would anyone enjoy being codependent and obsessive together? we could spend every second of every day with each other and hopefully forget about this place for good. i'm very lonely and would enjoy having just one person to dedicate my entire life and everything i do to.
>>85118478Sure. Although I'd get fed up with you after a few months and ghost you but you're fine with that right?
>>85118478that is incredibly unhealthy and probably worse than browsing this place so dont do that
>>85118529>I'd get fed up with you after a few months and ghost you but you're fine with that right?no!! that's the exact scenario i'm trying to avoid. i've been hurt too many times by people ghosting me and leaving with no explanation at all even after we were so close. i'd like someone who'd want to be a part of each other's lives forever.>>85118534despite it being unhealthy, it's the only thing that makes me feel at ease. you know, having someone to care for and being cared for in return. i feel so anxious all day when i'm all alone like this. it stops me from doing anything else. only another person could snap me out of it
>>85118478male>this message is original
>>85118478oh hey i use to be exactly like you so i get how you feel, please flee this place before the bpdemons get their hands on you, they're going to invest you before discarding you like so many others
>>85118478I have a feeling that you'd ghost me within 6 weeks of talking. I'm out.
>>85118549>i'd like someone who'd want to be a part of each other's lives forever.I'd like that too to be honest but I wonder if I'm just not cut out for it. I think I need too much alone time. If someone is too obsessive with me I get the urge to pull away. Though if someone isn't obsessive enough then I become the obsessive one... I need someone who is like a pendulum I guess, swinging from being really clingy to cold and distant. Yeah... I-I'm definitely not screwed in the head ehhe~!!>>85118534But you know you want it~~~
>>85118478You're a dude unironically self inserting as anime girls and trying to breed by posting on 4chan. The fuck is wrong with you? What would your father and mother think of you?
>>85118478I just want to cuddle a femanon. or female that isn't insufferable she doesn't have to use 4chan but i know its a lost cause.
>>85118593what his father and mother thought of him is probably why he became this way anon, have some compassion for child abuse victims
>>85118556that much is obvious, no?>>85118564>please flee this place before the bpdemons get their hands on youi can't flee this place because it's all i have. if i didn't make threads here, i'd have nobody to talk to and i'd really go insane. so i'm stuck here because talking to you guys keeps me going. >>85118567if you're this paranoid about it, there's nothing i can do for you >>85118582for me it entirely depends on the chemistry i have with the other person. this is not really something i can predict or quantify before talking to them. i noticed that even though my social skills have atrophied due to a decade of being a shut-in, the right person can still bring the best out of me and make talking to them feel so smooth and natural, while with other people it feels like pulling teeth on both sides. i wish there was a surefire way to predict whether i'd click with someone before talking to them, but alas all it takes is trial and error until someone sticks.>>85118593>What would your father and mother think of you?i don't know, they abandoned me as a child >>85118605we all do
OP are you gonna post your discord or not?Why should anyone else risk a ban or having 69 indians add them all for your sake? Risk YOURSELF
>>85118617>i can't flee this place because it's all i have.i guess if your having trouble you might have an ever so small chance of actually hitting it off with someone who can match you, most of the time they'll just ask to see your dick but hey it might work for you, for me on this board i've been able to make like 1 friend who i still talk to daily days in
>>85118617>chemistryHmm perhaps this has something to do with it too. I do find some people, even though there's nothing wrong with them, seem to drain my social energy really quickly. Others don't drain it that much or maybe even restore it? And talking to the right person can really help me feel better in general, there's almost something profound about it. I wish I had a friend who I could just... exist around and it would make me feel like that. I imagine it's possible but maybe I watched too much anime and friendship in real life can't be that magical.... but then again maybe it can and it's just normies and their well-adjusted healthy attachment boring relationships that are making it impossible.>shut-inHow come you were a shut-in? Social anxiety or something even more serious than that?>all it takes is trial and errorUnfortunate... I don't like the idea of doing this since people seem to always stick in my mind for decades if I interact with them for any length of time, and it feels like leaving a part of me behind when I stop talking to them. It would be nice to know if a relationship can work out before you get too invested... but I guess I'm not surprised that's something you can't predict.
>>85118617I'm way more jaded than i am paranoid. Good luck.
>>85118659>babby's first getting strung along by someone unserious for attentionsorry it had to happen this way anon, hope it doesn't make you too jaded
>>85118659siigh, you're right. it's rollingmitsu>>85118682even if i manage to hit it off with just one person, that's all i need. one person to center my whole world around, and hopefully for them to care the same amount about me.
>>85118478This is what I've always wanted but I've found out that it doesn't work because people get bored and move on, they want to get to know other people, other places, etc.
>>85118478I can definitely do this, every day of my life is exactly the same and I have unlimited time to devote to another person. Sadly everyone who wants to do this are anime posters so it would never work. Is there a SINGLE clingy shut-in who doesn't like anime other than me?
>>85118478I tried this once and it destroyed my psyche. Any other khhvcels be extremely careful with this, if you get a taste of what love feels like, you'll never go back
>>85118478yes but you're a male so no
>>85118695>How come you were a shut-in? Social anxiety or something even more serious than that?experienced extreme bullying in school which made me shut myself away from the world. i always thought it'd be a temporary thing and i'd manage to crawl my way out of this slump, but i've been stuck like this for a decade now. at least another person could give my life some sense of purpose. >>85118699i understand that perfectly. i am jaded as well, and i have been hurt a lot, but i try to persevere still. >>85118705do i seem unserious to you? aw>>85118726what you're describing here keeps happening to me over and over and it hurts more and more each time. i wish those people would at least keep me in their lives as friends, but they always feel the need to cut me off entirely and it hurrrrtsss>>85118827anime has always been a big deal for me so i don't see myself obsessing over someone who doesn't enjoy it at all. i understand your struggle however>>85118838i'm in that position now. i had this and it felt so good. i'm still stuck chasing that high forever. getting a single taste of true love is so addicting it's intoxicating. i want to be able to melt into another person like that again >>85118844males deserve love too!!
