Mate. In her heart, she's ended it. Depression's nothing to do with cheating.

>>85123871
Imagine getting married. It's silly, really. Especially when a girl can simply hop on any social media and get a billion dms by not only sub5s, but chads too. Obviously it's the opposite for most men. You can't bag another girl if you tried for the most part. It's way too unbalanced and risky. A total joke

>>85123975
I know but something truly is off about her.

She's never been the depressive type. She is very social, optimistic, and outgoing and has never really understood how people can have depression or be depressed. She started having a different tone around last August and said the sadness had been going on even prior to that, but she never really said anything. Overall though, it's night and day difference, she used to be so loving, caring, and obsessed with me and us. Now she's cold and apathetic. She said she felt lonely but I don't understand how, I've always been there for her. She says she goes to sleep hoping that she dies during the night for causing this mess and pain. I know she feels bad and is truly sorry for hurting me, but not enough to stop I suppose.

File: oshitwaddup.jpg (108 KB, 640x640)

108 KB JPG

>She told me she's been sad
Which means you don't make her happy.
Sorry bro, you wrote the truth, and it's gonna hurt, but she's not going to suddenly become happy on her own. Prescriptions aren't going to make her happy, just dull her sadness. The only real solution is going full clown-mode or cutting your losses.

>>85124093
Funny that meme came out when we were in high school, it was one of her favorites at the time.

I know I don't make her happy right now but I know happiness cannot be found in others, it has to come from within. Even then it's still a fleeting emotion. She's texting that other guy the same she used to text me in high school when we started dating. I know the novelty of having attention from a new person is why it's so addicting to her but it's truly a fools errand on her part to chase that feeling.
If they were to end up together, with time, he'll be in the same position I am now.

>>85124093
This anon is right to some degree, but you can't blame yourself. I've dealt with similar things in the past, and there's a period after where you're almost certainly going to take stock and wonder about all the things you could have done differently - and I'm going to tell you now, do not bother. I know that's easier said than done, but do whatever you can to keep yourself from trying to find answers in a past that doesn't exist anymore. You will not find them. Her going behind your back tells you everything you need to know. Someone healthy who is truly invested is going to bring up that they're dissatisfied in some way and try to fix it, not go behind your back repeatedly looking to fulfill whatever need.

I can tell you exactly why she did this, and it has very little to do with you. Most people have a deep sense of lack within themselves. They spend their entire lives looking for something to fill that gap, only to realize once the initial happiness passes, they want more. Think about any time you've gorged yourself on food, or porn, or entertainment, or an expensive purchase. You feel satisfied initially, but once that goes away, you're back in the same position you were in the first place. Most people treat relationships this way, too. The source of her "unknown sadness" is some sort of internal issue that she ultimately needs to figure out for herself. There's probably some aspect of her psyche she's ignoring that's preventing her from reaching a state of inner equilibrium, and it's causing her to act destructively.

I'm very sorry that you had to deal with this. People who do not foster this inner lack, or are self actualized to a sufficient extent, do not treat others this way. Ever. If they don't truly want to be with someone, they just won't be. Or as I said before, if it's something fixable, they bring it up and try to solve the actual problem. They don't play games like this, because they have no need to. There's no solution but to leave.

>>85123871
Sorry anon. There is only one thing to do, murder suicide.

>>85123871
you need to leave, cheaters are broken selfish people that almost always repeat the behavior. my ex fiance cheated on me with some fat loser e-girl on discord, then he spent weeks begging me to stay/apologizing/promising to be better only to cheat on me again with some annoying balding girl he works with a year later. he got into a relationship with the balding girl and cheated on her too after getting engaged to her. trust me things will not get better. she is apologizing because she feels sorry for herself not because she is sad about hurting you. read leave a cheater gain a life.

>>85123871
You have to have enough self respect to leave.
My cunt ex wife cheated on me, and I was so desperate to get her back because I never thought any other woman would want me.
We were married for like 9 years afterwards until getting divorced.

Getting back with that bitch was the worst mistake of my life, but I didn't have enough self respect to leave.
Also, it turns out that lots of women had interest in me, even those who I thought were out of my league.

I will say that the happiest I've ever been as an adult was the year between the divorce and dating again. No woman to have to put up with.

