Hi anon. This thread I'll try to meaningfully engage and talk to you about whatever you want until I fall asleep.
i havent had a meaningful conversation with an anonymous in several years at this point, it seems awkward to start one now
>>84911343if you want this thread to take off you need to say you are a fembot
>>84911358What is one thing going on in your life that you'd like an outside opinion on?
>>84911358The conversation as a whole doesn't need to be meaningful. My only goal is to try and provide a conversation that doesn't just end in someone going "cool" or "lol." What brought you to r9k tonight?>>84911368I could, but that would be cheap. I avoid those kinds of threads, and I avoid threads that are overly crass, too. I know it's an anonymous website and all, but it doesn't mean we can't be respectful adults. My original thought was to call out "moids" in particular, but I realized how I would avoid a thread like that, so I didn't.
>>84911343Do you get lonely, anon? Do you desire love?
>>84911396>I could, but that would be cheap.nothing wrong in cheap and effective. we are all shitposting anyways, no one gives a shit, we are just passing time trying to not think about the state of our shitty lifes
>>84911396>t. troon named Lilith
>>84911343>I'll try to meaningfully engage and talk to you about whatever you wantI don't have anything good off the top of my head. I've got some autistic interest topics but I'm not sure I even feel like rambling like that at the moment.How you been anon? What brings you here? You feeling okay?
Already began dozing off for a little bit. Sorry if I go for good, though I haven't spoken to anyone long enough to warrant a sense of disappointment from that just yet.>>84911432I feel like most people who say they don't desire love either haven't found someone special or are lying to themselves in one way or another, for one reason or another. Whether one feels lonely isn't a question that needs to be asked, given where we are, isn't it, anon? I desire love as much as any other aimless person here. Yourself?>>84911453Sure, there's nothing wrong with it. I guess I'd just rather keep some false sense of superiority from not using such tricks is all. It's working a little.>we are just passing time trying to not think about the state of our shitty lifesI feel for anyone who's actually in a bad spot right now. I'm too privileged to call my life "shitty," it's more just aimless. There isn't anything I shouldn't be able to do. Both my parents recently got retired (a few years ago) and we spend a lot more time at home, but we haven't been any closer at all. I'm still pretty young and haven't done anything for myself, and sometimes it feels like I don't ever want to. I know that's bad.>>84911480Just a coincidence (assuming it's Mash). I've never namefagged.>>84911535There's an interesting paradox to anhedonia and realizing you are experiencing it. I'm just tired and lonely. The nights have been pretty cold, so I suppose that naturally leads me to try and find some sort of comfort, even though it's in a place like this. I'm not a super avid user or anything, and I don't know why I've chosen this board as my home, when I actively dislike a majority of people who spend their time here. It's not like I'm actually above them or faring much better, but somehow I can be a bit smug about not being as bitter or rude as them. Something like that. The fact you're replying to this thread must count for something, right? What brings you here?
>>84911343Do you have any religious beliefs anon?
>>84911612>I'm just tired and lonely.I think we all are. Maybe minus the cold, it's fucking hot here.>don't know why I've chosen this board as my home, when I actively dislike a majority of people who spend their time here. It's not like I'm actually above them or faring much better, but somehow I can be a bit smug about not being as bitter or rude as them. Something like thatI can relate to that. Most of the people I talk to are depressed and lonely so I tend to dumpster dive for conversation in this cesspit. Sometimes I find people worth talking to.>What brings you here?Tired, lonely, bored. I think some part of me still clings to the idea of finding a girl that thinks I'm cool but realistically that isn't happening. That ship sailed with the divorce.
>>849116124chan just brings out the worst in everyone. nearly everyone is toxic or rude, or some kind of antisemite racist psycho, and half of them are baiting each other, and no one here had an ounce of philosophy. just bored and broken and plainly mean people.i earnest post and have been called a retard so many times, i dont even anticipate anything else.