>>85118478is this a gay thing for you OP?
>>85118965>is this a gay thing for you OP?i wouldn't say so!! i'm a KHHV so i haven't explored sexuality related stuff much at all. it's more of a loneliness and trying to fill the void thing. but i'd say i'm attracted to girls.
im awake now up to your usual antics, owari da desu ne?should've gotten that amish wife like i asked you to
>>85118883>extreme bullyingJeez, that's awful. Why are people so cruel... I hate how the teachers usually just turn a blind eye to this sort of thing too. I thankfully haven't experienced that much bullying, just kind of always had extreme anxiety so I turned into a shut-in because the world was too scary to face. It's hard to get out of this situation once you're in it, definitely.>could give my life some sense of purposeWell hopefully you can find someone that would help you find your own purpose in life rather than it being the person themselves... that would be healthier. But then again I'm not sure there is any purpose in this world other than other people. Nothing else seems quite as meaningful, so I think having someone who's your life's whole purpose might be the only way to achieve that profound sense of belonging.>>85118988>Doesn't outright deny it
>>85119025good morniiiing!! there are no amish people in my corner of the world!! do i seem like i live in some sort of... amish paradise? >>85119067>I hate how the teachers usually just turn a blind eye to this sort of thing tooin my case the teachers protected the bullies because they came from wealthy families and their parents could ruin their lives. it really made me feel so trapped. it was awful >hopefully you can find someone that would help you find your own purpose in life rather than it being the person themselvesthat would be wonderful as well!! as selfish as it is to day, i do dream of meeting someone who would be able to motivate me to change my life for the better!! everything i'd do would be worth it because i did it all for them... it's hard to muster up that mental fortitude when i'm all by my lonesome>>Doesn't outright deny itshut upppp i'm just saying i never experimented with anything much!! there's nothing inconspicuous about it
>>85119113i don't know, have you been spending all your life living in the amish paradise?
>>85119113>protected the bulliesWell that's even worse... I don't even know what to say. Sorry you had to go through that Anon... no one should experience something like that. >motivate me to change my lifeYeah I wouldn't mind someone like that too! I even found someone like that at one point but they disappeared on me of course.. that did not have a good effect on my depression levels haha...>it's hard to muster up that mental fortitude when i'm all by my lonesomeVery, very true. I just can't do anything for my own sake, it's a lot easier to find motivation when I can do it for someone else. Though, still difficult honestly. Which makes me feel guilty when I'm unable to even do something that someone encourages me to do. I might be so deep in the hole at this point that no one can get me out honestly.>shut uppppgayyyyyyyyyy
>>85119137more like the gopnik paradise!! >>85119207>I even found someone like that at one point but they disappeared on me of coursesame thing happened to me :( why do they always have to go away forever, dismissing all the time we've shared like it's nothing? it makes it feel like it meant nothing to them >I might be so deep in the hole at this point that no one can get me out honestly.i'm probably the same way but i don't have to stop trying quite yet!! i'm delusional enough to believe i'll meet a special person who'll change my life forever and get me out of this repetitive slump through their time and company alone. i want us to be each other's everything and more >gayyyyyyyyyymy khhv status would claim otherwise!! stupid!!
>>85119288 can't tell if you did get the reference or not
>>85119358who doesn't know weird al, you absolute dummy!!
>>85119288If you want to be friends, I sent you a request
>>85119379he's a very niche musician i dont think you would know. he needs to be gatekept so the unwashed masses don't find out about him
>>85119288>gopnik paradiseWhere do you live ?
>>85119405do you mind telling me how old you are first? i'm 25 so i'd prefer someone in my age range if that's okay!!>>85119416>niche he literally married the pink horse in the horse show that's not allowed to be deadnamed. millions of normie girls know about him because of it!!>>85119428>Where do you live ?Eastern Europe, the Balkans!!
>>85118478Only with a woman, I'm not gay. Yes I would like that, but to an extent. I don't want to have to be someone's primary source of entertainment. Ideally we would both be content with being near eachother while we each do our own thing. A lot of the time I don't really feel like talking or have things I want to do solo, like reading. I also need to work which requires a lot of concentration so I can't entertain another while I do that.Additionally, sometimes I just need to be truly alone for a while and not have a clingy significant other be upset at for doing so or suddenly think I don't like her for wanting that.
>>85119446I've got a friend from Lithuania. I'm 24.
>>85119288>why do they always have to go awayWell in my case it was because they were mentally ill... they had a big episode (possibly triggered by me...) and that was that. So I can't really blame them for disappearing, but it does hurt a lot all the same... I'm not even sure if they are alive, since it was an online only thing and I never found out their name or anything.But I suppose in a way it's even worse if they leave for no discernible reason, or just because they got tired of you or something, like it seems they did in your case? That just makes you feel rejected and awful about yourself, like you are worthless. That sort of thing sticks with you unfortunately. Makes it hard to ever open up to anyone again... >don't have to stop trying quite yetGood attitude to have! I'm pretty delusional too but I guess not as much as I used to be haha. Still got some hopium left in me, but the tank is draining rapidly... getting old sucks. I wish time would stop.>my khhv status would claim otherwise!! stupid!!Schrodinger's sexuality... you must commit ze gae to know if you are gae... what a cruel world we live in...
>>85119446>millions of girlswhich as we all know, is the sole audience of unnamed horse show
>>85119455i believe that's perfectly reasonable and the majority of women would want exactly that. you basically described a regular relationship>>85119460Lithuania isn't in the Balkans, stuuuupid!! or is it? need to double check >>85119501>like it seems they did in your case? nono, my case is very similar to yours. i've only ever able to form spiritual bonds like that with people who've also had traumatic pasts and a slew of mental illnesses to go along with it. naturally, things get blown out of proportion sometimes when two people like that clash with each other, and no matter how much i try to help them, their mental health begins to decline even more and they start pushing me away. even so, i still love them all the same. i just wish i could truly help someone like that for once, and for the story to have a happy ending for both of us. >what a cruel world we live in...it's true!! at least that's the way i see it, i can't truly tell what i like until i've tried everything at least once. h-doujins can only simulate so much of the experience..>>85119528haha yyeah, what kind of guy would watch something like that?