>>85124226
Agreed, though I think oftentimes these people genuinely do not know why they act like this - and that's oftentimes the most harmful thing for someone exposed to their behavior. It would actually be easier in some ways to realize that someone is just purely evil, has been deceiving you, and doesn't care at all about you; but in many cases I think cheaters are more akin to gluttons or addicts. They oftentimes genuinely "love" their partners to the best of their capacity, but still treat relationships as things to obtain for self satisfaction. Even if they're cognizant of the happiness it brings them, they have this unsolvable need and basically can't control themselves until they sort out whatever psychological issue is actually causing the lack. Similar to some rich dude who buys a Lambo, loves it to death and babies it in his garage, but then proceeds to buy four more cars, thinking "well the Lambo is great, but a Porsche is different!" - then wonders why he's never happy. The cars aren't the issue. They never are. It's just a really sad state of affairs for all parties involved.

>>85124193
Thank you, I'm sorry you've been through this as well, it's terrible.

To be honest, I think this stems from a lack of maturity and or resolve on her part. I just assumed that most women were like that anyways (and still believe they are).

There were times in our marriage a few years ago where I was feeling out of it and apathetic. This was because I've had OCD my whole life and I got to a point in my mid-twenties where my mind went into full apathy mode in order to protect itself from the OCD if that makes sense? Can't get crippling anxiety from the intrusive thoughts if you can't feel emotions I guess, that's my theory anyways. But even then I let her know what I was going through, I would tell her "Even though I can't feel very many emotions right now, I know for a fact I still love you and want to be with you." I eventually got over that hump and learned a new normal.

It just sucks because I stuck it out for her even when I had these external factors working against me, but the second a new guy shows her attention she folds. I'm no slouch either, there has been multiple times in our relationship where I've gotten obvious signs of attraction from other females and I respectfully turned them down.

>>85124265
yes exactly, I agree with everything you've said. most cheaters don't love their partners as an individual - they love the things their partners do for them/the way their partners make them feel. they see you as an object that exists to serve their needs and to try to fill a void they have inside of themselves. instead of looking inward and trying to fix their problems they will seek out other people to try and fill the void, which of course doesn't work so rinse and repeat ad infinitum.

>>85124226
It sucks that happened to you.

I know I'm defending her when she's treating me terribly but I think she really is sorry. Seeing her in that state today is not acting. I truly believe she doesn't want it to end this way and that she doesn't want to hurt me. Her actions obviously state otherwise, she's got extreme cognitive dissonance from how she explains it. I don't think she knows what that means though.

>>85124396
I think I agree with this sentiment. I think I was just really good and making her feel good and once I committed the grave sin of letting a woman get bored, it was over. I truly love her for who she is, flaws and all and I've poured my heart out to her who knows how many times. I wish she showed me the same courtesy.

>>85124339
I don't even know if it's resolve, really. Maturity is probably more accurate - I think it's normal to still feel attraction to other people within a relationship, but in a detached sense, right? But also speaking from the perspective of someone who HAS felt tempted to cheat but never has, it's only ever been in two sorts of situations: either I'm "happy" and don't really know why some part of me feels perpetually unsatisfied, or I'm expressly unhappy because I've tried fixing something over and over again to no avail and am in denial about needing to leave. In the first case, I look back on those relationships and realize that I was usually in them for the wrong reasons, and despite really loving the person, the lifestyle I was living with them was in some ways at odds with other things I was avoiding in life - this never really had anything to do with them, though. More just my own ignorance of my inner world, as if something comes up to try to lead you into disintegrating a happy albeit somewhat inauthentic existence, but again, the inauthenticity was never really in my affection for the other person, so much as my own state of being. In the latter case, it was only once and she was an alcoholic I was deeply attached to, but I was pretty much just fed up. I left her shortly afterwards. I guess you could say "resolve" is what stopped me, but the impulse really had nothing to do with it, it felt distinctly different from the normal attraction you can sometimes feel for others when you're with someone. I think whatever this thing is, it manifests almost as a subconscious destructive response - on some level your mind knows something deep inside needs to change, so it'll engage in self-destructive behaviors, trying to provoke a collapse or a rock bottom moment that it can actually rebuild from.

>>85123871
It's over anon, and she's disrespected you. Your heart will want explanations and closure from her, but that will only bring you humiliation. Here's what you need to do: pick up your shit (or kick her out if applicable), delete all her photos, throw all her stuff, don't contact her or her friends every again. If you have any evidences of her infidelity get those to your divorce lawyer, otherwise throw away everything that reminds you of her, move places if needed.

If it helps get load off of your shoulders, women are never ever fucking happy for any long period of time. They're incompatible with true commitment i.e. marriage. You're here wondering what YOU did wrong while she's already disconnected a while ago without any communication

DON'T let her see you weak or hurt. She's effectively deceased in your life now, don't contact her again, no parting messages. Nothing.