I have now realized it's not the best idea to try having a conversation at the same time you're sleepy. Sorry guys, you're probably all gone ar this point, but I figured you all should get a response at least.>>84911621Thankfully none of my family tried to "indoctrinate" me or anything similar, but I'd never outright disregard the belief against a higher being, though it in reality would probably be a far more apathetic entity. On that topic, I'm certtai aliens exist too... somewhere. We'll never be able to find them, and they'll never find us sadly. Constant universal expansion and all. That's enough of me being loony though; would you agree with any of what I said?>>84911713I've found a "meaningful" person here once. Things were never perfect with our relationship (we didn't date or anything, don't misunderstand), but times were either completely blissful or completely miserable. It was terrible. Horribly toxic, too. The best things in life never come easily. While it would be easy to give up it feels just as easy to keep hoping for a miracle sometimes. I wouldn't be too optimistic and never try finding people outside here though. That's for sure. Even if things weren't good, sorry to hear about the divorce.>>84911752Hmm. Well I think this is more the fault o the average poster who comes here. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone who does this, just pointing out that most of them just want an outlet for their frustrations. That outlet is usually pretty rude, demoralizing, and generally super retarded. Have you ever watched that 3D animated movie about a kid who turns into an anthropomorphic ant after peeing on an ant colony to take out his frustration over getting bullied? That's a similar mindset, ironically so since that character was like 7 years old....Sorry for that obscure reference.
>>84911343im going to bed and ill check to see if this is still alive in 15 mins and then go to sleep but I thought Id get this off my chest. I have a pretty bad porn addiction. but I have a job and a project car and im saving up for a place trying to get things together but now with porn ive watched things that are lets just say are fucked up like crazy I think its breaking me.. i used to have that post nut guilt sometimes if I was watching something weird now I dont even get that anymore. I've had friends tell me some of the fucked up things I talk about or mention should bother me but they dont. i feel like im losing my self. still no girlfriend since I got cucked in highschool because I waited to long to ask my crush out. this shit sucks man.
>>84912142If it really bothers you, I think you could start looking into ways to detox yourself. I wouldn't recommend something like quitting altogether, since people usually end up engaging with that mindset just to make it "better" when they go masturbate again, eugh, but maybe you could just try getting back to whatever could be considered normal porn. I'd say that in general, when it comes to addictions like this, the way is to not only.hold back on performing the undesirable action but also find other things to fulfill you meanwhile. What are things you like, anon? Do you have any hobbies, or long-term goals to look forward to like that car? Why not focus on them, while also policing your speech since you said it bothered you? Create new habits and eventually you won't even realize you're still following them.
im autistic and i cant talk to women. its not fair because i go to the gym and i look better than most guys. my only girlfriend was a schizo girl who regularly cut herself, did drugs, famcel, etc. i dont like (irl) women outside of lustful animalistic desires, they are annoying. I want to be held and comforted by a woman, i want them to be on the internet, and i dont want them to try an kill themselves every 5 fuckin seconds. but you cant have all of that in one package, that is if i can even manage to get another package. what should i do?
>>84911343meowgood luck replying to that >:3
I'll be trying to sleep after this one. Hopefully the thread will still be up once I awake, but if it isn't, thank you to the anons who stopped by~>>84912312I think that you should take a look back at your post, and see that it doesn't make much sense. You don't hate women, you hate certain kinds of behaviors that you believe only women exhibit. The solution is quite simple: find yourself a woman who does not present such behaviors! No offense meant, but you sound quite narcissistic; it's natural for people with mental disorders to attract each other. People with mental disorders can't be fixed, but there are always actions that they can take to mitigate or outright dispose of their disorder's more toxic traits in favor of a lifestyle that is more personally fulfilling. I won't pretend to be knowledgeable in them, but maybe you could look into it and find yourself the type of woman you enjoy.>>84912418I love cats, they are adorable and can be cuddly when they feel like it. Their inherently hedonistic lifestyles aren't something one should personally strive towards, but you'd lying if you said it wasn't admirable or enviable at least to some degree.
