...this is a child, isn't it.

>>85201163
How old will you be in 10 years time?

>>85201172
>>85201183
I'm 18. Already said I just got out of highschool. I'm just autistic with an accent

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>>85201204
>>85201183
I'd be 28

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>>85201204
you're an adult, but you're still young. you sound autistic, yeah. that's probably why you're having these thoughts.
do not go and take testosterone. it will not solve your problems. you will still be that 5' 3" squeaky voiced short guy, and biological men would rope over that.

>>85201204
>>85201214
I'm listening to the first vocaroo and you just sound like a lost faggot. Just stop being transgender.
And transgender men (female to male) are the least hated group in Western society.
>if you were the other gender, what do you think you would be like? Personality and looks.
Just stop talking about retarded shit.

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>>85201227
>>85201234
Are you guys unable to listen? I literally said I'm not transitioning and I don't want to. I am a woman, I'm fine with being a woman. I just have these thoughts.
I will not ever change myself or anything like that, as I said in my vocaroos. Learn how to take a hypothetical

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I am literally just asking what you think you'd be like as the opposite gender. Stop assuming shit about me
>>85201227
Also, what do you mean I sound autistic?

I would've posted vocaroos, but I don't wanna look at pictures of teeth

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>>85201255
i've only listened to the first three, i will listen to the rest.

i get that it's a hypothetical, but understand we're also listening to a girl talk at length about herself if she was a man, including if she transitioned. hopefully you can see this is HOW 'i should start HRT!' thoughts come about.

best of luck with being an autistic homely girl. the best thing you have on your side is your youth. right now you are the healthiest that you will ever be, with the most opportunities available to you.

>>85201281
>what do you mean I sound autistic?
you have the autism voice. that cadence they usually have.

why did you have to go outside to record these?

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>>85201299
Noooo please anon, answer. I just simply like teeth. *Sad face*
>>85201306
I can already acknowledge I would not benefit at all from transitioning. My parents would probably kill me. And I just simply don't want to. I just sometimes think what if I were a man. I can see how y'all could think that from what I said, but I'm telling you, I do not want to. It's not something I would ever like doing as I am overly fine with being a girl.
>best of luck with being an autistic homely girl
Thank you. I have never been called homely lol, what do you mean by that in this context?
>>85201318
Oh I never noticed desu. Sometimes I get told I speak like a robot when talking to people irl. I think I am speaking like that on the vocaroos because it feels awkward recording myself as I talk. I had to hype myself up and make multiple recordings. It is also why it's in so many parts, I had to think of what to say because I'm not good at just coming up with things on the spot
>>85201373
Because I live in a 3 bedroom house with 7 people living in it. And my parents are not accepting of talking like this. I am 18, they could still hit me and ruin my life.

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Also please answer question, I am very interested in knowing y'all's answer.

>>85201386
>I have never been called homely lol, what do you mean by that in this context?
i mean you went through the stupid meme characters comparing yourself, and it sounds like you don't have a positive assessment of your looks. even shit that people will find attractive. so, presumably you're 'plain'. but that's you talking about yourself. you could just wear makeup or dress differently, that's a choice you've made. obviously, your boyfriend finds you attractive.

>I am 18, they could still hit me and ruin my life.
then this might be a good reason to actually go to college ASAP. get a fresh start, live somewhere else, meet other weirdos?

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>>85201417
I kind of like being plain. It makes me not noticed much. I don't like being noticed. And about the make-up thing, I do not want to become dependent on it. I'd rather just be ugly than be a "liar". Even a little bit of makeup makes me feel like a fraud. And I tried learning it, and could never do it right, even after trying many many times. It's a choice I made, yes, but probably the best one for me.
>obviously, your boyfriend finds you attractive.
I hope so. I do not hope he's just putting up with it
>then this might be a good reason to actually go to college ASAP. get a fresh start, live somewhere else, meet other weirdos?
See the thing is, what I want to do, I am not sure if I actually want to do it. Or if I'm even smart enough to do it. My family wants me to be a doctor, which is like...okay I'd be fine with that. I am interested in the human body. My other thought is dentistry, but I feel that would be predatory because I am sexually attracted to teeth. So it would feel like preying on them, even though I would not do anything. So I don't know
And I'm trying to get a job first. To try and get used to being around people

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>I am sexually attracted to teeth.

>>85201163
If I was a girl I'd probably look like my sister, so I'd have long wavy black hair, olive complexion, medium boobs, big ass, full lips, long nose, brown eyes, etcetera. I also imagine I'd be around 5'2 or 5'3 since I'm 5'8 now. Personality-wise I'd probably be similarly sarcastic and I'd also probably lean heavily into teasing guys because I already like fucking with people as a dude. Maybe I'd be bi as a girl since I'm bi as a man, either way I definitely think I'd be a slut.