>>85119558>i believe that's perfectly reasonableprobably just selection bias on my part but a lot of the "clingy" woman I've met have wanted me to be an entertainer for them and got bored of me. I need a clingy introvert with their own interests for such a situation to work I guess. I can't be someone else's sole interest.
>>85119558Shit, it's actually Baltic.You're right.
>>85119558>>85119581>need a clingy introvertSame desu.Are you introverted?
>>85119604>Are you introverted?Extremely so, tbhdesu.
>>85118988But if you want to dedicate every moment and your life to a person shouldn't that be someone you love romantically? Sounds a little gay to me. Or do you plan on never having a gf ever?
>>85119558>haha yyeah, what kind of guy would watch something like that?you, obvsy
>>85119581>I can't be someone else's sole interest.i totally understand. for me, it's the opposite. i'd adore to be someone's sole interest and getting to have fun with them all day every day. it's probably exhausting for most people though.>>85119593i still know my geography hehehehhh>>85119604>Are you introverted?i'm a hikki, that's the final level of introverted!!>>85119619you do raise an extremely good point!! i would be elated to experience romantic love alongside a gf, that is true!! but i've always fallen for people's personalities above all else. if someone has a personality i find appealing, that's all that really matters at the end of the day>>85119629proof or it didn't happen, ididot stupid idiot
>>85119689>i'd adore to be someone's sole interest and getting to have fun with them all day every day. it's probably exhausting for most people though.I'm just not that interesting of a person and I'm not good at talking for extended periods of time.
>>85119558>nono, my case is very similar to yoursAh... perhaps this sort of thing is a common pattern then. Unfortunately, I have the same affliction as you as well: I'm pretty much only drawn to other mentally ill bakas, normal people don't interest me. So I guess I'll just keep doing the same thing while expecting a different result: only building relationships with menheras, and expecting them to last!>i just wish i could truly help someone like that for onceOof.. I can relate. I think I have a bit of a savior complex so I do find myself wishing I could help someone like that. Unfortunately I don't think it works like that, and even if it did I'm probably too mentally ill myself to be able to really help anyone else. It would be nice though if there was someone who would be fixed just by my presence alone. Maybe if we are so compatible that existing around each other is effortless... maybe then it'd be possible. But that's like finding a needle in a haystack. >i can't truly tell what i like until i've tried everything at least once.Well I don't disagree! I also don't know for sure if I'm gae or not. I don't think so but I haven't ever tried seggs so who knows...
this thread is gayer than the gay general that gets posted on this board daily
>>85119948anon is going to get fucked in the ass by the end of the thread
>>85119721sometimes it's not even about talking for extended periods of time. being around each other and enjoying each other's company all the time can be really special. i'd like to be joined at the hip with someone. siamese, if you please. >>85119863i'm glad you understand where i'm coming from. normal, well functioning members of society with sound minds might as well live in a different reality from me. they're so far removed from who i am and what i've lived through to the point where i could never see them as potential partners at this point in my life. i'd like to be with someone who understands me, someone i can be open and direct regarding everything that goes on in my mind with. i'd fully embrace and help a mentally ill person like me with all my heart and soul. >I haven't ever tried seggs so who knows...that's how i feel too. i do deal with sexual frustration to an insane degree, but it's hard to pinpoint what i like because i've never even had my first kiss before..>>85119948>>85119961nice headcanon, dummies!! this thread is about toxic, codependent, obsessive, possessive yandere relationships, not getting dicked in the butt!! get it straight!!
>>85118617>>What would your father and mother think of you?>i don't know, they abandoned me as a childhow so? did they put you in a foster home?
>>85120002>get it straight!!the irony
>>85120002you possessively and obsessively get a straight dick in the ass
>>85120033>how so? did they put you in a foster home?they got divorced, left me in the care of my grandparents and each went their own separate ways. i'm not in contact with them and haven't been for a very long time. maybe it's why i crave to have such a strong, near familial bond with someone. >>85120050maybe you're simply projecting your sexuality onto me hutaonononon!! we'll go with that!!>>85120073hhow would that help me in any meaningful way
>>85120002>well functioning members of society with sound minds might as well live in a different realityIt does feel like they're basically aliens. Or maybe we are. But either way, we're from different planets. Maybe it's just an illusion, but it sure feels like we can never truly understand each other. Interacting with them just makes me feel more alone, alienated, even.>someone i can be open and direct regarding everythingWell, I think you can be like that with some normies and they won't necessarily reject you for it... but yeah it's still not the same as someone who has gone through similar things and has an intimate understanding of what it's like. You can be open and direct with anyone I think, but it's a lot easier and comes more naturally with people that you know will understand you. And it's healing, in a way, I think.>sexual frustrationDon't worry y-you can take out all your sexual frustration on me ehhe! Or something. I also mostly care about someone's personality and I don't know if their gender matters as far as falling in love goes, but maybe that's just because I'm terminally online and mostly have only talked to people over text. I dunno how things would go IRL...>get it straight!!Not much straightness to be found here...>>85119948no u
>>85120113>hhow would that help me in any meaningful wayto take out your sexual frustration on all the thirsty anons who want your boybod
>>85120167maybe it really is due to spending all my time on forums from a young age, but i can't say i put much value in people's physical appearance. it's like it doesn't even register in my mind. face blind? is that what they call it? every time i've fallen in love with someone, it was because they were able to string text on a screen in a way that made me feel tingly and got my heart racing really fast. that's what it takes to win my heart, usually.. i do naturally enjoy h-doujins and other assorted things like that, but even then, what gets me going is more so the build-up or a very specific scenario that the story is presenting rather than anything else.>Not much straightness to be found here...there's nothing gay about guys opening up about their feelings!!! grrrgghh >>85120185why would they even want my boybod, silly!! i'm another boy, just like them. we're all bonding over our pursuit of obsessive romance, right?
