My last two sessions with the psychiatrist made me sad. The last appointment was yesterday and I will change medications. This makes me feel apprehensive since I don't want to have any side effects, they are scary. It's an antipsychotic. Some people on internet said their concentration worsened after taking that medicine... I don't want that to happen with me. It's a low dose though, because my problem isn't schizophrenia or psychosis or bipolar disorder. When I asked the side effects the doctor said I could feel more agitated, only that. Le internet says there are more side effects, but feeling agitated de facto was the most frequent side effect.This event that happened yesterday and other problems I'm dealing with are moving me away from some things I want to do or should do. I should be studying right now: I have to deal with the assignments of a certain subject and study for an exam I have next week. Today after the lectures ended I could go to the library right beside my faculty but in the end I went back home (it is a commuting university) to play a JRPG. I'm feeling guilt but... what can I do? I fantasize about having a girl saying to me that everything is going to be alright. But today I thought that even if some angelical kind of girl said that to me, I couldn't accept that as true. Probably just because I'm sadder than usual today, and thus it seems that the sadness won't cease. People who have friends and no mental health issues probably have it easier. They are happy more often and can regulate their emotions better. I'm too anxious and fragile to calm me down that easily. Not in the sense of being a mindless person, but in the sense of being a mentally healthy person who has a satisfying social life, I would like to be the normalfag version of me. Maybe that version of me would have had a girlfriend by now, who knows.
you will die unloved and uncared for. psychs and meds are for normies who have had a bad day. the sooner you understand this the sooner you will learn that the only escape is in death.
>>84966613>isn't schizophrenia or psychosis or bipolar disorderJust don't take that shit. Turn off the game and study bum.
>>84966613>because my problem isn't schizophrenia or psychosis or bipolar disorderWhat would your problem be then?
>>84966655One part of me doesn't want to take it but the other part thinks I should trust the doctor and take it.>>84966686OCD
>>84966709You should trust your doctor.
>>84966709>OCDWhat problems are you having to deal with because of your OCD? I have it too, and know pretty well how it can destroy one's life.
>>84966709>>84966792Just get OCD for your homework. People will have OCD for anything except activities that require actual effort. And then they take life-altering medications from idiot doctors. Oh well.
>>84966709>>84966806I won't judge you, OP. Please tell me
>>84966806It stopped me from watching anime and it's adjacent medias (I loved anime so I consider this to be a serious matter) and it's now hindering me from reading sometimes. What about you?>how it can destroy one's lifeMy case seems to be moderated, but I've heard of more severe cases and it's pretty crazy how destructive it can be, this disease.
>>84966792doctors are routinely overworked unempathetic retards
>>84967021I know who you're. The anon who uses glasses right? I know why you think you shouldn't be watching anime with glasses, but why is your OCD messing with your reading too now?>What about you?My OCD is a lot better than it once was but I'm having problems to sleep because if I don't check every dark spot in my room a lot of times through the night, my OCD keeps telling me a demon will come after me. I'm not a schizo and know it doesn't make any sense, but you must understand what I mean... It has also been increasing my fear of sleeping in the dark, which makes me sleep with the lights on, fucking my sleep and making me a zombie through the day.>it's pretty crazy how destructive it can beIt destroyed my life. I spent my entire puberty up to nowadays without being able to sleep because I always thought my bladder was full of piss. I spent day after day getting out of bed countless times and going the entire night to the bathroom to check my bladder, lost so many nights that I'm shorter than my own father and my brain got a lot worse.
>>84967165>up to nowadaysNot exactly up to nowadays desu because now the reason of my insomnia changed and I don't lose entire nights anymore
>>84967165>The anon who uses glasses right?Right. >why is your OCD messing with your reading too now?I don't use my glasses when my face is greasy. But my face is getting greasy often (for reasons other than my own skin oil production btw) and I have to bathe before using glasses. It gives extra steps to the simpler action of reading and it makes more difficult to simply go and read (I need my glasses to read too). I procrastinate to go bathe and the more I procrastinate, lesser is the time I have to read. I tried writing in the most concise maybe it is a little confusing.>but you must understand what I meanI understand a little bit of it.>It has also been increasing my fear of sleeping in the dark, which makes me sleep with the lights on, fucking my sleep and making me a zombie through the day.Then it is really getting in your way. I'm sorry things are like that. I read the rest but I don't have anything to say. But I wish you get better. Are you doing therapy?