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>>85201567
Lol I know. It is from the porn addiction as a kid I think. Lol. They are just very very very pretty and interesting. I want to touch and lick my boyfriends teeth. And brush them for him

>>85201575
Interesting, thank you for answering. I guess it probably would be easier to think about how you'd be if you had a biological sibling of the other gender. I also think I would still be bi, since I am also already bi. Maybe my qualms about dating women would be gone though. Thanks again for answering

>>85201616
>Maybe my qualms about dating women would be gone though.
what do you mean you can feel sexually attracted to them, but not romantically?
you spoke about their legs, but they're women. they're whole people with psyches, like men.
most women aren't lesbians because they'd find the sex stuff gross.

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>>85201630
I mean, I don't know if I could date a woman. I find them very very attractive. But it makes me kind of uneasy to think about doing stuff with them. I just am very attracted to them physically. As bad as that sounds. Like I would not date or romance a woman, but I would think about sleeping with one. Though there has never been a time where I've actually been attracted to any women I've personally known. I just find them aesthetically and sexually nice. I know it's probably wrong to feel that way, I can admit that, it feels like I'd only use them for pleasure, and that's exactly why I'd never be with a woman. Because it would just be pleasure and that's not how I want to be. I want to like the person I'm with. I hope that makes a little sense. I think maybe as I get older, I'll become more fine with it and it'll be less sexual, but as I am now, that's how it is. Unfortunately

>>85201163
Usually I don't engage with woman threads but you're audibly autistic so I will make an exception. I listened to all the vocaroos.
>if u were the other gender, what do you think u would be like? Personality and looks
I've never thought about this because I don't like wasting time thinking about the impossible but I'll think about it.
I would look like my sister who is average looking I would say. She's had a few long term relationships and she's got a good job and is working towards buying a house with her current boyfriend. She's just your typical average woman, nothing like me. I think excluding autistic women who are male-brained, women are all mostly the same. There are only minor variations depending on genetics/upbringing whereas there's much more variation within men. I think if I was a woman I'd be almost exactly like my sister. Maybe a little more lazy and shy but maybe those traits developed in me as a result of my experiences as a boy. I think autists can blame a lot less of their personality on their experiences as their gender because it's mostly their experiences as an autist that shaped who they are. So your personality would probably be very similar if that makes sense whereas my personality would be significantly different and much more feminine.
If I were a woman, my standards for a boyfriend would be the same standards I expect of myself before I'll consider getting involved with a woman. Emotional maturity/stability and on track to being financially stable, and not physically deformed. I'm extremely fucked up and dysfunctional which is why I'll probably be alone forever. I can't meet my own standards and I don't want to hurt anyone as a result of my own shortcomings.

My advice to you is forget the idea of transitioning you'll hate being a dysfunctional man and don't put off going to college for too long. Go as soon as possible. Don't let yourself fall into bad habits by taking an extended break

>>85201163
>https://voca.ro/1a3yW8qbpmZa
Wtf is with all the girls on this board who sound like 13 year olds?

>>85201707
They artificially pitch their voices up to appeal to the lolicon sensibilities on this board. They won't admit it, but subconsciously they all do this.

>>85201707
it is summer.

>>85201163
did you said you have a boyfriend

>>85201728
>>85201731
Good points. its just wild every time I play a vocaroo it sounds like I'm listening to some 7th grader. I honestly think some of these posters are underage b& but I guess if they don't admit it they won't get banned.

>>85201163
This whole premise is fundamentally flawed. "You" is defined by your birth and life experience. The question is as incoherent as asking what if a square was a circle.

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>>85201706
>you're audibly autistic so I will make an exception
Hold on......is it actually that noticable? What?
>I listened to all the vocaroos.
Thank you so much.

For all you said, thank you for answering every question I asked. It was very interesting to read your response. Like I said in my last thing replying to someone who answered, I hadn't really thought about how similar siblings would be. Me and my older sister are very different, so I thought it would be like that. I think we are different though because I am autistic and she is not. I hadn't really considered that others would be similar to their siblings. Do you consider yourself similar to your sister now? As a male I mean. Or do you think your experiences as a man has made you very different then her?
Also, I explained why I am taking the break here. >>85201535
I am very conflicted about it. Following what I would want to do would make me feel like a bad person. I already have a school picked out, this Catholic private school, but I am torn up about whether I actually want to go through with it and be a creep, or just force myself into something else and hope I'm smart enough for it.
>>85201707
Because I am autistic.
>>85201728
Maybe some do. I don't. This is how I always sound

1/2

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>>85201731
I have been posting here consistently for 2 years.
>>85201743
Yes
>>85201751
I am 18. As I have already said. I think some of you forget that an 18yo is still a teenager
>>85201775
You are taking this too seriously desu. I hate when people ask a hypothetical and then people are responding like "but I'm not blah blah blah". Just have fun and answer it, or ignore my thread. Sorry if that is mean, but I'm not forcing you to participate in this.