>>85120289>physical appearance.It's definitely not the most important thing for me either, but I think I've also had some crushes that were just purely based on someone's appearance, or their gait of all things. I think it's just really easy for me to develop a crush on someone... dunno if any of those cases were love or could have led to love though. I think the only time I probably felt actual love was indeed a result of someone stringing text on a screen beautifully. Funny how some pixels can mean so much...>h-doujinsAh, we are kind of opposites in this respect I suppose---I usually don't even bother reading the story in h-doujins, I just look at the pictures and that's it lol. I wish I could enjoy text-based H more but I do the deed too often for it to be stimulating enough...>nothing gay about guys opening upIndeed! But what about cuddling though... clothed of course!! A lot of people would say that's gae but I don't think it is frankly... cuddling is too nice to be restricted only to hetero pairs!
>>85120408>I wish I could enjoy text-based H more but I do the deed too often for it to be stimulating enough...in my case, it's specifically *because* i get horny so much and so often that h-doujins end up stimulating me above everything else. they're so versatile compared everything else out there. you can find an h-doujin depicting the most obscure, unusual or hyperspecific situations you could think of. no other h-medium pushes it that far. or maybe i'm just a complete degen who can only get stimulated by obscure, hyperspecific situations anymore!!>But what about cuddling thoughthere's nothing wrong with guys cuddling i don't think!! platonic affection is just as important and valuable as any other!! everyone craves to be loved, accepted, needed or embraced by another person (physically or metaphorically) and there's few ways to feel more accepted by someone else than when you trust each other enough to cuddle
>>85118883Describe the taste of love if youve felt it before. What was she like? What did she like or enjoy to do?
>>85118827NtaI don't like anime but I post anime girls all the time because I like girls. I couldn't tell you where the majority of them are from.
>>85120485> they're so versatileI see, that makes sense, they do have the most variety compared to anything else, definitely. I enjoy that aspect of them a lot too considering I am a huge perv... I just don't really bother reading the story much, the pictures tell enough about what's happening. A picture is worth a thousand words as they say. I'm not even particularly interested in trying sexo in the real world because I'm pretty sure it can never match up to how fun and interesting it is in hentai.>platonic affection is just as important and valuableYay!! I'm glad you agree Anon. If moar people thought like you we would be a lot less lonely as a society I think.
>>85120534>Describe the taste of love if youve felt it beforeit felt like a constant state of euphoria from the moment i woke up until the moment i fell asleep. she was the first thing on my mind every morning, and we'd pass out together every night after chatting for the entire day. being around her gave me the drive to be a better person, physically, mentally, emotionally and in every other way, too. knowing that someone was there for you, in your corner, cheering you on no matter how tough things got made being alive feel like it was worth it. knowing that there are 8 billion people in this world and yet we were fortunate enough to find each other made me feel so lucky to exist. right now i'm like a stupid, hopeless drug addict fruitlessly chasing that feeling again. i wish i could have it for just one more second. >What was she like?what i loved the most about her was that despite being older than me, she never let the word make her jaded and emotionless like many people tend to be past a certain age. she felt emotions *very* strongly. not just positive ones, but negative ones, too. she'd get angry a lot, she'd cry a lot, she'd go back to smiling and laughing. but throughout it all, i loved her all the same. she looked beautiful in my eyes experiencing the entire spectrum of emotions. she was such a gorgeous, innocent soul. i used to love teasing her just to see her flustered reactions. i loved it when she got so shy she couldn't even speak properly. i wish all older people were able to have the same sense of wonder, inquisitiveness and adventure that she did, even though she had such a harsh and troubled life. being with her made me not feel like an empty, hollow husk for the first time in my life. her emotions fueled me too. it's like she was breathing life into me by being herself. >What did she like or enjoy to do?in terms of hobbies? she enjoyed all the stereotypical 4ch things i did; anime, vidya, 2hu, music etc. reaching letter limit will cont.
>>85120534>>85120683even though we shared similar hobbies, that didn't matter much, really. we mostly talked about life, our philosophy on it and just any number of things. it felt like we could talk about anything at all until the end of time. we never ran out of things to say. >>85120594>I just don't really bother reading the story muchyou're missing out on the best part!! just random sex stuff with no context does nothing for me, i need the mood to be set, you know!! i need to lose myself in the scene. that's when it really starts to feel good. i am very particular about my h-stuff hehh>If moar people thought like you we would be a lot less lonely as a society I think.most people are way too cold and distant, and it only seems to be getting worse by the day. affection is a basic human need that everyone should have access to in order to function properly. it pains me that many people don't feel the same and would rather clinically and emotionlessly lose themselves in their work or whatever they chose to distract themselves with, all while bottling up all these pent up feelings of loneliness, alienation, the need to be seen, held, coddled...
>>85120737>you're missing out on the best part!!Perhaps I am! In theory it does sound like the best part, I find it does make a pretty big difference if you're in the right mood. But I guess most of the time I just do it to get that dopamine hit and I'm not usually even in the mood for it, at this point it's more of a habit than anything for me...Also, I feel like sexual stuff and romantic stuff are completely divorced from each other for me. I can be sexually attracted without being romantically attracted, and the other way around. Or at least it seems that way I dunno. I wonder if that's a common thing too or if I'm just weird. But because of this, I would rather separately read a romance manga with no H and an H-doujin with no romance, rather than one that combines the two.>way too cold and distantWell I can be that way too sometimes... with strangers it's hard to be any other way because I use the coldness as a sort of mask to keep my social anxiety from showing too much. It feels safer to be cold. It takes me a pretty long time to warm up to someone enough to open up... and they have to be a really nice person for it too, if they seem like they'd be judgy I can never open up to them. I'm very sensitive to rejection and any sort of disapproval. Are you like that as well or are you able to be warm with people right off the bat?>affection is a basic human needI agree! It's criminal how affection-starved we all are. Even people in relationships seem like they are too distant with each other oftentimes.
