>>84931901
im here to try to understand you a little more

Mice in a wheel. I think I'm getting pranked. They put me in a simulation and decided to teach me a lesson. They want to torture me in very funny ways. It really is a comedy. I get nothing good out of it. And then I get the worst too. It's always with some stupid joke too. Haha, look at this pathetic character in our story, he runs around funny digging up a pit and then he falls into it.

>>84931953
We are constantly teased with what we want, but then they cuck us when we are even slightly close to it.

That's the nature of desire.
You keep wanting things you can't get, and when it seems you do, you start wanting something else, or more.

>>84931971
Life's biggest cuckold it seems.

>>84931987
Only if you let yourself be that way.
You can seethe in your cage about things you can't get. Things that won't live up to the mythology of your head. Things that maybe never were real.
You can cause so much pain to yourself and others chasing that dragon.
Or you can let go, as you will have to do eventually.

I didn't get anything though. I just watched hundreds of people outperform me. And then what they did with it destroyed my life. I should have been the king, the first, the best. But I'm too broken mentally and neurologically. I swore to kill myself if I don't win by 2022. It has already been 4 years I should have been dead. I accepted the idea to live like a man during that time. But the universe had to mock my weakness. What even am I now? If I lose what I got during my dead years I'll lose what I had believed in since I realized everything. I remember last time I was so distraught it was 2023. I thought I'll need a few months and I'll be on the right track, I will get anything I want then. But I have been seduced, broken, fooled.

>>84932033
How about you tell me more about this in less metaphorical language?
What happened anon? What did you do?

>>84932043
It's too embarrassing to say. Because I have delusions of grandeur and megalomania. I just don't think they are fake, but other people would think otherwise. But to be clear without metaphor, my field of study went along without my contribution and then contributed to hurting my feelings and beliefs that have motivated my pursuits in the first place.

>>84932066
What's your field of study?
What were your contributions?
No one will ever know who you are, so you shouldn't feel shame. I bet you read worst things here on a daily basis.

>>84932085
It's AI, I know the math for the models that monkeys that work in it now don't even remember. I've got nothing to show for it though.

>>84932110
Computer science faggots are so pitiful. You should take solace in the fact that some of us truly do respect your intellectual piousness.