>>85201836
just become a dentist if you think you're be good at dentistry. you'll become desensitized to whatever this weird fetish is.
male surgeons perform mastectomies, they probably like boobs.

>>85201850
>I am 18. As I have already said. I think some of you forget that an 18yo is still a teenager
You don't sound like a teenager, you sound like a child and I'm not even trying to be mean, I just don't believe you're 18.

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why there is so many teeth pics

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>>85201854
I just don't know if I could actually feel okay with doing that. It would feel like preying on them. I have been into this for many many years, I don't think it would just go away. I have fears I would go into dentistry and it would just get worse
>>85201861
Whether you mean to or not, it is making me feel bad. Because as I have already explained, I sound like this because I am autistic. I am already treated like a kid irl for being autistic, and all I was trying to do on here was ask a hypothetical and y'all are too focused on how messed up I sound to even answer the question. You not believing me doesn't change the fact I am 18.
Even though many autistic women sound like this
And I know someone will be like, "well why are you so defensive if you're actually 18", because I am tired of being seen and treated like a child. Y'all probably do not care though and I am talking to the wall rn.
>>85201937
I actually very much loved that scene of fight club. I love bloody teeth. So hot. And there are so many because I am into teeth

>>85201861
this is why we need to bring back the word 'retarded'. everyone understood what it meant.

>>85201850
then you can't be an incel

>>85201974
how do you feel about teeth that are healthy and straight but lowkey disgusting like chipped at the front and discolored (mine). id post a pic but im embarrassed

>>85201974
>I just don't know if I could actually feel okay with doing that. It would feel like preying on them. I have been into this for many many years, I don't think it would just go away. I have fears I would go into dentistry and it would just get worse
i mean do you like dentistry AS WELL, or is it just the ulterior motive?
because yeah it's pretty fucking weird to go into a whole field of medicine just to get your rocks off touching some teeth every now and then.
but if teeth are your autistic interest or something, then that's a win-win. you're a woman - nothing will happen if you feel a bit of a rush because you get to make contact with your favorite thing. you won't get get shamed/fired/arrested, there's no 'tell' for your gender.

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>>85201974
I am overreacting though, y'all not believing me doesn't change anything. Sorry for yapping
>>85201983
?
>>85201986
I said I am not one, as I clarified I'd never call myself a femcel ever, and I don't believe that is a thing. But if I were a man, I'd probably be one.
>>85201996
I like all kinds of teeth desu. You shouldn't feel bad about yours, they sound lovely. I love love love chipped teeth. Mine is sort of chipped on one of my front teeth because I was sewing something, put the needle in my mouth so I could do something with my hands, and I accidentally bit down and chipped my tooth slightly. Don't feel bad about it. I bet it looks cool
>>85202002
I do also just like teeth regularly, yes. I watch dentistry videos, like people having braces put on because I think the process is cool and interesting, and I kinda zone out watching it. And teeth are the first thing I always notice when talking to someone because they're just overall cool. And I do not always get turned on by teeth, just sometimes desu. They are just amazing and I can't stop thinking about them ever. Wish I could brush someone's teeth.

>>85201996
Not OP, I actually work in dentistry. If they are chipped they aren't exactly healthy, a chip leaves a break in the enamel and will lead to caries (cavities). Just go get your chips filled, not super expensive and easy to do. Your teeth will look better.

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>>85202057
Should've posted this picture instead lol.
>>85201996
Also forgot to answer about the discolored part, I honestly don't care about the color. Teeth are teeth. Whether they're white or yellow, or some other stained color. All teeth are cool looking teeth.
>>85202081
Listen to the professional. I find teeth cool even if they're unhealthy

i feel like this is all a bit.

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>>85202108
Why do you think that? I'm just asking a question? I'm so confused

>>85202108
yeah same lol

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>>85202117
Explain why please. This is the only place I can act my actual self

>>85202114
you're playing cutesy and coy. autistic people might lack self-awareness but this is....double that.
imagine someone saying
>i'm so poor - i only have 10 million dollars to my name!

if nothing else, you seem to know internet/4chan culture so you would understand how this looks "logically". imagine if your "character" was in a book/game/something....

>>85201836
>is it actually that noticable? What?
I might not have picked it up if you hadn't said you were autistic but yes. It's some subtle speech patterns.
>I think we are different though because I am autistic and she is not
That's likely true
>Do you consider yourself similar to your sister now? As a male I mean. Or do you think your experiences as a man has made you very different then her?
We share quite a few core personality traits. I don't know, it's hard to say as I don't spend much time with her anymore. We do seem to be on the same page on a lot of things. It's like we're 2 cookies from the same batch but one got a bit charred.
>Also, I explained why I am taking the break here.
Makes sense. Just try to keep your momentum. Idk about dentistry, it seems like a harmless fetish but only you know what it'd be like to be working with teeth all day when that's your thing.