>>85120870>I wonder if that's a common thing too or if I'm just weird.it's totally common!! though, usually when i read h-doujins i'm not looking for a cute romance or anything. years of loneliness and isolation have made me a total perv with every paraphilia under the sun..>I'm very sensitive to rejection and any sort of disapproval. Are you like that as well or are you able to be warm with people right off the bat?not anymore, no. these days, i couldn't care less what anyone thought of me. but back in school, i used to be extremely self-conscious and would hate it if someone would even acknowledge my existence. i did not want to be seen or perceived in any way. these days my self-image is a lot better and i was able to overcome most of the mental blocks that plagued me back then. i'm just being who i am and if someone happens to enjoy me as i am, they are welcome to be a part of my life and enjoy each other's company. as for whether i'm able to be warm with people right off the bat, that calls back to the chemistry thing i mentioned earlier. sometimes i'll chat with the right person and i can feel this instant click between us, like we're on the same wavelength. from that moment on, it's so easy to be warm and open up with them. conversely, sometimes that click just isn't there and no matter how much i try and force it, it never comes. and i never end up being anything more than distant acquaintances with said person until it fizzles out and we never talk again. i really think there is some sort of unseen mental link between certain people, something you either have with someone or you don't. >Even people in relationships seem like they are too distant with each other oftentimes.especially relationship havers who spend their time posting here instead of spending time with their significant other. those people kill me every time. like, what are you doing???
>>85121001>it's totally common!!Oh, is it? Yay I'm not a weirdo!>every paraphilia under the sunAhem... c-couldn't be me!!!!>would hate it if someone would even acknowledge my existence. i did not want to be seen or perceived in any way.Woooooow are you literally me??????? Well not anymore I guess.. but you sure were me! That describes me perfectly... I always word it as hating being perceived, because it really does seem like anyone even seeing me is awfully painful. Huh... I didn't get bullied much so I wonder why I became like this...>was able to overcome most of the mental blocksWhat the heck, it's possible to overcome!? How did you do it if I may ask? It's looking kind of hopeless for me... at most I think I could find one person whom I can open up to if they are really accepting of me but I don't think I could ever be comfortable with the average person. I'd like to be more bubbly in social situations in general, but the intense feelings of inadequacy and shame I experience usually stop me. It sucks.>that calls back to the chemistry thingAh, right, that makes sense! Hmm I guess I don't know if I've ever experienced that, even with the person that I fell in love with it still took a while for me to warm up to them (and for them to warm up to me, they were very different when we first met and appeared really cold and aloof actually..). I hope I can find someone I can click with like that, I'm not sure if the problem is with me or if I just haven't met enough people yet (which might be the case, I am very socially isolated even online...)>like, what are you doing???Hehe well maybe they are posting on /r9k/ together! That's actually something I'd like to do with a loved one, watch them browse 4chan and comment along with them on the things we see. "That's some good bait right there!" "Eek scroll quicker, I don't wanna see that disgusting image!!" "More Leddit screenshots, typical..."Hmm, maybe not as romantic as it sounds...
yo aisu is jelly at my mcdonalds burger I also got a matcha strawberry drink
>>85118478i find this idea very attractive and its what i've longed for for a long time but i kind of gave up on the search. the rarer your conditions are the harder it is to find someone, i don't think i'll ever find someone i can actually relate to. i had the luck to find someone as ill as me like 3 years ago but i squandered it and so much shit has happened since then that i doubt i can relate to them anymore. basically i want to die and kill myselfalso hi romanian millionaire anon
>>85121232>How did you do it if I may ask?i'm not sure how old you are, but age did a lot of the heavy lifting for me. at some point, all your insecurities start to wash over you, the things you agonized over in high school begin to seem trivial and insignificant, and you start facepalming over the fact that they meant so much to you in the first place. the second step requires taking one long, uncomfortable look at yourself and trying to mitigate the things that bother you about your own state of being to the best of your ability. i'm talking about both physical and personality wise. naturally, there are things that cannot be mitigated and they'll always loom over you as you try to live with them. in my case, i'm ridiculously short for a man, so all i can do is try to stand tall in other ways if possible. >but the intense feelings of inadequacy and shame I experience usually stop me. It sucks.i will say that romantic and sexual inadequacy are things i've never been able to work on no matter how hard i tried. it feels like that's something you can only really banish from your mind once you gather some experience on those fronts, but that's easier said than done as we both know. that's why i keep distracting myself with my h-doujin addiction as a way to bandage the wound. well, that's what i tell myself..>I am very socially isolated even online...i am as well. despise servers, social media and most other avenues people tend to meet others through. i only really enjoy 1 on 1 discord chats with people and even then, it's just a means to find the one person i can be mutually obsessive with.>Hmm, maybe not as romantic as it sounds...that is pretty cute actually if you're doing it together!! i wanna lazily browse forums with someone while we cuddle..>>85121293this isn't the bigu/aiste thread, move along pls!! >>85121299what are your ultra rare conditions? and how did you squander things with your perfect person? let me listen to you!! also hi:)
>>85121360eh its not what ur thinking ofim still in the wrong thread but idc I was about to get very mean for no reason so lets forget about it
>>85121407to be perfectly transparent, i haven't kept up with your guys' exploits since aiste was still using those generic picrew avatars and bigu was making people cut themselves on discord. oh, and the kashii yui burger king guy was still around. so i have no clue what your ilk has been up to
>>85121424please d0nt associate me with them ew its already bad enough that I fuck with aiste