I don't know how long you were married but you're going to need at least a year by yourself to heal. Find activities, meet people if you want, don't rush into a rebound

>>85123871
lmao what a cuckk

>>85124437
well it's not your fault anon it's hard at first but eventually you will stop blaming yourself - if you really were good to her, loved her, and tried your best there is nothing you could have done to prevent it nor to see it coming. the problem is with her in that case, not you. cheating tends to go hand in hand with lying and manipulating so there is no way you could have known this would happen. I guarantee she will cheat again if you stay with her and if you leave she will just cheat on the next guy she ends up with. if you do leave she may eventually try to come crawling back so be prepared for that and do not let her back in. mine came crawling back after he ruined things with the balding girl he left me for kek it's pathetic behavior. these cheaters are all deeply disturbed losers.

File: 1628182426360.gif (1.98 MB, 800x450)

1.98 MB GIF

>>85124469
I know she's never been one to look inward. She doesn't really have too many thoughts and has aphantasia. I know I'm making her sound dumb but she's not, but not super smart either. She's always felt her emotions strongly and quickly. No rumination, no anxiety, and no holding grudges, she just speaks her mind in the moment (for better or worse) and then moves on.

I think her conscious is bothering her for the first time in her life and she doesn't know how to deal with it.

>>85124481
A bit too late for all that man, we were sobbing in each other's arms today. But yes I did move into my own place, but I can't just cut her completely out of my life. I've spent my entire adult life with her. Our souls have left an indention on one another. I know there will be a point in time where it'll be time to move on but it's not anytime soon.

>>85124533
I know things will probably not work out for them if they end up together and she likely will come back. I already told her I won't take her back if that happens. I was actually pretty good to her and it's baffling she's choosing to do this to herself.

File: 1784276712870266.png (1.88 MB, 1600x1124)

1.88 MB PNG

>>85123871
>I don't know why this happened, s
I think that may be the hardest part about relationships. People like us emotionally invest so much, planning toward the end of our lives with that person. The thing is, people can change from one day to the other

It's harsh, but you have to let her go.

>>85124634
>but I can't just cut her completely out of my life. I've spent my entire adult life with her.
You can. You are your own person. By staying with her you are prolonging your suffering and teaching her that she can get away with what she did
>Our souls have left an indention on one another.
Did she think about that when emotionally cheating on you?

>>85124634
yeah she will see you as the ultimate pathetic doormat if you take her back and so will everyone else. I hope you can separate from her completely and go no contact. don't bother checking her social medias btw if she has any. they love to spam tons of pics with their new partner pretending to be super happy despite things being bad behind closed doors in their relationshit.

>>85124093
>full clown-mode
What did he mean by this?

>>85124656
>Did she think about that when emotionally cheating on you?
No, she probably didn't. She probably wasn't thinking much of anything other than how happy (or not shitty) this attention is making her feel.
Nonetheless, I know I will never love or trust anyone that way again. I'll probably never get married ever again. She'll probably be in my heart until I'm dead. God willing that we both make it to heaven, she'll be the first one I look for.

>>85124710
Pretend everything will get better and continue on as though nothing is wrong.

If you love her you will let her love other people and not leave her for it. People have a lot of love to give, it's selfish to hog it all for yourself.

>>85124732
>Nonetheless, I know I will never love or trust anyone that way again. I'll probably never get married ever again. She'll probably be in my heart until I'm dead. God willing that we both make it to heaven, she'll be the first one I look for.
Time heals all wounds and will heal this one too
You need to move on

>>85124757
>>85124732
>Time heals all wounds and will heal this one too
>You need to move on
This. It's still fresh in your heart, but you need to let that bitch go. She disrespected you, get it through your head and stop rationalizing her actions for her

>>85124750
Disregard this cuck troll

>>85124747
Yep, that is clown world. It's basically what we've been doing since I found out back in February. Well sorta, we did go to couples therapy, tried having productive convos, etc... but I stopped having us go when I realized nothing will ever get better until she goes no contact which she couldn't do. Then the up and downs of pretending like thing are better, acting "normal", me trying to turn the other cheek and make it work. It's tiresome. I'm glad I'm in my own place now.

>>85124634
It's good that you're not leaning into resentment, that stuff is poisonous even in situations where you'd be justified. As for her, I think situations like this are basically what "karma" is actually about. Even if things work out with them, this sort of thing will pop up elsewhere and keep causing damage until she grows up. Some people never actually get past it. All you can really do is wish her the best and focus on your own life from here on out. You probably don't feel this way now, but this is the best thing that could have possibly happened. You know the truth, and now you're free. I can't tell you whether or not I think you should cut her off completely, but I do think you should absolutely not talk to her for a while, years probably, and give yourself some space and time to get used to the new situation properly.