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>>85202145
I'm not playing cutesy? How am I doing that? I am simply answering questions truthfully? In fact, I'd say some of my responses have been kind of bitchy. And in other ways, I am just defending myself from people calling me a liar. I am just answering questions and asking them back. Also, how is talking about my fetishes on here "acting coy". I have been blunt and upfront about what I feel and how I am
>>i'm so poor - i only have 10 million dollars to my name!
I don't understand what I've said that is adjacent to that?

>>85202081
modern dentistry is a marvel. I had about half my teeth severely damaged, chipped or broken down to reveal mostly just red tooth core, and it was all rebuilt with fuji concrete paste stuff. My bite isn't exactly even anymore, but I was pretty numbed up when they were grinding the teeth back into shape

>>85202192
i'm not saying you're being arrogant or anything, i'm saying you're giving "negative" traits about yourself that you KNOW the internet will find positive.
e.g. yeah, being autistic is bad, it creates problems and normies dislike you. but imagine going into a comic book store full of neckbeards and proclaiming
>i am a lonely autistic girl :((( if only i had friends :(

>>85202081
i asked about getting them filled but he said the fillings will fall out quick because the chips are quite small along the bottom edge of the front teeth. i had them filled when i was younger and it lasted like 3 weeks lol maybe i should just get them done anyway and see how long it lasts

I sang national Mexican anthem
https://voca.ro/16cWOQOpyeXR

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>>85202189
>It's some subtle speech patterns.
Can you explain?
>It's like we're 2 cookies from the same batch but one got a bit charred
Hmm that's kinda how I feel about my sister desu. I don't know which one of us would be the charred one though lol.
>only you know what it'd be like to be working with teeth all day when that's your thing.
I have of fear of going for it and when I actually get into it, realizing I can't do it. But I don't know
>>85202222
I am happy it worked out for you anon.
>>85202252
Because in the real world they are negative traits that I have to deal with in the real world. And I am not giving myself those traits, that's just who I am. I did not say it to garner sympathy, I did it because of my talking point. Because if I were a male, I imagine me being autistic would still be a key point of my life, if not an even bigger part. I do not care how y'all feel about me being autistic. But do not act like I haven't suffered at least a little bit irl because of it, because I have. And I mentioned it because it DOES affect my life. And if I were male, going by the hypothetical, which was the whole point of this entire thread, it would still affect me. I am not looking for friends, I am looking to have a conversation. I have never once claimed I had it worse or anything like that than autistic men, so I don't see the big deal in me bringing it up. It IS a key point in who I am, whether I like that or not, so yes I will talk about it as I please.
>>85202257
Hope stuff works out anon, if you do get them done anon.
>>85202304
Very interesting

>>85201163
>if you were the other gender, what do you think you would be like?
I don't really know i look very sexually ambiguous and i don't think i would be much different personality wise
>Vocaroo
I guess i will drop my shitty attempt at voice acting an image (couldn't find it so no picrel)
https://vocaroo.com/13VON2IuBq6F

>>85202374
>do not act like I haven't suffered at least a little bit irl because of it
nobody was saying this. as far as i see, nobody even accused you of lying about it, or saying females can't have autism.
it's context/tone more than content. can you at least see why people MIGHT think you're putting on an act?

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>>85202430
You have a nice accent. Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking?
Also thank you for answering
>>85202445
I thought in your analogy you compared it to me claiming I was poor but having a million dollars? Which I took that as you were claiming I was either lying, or overreacting? Did I misinterpret that?
And no, not to be stubborn, but I don't see it. As I am just being honest and speaking my mind. Because in real life, all negative traits I named about myself are negative traits to most people, even if only normies are the ones seeing it as bad, that is still majority of people.
Or are you saying that I might be putting on an act because of where I am and the people around me, and you think I am looking for some sort of attention from y'all for the fact that I am an autistic girl? All I did was ask a hypothetical.

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>>85202539
+ I am not being dense on purpose, what you are saying is just not clicking to me. It just doesn't make sense to me

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>>85201163
https://voca.ro/1n7Dlopu8H2y

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>>85202614
I recognize your voice. You're the guy with a foot fetish right? How are your YouTube videos going?

>>85202539
>You have a nice accent. Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking?
its a polish autist fag accent fyi!

>>85202654
https://voca.ro/16kSHpOWisUr

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>>85202667
Hmm I've interacted with anyone from there before. Cool
>>85202715
You really do. I remember one time I told you that you sounded like one of those "white knights" who force their voice deeper. And somehow that ends with me calling you a foot fetish guy. We have talked before, I remember

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>>85202743
Ugh
I've never interacted with anyone from there before**

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>>85201578
>lick my boyfriends teeth. And brush them for him

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>>85202853
Such a wholesome fantasy right?