>>85121360>and how did you squander things with your perfect person?by not knowing how rare they were. i wouldn't call them a perfect person, i barely knew them. but they were so unbelievable mentally ill and broken that i just felt such a strong connection towards them, idk. i don't even know. they posted threads on here. i hit them up, we talked for a few days on discord until i said my goodbyes and deleted that specific alt because i was on vacation and didn't have much time to talk, which is why conversations died out. it was kind of an unhealthy dynamic, they got off to being insulted and treated like shit by me and i got off to treating them that way. yes, i'm weird and sick. probably>what are your ultra rare conditions?i dropped out of hs at like 16 because i was an ultra giga edgelord despite having good grades since i absolutely despised everyone and everything, i hated my family, i was abused, but it kind of went well because i had an alternative path and made very good money off my own. i'm self employed / work with other people on occasion, and have a strong urge to make something out of myself which is the biggest hurdle towards relating to people (esp. mentally ill people) because i've never found someone with this drive while being ill. its also why your lie / joke about being rich kind of irked me, because i knew it was a lie and it stinged a little knowing it had to be a lie. there's more to this / me but i don't want to trauma dump on you, it feels too one-sided
also sorry for insulting you in that thread lol i was kind of laughing at the sentence and had to drop it because of how funny i found it
>>85121458i don't know who you are, but on the topic of old posters, i think cebruz is the oldest poster on this board that i still recognize. the nuclear apocalypse could come and wipe out humanity tomorrow, and somehow he'd still survive and blogpost about his uneventful day. >>85121470>they got off to being insulted and treated like shit by me and i got off to treating them that way. yes, i'm weird and sick. probablygod i wish i had this sort of dynamic with someone. a lot of people are too scared or embarrassed to truly be mean, even when i give them permission to. i don't know why i'm like this, but someone treating me like garbage makes me feel closer to someone than if they were to be nice and cordial towards me. it feels more real, more raw in a way. it's like i'm seeing a part of themselves they don't show any random person they interact with in their daily life.>because i've never found someone with this drive while being illcan't speak for everyone, naturally, but a lot of mentally ill outcasts lack the drive to make something of themselves because no one ever believed in them. no one ever encouraged them to even try. at least in my case, the only times i've ever felt the drive to change my life was when i had someone else to do it for. i wish i could get that same drive inherently, just from existing by myself, but i just can't do it. i get too lonely, too anxious, too sad, too in my own head. i'm always going to need someone there to snap me out of it and keep me on the straight path. >i knew it was a lie and it stinged a little knowing it had to be a lieit did ultimately accomplish my goal which was getting people to keep me company in that thread, so it wasn't all bad.. >there's more to this / me but i don't want to trauma dump on you, it feels too one-sidedthat's totally understandable, but i'd love to listen to you regardless since you seem like you have a lot of interesting insights to share!!
>>85121504hey, it's all water under the bridge. if i were afraid of people laughing at me or insulting me, i wouldn't be making threads on here at all. i know what i'm getting into, or well, what i've been into for most of my life
>>85118478depends if you're a girl and able to move in to my place within the next week.too many girls say they want a relationship but when i try to move in that direction and get some clarity its all too fast and too personal suddenly
>>85121541>that i still recognize.are you sure about that? you failed at it lole, well I made it more challenging ig thx for the laugh
>>85121569the majority of people here are severely mentally ill and get next to no social interaction so of course they'd be flaky when it comes to making such a huge life decision so suddenly. you need to be kind, patient and help them open up. reassure them if they start to get scared. it's a lot of effort sure, but that's what you need to do if you really want someone from here. >>85121570no way... i was talking to cerbuz all along. did you know that random people on /v/ still bring you up sometimes in nostalgia threads
>>85118478This sounds like a dream, but I'm not gay...
>>85121609>the majority of people here are severely mentally ill and get next to no social interaction so of course they'd be flaky when it comes to making such a huge life decision so suddenlyyou'd imagine women here who have had a bit of life experience to be able to just say what they want.maybe i'm expecting too much.
>>85121569>move in next week>letting a stranger move into your house after you know them for 1 (one) weekAbsolute kek
>>85121360>age did a lot of the heavy liftingHmm... it's not looking good bros..>all your insecurities start to wash over youI'm quite a bit older than you and I can't say this ever happened to me... my insecurities are still pretty much there just as much as they were 10 years ago. I guess maaaaybe it's gotten a tiny bit better but really not much. >mitigate the things that bother youI think I've always sort of tried to do this, but it just seems to feed even more into my feelings of inadequacy. It's never good enough no matter how much I improve. Oh well, I'm glad at least you managed to get better and are okay with others perceiving you now. Hopefully I can get there one day too.> romantic and sexual inadequacyHmm these are not actually that big of an issue for me strangely, even though you'd think I'd care more about having no experience at this age. The doujin addiction does make me feel pretty ashamed though, I wish I had the mental fortitude to stop consuming that stuff. It makes me feel rather impure, especially with all the weird fetish stuff I'm into...>means to find the one personI am pretty much the same. Even if I don't find someone to totally obsess over, I don't think it's really possible for me to have more than one important relationship in life, maaaybe two if I really stretch myself thin. It just feels like I have to dedicate myself to one person and one person only, and it feels weird and wrong to have more than one person to be interested in, even just as friends. >lazily browse forums with someone while we cuddleAh dang that sounds really nice actually... I would love lazing around together with someone...