>>84911343nooo i wanted to ask something in the cozy mash thread
>>84912694You may ask it, I'm back on my computer now. Wait it's only been 3 hours...?
>>84912067>The best things in life never come easily.Yeah. I've had to learn that through a lot of blood and piss.>feels just as easy to keep hoping for a miracle sometimes.I've lost a lot of hope. There's something still buried deep down, but every year I notice it's harder and harder to reach. I continually lose hope in a lot of things in life.I wish I could have died in the service.>sorry to hear about the divorce.It's my own fault. I ignored all the red flags, kept going when I knew I shouldn't have. I never should have looked twice at that woman and yet I put a ring on her finger, like a dumbass.
>>84913374goodmorning mashu poster, how are you today, what do you think of moids
>>84914181I hope the blood and pee are metaphors, otherwise this makes this post a good bit more upsetting. It's completely understandable to feel like your life is going nowhere and honestly? It might just be. Call me defeatist, but most of us aren't going to take ourselves out; as much as some of us want to commit suicide, at the same time that means that our want to live is at its absolute highest, don't you think? Wishing things got better even when they can't. I realize I was projecting a good bit here, so sorry for that, but believe me, there definitely still are many things to live for and be happy about. There always are. It's also okay to have made mistakes in a relationship, everyone does it. Just try to avoid the same pitfalls next time, and hopefully she's not taking any money from you. Not sure how divorce works, I've only "dated" (online).>>84914500I feel pretty... hmm. I guess I'm okay. Haven't done much today yet, not that I will have done a lot more by the end of today or anything though. I think that overall, men make me sad. But so do women. Actually, women make me sad on a more constant basis than men because men very easily overshare on the internet and dump their thoughts. I've seen so much of it at this point that I believe that I can pretty easily guess where the more bigoted ones came from, what made them the way they are, etc. They won't admit it when I call them out though. Not that I'm a big argumentative person. Again, I'm not trying to say I'm superior to anyone, but I like to believe I have a pretty good intellectual basis for the things I say, even if they're not put very eloquently or even correctly. Doesn't everyone feel this way about something, though?
>>84914940Idk what to do with my life anymore, i dropped out of uni half a decade ago due to bad experiences, cant even find a wagie job, trying to do digital art and demoralized by not improving and dealing with AI, everyday i wake up stressed and depressed that my life has not worked out and everyday i consider roping, i just scroll all daya nd hope some game or distraction can comes along or i just sleep like 16+ hour days, im just not sure what to do anymore ;( thoughts?
>>84914940>I hope the blood and pee are metaphors,Well, the pee is at least.>as much as some of us want to commit suicide, at the same time that means that our want to live is at its absolute highest, don't you think?I don't know. I've wanted to die for a long time. I keep wishing for a good war to fight. Even GWOT would have been passable but it ended while I was in training so I never got deployed. Now I'm wasting away in a dead end job trying to get into law enforcement. >many things to live for and be happy aboutI know there are but things just seem to keep getting worse for me. I'm tired, all the damn time. Every time I make an effort to get better things seem to worsen.>Just try to avoid the same pitfalls next timeI don't see it happening, honestly. I'm pretty reclusive and I've only ever worked in all male environments. I'm not terribly attractive and I'm a single dad. I have a boorish personality and I'm kinda off putting. Not to mention I'm kinda just jaded and scared of relationships at this point
>>84914940hello desuApologies for just venting, but I feel very bad for my bf rn. He's a (former? idk if having an online gf revokes his status) inkwell and I know the world has treated him horribly but I still love him a lotI don't want this to come across as "omg he's too clingy ew he needs more friends" because I'm very lonely and dependant too, I had no friends or romantic attention prior to him and he's helped me a lot (plus, he already has plenty of male friends)The only thing is that I feel guilty (yet also happy to be useful to someone) when he says things like that he'd fall into depression without me, and I'm not going to try to convince him "omg the world is great just meet good people!!!!" because I know very well how heartless society is and how they treat awkward ugly shut ins like BOTH of us. I just want him to have hope in something else other than me since I feel bad, is there any way I can do this..?