>>85202897
I'm not going to judge your kink, just perplexed as to why a girl that has a bf would be here. You consider yourself a loser yet you've crossed a milestone many of us haven't and possibly will never cross.

>>85202950
Because she's 13

>>85202374
>Can you explain?
Not really, sorry, it's too subtle. Look up videos of autistic people speaking and look for patterns.
I'm going to bed now, I hope you have a good rest of your day and good luck with your future career decision.

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>>85202897
No it's not.. I mean I'd fuck with a girl who wants to eat my teeth that's hot but still it's a weird fetish

How and why did your porn addiction develop?

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>>85202950
I consider myself a loser because I was treated as such by my peers throughout all my life. Don't you guys say all the time that men have low standards for women? So why is it so confusing that those two things can be true at once? I can be a loser, and still have a boyfriend. Me being treated and seen as a loser my whole life doesn't stop happening just when I get a boyfriend.
>>85202962
Just trolling at this point. I don't sound 13.
>>85202963
Hope you sleep well anon.
>>85202994
Eat teeth? I'm not into all that.

>>85203040
>Just trolling at this point. I don't sound 13.
You should go do your summer school homework

>>85203040
dummy you literally just said that
>Lol I know. It is from the porn addiction as a kid I think. Lol. They are just very very very pretty and interesting. I want to touch and lick my boyfriends teeth. And brush them for him

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>>85203023
It started honestly because I had a lot of problems at 10yo, which is when it started. My dad died, the guy we lived with shot himself to avoid going to jail for rape and I was there when they found his body, we bounced house to house and was homeless for a very small time, and throughout all that I had a leg injury that was going untreated. So I used masturbating as a way to make myself feel better and feel numb so I wouldn't feel the injury. I'd masturbate so much I'd be in pain and almost throw up from the pain, just to direct the pain away from my worsening leg injury. And it just got worse and worse throughout a couple years, it continued even after I had finally gotten my leg treated, till I finally got ahold of myself at 14 and made myself calm down with the help of an ssri, which completely ruined my sex drive. I am now on a different ssri but my sex drive is fine
>>85203049
I just graduated. Also they stopped giving out summer homework after covid happened because everything switched to virtual, at my school, and not everyone had a device they could use for it. At least at the school I went to.
>>85203054
That doesn't mean eating them anon

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>>85203040
>So why is it so confusing that those two things can be true at once? I can be a loser, and still have a boyfriend. Me being treated and seen as a loser my whole life doesn't stop happening just when I get a boyfriend.
I mean yeah both can be true it's just that you're probably not as much as a loser as you think you are. It does help that we've heard your voice, you do have that autismo/reject voice that stems from lack of confidence. Which is probably why you're not getting a lot of shit in this thread. But you're 18, school is all you've known and school isn't everything, you'll move on from the traumas brought on by your peers and having some level of intimacy will help you through that. A big reason why so many of us are here is because we never had that, we were just alone. You need to stop being so hard on yourself.
>I consider myself a loser because I was treated as such by my peers throughout all my life. Don't you guys say all the time that men have low standards for women?
Men don't have low standards in a negative way, our standards are just be respectable and a virgin or at least not a whore. Financially we don't care and looks do matter, but not nearly as much as connection and knowing that we're the only guy a girls been with. That can make a man fall in love, don't underestimate it. Men settle, our standards haven't changed from hundred years ago.

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>>85203169
>It started honestly because I had a lot of problems at 10yo, which is when it started. My dad died, the guy we lived with shot himself to avoid going to jail for rape and I was there when they found his body, we bounced house to house and was homeless for a very small time, and throughout all that I had a leg injury that was going untreated. So I used masturbating as a way to make myself feel better and feel numb so I wouldn't feel the injury. I'd masturbate so much I'd be in pain and almost throw up from the pain, just to direct the pain away from my worsening leg injury. And it just got worse and worse throughout a couple years, it continued even after I had finally gotten my leg treated, till I finally got ahold of myself at 14 and made myself calm down with the help of an ssri, which completely ruined my sex drive. I am now on a different ssri but my sex drive is fine
I'm sorry this happened to you. I started watching porn when I was the same age to cope with my violent father. I've never stopped, it's just always had a hold on me. When you're so young it just becomes a routine. Like I said in the other reply don't be so hard on yourself, none of that was your fault and if you can work to move out and live with your bf. Get some independence and move on from it all.

