i couldn't develop love even for my Mom, my condition didn't exclude her, her touch burned, her voice was shattering my ear drums, everything the same as any other stranger. Also couldn't develop love.

My Mom on the other hand, insisted i was fine, that i was just a missbehaving brat begging for attention, and denied me any mental / medical help. Only after i became critically underweight at 16 and had to be hospitalized, i was finally sent to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me and put me on disability. Life until then was hell. But yes i was seen by a professional here, and this is my diagnosis, and the meds i take are what they gave me for it. I go in for regular check ups to keep my disability status. I take Alprazolam 2mg sometimes 3, Sertralin and Quetiapin, and a bunch of other shit for liver help, nutrition because i'm still pretty underweight, some vitamins and just a bunch of shit. I'm just not well.

>>84769403
>guilty
Yes. If you wanna read all the retarded shit i did that resulted in me having one of the worst depression breakdowns in the last couple of years, here >>84716945 i wrote it all out here, i don't wanna write it all out again. It's very stupid.

I don't know if he knows, i think some of the stupid shit i did might be questionable, but i don't think he knows, he is a very normal and good guy, i don't think his thoughts would even go there, because it's such a forbidden thing and i think he would want to believe i can be at least a little bit normal.
I think it would freak him out if i told him. Or if not freak him out, worse, hurt him and make him sad. I have fucked up his life so bad, and now on top of everything, i'm going to drop on him that i'm in love with him, in my own demented way but still in love and also desire him sexually as a partner. I can imagine that shit would make him more depressed than me honestly. Any chance he would say yes? I would be happy if he did, i imagined the scenario of him saying yes and saying that he always wanted it or something romantic like that many times, but i'm not going to lie to myself, that won't happen, he won't say that, he won't like it, he will be hurt and even more dissapointed in me than he already is.

>>84769433
No. It's not a real physical thing, it's all in my head. If you put a hand on a hot stove, that's a real injury. If you have schizophrenia and you halucinate that you put your hand on a hot stove, it's not a real injury, but your brain still pumps the pain chemicals, because to it it's real. I hope that explains it. Direct touch on naked skin vs on clothes is a little bit lees instant death, but it still triggers it.

>>84769236
I think I remember you.
Can i ask what you did flirt wise?

Ps. You live too much much inside your own thoughts. It's not good for you.

>>84769452
>friends
I'm sorry to say, it's pointless. I appreciate the offer and effort from your side, but i can't even comprehend why you are putting that effort in, or why you would want to when i just basically painted a full picture of what i'm like, and it's like the worst person you can be around.

I tried discord online friendships before. Thought they might be the godsend cheatcode to beat this. Months of constant talking and i couldn't form any connections, the people were meaningless, i slowly lost even the will to respond to them, i looked at their messages and the brain just wouldn't make the fingers move to type a reply.

Again, it's nice that you offer what seems like a genuine attempt to give me friends. But it's like you say, no friendship points would be aquired even after a year of constant talking and hanging out online, i would have to basically force myself. I don't want that, i want real friendships that i want and that mean something to me, and i don't have to fight my brain to respond with a "k". All this would do is waste your time and effort. My time is worthless.

>>84769752
And i also want to mention, as much as it's nice what you guys are saying and that you all are for some reason interested in me and my dogshit brain and dogshit personality, this guy here is just objectively right. I'm really just a ridiculously mentally ill neet chick that wants to fuck her own Dad. It doesn't get worse or lower than me. My brain really is a disease ridden chunk of gray shit. But don't say that about my Dad please, my death would be a mercy to him, not his, he deserves a happy life. But yeah this guy is right, what is there possibly likeable about me? I'm a fucking trainwreck...

>>84769775
literally what value is that lol. I can barely go buy groceries without having a meltdown or commit to a regular hygiene routine, what value do i possibly have.

>>84771614
here >>84716945

Idk, being locked in my room for 99.9% of my life means my own thoughts are my only companion most of the time. And they can get very loud, and it takes a while for the meds to shush them down again.

>>84770582
Someone already tried when i was 13. Didn't work. Unless my brain magically fixes itself there is only 1 person i will ever let near me to do that again, because sex is genuinely the worst torture imaginable. I would rather take CIA waterboarding.