>>84915142not mashu poster but usually guys need meaning and there really isnt anything that can compete with having a gf who loves you, all moids truly want is a girl who will stick through them tough times and dont care about what how much money they make, their job title, or what wagie utility they produce or provide of society and value them as person first instead of some machine
>>84914996First of all, I'd say that dropping out of uni isn't inherently a bad thing. You just need to be fine with whatever job opportunities you have now, since that's what you seem to be concerned with. I think most of the jobs you could get now are physical work, and those pay well! Is that something you can get into, anon? I'd assume that at least for the time being the answer is "no," since you're on 4chan, but we can all change a lot in just a few months. I'm sure there are still jobs you can get when it comes to art as well, but they might not be necessarily digital art-related. I'm not sure. Did I look like I had a job? Haha... I can't be of much help other than throwing out theories, sorry.>>84915029>Well, the pee is at least.Noooooo.From the little you've described, I think there's things to be happy about or look forward to. Getting into law enforcement sounds good. Maintaining a job is good. Raising your child... well, it *can* be good. Things may not be perfect, but you might be taking a few things for granted. It's okay if you don't find a relationship again; not everyone needs one. I'd say that people who are too obsessed with them just end up ruining them anyway. I know the feeling of things getting worse no matter how hard you try, but at least to me, that's always felt like more reason to continue trying anyway. It's okay to feel sad or tired, but never to give up.>>84915142...Do you plan to leave him? If not, then there's not any problem to having each other to rely on. However, I do think saying things like "I'd fall into depression without you" are pretty manipulative, even if not meant as such. It would be good push yourself to finding like-minded people. I assume that's the reason anyone comes to r9k at all? Not the "finding friends" part but instead seeing the thoughts of people in spots similar to yours, so it's not like they don't exist. Definitely don't try meeting people specifically off 4chan, though. Best of luck to you two.
>>84915303ah yes, let me work a min wagie construction job and like get killed, i feel very helped
>>84915303Thank you, no I don't plan on leaving him but due to other factors I'm afraid that I might not always be there when he needs >manipulative yes I know it comes across like that but I do have strong reason to believe that he doesn't mean to be I don't think he knows that's not a great mindset to have but I digress since I'm not very mentally stable eitherThank you, have a nice day anon :]>>84915180I believe I fit that description so I think things will be ok, I just sometimes feel bad that things have clearly been bad enough for him to think that I'm the only girl in the world who will do this for him
>>84915403what is an inkwell exaclty
>>84911343I just relapsed after 2 years of being sober.
>>84915303>there's things to be happy about or look forward toI'm just afraid shit will fall apart. Been trying for two years to get into the PD, no luck yet >Raising your child... well, it *can* be good.I love my kid. Haven't seen him in almost two months because my cunt ex claims I hit him and has denied me visitation (despite us having 50/50) and the fucking courts keep pushing our hearing back. I feel like she'll end up with a slap on the wrist for it or even worse, the judge will rule against me despite zero fucking evidence because everything that can go wrong in my fucking life does.>It's okay if you don't find a relationship again; not everyone needs one.And I get that. I was at peace with it for years but the last year or so I've just sank into a crippling loneliness. I think it's because it's just been a really bad season of my life and I wish I had someone to confide in. I should just learn to be okay with being alone. I thought I had but I guess I forgot.>okay to feel sad or tired, but never to give up.I'm not checking out without taking someone with me. But every day the call to grab my rifle and look for a fight gets stronger.I hate being here. I hate the people that make this world worse. I'm so tired of watching it go to shit and doing nothing. I want to kill my enemy and die doing it.