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>>85203208
I understand what you're saying, but the thing is, when almost everyone who meets me hates me, what am I supposed to think? I am just picking up what others seem to be putting down. That for some reason I seem to be inherently unlikeable and that something is genuinely wrong with me to the point that no matter what I did, people noticed it and disliked me for it. I don't even remember acting weird in school, at least highschool, and I was STILL bullied. They messed with me and treated me like some less than human piece of shit. That's not something I can just get over I think. Especially when it wasn't just at school, but at home too, by my own parents and siblings. So yes, I do understand what you are saying, I am not trying to sound bitchy. But this has been my whole life, no matter where I went, or who it was, I have basically been trained into despising everything that makes me me. And to me, it doesn't feel like being hard on myself, it just feels like the truth. I do not want to be a man like some of y'all seem to think, I just want to be literally anybody else. I was told to my face by someone who was my "friend" that I don't have one redeemable quality about myself and she couldn't understand why anyone would ever want to be with me.
Sorry for ranting I am feeling upset, not at you. Just in general.
>>85203279
I'm sorry you have problems with it too. Sometimes I still catch myself almost falling back into it, or going overboard still. I hope it gets easier for you too. I really really really do hope.
I hope to move out soon. I'm so tired of all this. It genuinely feels like I'm losing myself. I don't do anything, I don't go anywhere, I just lay in bed all day and imagine doing stuff.
Sorry for getting depressing. I didn't imagine I'd be having this conversation under what I thought would be a lighthearted thread

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>>85203467
I get it, must have been tough especially with everything else going off. You were a child being judged by other children, I understand it carries weight and I don't mean to devalue that but in no way can a child be considered a loser. I know that's how you felt, and naturally that would be your reaction. I'm just saying that you weren't a loser, not to say that you didn't feel that way but rather the people that were bullying you were wrong and unjustified. I have things from my childhood that will always follow me. It's sounds like you grew up in a poor family in a poor region of your country and I was the same. And I know that people from places like that will often target someone they see as weak and easy to make themselves feel better, they probably just saw you as an easy target and the more they wore you down the more you resembled what they thought they saw in you. I had a brother that would take out his problems on me and he would be relentless but he had the same problems I had, and he just used me to cope and it could have been the same with your siblings. It doesn't mean you have to forgive them, but rationalising it can help. Even if it is a defence mechanism.
>But this has been my whole life, no matter where I went, or who it was, I have basically been trained into despising everything that makes me me
And that must have been shit, and it's going to make you feel terrible. It's natural but you have to choose to see the good in yourself and be forgiving towards yourself.
>I was told to my face by someone who was my "friend" that I don't have one redeemable quality about myself and she couldn't understand why anyone would ever want to be with me.
There must be something because someone is with you and sees it.
>Sorry for ranting
You don't need to apologise. All that you've said is a normal and natural response to being shat on all your life.

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>>85203467
>I hope it gets easier for you too. I really really really do hope.
There's no sweetness in this life for me, I've accepted that. Now I just try to achieve whatever measure of peace I can, and enjoy that. That's enough for me, allows me to enjoy life.
>I hope to move out soon. I'm so tired of all this. It genuinely feels like I'm losing myself. I don't do anything, I don't go anywhere, I just lay in bed all day and imagine doing stuff.
Good. I was like you when I was younger, in my 20s now but the worst thing you can do is be stagnant. You've got to get out and away from your family, otherwise you will never be able to deal with the traumas of your past. You've got to get control of your life, and have you be in control of who is allowed in your life, you can only do this with independence. This also means independence from your boyfriend too, you need to work towards standing on your own two feet financially, then you can work towards addressing your psychology needs.

>>85203467
>Sorry for getting depressing
And again you don't need to apologise. Listen to those feelings when you lay in bed, it's your mind telling you that you need to move in life. It'll be hard at first but it'll be worth it.

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I scared her off

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>>85203621
Thank you a lot for saying all this anon. Never thought I'd be almost crying over a 4chan post lol. But seriously, I think I do really need to work on it. I don't want to feel this way forever. It hurts so much and is so tiring. I can't even leave the house, when I do occasionally leave, without obsessively worrying that something embarrassed will happen to me and I'll once again be made a fool of in front of everyone.
It's wrong to think this but I honestly can't blame the other kids then for not liking me, if I were someone else, I wouldn't like me either. I know saying that is just feeding into the problem, but I honestly can't even be mad at the people around me for treating me like this. I wish I could. I try standing up for myself but sometimes it just feels like there's no point to it.
I did grow up in a poor family, and poor area, you're correct. I'm still there, nothing has changed yet. I feel so disgusting because of where I live and how my house is. Even though I know it's not my fault. I can't wait to get out of here.
Yeah I think you are right about the easy target thing. My mom said something similar to me and said that I'm an easy target because I give them reactions and get upset over it. But I can't help it. Feeling embarrassed makes me cry. Being yelled at makes me cry. In middle school I was always being removed from class because I'd cry so much.
And yeah, I do not blame my siblings for how they are towards me. I just think they are mirroring our parents. Anyways they're really all I have irl, so I can't be too mad at them.