Install chatacter ai

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>>84771585
>Any chance he would say yes? I would be happy if he did, i imagined the scenario of him saying yes and saying that he always wanted it or something romantic like that many times, but i'm not going to lie to myself, that won't happen, he won't say that, he won't like it, he will be hurt and even more dissapointed in me than he already is.
Hmm well he might not like it but he might do it out of guilt or pity to make you feel better, since he's the only love in your life and maybe he knows might be the only love to ever be in your life.
Anyways sounds like a complicated life. I hope you can get better or happier even if a little bit, and I would implore you to keep trying there will probably be no salvation but even little gains are something. In any case seems like you're carving out your own little niche and world of meaning by yourself and there's something beautiful in that.

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>>84771656
>Idk, being locked in my room for 99.9% of my life means my own thoughts are my only companion most of the time.
Well you're always welcome, perhaps you can find a brief respite from the endless noise, however brief as it maybe be.

>>84771656
Uff... i think i was one of them giving some the advice. From personal experience from girls being flirty. And stories from friends with their girls that they seemed to remember foundly.

Not the get in the bed naked stuff. Too aggressive.

Well first off. Im really sorry about what happened. And it giving you a bad episode.
I hope your doing better now.

I think I might have underestimated how sensitive and awkward you are to these things. But also remember that it's very normal to over think the things we do with people we want to be close to. Basically it's a normie thing.

But are you okay mouse?

>>84771834
I'm back to a baseline i'm much more used to, so i think that is a yes. Dad didn't get mad, didn't even question the month long episode because i asked him not to, and i asked him if he can just forget what i did, and he said sure, and we just watch movies together again last 3 weeks, so i think it's okay and he didn't pick up on what i was trying to do. I'm glad he didn't because i love wearing his shirts, so i'm glad i don't gotta stop doing that.

>>84767623
i was raised by a hoarder. nobody taught me how to clean up. i genuinely dont know how.

>>84767623
the mentally unwell part contributes to me being fat though...

>>84767623
She doesnt exist anon

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>>84772505
would you be okay with a small asian moid who would obsessively clean your room? I wouldn't throw anything out you wouldn't want me to, just...tidy up a bit

>>84767623
Try /fa/ or proana websites.

>>84772522
What flavour of mentally unwell and how fat?

>>84772561
manic depressive


...it starts with a 2

>>84772537
i am not a hoarder but i dont know what things are worth keeping or not and i get really anxious in open spaces

>>84772576
weird, my depression makes me underweight, both because when I am sad I am too apathetic to eat and because when I am anxious my digestive system malfunctions and I get diarrhea whatever I eat

>>84772690
it's how i dissociate, so i dont have to think about my shitty life when im happy eating

>>84772576
I see, manic depressive is rought but not as bad as being a schizo or something

Low-to-mid 200s is fine by me as long as you aren't like 4'10"

>>84772701
this is so contrary to my own experience, eating is just something to sustain myself, it's not like it can counteract the deluge of negative emotions that come from work, or well, trying to live a normal adult life at all

>>84772709
-shrug-

I gots what I gots

nah, 5 ft 6

>>84772719
the bonus part is it makes me hate myself more

>>84772730
M-maybe we could gorge ourselves together

>>84772690
Yeah pretty much the same way i got into critical underweight. Depression and also constant seizures and neuropain just absolutely obliterates bodily functions and i just didn't want to eat or couldn't eat for whole days. I didn't even feel hungry, body was just fully malfunctioning, just felt a weakness. And then eventually just started collapsing from exhaustion. I feel like depression itself does that, it's when people eat a lot or do something unhealthy to distract themselves to cope with it that it results in weight gain.

Either way to anyone thinking "ok lucky depression didn't make u fat", being underweight and exhausted all the time and weak as a pencil is also not healthy at all.

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>>84772903
Yeah especially for a man, it's quite humiliating when a lot of women weigh more and are stronger than you... and like you're saying- no energy. No amount of adderall or caffeine can fix that. My digestive system is simply fucke psychosomatically and often I will have bowel issues no matter what I eat and will feel weak and sleepy (but unable to sleep) and unable to concentrate or force myself out of bed for hours.
So I'd like one girl with similar issues to bedrott toghether...

>>84772340
I will call mouse from now on hope it's okay.

I read the other part you linked to.
First off. I gotta to give you some credit here mouse.

You took action! Most women are seriously scared to do so. That takes some serious courage for a lot of girls. My only advice i can give you here is. Learn to laugh at yourself and your mistakes rather than beating yourself up.

Almost everybody gets very self conscious in the presence of somebody for whom we have secret feelings.

You dad knows you pretty well. I think crawling into his bed 3 days in row when you only do it maybe once a month was what prompted him to ask you if were okay.