>>85124732
Oh man, yeah - this is the other extreme. You definitely gotta give yourself some time to move on, bro. I can tell you now this isn't really a "woman thing" so much as it is a people thing in general. Women are just tempted by different bullshit than men. I understand your trust has been fucked with, and that takes time to repair, but no girl who pulls BS like this is worth sabotaging all your potential future relationships over. Take it for what it is, raise your standards, and don't put too much effort into looking when you're ready to date again.

File: IMG_0412.jpg (74 KB, 576x1024)

74 KB JPG

its over nigga pack it in

>>85124838
I appreciate your words of encouragement and advice.

I don't plan on jumping in any serious relationships in the near future. I'm not saying I'll never love or trust again, just never to that degree ever again.
Her and I have been together nearly a decade, and she was my crush, turned friend, turned girlfriend. Our love was pure, young, and raw. We said "I love you" before we were official and in the throes of passion she told me she wanted to be with me forever while crying tears of joy. We became official the next day. I'll never have that with anyone else, and I wouldn't want to.

Despite how bad she's treating me now, she's overall a great woman. That's why this came as such a shock.

I think it's the nature of women to act this way in general. I'm not bitter about it, I just didn't play the game right. It's kinda paradoxical but you can't put all your time and attention into a person you love. They can't be number one in your life, they have to be like number four. Because once they have all your attention, time, and love, what else do you have to offer? Nothing.

This could be a cuckold fantasy but regardless you didn't come here to get any real advice. You came here for people to sympathize with you, you will keep ignoring the solid advice here telling you to leave her and that cheaters never fix because you're blinded by your feelings for her. However, when it is all over you will come back here once again, thinking about how deluded you truly were. Don't repeat the same mistake

File: dewf.jpg (42 KB, 630x420)

42 KB JPG

These hoes ain't loyal

>>85125096
This. Reading >>85124995 is just irritating.

>>85125096
>>85125121
I'm going to leave, and have already physically left our shared space. While I do appreciate the sympathy, I'm just venting this shit out desu. I haven't really talked to anyone much about this, at least with this much honesty. Cuckoldry is degenerate and in my first post I said that divorce was the only path forward.
Just because I'm going to divorce her doesn't mean that my feelings from years of being together just go away. I don't get any pleasure from this situation at all. It's just a very messy, emotional, and confusing process.

>>85125195
We get that, but by staying (even if momentarily) with someone that has cheated you are cucking yourself. Do you realize that?

>>85125195
>While I do appreciate the sympathy, I'm just venting this shit out

You are venting it out for sympathy from people, that's the point. But I'd recommend therapy to work through your feelings

>>85124089
My: you need to decide what you want first. Do you still want her?

If the answer is yes you're going to need to speak to her in person again. And just ask her what she wants. If she says the other guy: then you need to love her enough to let her go. It isn't meant to be.

If she says she wants you: then you need to ask her to commit. To you. To getting her mental health treated. And that you can come back from this if you both choose to. Lots of couples in history have overcame worse. Saying she can't control herself is also really weird and I'd ask if she's bipolar and not just depressed because that would change the situation as she would have a tiny but real excuse.

And if she says she doesn't know, then you're going to have to read the room. It could be she's too embarrassed to say she wants the affair partner. Or it could be she really doesn't know. But in either case you need to make a decision in that moment.

>>85125205
I understand but I made vows in front of my friends, family, and God. I would hate myself if I didn't try everything in my power to try and help my wife and save my relationship.

>>85125227
You're probably right about that.

>>85125274
>And if she says she doesn't know, then you're going to have to read the room. It could be she's too embarrassed to say she wants the affair partner. Or it could be she really doesn't know. But in either case you need to make a decision in that moment.
Women know what they're doing. She's already decided to test the waters. From this point on, she can only escalate

>>85125336
>I understand but I made vows in front of my friends, family, and God. I would hate myself if I didn't try everything in my power to try and help my wife and save my relationship.
You're beyond saving, go wreck yourself then

>>85125336
Denial is the first stage of grief but it looks like you're bargaining right now. I hope you come into terms with reality that your wife is gone forever. No matter what you do and no matter how you twist this around, even if you magically got her back she would have zero respect for you for accepting her back after this. This was a last resort call for her so you would be the one to make the choice of leaving her since she felt bad for you to leave on her own. She cheated on you to directly insult your self-respect as a man because she was absolutely sure you would have too much respect for yourself and let her go. And by trying to take her back you are turning her off even more by demonstrating your lack of self-esteem. It will never be the same and if you keep her, she'll be forced to leave herself and that will be even more gut wrenching than now

You can write paragraphs upon paragraphs on how much she means to you and all this fairy tale story of your so called love but understand that that's long gone. You have to wake up now

>>85125373
I know you're right, it just hurts so much.
Thank you for your honesty.