>>84915435its just a silly word for incel since people usually use incel as an insult
>>84915366Spicy wigga tryna steal trees
>>84911343Why did you download all these Mash pics just for this thread instead of using the pics you probably already use usually?
>>84911343would u ever play video games with a moid online
>>84915865>would u ever play video games with a moid online>>>/trash/friendship
>>84911343Why are women so evil and destructive? Is it just their nature?
>Error: Our system thinks your post is spam. Please reformat and try again.I think it's because of the amount of people I'm replying to, so I'm removing replies until it's not spam anymore.>>84915443What happened? What were you sober from? I'm assuming the word can be used for more than alcohol, but I'm not sure. Either way that's not good!>>84915469Nice to hear you enjoy being a father at least. This is obvious, but you need to think of your child's future before making any decisions like "picking up a rifle," that might impact him more than he probably already was assuming he's not a toddler or just too young to understand the divorce and everything. I really hope things are able to look up, your ex doesn't like the best person, and yeah, courts are favorable towards women 90% of the time. Always believe in the 10% until the opposite happens.>>84915435Apparently it's the word your phone's auto-correct gives you when you first type incel. I don't know why someone would actually use except for accidents, though.>>84915695I had them saved somewhere else for a while, just downloading again to use here. How did you know that, anon?>84915865Probably not, since I don't game that much. Playing stuff online with someone you don't know seems a bit daunting for someone who's never done it anyway, doesn't it?>84915889I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. It's not all women who are like this, but I have a feeling that you saying this, in the way you said it, in the first place means I won't be able to do much to argue either against or for it anyway.
>>84916185>How did you know that, anon?Because I have never seen you posting any of those Mash pics before, so you had to either be a tourist or someone downloading them just for this thread. Are you embarrassed of using the pics you use in normal posts for purposes like the one of this thread?
>>84916278Well, I won't say I'm not a tourist... I don't come here (the website) all that much and haven't done so for a long time, only a few years now. I don't attach images to my "normal posts" though. In any case it's not like there's anything wrong with downloading new images, I do it like... every day, every other hour? Wow, that sounds crazy now that I think about it.
>>84916702>I don't come here (the website) all that much and haven't done so for a long timeWhat's your khhv status?>it's not like there's anything wrong with downloading new imagesI know, I just assumed your normal posts had pics too. I also download new images daily.
>>84916995That is quite the frightening image you've attached there... Is that a character from GUP? Is it any good? Keep seeing it recommended recently.>What's your khhv status?It's complicated, since it's easy to get attention on the internet no matter who you are. In real life I've never done as much as hold hands with someone other than my parents. For the past decade any hugs have been from family members... uh, do I fit in or what? Haha.On that topic, I remember a test going around some time ago about exactly that, and I remember it telling me I was just a failed normie. Fair. Yourself? Should you even ask someone this question back?
>>84911612>Whether one feels lonely isn't a question that needs to be asked, given where we are, isn't it, anon?I dunno, it seems like some people are more content than others with being alone. But it is reassuring to me in a weird way to know someone else feels the same as me.>I desire love as much as any other aimless person here. Yourself?Yes, quite badly...>>84914940>I've only "dated" (online).What were those relationships like? How did you meet and how did things end? I have never had a relationship before, not even online, but I like hearing about love stories. No need to share though if it's too painful to talk about.
>>84918043Hi anon, it's nice to see you come back. Those relationships didn't have insane falling outs aside from the very first one, which led me to being friendless for about a year, they were more just what I feel is the natural outcome to these when neither you or your partner have the means (or probably desire) to seek something in real life: boredom that leads to small things piling up that eventually become points of hatred. I was too young for any of that when it happened, anyway. Not that it'd be much better nowadays, I've always been quite an unstable person. I'm grateful for the few people who put up with me and those "partners" as well. It feels so lame to talk about any of this as if it were real life though. Some people are actually jealous of online relationships somehow. Though now I realize that it seems you wished to hear of how those relationships played out instead of their ends? Well, it's really just like having a close friend you can be honest and get sexual with. It only feels special because you "own" that person now, but it can and honestly, should be as harrowing as any other relationship. Hardship proceeded by meaningful communication is key to making them last. I failed both from not communicating and ironically also from doing it too much. Keeping them is just luck isn't it...