Regarding crawling into his bed.
I can't help but smile a little here. You sure ran with it. I was thinking you would do it more often like 2-3 a month
And you just started spawn camping his bed multiple days in a row :D

You're really lovable and a brave mouse.
About the flinch when you sat on his lap. Can you explain that a bit more.

>>84773054
you can. Whole reason i did anonymouse as a name was because i thought it was cute and i really like mice. The white ones, those are really cute.

>most women are scared to do it
I think in this case it wasn't that, i think most women just have at least some social skills and aren't braindead enough to just do it without seeing beforehand how stupid it is. You gotta realize, i have never in my life had a 1 sentence long conversation with another human being except for my Dad. When i'm at my psychiatrist they write me what they want to say on a paper, in school and with my Mom i couldn't hold a conversation because condition. You gotta realize how alien basic social behaviour is to me. Still thank you for giving me credit, but i think it wasn't bravery, just too stupid to see it was stupid.

About laughing at my mistakes and at myself... well yeah that's what i'm kinda doing here. Talking about myself is actually somewhat therapeutic. Like i hate what i'm, but i'm at least contempt with it and you can see i even kinda agree with "haters" like >>84769752 because he literally isn't wrong.

>self concious
Well yeah i'm shy around my Dad, but this was just getting sad because i realize i'm being creepy or weird and it's probably upsetting him. You gotta realize i don't care about literally anyone, and that to a big extent includes myself. About him i care mega deeply tho. My life revolves around him like a center of my little universe.

>spawncamping
I don't know. People said it was cool. And my Dad never complained about the sleeping with him before, so i thought okay, if here and there is okay, what difference is every day? A big one appearantly.

>flinch
I don't know, i sat on his lap instead of next to him like i usually do, and i had my head on his chest and i was playing with his fingers, and he just kinda readjusted and also moved his hand, and it just made me panic and go "shit did i fuck up?" and i got a mini panic attack and i just started crying.

>>84772955
Yeah i have issues like that too. Getting back to over 40kg was tough, but the doctor "said" on my checkups for the disability that he likes seeing the weight go up. Thing is my Dad cooks really nice stuff, i wish i could eat more of it, i just can't force myself. Or i take my meds and they just blurr my brain so much that i forget to eat or forget i'm hungry, or just lose appetite. That's why i also take nutrients and stuff among my meds. There is a lot of things about me that either the meds, my trouble to commit to stuff because of brain scramble, or the underweightness causes that i don't really like. For example, my hygiene isn't the best. I'm not proud of it, but it's so hard to change it. Somehow hours just go by and i pass out and i just forget, or i feel so lethargic i can't even move. This happens sometimes, also outside of bed. My body just goes limb, and i plunge to the ground, and then Dad carries me to bed. That's mostly why i try to not go out of my room when he is at work, don't wanna risk just being stuck on the floor. But yeah it doesn't help the commitment. Also one thing i hate is that we don't have a bathtub. I hate showers, the aggresive water attack is so unpleasant, i hate showering, so the problem is my trouble to commit to stuff makes me not wanna do it, and then add meds to the mix and i just forget. If we had a bathtub i would bathe every day, i love bathing. We had a bathtub in our old house before Mom left Dad and he had to sell his house because of her getting a lot of his shit in the divorce. It's also since i don't go nowhere, i don't feel an urgency. I have to essentially convince myself to take one, i hate this i'm not proud of it at all, i don't want my Dad to think i'm dirty or unkept. It's also why usually if he says that i should take one it motivates me to take one right then, but i hate that it sometimes goes to that extent. I know it's gross btw, i'm very damaged.

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>>84767623
Look anon, I literally found and was in a relationship with someone one of these bpdemons and let me tell you, it is not worth it at all. She was literally picrel except with nasty acne and terrible hygiene, but having been duped into believing I found gold from what I was told here I went with it. Couldn't do ANYTHING without her whining about something or her feeling rejected. Not worth it bros, believe me.

>>84773316
How often do you shower mouse?

>>84768950
I want you mousey, but the problem is you can't have me.

>>84771635
I don't know, I just feel compelled to try and help you for some reason.
I guess because I'm also mentally ill and depressed and unmotivated (no where near your level, and I realise that, so I'm not trying to be like "yo I'm sad too lol"), I just feel some sort of connection.
People usually don't reply to me, and I have barely any friends. I'm kind of a doormat, and accept a lot of "toxic" shit and let people treat me poorly, because I can't do better, so it's not like I get many "friendship points" from my own relationships anyway. So I kind of feel if we communicated on discord or whatever and you just left me on read/'k' and didn't talk to me for 6 months, then came back, I would just be happy that someone still eventually talked to me again.