>>85125404
It's okay, anon. Hurting means there's progress, it means there's a glimmer of acceptance. It's not a bad sign at all. You have to hurt right now so you can feel better later. You have to face your pain no matter how much it hurts. You have to reach into your wound and take out the bullet she left in you. There will be a void for a while, yes, but it will be healed like all wounds do. And one day you will go through an entire day without thinking about it, then a week, then a month, a year, decades. It's the only way to move forward for both of you. Let her go

>>85123871
>I confronted her several times about it since then.
Fucking cuck. Giving her even a second chance is too generous, giving her infinite chances makes it your fault.

>>85123871
She probably found you boring because you were too nice.

>>85123871
she basically wants you to hang on her every word and treat her like a whore in the bedroom.

she wants that spicy chased feeling, you arent giving her. thats really all that is going on. she

>>85123871
If she actually still cared she'd back down depression doesn't have to do with getting with someone else unless she was dissatisfied with YOU
>>85124089
How does sadness translate into her wanting to be with another man without it being cheating? if she's depressed enough to not want to be with you why is she not depressed enough to not want to be with this other man?

File: 111063551-0.jpg (1.03 MB, 1044x1200)

1.03 MB JPG

>>85123871
a man is unable to do such evil. women are incontrolable lustful creatures

File: oh-how-i-miss-the-tv-girl(...).jpg (163 KB, 934x1169)

163 KB JPG

>>85124153
if that meme came around when you were un high school that means we are around the same age. never marry young nigga, young people don't have the maturity to overdue a marriage

>>85124481
this but without deleting the photo

>>85124089
Anon, that change in tone to cold was her breaking up with you in her head. that's when she decided to cheat. It's not your fault, it's in her nature, and there's nothing you can do to fix it now. She's not depressed.

This is however a time for action. Talk to a lawyer. NOW.
This will be the biggest economic event in your life. You need to get a amicable divorce through ASAP. The longer this goes on, the bigger the risk that she freaks out. limit your contact with her. If you get in a fight she might turn crazy.

>>85126382
This

Women are not companions. She's dead to you now. All your memories are worth less than shit. You can't stop the monkeybranch.

Protect yourself and your assets or you'll find her spending 50% of your savings on her new guy lmao

>>85126439
>All your memories are worth less than shit.
Nah they will stop being so sour in a few years when he has a better girl.

>Protect yourself and your assets
Yes. But you also need to stay somewhat on her good side during this process. He said she's sorry, you need to get it done while she still has that sorry in her system. The longer this goes on and you are apart she and her new boy might start scheming and vilifying you.

Maybe giving her 50% is the best you can get. Ask a lawyer.
The worst outcome is much worse than that. It could be a multi-year process in divorce court, costing tens of thousands, possibly 6 figures. She could get more than 50%. She could get alimony (At least you don't have kids).
She could make false accusations to garner favor in divorce court, and that could lose you your job...

File: 1784495262710496.png (531 KB, 866x844)

531 KB PNG

>>85124089
She is smirking accountability.
You lurk here. You know women.
>>85123975
This.
She ended it.
>>85123871
She is blaming other things for her actions.
>I've been sad
>I've been depressed
No.
She just found some other dude she's currently into.
Shell do the same to him.
>>85124020
Speaking of married
I work weddings
I hear almost every wedding during speeches
>You must always continue to choose each other
Your girl decided to choose someone else.
And she'll do it again.
All women do.
Even Bezos and Gates wound up divorced.
42% divorce rate in 2025.
Women have told me marriage is their insurance policy.
It hurts, yeah.
Remember to never love women again.
Remember how they are not worth it.

>>85125482
I actually agree, I was probably too nice. I would do things differently if I could go back.

>>85126382
We have roughly the same amount of asset; she actually has a bit more than me because of her upbringing. She knows that she is in the wrong and is not going to rub salt in the wounds over petty material items. We are going to file amicably and on our own to save as much money as possible.

>>85126835
I know you are right. I know love is choosing each other even when things are rough. I have been there and held the line.
It seems she is not capable of doing the same for me.