>>84918167How come you didn't have the desire to meet with any of your partners irl? I understand not having the means right away, but I'd assume either you or your partner would be motivated enough to try to find enough work for a plane ticket or something. My life is kind of a mess right now just because I feel like I have nothing to live for or work toward. I am just existing passively every single day. But if I had a girlfriend, I'd think about my future with her constantly and make plans for how we can be together someday. I guess I just feel like I need some kind of purpose in live in order to motivate myself to not be a total loser. I know I'm capable of pulling myself together, but unfortunately I am very unstable as well. I would need a partner to give me that purpose and stability. She wouldn't have to do anything, she would just need to exist and I would love her unconditionally. I really wish I could just not care about love and have my purpose in life be to better myself or accomplish something great in the arts or sciences, and I do have dreams I want to pursue independent of my future partner, but love is the only thing I really care about in this world.
>>84918167Also, I wanted to ask how communicating too much could cause a relationship to fail... that doesn't really make sense to me :p
>>84918359It's not like I didn't want to, I doubt anyone who's been in one of these actively disliked the idea of meeting with their significant other. Again, this mostly comes down to us (in reference to multiple people) being too young or scared for it. I mean, I don't have a job even now, and I'm not going to ask my parents to fly me out to see some internet weirdo they've never met or have even ever been made aware of the existence of. "Passively existing" also is the point I'm at, anon. I try to take opportunities if they come my way, but at the end of the day I'll always . Like I believe I mentioned before, both of my parents are retired, my siblings have all moved out, and... that's just given my life a sort of an... "the end" feeling? What else is there for me to do other than exist now? People have moved on without me as usual, my parents are home all the time, nobody works anymore. It's a dangerous mindset. We need to strive to be better and not live in what's comfortable. You say your girlfriend wouldn't have to do anything in order to turn you into a better person, but that sounds pretty idealistic. Don't you fear you'd be putting too much pressure on her to be "holier than thou" about everything? To not have ugly or downright unattractive aspects to her personality or body? I can almost see how it'd go, her being awkward about all these things she feels she needs to uphold even though, as you said, she's not actually doing anything. I don't know. Maybe when people say that we need to love ourselves first before wanting to love others, that they're right; though I've definitely never done so whenever I ended up in relationships.>>84918373For that instance, I assume my demands for attention became too much for someone who was too emotionally unattached and unserious about... getting serious, for it. So it pushed them away even more until I gave up.
>>84918501>but at the end of the day I'll always...always prefer living my days doing nothing.
Thanks for this thread anon. You don't have to respond to this post because it's really heavy, but I just wanted to post it somewhere. Spoilered for anyone not wanting bad feels.We had to euthanize our dog today. Osteosarcoma (bone cancer) in the leg. Even if you amputate + chemo, it would apparently spread to the spine and lung and etc., so we just chose palliative care (pain meds until it was time). Amputation alone would have been $4k...I thought I was ready, and I was for the most part. However. Putting the muzzle on her before they gave her the anesthetic (ketamine apparently)... It felt like I was betraying her. I mean, in some sense I was... It then took about 10 minutes for her to dissociate / fall asleep, and then the kill shot.And then. AND THEN. On the drive back home, guess what was on the radio.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH2w6Oxx0kQ(Dust in the wind; if the link breaks)Not sure if salt in the wound or poignant.Now I'm back home and it just... FEELS different. Empty. The kicker? I never let her in my room (sibling's dog), so the immediate environment isn't any different for me. But I just know "she's gone" merely looking at the door. She would often lay down right outside it.Feels bad, man.