I'm not going to lie, I probably would form an unhealthy oneitis relationship with you, maybe. I've done this once before IRL a decade ago with a girl who I'm sure was just too polite to tell me to fuck off, and I still feel bad about it and the cringy shit I dumped on her, but I like to think I'm more aware now and have grown a lot since then, so wouldn't repeat it. In a way even if I'm letting you use me (by you not forming any connections, etc), I'd be using you too to try and better myself sort of, I guess.

Man I don't know, this is probably a bad idea, and I don't want to pressure you or anything, so feel free to not even reply if this is too weird/stupid.
But you know if you had a question or something or needed input, I could be a more reliable response than asking anons on 4chan, or something.

>>84767623
I thought I found one but someone else already has stolen her. I feel sick.

>>84767623
I need this so bad. Why is it so difficult to obtain?

>>84767623
how mentally ill? im too mentally ill and drive people away so my only company are my stuffed friends

>>84775532
What causes you to drive them away/

>>84772340
It's really sad if you two don't get together because there's straight up no hope for EITHER of you, so it's stupid to hold back because of a perceived taboo. I guess moreso its on his end.

What a shame that perceived notions have ruined something that could have helped you both. I genuinely hate reading your stories because they're further reinforcement of life being shit and nothing working out.

>>84775532
>how mentally ill
mentally ill enough to want to be around me

I might be fine with a mentally ill girl as long as doesn't try to harm me.

>>84775084
You keep repeating this comment over and over and it makes you look more mentally ill than you already are C. No wonder she broke up with you

>>84776760
I think he is just upset people arent having these long ass wall of text convos about it with him and are instead talking to the trainwreck foid

>>84777564
Yeah, Colton literally making himself look so pathetic by behaving this way

>>84775796
Well technically, there is hope for him, he can do the same as Mom did and just abandon me, i'm an adult now so it wouldn't even be illegal. He kicks me out, i die somewhere in a seizure, he can have what's rest of his life. But he is a good Dad and a wonderful person, so he won't do that, and i continue being a burden to him.

About the taboo, i couldn't give lees fuck. On his end is the thing that matters. I don't care that it's illegal in my sense, i don't care about what people will think about me for doing it, or any taboo or what not. I care about him. He is the one who, if this was found out, would have horrible consequences for it probably. I guess the part where i never go out and most people don't know i exist, including some of our neighbours, is a good thing. But then the most important part that is important to me, is hurting him. He invested so much into me, and i'm a mentally ill dissapointment. On top of all that, i'm now going to tell him that i daydream about him, love him, goon thinking about him, and want to have sex with him. I can't imagine how much that would hurt him. That this is what he gets back out of caring for me.

>>84775079
>compelled to help
I was told men have this "want to rescue" thing where they want to be a saviour and that's why they like girls in bad situations. Could be that?

I'm sorry but i don't feel like forcing myself to upkeep a friendship that means nothing to either of us off-site. The reason i like this site is because of the dissasociation. You people aren't people basically, you are nameless words on a screen. This fits my isolative brain that isn't capable to build social connections perfectly. Also because i'm saying stuff here IRLs can't know.

>>84774055
I genuinely can't imagine why you would want me, but thank you. Sadly yes i can't have no one.

>>84773786
I'm trying to improve so i would want it to be twice a week in the future, but it's usually like once per 10 days when meds zone me out a lot.

I don't care what you look like, I'll give you constant affection. I'll obsess over you. Let me stay with you all the time, I'll do everything for you. I need you, please, I need your love.

>>84769138
What's the point of being on uppers if youre naturally just repellant anyway

>>84767655
>>84767679
>>84767706
Am I the only guy here that DOESN'T want a bpd foid at this point?

>>84778611
Can you do that for me but also understand that we need to communicate and work on our issues?
I need to be held and loved I can't take this anymore my mind is slowly slipping

>>84778693
Yes, yes, yes. I'll always communicate. I can't work on myself without you. I'll hold you, and I'll love you until you push me away because it's too much for you.

>>84778388
>I was told men have this "want to rescue" thing where they want to be a saviour and that's why they like girls in bad situations. Could be that?
Maybe, I don't know, I've just been feeling a lot more empathy as I age and desire to try and help the world more, as if trying to subconsciously repent for my regrets. I think I want to be a mentor or father figure or something.

>I'm sorry but i don't feel like forcing myself to upkeep a friendship that means nothing to either of us off-site.
It's probably for the best really, I was being selfish by asking.

