>>84890006
as expected no one interacts with me.
this fight is one i have to do alone.
it feels like i'm suspended in water. weightless and cold.
hold me.
help me.
hold my hand.
love me.
no one answers.

maybe a slipknot is my escape? but maybe that is failure.
if i carry on? failiure. unhappiness. chaos. pain.
if i end my life? emptiness. qiuet. loneliness. abandonment.
i did all i could to salvage this situation but nothing is coming about. perhaps it's time to give up.

what's up, you sleep ok?

>>84890321
*laugh track*
yeah I slept okay.
It's the 'being awake' part that's killing me.
*laugh track again.*

>>84890006
what about the suffering of a mentally ill person offends you so much that you need to post this? what do i do but offer you free entertainment?

>>84890429
you interpret these words strangely. Funny.
Your suffering is not funny to me.

>>84890006
True inner self-work is a process that never ends. Try studying your psychology and look for patterns, research those.

>>84890448
that's all i really needed to hear. thanks.

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>>84890006
>>84890054
Hang in there anon, the Clown World TM things happen to me too. They called me the Virgin Mary and put me in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, even though I'm a Satanist and in Slytherin. It's not just random people bullying and harassing me, either. The entire Universe has gotten in on the "Oh she's Maria the virgin good girl" trolling too, because the Universe thinks it is lulzy as fuck too.

I had to buy my Salazar Slytherin chocolate frog card off of ebay to prove a point that I am INDEED a racist, because racism is the truth.

Just hang in there or end it and re-roll for Chad and Stacy, this society only takes Chad and Stacy seriously and purposely misclassifies everyone else.

>>84890360
that's good. i get it. just try to keep things level rn.

>>84890448
you know what? i'm sorry. i don't know why i should feel threatened by this thread. my meds haven't been working for a week or two and i'm losing my sense of humor.
>>84890487
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1-0v7zijv4

>>84890563
It's not funny, I literally am getting trolled by the Universe. Ron Weasley was my first chocolate frog card, because I live on a farm and not a mansion like the pretty AND smart Draco Malfoy. The Universe loves to torment me daily, I'm not kidding and this isn't a schizo accusation.

>>84890590
sometimes it's not funny when the universe trolls me but maybe i should think it's funny. it's probably meant to be. i know how you feel, bro.

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>>84890651
>it's probably meant to be
nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu i refuse, fuck fate! ;___; Dumblydorr even said if I choose all the Merlin options, then I'm Slytherin and not Ravenclaw or Gryffindor.

>>84890514
the level is misery. I am losing everything. Like sand falling through my grip from the cracks between my fingers.
I need to ascend but I have no stregnth left.
>>84890563
you don't need to apologise. maybe you should stop taking your medication if relying on them doesn't help.
>>84890590
being obsessed with Harry Potter is a new one. Are you a teenager?

>>84890671
Yes I am mentally still 17, because my father refused to let me have a healthy childhood outside of studying to get an A+ 24/7/4/12, even though I was from the wrong family and by isolating me he retarded my social skills.

This is r9k, stop judging.

>>84890006
Fuck you faggot nobody owes you anything. Either fix your problems alone or kys

>>84890689
not judging. Was in a similar state until recently. Sorry to hear about your circumstance, are you independent now?

>>84890699
fuck you nigger everybody owes me everything. in fact you owe me; owe me twenty pushups, right now, drop and give me twenty soldier!!!

<<(you)
the vapidness is growing. can't hold on.
Betray. Betrayal. Nothing left.
What am I running from?

>>84890671
if i stopped my meds completely, i would be taken to the plane of infinite torment to be persecuted by god himself and i'm not prepared for that. it really difficult to get basic shit done like chores or showering and the world seems infinitely darker and scarier when the meds don't work as well. i feel like the meds make me "blind" to social cues and cause me to be complacent and unconcerned that my life is a wreck.

>>84890738
try eating less carbs. Bread and wheat-based products especiallly. Cutting down on refined sugars and artificial sweetners (Acesulfame K, Aspartame, Sucralose) helps too.
The things in this world want to kill you, so you must defy them by refusing to die. Even spiritually.

>>84890729
Yeah I married a rich guy, thanks to listening to misogynist racist incels all day erry day. That and the sex industry. I have it made now at age 35, I don't have to work ever again.

>>84890738
If you're strong you'll do it

>>84890671
Tends to happen when you try to squeeze sand into stone. Life is like that, it's intemporal. Same situation. I've fought to maintain any semblance of a together life alone for almost a decade and everything feels like it's been taken from me by billionaire fucks who want to replace me with AI.

