I just realized I'm an irredeemable faggot yet I reject all sorts of faggotry, be it media, aesthetics or opinions. It's like I'm constantly running from the pathetic faggot version of myself and always following the based version, but the fag version always catches on and ruins everything. Like for example, I fucking hate deltarune shit but I can't deny it brings some warmth and nice feelings to my messed up life. I don't know if this has something to do with trying to reach an ideal of masculinity, since I've seen women who are based and reject faggot shit and I also look up to them. I'm constantly switching between these two versions of myself and hiding them depending on the person I'm talking to and I don't know what to do, somehow neither of those two versions feel like my authentic self and they're both destructive in their own ways. What can be done about this?
>>84976038I go through the same issue as well. Personally I remind myself I'm a loser so my feelings and opinions are disordered and inferior compared to other's opinions.
>>84976070I feel like what makes me a loser is this constant dishonesty I have with myself and others. If I could somehow pick one extreme version of myself and reject everything else I'd be a way better person, unfortunately I can't do that.
>>84976100As I said, I'm a loser, but I think taking an extreme version would make you worse but more successful.
>>84976038i was born and raised a liberal in a blue state and all of my special interests are tranny-adjacent shit and i almost cosplayed as a chick when i was a teen. i adopted a right-wing persona after being mistreated by a far-left feminist ex girlfriend. i got groomed by ranma 1/2 and sailor moon and shit by my older sister as a child. i have a very disapproving father who turned maga republican as his midlife crisis and i felt it necessary to follow in his footsteps. if someone makes me mad, my kneejerk reaction is to act like a chud.
>>84976133>i got groomed by ranma 1/2Lmoa
also my paranoid nature makes me prone to anti-government sentiment and conspiracy theories like white genocide.
>>84976154>anti-government sentiment >conspiracy theories like white genocideBeing paranoid is unwarranted. Both of those things are very real issues.
>>84976167it's like i am race realist understand whites are going to replaced by foreigners but i also wouldn't knock anyone for being lgbt or liking media for girls.
>>84976133For me it was the opposite, I grew up with manly media introduced to me by my older brother, but as soon as I had unmonitored access to the internet I started delving into horrendous gay shit I'm interested in to this day, like furry garbage. There is so much inner turmoil when I see something like anime because it's like the two versions I have of myself are fighting in my head trying to tell me whether it's acceptable or not for me to enjoy said thing.
i'm like a 1990's democrat back before democrats became marxists and wanted open borders and became openly hostile to white people. maybe that's a good description of what i am. i kind of think that's what trump is at heart.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zph7YXfjMhg
>>84976221i feel for you. i was even into ponies and shit and that was too much for my ex and gave her the ick.
>>84976128I just think it sucks not being able to pick a side and being rejected by both at the same time. This is also how I view politics kinda, even if I have an extreme opinion, it's undone by another opposite opinion I have.
>>84976248Humans learn through example and what works. Because nothing useful ever gets done in politics we have no calibration for what are good political takes.
And it's so lonely. I can be friends with two types of people, but if I present myself in the authentic version of myself where I express conflicting ideals, suddenly it's like no one wants to be around me. I can either be le ebin superstraight, masculine conservative version of myself and attract other people like that, or I can be the embarrassing cringy faggot version of myself, which would attract a totally different crowd. The thing is that they don't mix, they don't approve of each other.
>>84976038Have you ever considered that the most masculine thing you can do is just own who you are and not given any fucks? The only reason you come off as a faggot to other people is because deep down inside you think you're a faggot for liking these things. Other people think you're a faggot because you think you're a faggot.
>>84976418I don't know if that's true. Imagine meeting a roided navy seal and then learning they play with barbie dolls in their spare time. I would think it's pathetic and funny.
>>84976492Even if he doesn't see himself as a faggot I'd still think he is a faggot.
>>84976492Yeah it'd be pretty fucking hilarious, but if he didn't give a fuck about you or what you thought, even if you all busted his balls, and kept doing it, you'd all just accept it as being a him thing. It'd be hilarious to joke around with as a group and he'd even laugh at himself because he's confident enough to do so.
>>84976038yeah i go through sorta the same shit. like i like the warmth and positivity and everything but im just too edgy for troon spaces. whenever i tried to fit in to a space filled with queers or whatever they always pounce on the fact that I'm straight and don't belong. Honestly just makes me want to burn it all down even tho I know it's wrong. Feels like there's a version of me that could've embraced love but doesn't know the light of day
I like cutesy anime girl shit but don't show it. This doesn't produce any cognitive dissonance in me though because it's just the nature of human social interaction that you have to meet people where they are in terms of how they expect you to behave and what they're prepared to deal with. If anything it's truer to the spirit of [insert your favorite cute anime girl here] to put people at ease by presenting yourself within the boundaries of what they expect and are comfortable with, and then from within that express a contextually appropriate degree of friendliness, warmth, humor, etc. to most effectively effect on them the effect that that spirit has on you