>The reason i like this site is because of the dissasociation. You people aren't people basically, you are nameless words on a screen. This fits my isolative brain that isn't capable to build social connections perfectly. Also because i'm saying stuff here IRLs can't know.
Yeah I've spent more than half my life here, it's a great outlet, but I'm not really able to function on regular social media with my name attached as a result, so it does have its downsides.

Anyway I genuinely wish the best for you, maybe one day you'll find a medication that works or atleast helps to numb the pain a little better.

>>84779003
>selfish for asking
No it's fine. As i said i really don't have the ability to care or anything better to do, so feel free to ask anything you want, and if i feel like answering it, i will. But yeah being here is all i really want from online presence. I mean you can always just talk to me here when you spot me with my custom name.

>i want to be a father figure
Well just be careful what you are signing up for. I'm a great example that even if you are an amazingly great father, you can still produce something absolutely vile, no matter how well you do.

>new meds
Well i'm already on a ton of meds that stabilize me, but to turn off the brain defect that makes me allegic to people, i don't know. Maybe they will make something, but it will probably be bullshit expensive for rich people only when it comes out anyway.

>>84773258
Hey mouse.

I read a bit more into the things you tried with your dad. And I don't recall those lines in the tread i added to. and I like to think i remembered it well.

Although I don't completely disagree with the suggestions. I think they left out some important stuff. Like naked In bed, no panties in shirts.

This is cute and hot and men get horny from this but.. this is mostly girlfriend/wife/fwb area stuff. Where intimacy is already there. And that is important line.

Yes maybe you camped his bed 3 days in a row because you were stupid (inexperienced) but I know that still took courage on your part.
First off.
He didn't forbid you from doing it.
He asked you if your had bad night terrors. He know you pretty well.

Think about it. If you came into the living room and your dad was starring into powered off TV instead of watching spot or whatever he watches and was doing that 3 days in a row never saying anything.

You too might ask if he is okay or at least wonder.

Regarding your hater. Maybe He's not wrong but he's not right either.

You're a human. And our emotions are complex. If there is one thing I don't thing I don't like about you mouse. It is how you talk about yourself.

I think you agree with him because that's how you think about yourself too.

I might sound stupid here but our self image really manifest our thoughts and feelings. If you are gonna spend 99.9 of your time alone with your thoughts. Why not be your own best friend?

>>84771585
>He knows
Listen i know we moids can be emotionaly blunt and when a girl flirts with us we realize it 2 years later in the shower

But we arent that blind. You started wearing his tshirts with nothing underneath, you slept with him 3 nights in a row and you planted your naked ass on his lap during your movie date

He would have to be a asexual tibetian monk to not realize how sexual those things are

>>84771656
>literally what value is that lol.
the value is her repelling most men so she won't be even considering other men as options. it's a true guaranteed you and her forever type of situation

>>84779474
Another reason why her daddy should just tap that. If i remember right her mom ran off to fuck randos because she was bored of being married. Well here is 1 girl that will never leave him and will do anything he wants

>>84779258
>those lines
It wasn't just that one, that one was just the most, but it was also like 2 before it, and i kinda just decided to "give it a shot" and followed every advice that didn't just sound like porn slop to me.

>This is cute and hot
Well i don't think he enjoyed it in that way. I don't even know if i expected him to, i don't really know what i was thinking. But yeah i mean him asking me if i was having night terrors was nice, because i was afraid he was going to say something bad, but instead he said something caring, because it's entirely possible i was having horrible nights back to back and just wanted to be there. I was just scared he was mad, but i hope he just doesn't delve into it much in his head and forgot about it.

>yourself
I get it in a way, you don't like that i put myself down. Problem is i don't like myself very much and my own head is my biggest opp.

I do try be my best friend in a way since i spend most of my time isolated or just with my Dad, well second best friend, he is the best one. But yeah i try, and sometimes it goes. You could sorta say, when i'm not here, is when i manage to be friends with myself. But it switches up a lot and randomly. Meds help, but still sometimes my "me friend" turns into "me hater", and a lot of the times that results in me flocking here, because the interaction is somewhat therapeutic, you know what i mean? Like i'm not just alone with my head while it's in combat mode, i'm at least talking and focusing on what other people are saying here, so it distracts from it. But yeah it probably also results in me talking badly about myself, but there really is a lot of bad about me, so it's sometimes hard to pretend like there isn't.

>>84779404
I genuinely hope you are wrong. Maybe as the person above you said, this is just wife / girlfriend area stuff, so when i did it outside of being those things, he maybe just thought i'm being weird or having some episode. At least i hope so. But it worries me too.