>>84912493>No offense meant, but you sound quite narcissistic;I'm not certain that's a fair statement to make to his post. Him going to the gym is a simple objective statement, and him looking better than most guys very well could be as well. He isn't saying it so much as to toot his own horn but rather serve as a counterpoint to the autism. >>84914940>Actually, women make me sad on a more constant basis than men because men very easily overshare on the internet and dump their thoughtsI believe this is simply due to men having a huge social cost to sharing feelings in person due to early male socialization that happens.>>84914996Take up physical exercise. Not because of mood or health (though those are true), but rather it gives you a clear progression you can watch. "Yesterday I was only able to do 5 pushups, today I can do 6." Well, actually the next day you may need to recover lol but you know what I mean.>>84915029>I'm a single dadYou at least have your child to live for.
>>84915142>is there any way I can do this..?Yes. And it's very simple. A companion can help you learn to love the world by experiencing the world together with you and making the time pleasant. All you need to do is continue loving him and things will sort themselves out.The "I would be depressed without you" isn't manipulative it's simply poorly worded "you make my life bearable / enjoyable, thank you".>>84915469>or even worse, the judge will rule against me despite zero fucking evidence because everything that can go wrong in my fucking life does.Happened to my father and me. Not that I have a child, but I was the child lol. Many decades ago. We have a decent relationship now.IF it happens (and it hopefully won't), don't see it as a permanent thing. Children grow up and learn to see the truth of things.>crippling lonelinessIt's not a permanent solution, and you have to say goodbye to them at some point, but many people find comfort in pets.
>>84911343Cool mashu art
>>84918889Thank you.>>84918716Why did they have you put the muzzle? Was it a choice they gave and you accepted? That'd be pretty strong of you if so, even if it still hurt. Ah... that really was quite the messed up song to be playing, huh? I'd be bawling like a baby... but if it matters, it's the most beautiful song that could be playing at that moment if any; never heard it before. Don't feel bad about venting your feelings over this, it's perfectly fine. I was particularly shocked to hear it happened today. Not to overshare more than I feel I already have throughout this thread, but I had to go through something similar once. I couldn't bring myself to cry over it, and that made me unreasonably angry instead of sad. If she was dear to you, rejoice in the feeling that you can feel she's gone. Clearly it isn't everyone who can. If things would've only gotten worse for her then it was ultimately for the best, too. How old was she?
>>84918905>Why did they have you put the muzzle?The vet doesn't want to be bitten while giving the dog an injection, it's actually standard procedure for things like injections. Most dogs don't like it, understandably.And yeah, things would have only gotten worse. I mean it's cancer after all. We had already increased her pain medication dose to the max we could have, and she started getting restless at night even then. Still, it didn't have to be -today-. Could have given a few more days maybe. But then, the longer you wait, the more pain they suffer, and the higher chance of the weakened leg breaking entirely due to structural damage, making the last moments very bad. Hard choice to make either way. Putting the muzzle on was especially bad feels. "Don't worry it's not like... oh... well..." >I couldn't bring myself to cry over itGrass is greener I suppose. I cry pretty easily, including today. It's actually a trait I really dislike in myself. Keep in mind I'm a big guy (for you).If the statement was a literal couldn't cry, my condolences that you weren't able to grieve how you wanted to, but I would personally never hold someone's (lack of) crying against them. In contrast here, I rarely laugh. But when I'm watching a show I enjoy, I am still definitely enjoying it inside; external states need not match internal states.>how old was she?At the risk of doxxing, here's a picture of her I took earlier today. She had 10.5 years.Unrelated to the above post but I wanted to give a small thanks for hearing me out.Later tonight I'm going to watch some eng dubbed shin chan. If you haven't seen it, Funimation basically rewrote the script for a children's show and made an abridged before abridged shows were a thing. Give it a chance if you want. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1hnHMkGk-cLow quality version, but serves as a decent intro.
