Sometimes I think that, in the end, the only plausible job for me is digital prostitution, and I burst into tears. I have a job right now, but I admit I'm still pretty clueless about life because I'm developmentally delayed. The thing is, my parents are getting older and could pass away at any moment. I'm really scared of being unable to pay the bills or handle the paperwork needed even for their funeral. Don't get me wrong - I'd even like to study for another profession (I've already graduated from college) - it's just that even stupid things like talking or cooking for myself are so hard for me. I get drunk almost all the time so I can feel like everyone else. I'm not looking for solutions; I just needed to vent. I want to do things right, and I love my family and my God. Thank you. God bless everyone, I'm sorry. I wanna be a good and normal human being.
>>84911608Thought that you were my oneitis until you mentioned the parents part.Digital prostitution isn't that bad.
>>84911704It is for me. It goes against my values. Plus, people lose respect for you.
>digital prostitutionYou mean like OnlyFans? Why not real life prostitution?
>>84912022Because that puts me at greater risk. I don't want to get beaten up, I just want to survive. There's no way my current job will be able to support me if my family dies.
>>84912050Why, is prostitution illegal where you live? It's perfectly safe if you are in a safe environment.
>>84912064Yeah, it is. It still goes against my values
go to church and become a housewife for one of the guys there
>>84911608>it's just that even stupid things like talking or cooking for myself are so hard for meThey're hard because you need more practice. They stop being hard when you put in enough hours.As for paperwork, just stop being afraid of embarrassing yourself. Ask questions, bother people, call back to double check, confirm things and recheck things. Paperpushers are gonna be bitchy and impolite whether you know everything (you never will) about their stupid procedures or not. Don't treat them like people, treat them like an obstacle you need to work around to get something done.>I get drunk almost all the timeJust fucking stop, you're going to make it worse.>I'm not looking for solutionsToo bad, just listen to what I wrote and I promise results.
>>84911830Not really much of a consolation, but my oneitis is/was a digital prostitute and I still love her. So I don't think people will judge that much.
>>84911608You can't live off digital prostitution. 99% of OF girls make less than 500$ a month. Unless you live in a shithole I guess. Do you not have any friends that could be your safety net?
>>84912076What are those values? No sex until marriage?
>>84912080I will never be a good housewife literally cant cook>>84912083Thank you for your nice advice. I do need practice. Dont get me wrong, I wsnna be better. By the way, when I say I have trouble speaking, I really mean it. I stutter, or I cant form coherent sentences, its as if I cant speak normally. I dont know why. Ive already had MRIs, and theres nothing unusual, it seems like Im just really anxious. I cant stop drinking. it makes me feel normal. >>84912091My parents would be disappointed in me. Ive always been a good daughter and a good student. I cant do that to them.>>84912109Sorry I dont understand what do you mesn by safety net
>>84912163I think prostitution is wrong. I've worked really hard to study and be a good person; I can't imagine ever sinking to that level. But I'm really afraid of what will happen when my family is no longer here.
>>84912174>By the way, when I say I have trouble speaking, I really mean it. I stutter, or I cant form coherent sentences, its as if I cant speak normallyYou have to play the cards you were dealt. Some people have speech impediments, some have fucked up throats, some have genuine brain damage. You have to work with it, you have to work ON it (to make it better and easier for yourself), and you have to live with it.If picrel can be a popular public speaker with his awful sniffling and the worst pronunciation imaginable, you can work on your anxiety and get comfortable enough with speaking to people to be able to live normally. Speaking is a skill. You can practice, and you should practice it, whether alone or with someone.I had huge issues with speaking in front of an audience, making phone calls, talking to strangers and the like. I know that it gets insanely scary and nerve-wracking. But you can't really indulge your anxieties, you have to expose yourself to stressful situations and get used to them. It's rough but life is rough and you gotta get used to it.>I cant stop drinking. it makes me feel normal. it doesn't help, it only makes things worse. you can stop and you should stop before you're deeper into the pit.drugs/alcohol+whoring is a recipe for a disastrous life. If you want to be a whore, you have to be clever and calculating so you don't get exploited, which necessitates being sober. If you don't want to be a whore, you need to be sober anyway to be a normal person. So just drop alcohol. It's ruining your life by enabling you to run away from anxiety instead of building a tolerance to it.