>>84779760
>he maybe just thought i'm being weird or having some episode.
Who is he

>>84779760

I had a little pet mouse once. Then a ferret, 3 rats. And now I have 40 fucking pideons shitting and fucking in my shed.

>cute and hot
It is also why I said gf/wife/FWB lines.
I can testify to these things have an effect. But those girls were also GF.
But I think a lot people here forgot your circumstances.

And he probably won't delve to much into especially compared to you. Your dad has work, bills, food, and duties to care about.
You on the other hand probably repeat it a 100 times because that's all you worry about.

>yourself
I understand you. And I know these feelings and thoughts. I have always been harder on myself than any else. A friend also once mentioned it about me. But i guess I've turned it into a form of toxic fuel that makes me change things I don't like.

I was on 200mg sertralin for some 4 years. And lived very isolated. I know how easy it is to get lost in the downward spiral of thoughts with nothing to balance them.
I turned to LSD to feel something.
Kept getting getting pictures and thoughts I my head that all my self hatred was mine to carry. But I've also worked on my thoughts. Having these thoughts are exhausting and selfish. But there is no bottom to this pit no matter how far you think you've fallen.

Regarding you trying with dad. Here a quote i have found to be true in my life.
>It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.

Don't beat yourself for failing mouse.
I think you focus on working on yourself.
Gain some weight. Try to exercise. And only compare yourself with whom you were yesterday and not others.

>>84780800
>pet mouse
Cute. Sounds like you should keep it at mouse, if the pidgeons are pissing you off.

>Dad
Yeah maybe you are right, he probably has a lot on his mind, so "my crazy mentally ill daughter is acting even crazier and more mentally ill for a couple days" could just not even pick up on his radar.

I don't know, it's a weird feeling. I feel guilty, glad and also dissapointed at once. I want nothing more than for things to be good between us. So i'm glad they are good between us, nothing happened, nothing changed, i didn't ruin nothing. But at the same time i feel this stupid dissapointment, like that this was my big flirt thing, me shooting the shot basically, and it didn't lead to anything. I feel very guilty for having that feeling, it's so selfish to think it but i can't get it out of my head. Somewhere deep down i was hoping it would lead to something, because i really don't want to do the alternative, which is just confessing and telling him how i feel directly, because that is going to either end up with me having a panic attack before saying anything, or him having a panic attack if i manage to say it, and then he will be hurt. And that is what i want to avoid the most, i don't want to hurt him. Like my brain wants 2 different things. It's weird but also very bad.

>LSD
Sorry to hear that, yeah i don't know, i never had this notion to try drugs or heavy drinking or stuff. I think the reason a lot of other mentally ill people like BPDers do end up falling into this hole is because they unlike me still have the chance to at least somewhat socialize, and they get pulled into it by bad crowds.

>focus on working on yourself
I will try. Dad tries to motivate me and honestly those are the moments where i probably put in the most effort, like today i went on a walk with him in the morning on a forest path near our house. Rare existing outside moment. It was nice but exhausting too.

>>84781456
Are you the one that bangs their dad?

Mouse-chan, do you think you would be attracted to men who resemble your father? Both physically and mentally. "Fat father syndrome" as some call it, a subconscious attraction to men who are like your father.

Also don't fuck your dad. I'm sure he has chalked your advances up to your condition, and rationalised to himself that you weren't flirting with him, so I probably wouldn't dwell on it, just don't try it again and you'll be fine. He clearly loves you (paternally), and both you and he would hate to jeopardise that, so even if you came on really, really strong, he does not want to believe it, and will do his own mental gymnastics to not believe it.

>>84781456
They are my racing pideons. Won second prize last year. 4.5k. But they do shit a lot and have small personalities.

>dad
Honestly why feel guilty at all?
He's the center of your life and your emotional rock.
He's the only man you can contain is your head. He has never given up on you. He gives you space when you need it. He is the ideal embodiment of a man for your special needs.
You could feel silly but don't feel guilty mouse.

You feel stupid because it failed and disappointed because you had pinned all your hope and dreams on it. Or something like that. But be happy about mouse, you put yourself out there and you aimed for the stars! At least now you can't kick yourself for never trying.

>LSD
Don't be sorry. I've done way too many times now.
(I Don't recommend it) ive learned about about myself going temporary insane.
Seeing my wounded inner child in 3'rd person without the pain. Experiencing how peaceful and beautiful my mind can be without self hatred and ego. The weight of those negative feelings.
Being attacked by a violent black dog as a manifestation of my depression and how beautiful it was to accept it was a part of me.
But also how important your inner voice is.

