Today, we're talking about attachment theory. Attachment theory describes how early caregiver bonds shape relational patterns throughout life. There are four main styles:>SecureForms when caregivers respond consistently and sensitively to a child's needs. The person grows up comfortable with intimacy and independence, trusting others and themselves.>Anxious (preoccupied)Develops when caregiving is inconsistent - sometimes attentive, sometimes not. The child learns to stay hyper-alert to the relationship, leading to adult fears of abandonment and a need for reassurance.>Avoidant (dismissive)Forms when caregivers are consistently unresponsive or rejecting of emotional needs. The child learns to suppress needs and self-soothe, leading to adult discomfort with closeness and a strong pull toward independence.>Disorganized (fearful-avoidant)Often emerges from caregiving that is frightening, chaotic, or itself a source of fear (sometimes linked to trauma or abuse). The person ends up wanting closeness but also fearing it, producing contradictory push-pull patterns in relationships.>Which one are you and why? >What early attachment experiences shaped you the most?>Bonus: Have you ever been in an intimate relationship where your attachment style held you back (either your own or your partner's)?Patch notes: Fixed formatting. Trying this again.
>>84829976>>Which one are you and why? anxious -> need constant reassurance and can be kind of smothering when trying to prove my love. spirals easily over the smallest things and makes me terrified of losing my partner>>What early attachment experiences shaped you the most?two alcoholic parents who fluctuated between helicoptering and painfully distant, no inbetween. conditional love and violent outbursts was commonplace>>Bonus: Have you ever been in an intimate relationship where your attachment style held you back (either your own or your partner's)?the one im currently in, while it is going well, definitely haas had its bumps because of my constant need to be reassured. insecure over my habits, what my partner's friends think of me, etc. we had to have a whole talk about love language and expression to know what both of us want/need from each other. he likes quality time, i like physical touch, and we both like words of affirmation. things are good right now
>>84829976I have a secure attachment style. I get really excited when I meet somebody new. Parental and no I haven't
>>84829976>>Which one are you and why? Fearful, anxious-avoidant it mostly manifests as anxious with avoidant people and avoidant with clingy people>>What early attachment experiences shaped you the most?Childhood abuse and neglect chaotic upbringing >>Bonus: Have you ever been in an intimate relationship where your attachment style held you back (either your own or your partner's)?I dunno I try to keep all of my tweaking to myself internally and follow a balanced and reasonable boilerplate behavior in stead of asserting actual thoughts and desires I've only ever been with avoidants and they always lead me on and like the intensity until they get overwhelmed or bored and don't and ditch me. Shit sucks I wish there was a girl who liked me for who I am and is capable of reciprocating... something.
>>84829976>Which one are you and why?Disorganized naturally, but working on becoming insecure. I desperately want to loved and to communicate effectively, but I'm scared of conflict. If I'm not careful to pay attention to regulating myself during conflict, I shutdown or get overwhelmed and just want to run away from it. >What early attachment experiences shaped you the most?I had two neglectful, angry, mentally ill parents. My father was a bipolar, pedophilic degenerate who gambled and left my mother fried from the stress. My mother is an anxious and emotionally-detached woman who rejected me due to the sensory issues I was born with. I suffered hypoxia during childbirth and endured mild neurological problems. My mother admittedly says she "took it personally," when I could not be soothed. My father died not long ago and my relationship with my mom is no better. I have had to end contact with her. >Bonus: Have you ever been in an intimate relationship where your attachment style held you back (either your own or your partner's)?Yes, many times. I am working through it with someone right now. We have to talk about this sort of thing a lot and experiment with new ways to communicate, but I am seeing some growth in myself and my partner.