>>84967445>I have to bathe before using glassesDoes your OCD tell you that something is going to happen if you don't do so?>maybe it is a little confusingNo, I got what you meant.>but I don't have anything to say. But I wish you get betterNo problem. Thank you, anon.>Are you doing therapy?Yes, every two weeks, used to go once a week before. My therapist tells me I need to go through exposure to my fear, not to obey the OCD if I know demons aren't real and such. But I'm just getting too anxious at night and I'm always afraid of doing that, so I bought zolpidem ilegally yesterday and will use it to help me with my exposure (since it works almost like a benzo, the anxiety generated by the OCD kinda goes away too).At what age did your OCD start acting, op? Not talking about this specific obsession you're having to deal now, but the mental disorder itself.
>>84966831this isn't at all how that works, but i understand the sentiment.
>>84967503>Does your OCD tell you that something is going to happen if you don't do so?That if I dirt my things with grease, the grease will never get out of the objects. So if grease got it into the lens of my glasses, it would be ruined. >>84967503>not to obey the OCDI heard a similar thing: that I'm getting medicated so I don't turn into a slave to my own OCD. >But I'm just getting too anxious at night and I'm always afraid of doing that, so I bought zolpidem ilegally yesterday and will use it to help me with my exposure (since it works almost like a benzo, the anxiety generated by the OCD kinda goes away too).Good luck with the exposure. It's hard to face our fears, so be proud of yourself for confronting it. >At what age did your OCD start acting, op?When I was 15 or 16. I know that it got more debilitating during the latter. My obsessions remain the same. Yours started during puberty or earlier?>Not talking about this specific obsession you're having to deal now, but the mental disorder itself.Which reminds me that it is a chronic disease... that's annoying, this fact.
>>84967583>the grease will never get out of the objectsAt one moment or another, you probably put your glasses without noticing your face was greasy. If it happens sometimes, what do you feel at such moments?>Good luck with the exposureGood luck with the meds too, OP. If they try to put you on SSRIs later on, be aware that it may kill your dick.>Yours started during puberty or earlier?My brain is kinda messed up for some reasons. I've had OCD for as long as I can remember, but it started to get worse in puberty. Managed to discover what it was around 10 or 11yo by lurking on old posts at the now dead yahoo answers.>My obsessions remain the sameDo you also deal with intrusive thoughts?>Which reminds me that it is a chronic diseaseIf I'm not mistaken, you're between 18 or 20yo, right? On one side you will probably come to terms with it one day. On the other hand, lately I started to distrust more and more modern science and Big Pharma, and I really want to test and learn some forms of alternative medicine, like meditation and other /x/ shit. I want to try everything before giving up.
>>84967766>If it happens sometimes, what do you feel at such moments?It never happened with the glasses but with another important object. I felt a lot of guilt and "pain" (the mental kind of). >Good luck with the meds too, OP. If they try to put you on SSRIs later on, be aware that it may kill your dick.Thank you. I'm already taking SSRIs and the situation down there is frustrating...>but it started to get worse in pubertyIt makes sense. Anxiety disorders tend to begin or get worse during that time. >Do you also deal with intrusive thoughts?No, but I do ruminate and lately they are often accompanied by certain mental images, such as sexual ones.>If I'm not mistaken, you're between 18 or 20yo, right? Right.>On one side you will probably come to terms with it one day.I see. >and I really want to test and learn some forms of alternative medicine, like meditation and other /x/ shit. I want to try everything before giving up.Definitely give them a try. I found meditation to be pretty helpful, despite not having the habit.
>>84967997>I'm already taking SSRIs and the situation down there is frustrating...Same here, haha... Frustrating is a perfect word to express what happens. I feel like my need to fap didn't decrease, but when I try to do it I barely feel anything and give up, it's almost like being in hunger and unable to eat. Did they work for you at least?>sexual onesDo they just pop out in your mind or are they related to what you're ruminating in that moment? What about violent images?>Definitely give them a tryI certainly will
>>84966613It's always the same shit, blah blah cptsd this, noooo take my magic brainrot ssri poison that. Fuck them. Whole industry is a scam to push a medication that doesn't work.
>>84968153Oh oh, charles, take this other medication instead a fucking experimental beta blocker that slows your heart to 85/50 and makes you almost makes you pass out, i hate psychiatric doctors with a burning passion, it would have taken a fucking week Chlordiazepoxide to prevent everything, but nooo, charles has ptsd and looks like a drug dealer CUNTS fuck hate hate HATE