>>85203621
>see the good in yourself and be forgiving towards yourself.
I just don't know how. There's not a single person I hate more than I hate myself. It makes me feel like the worst, ugliest, most disgusting person ever. I do not know how to be fine with myself. I feel like some creature, or animal, playing pretend at being a person. I've met very few people that treated me like an actual person. And now I feel like I'm not one.
>There must be something because someone is with you and sees it.
I hope so. I don't like thinking about it but I'm so scared he's just settling for me. I don't want to assume because I do not want to institute he's a liar. But I feel so sick over the idea. There's just constant thoughts running through my head that even though me and him are extremely extremely similar, he's even autistic like me, that I'm still not good enough for him. Even though realistically we are very matched in every aspect. And he's done nothing to make me think he doesn't like me. So I know this is just me overthinking once again, but it's so hard not to assume the worst in everything.
>>85203648
>There's no sweetness in this life for me, I've accepted that.
You're very kind. I hope you know you do deserve nice things too. I wish you luck on your quest for peace anon.
>You've got to get out and away from your family
Yes, I have realized over time that as long as I live with my parents, I'll never get better. I'm on so many meds it's insane, and they think that's enough to make me okay. But I wish I could just tell them that if they actually want me to be okay, they have to treat me differently too. Like I can't get better if I'm just going through the same things over and over again. But they don't seem to get that.

>>85203648
>you need to work towards standing on your own two feet financially
I agree. I am looking for a job currently. I don't think I could ever allow myself to depend so much on someone. I'm too "what if" for that. He's a good man, but I don't want to make myself potentially vulnerable. Or put myself in a place where I can't support myself. Plus I find it romantic to be able to buy stuff for him, so I need a job. No luck but this is one thing I'm not giving up on. Since it'll fix many problems I have, it'll give me a reason to leave the house and be away from my family, I can buy stuff that makes me happy, and I can go more places instead of staying in one place. I have a dream of going to see a movie at night while there's, hopefully lol, no one else there. It'd be so amazing.
>>85203665
Thank you. I know I need to get better. I really really do. I know how I am is very unhealthy. Even my doctors think so, some refused to treat me until I got some. I have physical health problems caused by mental problems

Also I gtg for an hour, I will be back though

>>85201163
I just deleted it because cringe but my points still hold

>>85204616
Deleted what?

>>85204652
I'm so confused, is that your message to her?

>>85204138
>But seriously, I think I do really need to work on it. I don't want to feel this way forever.
You won't but you will if you stay where you are. Be forgiving to yourself that all this is fresh but also that you're 18, you're still very young and you've got time but also time will come quick. Felt like yesterday I was 16 but it does come quick and I implore you to really give it a go. You've been through a lot, and a lot of people would have really given up. I did, I NEETed for some years and it was the worst thing I did. I wish I just got out there and just worked and got my independence sooner because it really did help.
>It hurts so much and is so tiring. I can't even leave the house, when I do occasionally leave, without obsessively worrying that something embarrassed will happen to me and I'll once again be made a fool of in front of everyone.
It's natural that you feel that way, you're going to be tense because of how your childhood was. I was very tense to the point people would notice and it would get to me.
>But I can't help it. Feeling embarrassed makes me cry. Being yelled at makes me cry. In middle school I was always being removed from class because I'd cry so much.
I used to cry in nursery every time my name was called on the register kek. Hated it.

>>85204826
>I NEETed for some years and it was the worst thing I did
Honestly spending your time playing DR Phil to a underage girl on /r9k/ is much worse than neeting. No offense.

>>85204841
NTA but
>/r9k/ - ROBOT9001 is a board for hanging out and posting greentext stories.

how else could he have expressed that WITHOUT you saying this? dude's just having a conversation, responding with his own/similar experiences.

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I am back now.
>>85204180
I now realize I didn't finish my thought before rushing and sending this.
>Even my doctors think so, some refused to treat me until I got some
This is supposed to say they refused to treat me until I got some mental help. Because they were sure my health problems were kind of being caused by my mental problems.
>>85204616
What did you say? I don't care if it's cringe. I'm very curious
>>85204841
Why are y'all so convinced I'm not 18? It honestly just feels like y'all are making fun of me

To the other anon, I will reply to yours but only once you've finished

>>85204870
>how else could he have expressed that WITHOUT you saying this? dude's just having a conversation, responding with his own/similar experiences.
I'm doing the same thing, if you don't like me responding and have a conversation maybe you don't belong here anon. You fucking cry baby pussy incel.