>>84829976>>Which one are you and why?most likely avoidant. i feel suffocated very fast, and the second i feel like someone needs to talk to me every day and geniuenly gets upset when i don't engage, i start dislking them. not because i dislike them as people or anything like that, but because the idea that someone's mood is in any way dependent on me stresses me out incredibly.>>What early attachment experiences shaped you the most?my parents split when i was 3. grew up with my mother who had new men coming in and out of the house every couple of years, and everytime she went through a breakup (which were like..9 or something before i turned 18) she would cry to me about it. i never really knew what to say to her. >>Bonus: Have you ever been in an intimate relationship where your attachment style held you back (either your own or your partner's)?yes. i was in one relationship in my whole life, but it was long distance with different time zones, which made it low pressure and very comfortable for me. as soon as it stopped being long distance though, and my partner actually wanted to get intimate and spend more time together and all that stuff, i completely noped out, and eventually broke up. stopped dating after that because i feel like that kind of behavior from me is unfair to a partner and they shouldn't have to deal with my problems.
>>Which one are you and why?dismissive. i had my needs rejected and internalized it. now i tend to reject my own needs and sometimes other's>>What early attachment experiences shaped you the most?my parents were both hardasses and raised me to be one too. i was punished for being emotional and beat more for crying. i eventually learned to turn it off, but now i can't turn it on when i need to>>Bonus: Have you ever been in an intimate relationship where your attachment style held you back (either your own or your partner's)?i want to be there for myself and others but it is hard. i don't really know how to escape it
>>84829976I'm Anxious(preoccupied) but I pretend to be Avoidant(dismissive) because no one cares about my needs anyway so I pretend it doesn't bother me when they abandon me. My parents always kind of weaponized affection and made everything conditional until I eventually crashed/burned out and now they give me none whatsoever. So I just treat all relationships as transactional and tend to shut down or self-isolate when I realize I can't meet the other person's expectations and it becomes clear they don't want to be around me anymore.>have you ever been in an intimate relationshipno
>>84829976>The child learns to stay hyper-alert to the relationship>adult discomfort with closeness and a strong pull toward independence.>The person ends up wanting closeness but also fearing itT-T-T-TRIPLE KILL>Which one are you and why? I have traits from all three of the insecure ones to some extent. As to why, its probably observing my parent's relationship growing up. >What early attachment experiences shaped you the most?My parents are both very stubborn and egotistical to an extent, so neither would back down during an argument and would continue to escalate over very minor issues. They also would drink waaay too much which made arguments 10x worse. Occasionally things would escalate to physical violence and I would have to physically separate them since I am the eldest sibling of the family.My mother was very sweet and caring a lot of the time during the day, but other times would get drunk and take out her anger over minor issues on me. When I was little this would sometimes be physical violence. My dad has always been very distant and I have never received any kind of fatherly affection from him. Any sensitive or embarrassing stories/details would be used against me at some point if I shared them so I learned not to. Minor mistakes would be used to guilt trip as well. Affection was somewhat contingent on obedient behavior and school performance. My interests and opinions were usually disregarded.I tend to be a very independent person and I don't like asking for assistance with anything, while also being hyperaware of my relationships with the people I'm close with and overthinking if I did anything wrong that might damage it. I very strongly crave close relationships, especially a romantic one, but closeness is weakness that can be exploited which is quite scary. I am also distrustful of others by default, I find it hard to trust someone else until I build a "mental model" of their personality and how they think.
>>84829976>>Which one are you and why?avoidantboth my parents are neglectfulwe have been estranged for a while now with no chance of reconnecting (i will make sure of it)its something i noticed in hindsight esp observing how my younger brothers were being parented>>What early attachment experiences shaped you the most?dont knowjust remember spending most of time alone and not minding italways looked forward going to my grandparents house where i could at least play and have fun with my cousinsalso actually enjoyed school but never had a friend from school visit my housei always made excuses etc>>Bonus: Have you ever been in an intimate relationship where your attachment style held you back (either your own or your partner's)?my attachment style is hindering me from being intimate with anyone in the first placewell at least its what im blaming for my lack of relationship experiencenot lacking for female attention thougheveri do not feel undesired whatsoevert. 30+ kv