>>85121650entirely plausible if you know what you want, are prepared to talk about it and have nothing else going on in your life.what does the average depressed neet have to live for anyway? just go and at least experience something exciting
>>85121609to be desu I kinda expected to be forgotten by nowI was just bad back then
>>85121541>a lot of mentally ill outcasts lack the drive to make something of themselves because no one ever believed in themthat's exactly it, i agree, and the point where i think i kind of differ. without getting into it too much i think the underlying reason in why stems from my contrarian / spiteful personality. like, i had the opposite reaction to living through that, in that i want to prove them wrong and fuck them back if you get me. not actually do anything to them though>i wish i could get that same drive inherently, just from existing by myselfthere are ways to achieve this while technically being on your own, depends on you as a person. there are a lot of ways to artificially motivate / force yourself to get shit done>it feels more real, more raw in a wayyes, i agree. it felt incredible, honestly. lmao. it didn't mean a 100% abusive relationship ofc as there was still care involved but it got kind of cruel at times. the power you hold over someone this way is such a rush>god i wish i had this sort of dynamic with someone.i don't know if you actually mean that lol. might sound good to you in the moment right now but doing it is another unless you're actually serious>too scared or embarrassed to truly be mean, even when i give them permission tohow / why did you give them permission to / who?>it did ultimately accomplish my goal which was getting people to keep me company in that thread, so it wasn't all bad..which makes you a bit hard to believe on some things no offense, still think its cool to talk to you>but i'd love to listen to you regardless since you seem like you have a lot of interesting insights to share!!thanks!anyways have to clean my kitchen now but i'll get back soon
>>85121619neither am i, really!!>>85121632>women here who have had a bit of life experiencethat life experience, especially with guys from here, often leaves them more traumatized than before. or in the worst case, decapitated >>85121653>I'm quite a bit older than you and I can't say this ever happened to me... it's weird, it's not like i changed that much from my teenage years, but i just can't bring myself to care about whatever it was that made me self-conscious and insecure back then. maybe rather than getting over it, i've just become numb to everything. perhaps that's the way to go, who doesn't love a stone cold guy..>Hmm these are not actually that big of an issue for me strangelyI WISH that was me. i feel like such a freak for having absolutely 0 experience with anything at my age. that's my one big mental hang-up, i can live with everything else just fine >and it feels weird and wrong to have more than one person to be interested inright? besides, i think people like us only really have the mental and emotional bandwidth for one person. but who needs more when you've got your other half? >I would love lazing around together with someone...having so much fun just existing around each other, doing nothing at all >>85121699no way anyone would forget about you!! you were going ham with tomokoposting back then
>>85121755>that life experience, especially with guys from here, often leaves them more traumatized than beforethat's their own fault no? I'm here, not traumatizing anyone, but I don't get added because it's not exciting enough I suppose.Well my door remains open for anyone to move in and marry and live a good comfortable quiet life.
>>85121755>neither am i, really!!Mhmm, sure anon
>>85121716>why stems from my contrarian / spiteful personalitysee, i wish i could be like that but it's not my nature no matter how hard i try to artificially force it. i'm not a malicious or spiteful person at heart. i never wished any harm upon anyone, really, even during times when i've been hurt. love is still the strongest emotion i feel towards other people, even if it always leads to me getting taken advantage of for loving them unconditionally. >there are a lot of ways to artificially motivate / force yourself to get shit donewould love to learn more about this from you, still>but it got kind of cruel at timesthat's the best part. it bothers me when people hold back and instead of going all out with how they really feel like that. to me, it's therapeutic for someone to slap me in the face with my own flaws like that, no sugarcoating or trying to be nice, just tearing straight into my flesh. it's electrifying. makes me feel something for once.>might sound good to you in the moment right now but doing it is another unless you're actually seriousi'm absolutely serious about this. i think i know myself well enough to know what i want/need at this point in my life. it's definitely not something i'd regret in the slightest>how / why did you give them permission to / who?well... maybe this is fucked up to say but during times when i had long term things going with certain people, it'd get to a point where i'd try to get them to abuse me, insult me, berate me etc. because that's what my mentally ill brain registers as affection. but they could never bring themselves to really do it. even when they tried just to make me happy, it was more like a half hearted imitation of what being mean is like. would go into detail but character limit is a bitch>no offense, still think its cool to talk to youawwhhh that means a ton!! i'm glad you can find some enjoyment in me being a disjointed mess of a person>Mhmm, sure anonit's true dammit, everyone itt can attest
>>85121854>love is still the strongest emotion i feel towards other people, even if it always leads to me getting taken advantage of for loving them unconditionally.that sounds pretty sweet honestly, even if i'm sure you dislike this about yourselfyou shouldn't wish to have any malice in your heart>would love to learn more about this from you, stillwell. for me the secret lies in>>85121541>i'm always going to need someone there to snap me out of itan accountability partner, something with someone you take seriously so you don't goof around and lie to yourself / them. if you want to be mentally ill, and do this in a way you don't think you'll just stop or block the person because you can't keep this up anymore, you could do the batshit insane move and enforce this with some kind blackmail material that you don't want out. i don't recommend it because you have to be kinda fucked in the head for it but i did it once with someone i trusted loli'm sure stuff like self help groups and therapy would help too. you probably also have tons of vitamin deficiencies and live unhealthy, which once fixed might actually get you the energy you need automatically>it's therapeutic for someone to slap me in the face with my own flaws like that, no sugarcoating or trying to be nice, just tearing straight into my flesh. it's electrifyingi like the way you describe it, it kind of makes me want to give it a try again :-) but i'm not sure if it'll hold, you're probably much older than me and the stuff i mentioned in my first replies here still exist>t'd get to a point where i'd try to get them to abuse me, insult me, berate me etc. because that's what my mentally ill brain registers as affection.can you give me direct examples maybe? if you can. i'm just kind of curious. what exactly would you tell them and how would they try doing it? why was it half hearted? please go into detailsorry for the reddit spacing haven't been here in a while and i can't be bothered
>>85118478yeah I I want this. but it has to be with the perfect person, my other half, likely someone who doesn't exist