>>84890839
>billionaire fucks who want to replace me with AI
If you have to be good enough for even a Walmart job, tjen the IQ of the human gene pool isn't losing from the elites' decisions.

Bring on our AI overlords and AI sex partners!!!

>>84890006
I like your brand of schizophrenia, post more

>>84890847
Intelligence has nothing to do with success. Environmental factors and the way you were raised plays more into that, imo. Van Gogh type

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>>84890898
I can't do it on command, baka.

>>84890929
>Environmental factors and the way you were raised plays more into that

Bullshit senpai, my parents were arranhed marriage, intact marriage, nuclear family traditionally conservative papist peasant pieces of dogshit who beat me into getting A+. And my friends from middle school were good girl Christian nerds.

I STILL remained a Satanic prostitute and stripper on the inside and also later on in life I ended up that way and succeeded at life because of it, while my parents continue to wage and struggle for bupkiss.

My cunning and hatred came from genetics, not my harsh environment. I must have had a similar ancestor somewhere down the line who was equally as conniving and ruthless and underhanded. I thank God I had a cool ancestor somewhere in my family bloodline of lame good girl x lazy pos papists.

>>84890957
So you're telling me your parents beating you and trying to force you into a lifestyle made you this way? This has nothing to do with genetics, these are your decisions you've made as an adult. There is no ancestor that passed down rebellion to you. You became a rebel because your parents pushed you to it. In a way, they are responsible still for who you are, despite how hard you've tried to forge an identity outside of them, they are still responsible for that.

>>84890969
No they're not, my little sister is literally a good girl virgin with high standards, had a 4.0 GPA, is so unambitious and obedient that she's begging for minimum wage office jobs from Apple One (even when she has a Bachelor's degree), remains either chronically unemployed or underemployed when lucky, is unmarried, doesn't earn enough to live alone like she wants to (my mom pays her rent), gives $20 to beggars on the highway (genuinely believing that they aren't actually grifters from begging rings) and is a leftist with 501boi leftist beliefs.

CLEARLY genetics is the only explanation, since we were botb raised the same way, with only me being beaten for questioning my dad's IRRATIONAL behaviors and beliefs. I was more strong-willed and stubborn, while my sister was passive-aggressive and yielding.

>>84891005
That's exactly what I'm saying, my friend. You didn't just become this way. Genetics are no excuse, and if you were to use that excuse, you would look to your father at his insanity and have to mirror that upon yourself. So if it is genetic, you would clearly have him to thank.

They just pushed you to the opposite end of the spectrum.

>>84891026
My father was IRRATIONAL and believed that hard work and praying to God makes you successful in America, even as his insane attitude lead him to fail.at everything he did. He had a willful cognitive dissonance so strong that he genuinely would say "I am King!" all day erry day, even as his Willy Lohman-tier delusions lead to (what I CORRECTLY observed) as my family's downfall. Only *I* woke up, not even my mom woke up, not even my sister.

My father was bluepilled, even with overwhelming evidence that he was a TOTAL FAILURE AT LIFE.
I remained pessimistic and blackpilled, because I was observant enough to see what reality actually was.

That's how I escaped. If I was crazy or stupid, I never would have escaped and I would have ended up scapegoating AI and billionaires just like your pathetic and cucked self right now.

>>84891046
>AI and billionaires good, ackshuelly
Lol. You can be a Satanist and still be a humanitarian. If you think being a psychopath is at all tied to Satanism, or more accurately to me, Luciferianism, you are grossly mistaken. There is no religion steeped in natural human discourse, empathy, and love, AGAINST God's commands of evil.
In truth, you are probably acting just like your father. Scapegoating me as it stands now.
I was attempting to have an actual conversation with you, but this won't be continued any further. I escaped an actual Satanic cult and there is blood on my hands from my youth.

>>84890563
That video is actually hilarious. Never seen that guy before.

>>84891084
Stay salty
Stay in denial
Stay POOR *laughs at you*
Stay blaming AI and billionaires for your delusions and the natural and observable consequences of you not knowing your *actual* place in this rigged and hierarchal society called the human race

Me, I'll stay cool and unbothered, laughing at people like you, who fight against windmills like Don Quixote. B-) like BITCH, *I* should have gotten your based Satanic family and *you* should have suffered my idiotic papist k*ked out pos parents.

>>84891084
Hey that other anon can get fucked
But genuinely I'd like to hear about this cult.