This is why I want you to stop talking so badly about yourself mouse. If you repeat a lie enough time you start believing it's true.

>went on a walk
What are some of the other stuff he tries to motivate you to do?

Maybe if your room is messy clean it. The important thing isn't you finish what you start. And feel bad for not doing it.
>it's that you start something. Just do it for 10 minutes. That is all. No guilt.

Often the hardest part is starting something.

Do drawings. Meditate, Eating to get more energy.
Exercise. Yoga. Spend some time with dad like walking as you said. Maybe a light workout. Mind and body are very connected. If your mind is a mess your body will become it too.

>>84781721
No, i'm the ultra mentally ill one who wishes to bang her Dad, but also doesn't want to because it would hurt him. Complicated bullshit basically.

>>84781997
>fat father
But my Dad isn't fat, at all. He looks amazing. He is in great shape and he has such a bulky and attractive body, he is so comfy to lean against on the couch when we watch movies, and i love the feeling of his chest and belly expanding against me when he breathes while i'm in bed with him. He really isn't fat or like, in a bad shape or anything. Very attractive in every way physically.

But yeah i mean, i do. I can still look at people and think "wow good looking, hot, etc", but i don't really get an emotional attraction to them in any way. But yes i mean since he is the only person of my focus, it's not abnormal that i developed a "type" i think.

>don't do it
It's hard to explain it, but at one side, i absolutely don't want to, and i want to follow your advice. It would likely only hurt him, he is a great Dad, and i don't want to show him i'm even more fucked up than he already knows.

On other side, i love him a lot, i feel these feelings every day around him, i can't stop fantasizing about him, and he is the only person i can have both an emotional connection to, and a physical one. If even emotionless sex outside of him was possible, it would be an option, but even that won't go because of condition. In every imaginable way, he is my only option, and my only want. And i mean, i'm not asexual or anything, so the wants and urges are there, and i can't just turn that off. Even being fryed on meds doesn't fully turn it off.

In a way i wish he would want it, but i know he isn't a creep who would force himself on his daughter. The only possible way it works out is if he accepts my confession, but i also don't want to tell him because it would be painful for him.

>>84782257
Racing... pidgeons... ?! There is such a thing as... PIDGEON RACES??? Holy shit, that is... i don't know what that is, but it is something. I mean, congrats on getting some money out of it and having good race pidgeons (lmao that feels so funny to say), but it sounds like you don't enjoy them around.

>Why guilt?
Him. Plain and simple. You gotta realize, he had the perfect life start from what i imagine a perfect life is. At 18, he owned his own family house without debt, was getting married to his school gf, and they wanted a kid together as early as that because they were ready. If they got a normal kid, they woud literally be like a poster family.

Instead i came out. Uber mentally ill, wrecked my Dad's life, costed him his marriage, because of the divorce he had to sell his family house, he can't have friends over, or women. One time he had a woman over, and it ended up badly. None since. I'm a constant burden. That is a lot of guilt i feel. And now on top of all of that, i'm also being pervy towards him and want him sexually, as if all the prior offenses weren't enough.

Maybe he doesn't blame me for all of it and doesn't secretly wish i didn't exist. Maybe he is truthly happy he has me around when everyone else left him. But it's a maybe, but reasons for guilt are there rock steady.

>Other stuff we do
Well as i said, i can't do most public stuff. I talked in a different thread about how i never went to a kino so i wonder what it's like for example. Stuff we do together is usually either walking somewhere in a very secluded area, or riding a bycicle together in a secluded area. We got foresty areas around, so it's doable. Rarely he drives me to a Tajch that usually has no people around, and then we swim together.

>room
It's not exactly messy because i don't really do much stuff that would make a mess. I do our laundry at home, so i don't have clothes laying around, because that's one of the things i actually do around here.

>>84782516
Do you flick the bean to a variety of porn? Or just thinking of your dad?
I'd say focus more on his "type", maybe try and focus the attraction more to that in general, than him specifically.

>>84782257
>draw
I did mention this before, but i actually do. I often zone out and don't practice as much as i would want to, i have a big problem with commiting to stuff, that's the hygiene thing for example too, i'm working on it i swear, or at least trying, but yeah i would want to learn to draw, and then maybe if i get good i could do some commisions in the future, and draw some nsfw too. Could be an outlet, i got some stuff in my head i think would be cool, so who knows. But yeah i sometimes do that already.