Are you in Krakow? If so then let's go get drunk together. First round is on me.
>>84911608>I love my family and my God. Thank you. God bless everyone, I'm sorry. I wanna be a good and normal human being.You sound like a sweet girl nona, don't stoop to that level. Find a good man who'll take care of you. God bless
>>84912248You'll be ok. You're probably stronger than you realize.
>>84912262Broke ass nigga you cant afford this pussy
>>84912275I can quite easily afford some random zoomette pussy.
>>84912174>Sorry I dont understand what do you mean by safety netPeople you can rely on. You're such a dumb independent girlboss.
>>84912248From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your help. I recently found out that my job gives me access to free psychological therapy, and I guess thats a good start. Im going to look into methods for treating social anxiety and my specific speech impediment. Its really rare and frustrating, you know, I can express myself fluently in writing, but when I speak, I sound like Im retarded.To be honest with you, the main problem will be quitting drinking. I dont drink too much (I think?) I dont know how much is too much.. but I definitely dont want it to keep being my way of distracting myself from the world or of trying to belong to it.. God bless you. I know this might seem weird a message to a random person online whom you dont even know if theyre being sincere.. you still decided to write. I really appreciate it. Thank you. At the end of the day, the world seems a little sweeter thanks to people like you.>>84912262Oh no, I'm really far from there, haha, but thanks for your kindness.>>84912295I do have a best friend.. shes so kind, She always treats me as if I were her younger sister, even though I'm older than her
>>84912334>I dont know how much is too much..If you consider quitting drinking to be your main problem, I'd say you drink to much kekIt's okay though, we've all been there at some point or another. Just do what God tells you to nona, you got this
>>84911608>I've already graduated from collegeYou made it that far.
>>84912334Therapy might be helpful, it's not a magic wand but maybe it can help you articulate the problem in a more constructive way.>but when I speak, I sound like Im retardedIt's either fixable (and then you gotta fix it), or it's not fixable and you gotta embrace who you are and be confident about it. I don't want to minimize your difficult feelings but your view of your speech is probably much worse than it really is. People are very harsh on themselves, often much harsher than others would be. Ultimately it only needs to be good enough for you to communicate what you want to say, it doesn't need to be perfect or cool.>To be honest with you, the main problem will be quitting drinking. I dont drink too much (I think?) I dont know how much is too muchThe way I see it, if you're at risk of drinking too much, and I think you are (sorry to be so forward), then you shouldn't risk at all. I know alcohol is a really big and normalized part of life, but for people who are struggling with stuff, it's just oil to the fire for all your problems. It's a danger to you, and you should protect yourself from that danger. You sound like you have a lot on your plate with fears about your career, parents and how you'll find your way in life. You need clarity and direction, and not the numbness that alcohol provides. Don't self-medicate with alcohol, it backfires every time, for everyone.Anyway you don't need to thank me. I have thoughts on this subject because I have experiences with similar problems, and I like laying these thoughts out in case it can help you or anyone else. I can't really, truly help you anyway, all the hard work is up to you and I can just kinda sorta signal toward what I think is a good direction.
>>84912398Oh lord youre all so nice.I genuinely read them with tears in my eyes. I know it sounds silly. Im not alone. I know there are people worse off than me. But my God, it feels so good to let this all out for a few seconds, and to have someone offer you a shoulder to lean on without judging you. You will be in my prayers, so that the world and God may bless you.>>84912425Yes! It was really hard, but I made it.There was a time when I thought I wouldnt make it. I couldnt stand leaving the house anymore. And then COVID hit, and I had to stay home.>>84912444You are right, Im self-medicating. Alcohol is a sedative, after all, isnt it?Life is hard sometimes. I dont want to end up living on the street, which is why I work so hard. I dont get it, you know. I dont feel like Im stupid. In a good student, I graduated being truly excelent, and even now Im still planning to pursue another degree. Even so, when Im around other people, its like somethings missing.. again, thank you. Youre a nice person anon, god bless your soul. Ill be okay. Thank you.I feel tired. I cried all day. Gonna sleep rn.May everything youve wished for me come back to you. Have a wonderful day, anon.