>>85122343>you shouldn't wish to have any malice in your heartit's less that i wish to be malicious, but more so i wish i wish i had the backbone to push back if someone was taking advantage of me. but i don't ever see myself hurting anyone in any way and for any reason. >well. for me the secret lies inGRRR it's not fair!! i was all excited, too >you could do the batshit insane move and enforce this with some kind blackmail material that you don't want out. maybe i really am fucked in the head because this idea seems genuinely appealing to me.. at the very least, it's a surefire way of sticking to it and not backing down/not holding my promises to the other person. >i did it once with someone i trusted lolhow did that turn out? please do tell!!>but i'm not sure if it'll hold, you're probably much older than me and the stuff i mentioned in my first replies here still existwow, i expected *you* to be older than me based on the way you've been carrying yourself in this thread. maybe it's something that comes with being self employed and independent like you are. and well... does the idea of holding complete power and dominance over someone much older than you not excite you even a tiny bit? everyone expects it to be the other way around, you know!! it'd be a totally screwed up dynamic that no one could ever find out about. or something along those lines.>can you give me direct examples maybe?reaching character limit again but you could add my tag and i could go into a ton more detail there if you'd like. i have a whole bunch of stories of attempting things like these with people i've been close with, to mostly negative results for both of us. >sorry for the reddit spacingyou better be sorry, r*dditor >>85122358>my other half, likely someone who doesn't existthe only thing that keeps me going is deluding myself into thinking my other half exists and i'm meant to meet them
Man this thread feels like early 2010s 4chan, I'm oddly tantalized
>>85122450Drop your tag. I might or might not add you tomorrow, its getting late and I have to finish some stuff before I head to sleep. I'll read some other posts of yours to see if we're compatibleI'll reply there>does the idea of holding complete power and dominance over someone much older than you not excite you even a tiny bit?are you sure you're not gay XD
>>85122488you won't believe when i tell you this, but there was a time when we used to have regular yandere threads on here where people would share stories and bond over their obsessive tendencies. it was almost like a general but not quite. i miss it sometimes. there were some interesting people on there. >>85122542my tag is right here!! >>85118706>are you sure you're not gay XDno way!! i don't think i said a single gay ajdacent thing itt in fact but everyone sure loves projecting their headcanons onto me huh
>>85122555Hold on.... you didn't think i was a woman though right? XD oh no
>>85122602there are no girls on the internet, dummy
>>85121755>not like i changed that much from my teenage yearsI also don't feel like I've changed much at all from my teenage years... unfortunately that means I am just as immature as back then I think. And all my insecurities are still there.>numb to everythingSadly I do feel like I am becoming more numb over the years. I hate it. I see why you fell in love with that person that was so emotional, I think I need someone like that too to awaken my own emotions.>I WISH that was meWell dang, wish we could switch lives or something... I never really cared much about being a smelly virgin, and I suppose I should be thankful for that since as you mentioned the only way to fix that requires other people and that's always difficult. Or perhaps you could stop caring about it somehow but I don't exactly have any advice. I really don't think you're a freak for it though Anon, so what if you haven't found the right person yet? Plus you have a traumatic background, so it's perfectly understandable you'd have trouble in this department.>emotional bandwidth for one personThat's exactly it. I really don't think I can handle more than one person, I'd much rather have one really really deep relationship than a bunch of shallow ones. It kind of sucks though because it's impossible to find your other half without trying with a bunch of people and that means you have to break things off with the people it doesn't work out with to make room for new ones. >doing nothing at all You know you found the right one when doing nothing at all with them makes you feel at ease and relaxed.Also sorry I took so long to reply... been falling in and out of sleep lol. I think I'm gonna go to bed now, so good night Anon and thanks so much for talking with me today! It really brightened my day.
looks like your thread died againshould've gotten that amish wife like i told you
>>85122821nevermind spoke too soon
>>85122555I beleive you anon I was there, I miss it
>>85122818>unfortunately that means I am just as immature as back then I thinkimmaturity is something i grapple with a lot as well, still. the older i get, the more it goes from being endearing to being off-putting and preventing me from bonding with my peers. it could be that getting bullied stunted my development as well. but sometimes i see posts from people my own age online and it's like i'm seeing someone decades older than me with tons of insight and wisdom on life. i wish i spent my time cultivating myself like that, too, instead of whatever i was doing up until now. >I see why you fell in love with that person that was so emotional, I think I need someone like that too to awaken my own emotions.as dramatic as it sounds, she reminded me what it was like to be a real person again while she was in my life. i think that's why i'm drawn to people who are able to experience emotions strongly like that above all else. it's because they're able to feel things i can't, and cycle through a range of emotions that're starting to fade away more and more in each day on my end. >I really don't think you're a freak for it though Anonthank you, i really do appreciate the words of reassurance. it's just hard not to feel inadequate over it, you know, considering i've lived this long and no one ever wanted to share a moment of intimacy like that with me.>it's impossible to find your other half without trying with a bunch of people that's the harshest part of it all. it'd be great to meet your ideal person in your first try, but it rarely works out that way.>It really brightened my day.i'm sososososo glad to hear that!! this was the highlight of my day, honestly!! i hope you sleep well and pls don't feel too shy to talk to me again>>85122821>>85122828that's what i thought!! there's not even any amish people here!! >>85122891i miss it so much. i wish we could bring those threads back but there's not enough people anymore i don't think, much less yandere people
wow, so the more cutesy i act, the more popular my threads get. you guys are sending me down an extremely dark path, you know
>>85122450>the only thing that keeps me going is deluding myself into thinking my other half exists and i'm meant to meet themme too it's convenient to assume I'll meet her any day now, but deep down I know she doesnt really exist.
>>85124293why wouldn't she exist?
>>85124263plapping you plap plap plap plap
>>85124263The histrionic ones have already accepted this long ago. No one wants you, so become something that is wanted.
>>85124293Yup, I'll have my maria home here with me soon enough
>>85125084in my case it's more like, i've interacted with so many manic pixie mentally ill bpd women throughout my time on the internet that they've started corroding my own sense of self. i absorbed their mannerisms, their typing styles, their very own train of thought and so on. it's weird how it happened.