>Eat more
Bit problematic. I zone out on this a lot. I just can't force myself to eat much, and i often also just forget i'm hungry, or just forget to eat when i'm hungry, it's the meds but also just my defect brain sending wrong signals. I started snacking a bit lately so that helps, the nutrient stuff too, and just trying to force myself to down as much food that Dad cooks as i can.

But yeah i have a problem being active, it's not easy. It's like i'm not in control of my body a lot of times, it's more like i'm just a voice in my head and i basically just beg my body to move or do something, and sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't listen. Those episodes where i just go numb and pass out, those are when the body just full on doesn't listen and i just can't even get it to walk. It actually happened once while i was riding the bycicle with him when i was 18. I just kinda blacked out instantly, so obviously i had a bad fall to the front, was bleeding from my mouth and nose, Dad got super worried, carried me back to the car and then went to get the bikes. Took him like an hour to get back again, and i cried like the whole time he was gone, because i hated myself for ruining our bike date. Since then i'm always kinda nervous while i'm outside with him, because i fear that it happens there and i will scare him again or ruin our thing while he is trying to get me out and give me a good time.

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>>84767637
Rightfully so. Either men's fantasies are retarded or real women trying to realize them are retarded but the fact is that mixing fantasies with reality never ends well.

>>84767623
I am exactly like this and when I was in school boys would laugh at me and girls would mock and talk about me as I walked through the corridors. Very few people actually want this outside of fantasies, especially if you aren't attractive.

>>84767623
by being tall, having money, and not being awkward.

>>84769191
sounds like i need to scoop you up, break you, force you onto a plane, and travel the world with me.

>>84782596
Him or Variety of porn. I like femboy stuff for example, cute adorable yaoi, not the huge hairy leather men kind. Not sure why. So if i find a nice animation to goon to, yeah. Also i like futa, also no idea why, but not for the women, i'm not bi, just something about them having a dick just makes it... not gay and desirable? Like the fantasy of if i was normal, and had a best friend who is a girl but with a big dick, and we just casually fuck, i don't know, it just does it for me for some reason. I suppose guys get this too because i see a thread or two variant of "is fucking femboys gay?" in some way like every day here. And just stuff like that, the "non-normal" stuff, yeah i can goon out to that. But if it's regular porn or just no material daydreaming, i basically always replace whatever man is in there with him, or place him in the daydream fantasy, and then place myself as the girl. It's hard to not do it when i see him and talk to him almost every day and i get to see him shirtless a lot and i also sometimes sleep in his bed and we cuddle on the couch while watching movies often and bla bla bla you get it, lots of exposure.

Basically imagine you live in a flat, and your roommate is literally everything you want out of a partner. Lookswise, physically, emotionally, personality wise, sexually, just in every possible way, the person you are living with is everything you fantasize about, right there, in the flesh, not a drawn OC or a fursona or a fantasy or a fake instagram model with tons of filters and make up. Your absolute peak fantasy that your brain wants is right there, in front of you, every day, lives with you, talks to you, and let's you have a lot of physical contact. And you can't have it. You can't propose or confess feelings, you can't ask to take things "further". You just have to look and daydream, while your peak fantasy is right in front of you in the flesh.

Anyway i feel dizzy so that means i'm probably tired, gonna try to sleep.

>>84782516
>wishes to bang her Dad
Why do I remember reading about someone who gets her dad drunk and bangs him.

>tfw never going to have a pale, dark haired, eye bag having gf

>>84783107
Cause there are many weird and tarded foids here, but mouse is probably my fav one so far

>>84778928
Same fagging this attempting manipulating her, instead it has backfires and she is done with you

>>84782577
>Maybe he doesn't blame me for all of it and doesn't secretly wish i didn't exist. Maybe he is truthly happy he has me around when everyone else left him. But it's a maybe, but reasons for guilt are there rock steady.
Holy shit. There's no "maybe". He literally sat your ass down and told you he doesn't blame you and doesn't want you to think like this
>He's just saying that to be nice
Maybe, but remember during the middle of the night when he was half asleep he heard you admitting you felt like you ruined his life and he instantly regained the energy to yell at you and tell you to shut up. I see you still typing shit like this constantly even after that happened and it honestly even makes me mad. Your dad loves you, you dumb bitch.

>>84778388
>I was told men have this "want to rescue" thing where they want to be a saviour and that's why they like girls in bad situations.
Personally I just found your situation oddly kind of sweet. Like the stuff you wrote about how good it feels cuddling your dad was adorable. Giving you advice is also kind of fun
>friends off site
never understood people who do shit like this or edate on 4chan. the entire point of this place is that it's anonymous. I see you and reply to your threads often enough anyway