>>84919118Oh, that makes sense. It still does feel like putting salt in the wound though, but it's best to think she's in a better place now, regardless of it that has to do with religion or not to you. Yes, my problem with our own pet dog's passing was with me being unable to cry, though I felt like I should or would have. It felt really weird. It's already been a few years since then. But I digress; your dog looked really cute!Funnily enough, I've seen a few clips of dubbed Shin-chan before but thought they were fake despite all the comments being of people freaking out because they were real lol. It was a clip about a teacher venting about being divorced or something like that. Have fun, anon!
>>84918501>Don't you fear you'd be putting too much pressure on her to be "holier than thou" about everything? To not have ugly or downright unattractive aspects to her personality or body?I hope she wouldn't feel that way. Like I said, I would love her unconditionally. I would spoil her and give her constant affection and attention and treat her like a princess. I'd compliment her and tell her every pleasant thought and emotion I have about her. I have a lot of patience for the people I love. I would never abandon her or fall out of love over any of her flaws, because I'd love her for who she is as a person, as a whole. I would reassure her so she knows there is no pressure to be anything other than herself. Maybe that sounds idealistic, but I'd be prepared to work out any problems as they arise.>Maybe when people say that we need to love ourselves first before wanting to love others, that they're right; though I've definitely never done so whenever I ended up in relationships.That would be lovely, but I don't think it's always feasible in practice. I've accepted that I cannot be happy alone. I want to be codependent with someone like me, who also needs to be needed. Codependency is obviously unhealthy if the parties in the relationship cannot meet each other's needs, but with the right pairing it can be truly beautiful. I don't think codependency is inherently good or bad. I think people who are more independent are indeed better off in a more conventional relationship, but mutual obsession and devotion is what I want, and I would not be happy with anything else. I want me and my partner to be like binary stars, orbiting each other and bound by each other's gravity. It sounds like maybe you're the same way, but I can't speak for you. I wonder what would make you happiest.I want to address the rest of what you said but I'm running out of space, so one moment.
>>84918501>that's just given my life a sort of an... "the end" feeling? What else is there for me to do other than exist now?Perhaps I just daydream too much, but surely you can imagine a life where you're happier? What would that be like for you? Or do you really believe you are happiest never doing anything at all? There must be some hobby you want to pursue or some subject you want to learn more about. Even if nothing really interests you, I think it's important to pursue beauty for its own sake. Beauty comes not just from art but from the sciences as well. The pursuit of knowledge is itself beautiful. There is so much life has to offer. I know it feels meaningless, or at least it does to me because I don't have someone to love, but I still have a lot of interests, and there is a lot I'd want to do with my life if only I could push myself to chase those dreams. I think life becomes a lot more enjoyable when you are no longer burdened by the crushing loneliness and anhedonia inflicted by isolation.>I assume my demands for attention became too much for someone who was too emotionally unattached and unserious about... getting serious, for it. So it pushed them away even more until I gave up.I'm sorry, getting attached to someone who doesn't care about you as much is a horrible feeling. I wish you didn't have to experience that... It would be nice if people could just meet their soulmate before anyone else, and no one ever had to go through the pain of searching for "the one" before they can finally be happy. I guess it's good that they left if they weren't serious, though. If they weren't paying you enough attention, I imagine that relationship was at least as painful as it was pleasant, anyway. You deserve someone who can give you the kind of love you need.>>84918716>>84919118I'm so sorry for your loss, anon. I wish I could do something to help. I feel a bit teary-eyed reading your post. I'm not much of a dog person, but she was beautiful and looks so sweet.
>>84916185>It's not all women who are like thisNo, it's all women. I'm talking about deeper essence rather than personal beliefs that only relate to ego.>I won't be able to do much to argue either against or for it anywayYou don't have to argue with it, just share your thoughts.
