is it easy to be a good girlfriend?
>>84838745I thought that was a turd my vision is all fucked
>>84838745Unless you are BPD its pretty easy
>>84838745Being a good partner, in general, is not easy for most people. Unless you had good parents who taught you how to communicate, regulate yourself, reflect, and show compassion, then you're going to have a hard time. And even if you had these things, if your partner did not, you have to put work into understanding and adapting to them. All non-superficial relationships take effort, self-awareness, self-sacrifice, and empathy. Relationships in general are not easy, but anything too easy is never rewarding.
1. weekly sex2. stay slim3. don't be an emotional parasitethis is good for you too, it's not like men where they have to sacrifice/provide.
>>84838745Just be kind to menNOTE: many women fail this simple task
>>84838745Give me 1 thousand dollar.
>>84838838Before I say this, I want to say that I think true kindness, compassion, and empathy are among the one of the best virtues a person can achieve. However, I think a lot of women are scared of being nice to men. Kindness from a woman is often mistaken for flirtation or romantic interest, and men tend to get really angry and upset when they think a woman is leading them on. I think this may be one of the biggest reasons women tend to be colder towards men (minus the misandrists).
>>84838745yeah, i don't know how women manage to fuck it up>don't be a disagreeable asshole, stop inventing problems in your head>have frequent enthusiastic sex>have a job and don't be a financial burden>don't have a job and help take care of the house>stop pushing your "independent feminist" bullshit on men while also relying on them
>>84838745No, but dating sites don't help either. If you're using those, don't let them make you think that women are bad just because the people on there is skewed. Usually women on dating sites skew towards being vain and only looking for sex. But a good girlfriend is one that'll try to work things out and talk things out during arguments instead of blowing up or running off. You'll find someone, but the vast majority are unempathetic and don't want to commit and you have to weed through a lot of people first
>>84838823>2. stay slimthis is completely optional for most. i'd love a cute chubby gf
>let him cheat on you>give him your credit card infoits real simple
>>84838769did they appear to you as one (turd) or three? i think you're alright, anon. they are brown and vaguely turd shaped. do you wear glasses?>>84838770hmmmmm... I'm not BPD but I AM a numbskull. >>84838800>communicate, regulate yourself, reflect, and show compassionI felt a little bit anxiety reading this part of your post because I know that deep down I really struggle with these. i guess for a long time I assumed that they would come to me easily but I'm realizing now that I have no idea. I don't think I've ever been able to truly regulate myself. how do you go about teaching yourself to do these things? I feel like I will never understand them.
>>84838800Hit the nail on the head. Though, I think a lot of girls had to deal with a lot of emotional abuse and degenerates growing up. Meanwhile, boys dealt with a lot of emotional neglect and harsher punishments.
Anon has higher standards for his woman than for himself
>>84838745https://voca.ro/1aIhZz66mCNW
>>84838904>how do you go about teaching yourself to do these thingsAlso asking for help here. Emotional regulation is quite difficult. I was looking into BPD and it seems to have a good rate of remission? Especially in people who have healthy patient partners who love them and work towards the betterment of them both.
Yes all I do is cook dinner for my husband and keep the house clean and he is super happy. I am unemployed (not by choice) and home all day anyway it only takes an hour of my time
>>84838927I'm putting you in a jar. I'll figure something out afterwards, but in the meantime
>>84838997https://voca.ro/1lf4Qqn4iapQ
>>84838904>did they appear to you as one (turd) or three?I guess it looked more like a big singular shit melting to me, but upon closer inspection it looked like more than one turd. I didn't see the birds until I increased the size of the image. Yes, I'm supposed to be wearing glasses now
>>84838904>I felt a little bit anxiety reading this part of your post because I know that deep down I really struggle with these. Most people do and it's okay that you do. What most people don't do is recognize it in the first place. They are completely blind to it, but you are not. >i guess for a long time I assumed that they would come to me easily but I'm realizing now that I have no idea. I don't think I've ever been able to truly regulate myself. how do you go about teaching yourself to do these things? I feel like I will never understand them.I've not mastered these things, myself, but I have learned a lot about them and have seen growth in myself. I'm going to go down the list, try to explain how I see them, and how they work and how you can improve them.>regulationThis one's less "doing" and more "noticing." Before you can regulate, you have to catch where you actually are, anxious, shut down, fine, without judging it. A lot of people skip straight to trying to fix the state and end up fighting themselves instead. Start small: a few times a day, just ask "what's happening in my body right now?" No need to change anything yet, just notice. The changing part significantly gets easier once the noticing is automatic. Once you get good at noticing, I'd recommend searching out emotional regulation techniques, things you can do once you realize you're not regulated. There's a ton of research and actionable advice out there on this. These things are very per-person, though, and it will take trial and error to find the technique that is useful to you.
>>84838745It wasn't easy for me to be a good girlfriend. So I'm doing the responsible thing and not dating rn
>>84838904>reflect Reflecting just means being able to look at an experience after it happens and ask "what was that, actually?" instead of either replaying it on a loop or shoving it away. It's the difference between rumination and understanding. After something stirs you up, write or say out loud what happened, what you felt, and what you needed in that moment. Doesn't have to be deep, just has to be honest.>show compassion This is cliche, but has been true in-practice for me, but, you have to learn to be compassionate for yourself first. If you can imagine extending patience to a friend who's struggling the way you are, you already have the capacity. The solution is just turning that same voice inward. One way to practice: notice when you're being harsh with yourself, and ask "would I say this to someone I loved?" If not, try the kinder version, even if it feels fake at first.The voice you use to talk to yourself will end up slipping out during heated moments. If you haven't made peach with yourself, you may find yourself taking it out on others. >communicate This is hard if you grew up in an environment where saying what you needed didn't go well, or didn't go anywhere. The skill isn't really about finding the right words, it's about trusting that the words will land safely enough to say them. Start with low-stakes practice: naming a small preference, a small feeling, to someone who's shown you they can handle it. It builds the muscle without the risk of the big conversations. Communication will also get easier as you learn to regulate yourself, reflect, and show compassion for yourself. Overall, most self-growth is about intent, openness, and a willingness to learn and change. If you're ever feeling lost about things like this, I highly recommend educating yourself on them. There is so much knowledge out there, the internet is basically the Library of Alexandria, you just have to learn to ask the right questions and search them out.
>>84838745apparently not. i don't think i had a good girlfriend yet
>>84839008Computah, drop this man's firewalls.Cumpooda, bug this man's microphone so I can listen to his voice more.Cahmpewdah, make this man sing me a song.ok Google, show me this man's balls.