>>85204156
>I just don't know how. There's not a single person I hate more than I hate myself. It makes me feel like the worst, ugliest, most disgusting person ever. I do not know how to be fine with myself. I feel like some creature, or animal, playing pretend at being a person. I've met very few people that treated me like an actual person. And now I feel like I'm not one.
I feel the same, as if I'm not real and just playing pretend. It's helped me just put my head down and focus but it is a toxic mindset. You are a person and are deserving of feeling like a person.
>I hope so. I don't like thinking about it but I'm so scared he's just settling for me. I don't want to assume because I do not want to institute he's a liar. But I feel so sick over the idea. There's just constant thoughts running through my head that even though me and him are extremely extremely similar, he's even autistic like me, that I'm still not good enough for him. Even though realistically we are very matched in every aspect. And he's done nothing to make me think he doesn't like me. So I know this is just me overthinking once again, but it's so hard not to assume the worst in everything.
Hopefully he gives you the love you always wanted.
>You're very kind. I hope you know you do deserve nice things too. I wish you luck on your quest for peace anon.
All I ever wanted was to be loved and love, but it just isn't going to happen for me unfortunately. It is what it is.
>Yes, I have realized over time that as long as I live with my parents, I'll never get better. I'm on so many meds it's insane, and they think that's enough to make me okay. But I wish I could just tell them that if they actually want me to be okay, they have to treat me differently too. Like I can't get better if I'm just going through the same things over and over again. But they don't seem to get that.
Yeah you've got to get away, you need that independence. It well help you in ways you can't see now.

>>85202743
Lmao holy shit I remember the foot fetish guy stuff now. Took me like 8 hours to remember. Sheesh

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>>85204180
>I agree. I am looking for a job currently. I don't think I could ever allow myself to depend so much on someone. I'm too "what if" for that. He's a good man, but I don't want to make myself potentially vulnerable
This is a good mindset, you need to apply it.
> I have a dream of going to see a movie at night while there's, hopefully lol, no one else there. It'd be so amazing.
I do the same, because I have some days off in the week I just go to the cinema at night and it's so nice. I'm going to watch the new spiderman like that, in the week towards the end of its run cycle with barely anyone there. Hold onto that dream, it's a good one.
>>85204963
>This is supposed to say they refused to treat me until I got some mental help. Because they were sure my health problems were kind of being caused by my mental problems.
I had a therapist that refused to continue therapy because I was "too much of a risk", medical professionals can be like that. Your health problems can be both stress induced from your family and physical, ultimately you know how your body feels.

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>>85205013
It was a long time ago, so I can understand not remembering it well. I remember most conversations on here
>>85204826
Sometimes I do feel like giving up because it doesn't really feel like I have a good enough reason to continue on. That I've experienced enough shit. I don't want to kill myself, but sometimes it feels like other people want me to kill myself.
I really really really want a job though, so I will continue trying for one.
>I was very tense to the point people would notice and it would get to me.
Sorry.
Happens to me too kinda. I will pick at my skin, or scratch myself when I am tense or nervous, and my mom always notices it. She will slap my hands when she sees me doing it. Or my legs if I bounce them.
>I used to cry in nursery every time my name was called on the register kek.
I remember one time I almost passed out trying to read something in front of my classmates as a kid. So embarrassing
>>85204978
>It's helped me just put my head down and focus but it is a toxic mindset
Yeah, I usually try to distract myself with something when it gets very bad. Like music.
>You are a person and are deserving of feeling like a person.
Thank you
>Hopefully he gives you the love you always wanted.
I am lucky to have him.
>All I ever wanted was to be loved and love
I'm sorry anon. Is there a specific reason why you feel you won't find love?
>Yeah you've got to get away, you need that independence
I want it so badly. But I also love my family, even if they don't act like they love me back. I feel sick thinking about leaving them. Especially my sister, she's the most important person to me, and she has been my whole life.
I have one irl friend, and she's my bestest, and only, friend. She told me I could move out and go live with her and her family. But I'm so scared that if I leave, something will happen to my older sister.
I know I need to leave though

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>>85205074
>This is a good mindset, you need to apply it.
That's why I need a job ahhhhh!
>I'm going to watch the new spiderman like that
What other movies have you seen like that? Like at night like that. Any favorites?
>Hold onto that dream, it's a good one.
I will try.
>I had a therapist that refused to continue therapy because I was "too much of a risk"
What does that even mean? I stopped going to see therapists, I now only have a psychiatrist. I prefer that

bump blah

What a shit vocaroo thread

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>>85206060
Barely anyone even answered it. Not my fault

>>85206073
Yeah, that's fair. Just thought it was going to be a normal one and it's just teeth and long ass posts.

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>>85206085
Teeth are fun.

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>>85205312
>but sometimes it feels like other people want me to kill myself.
You just need to cut them out, control your life and who you let in.
>I really really really want a job though, so I will continue trying for one.
Do whatever you can to get that independence, it will be hard but worth it.
>I am lucky to have him.
Or maybe he's lucky to have you?
>Is there a specific reason why you feel you won't find love?
I'm in my mid 20s now, I feel as if that boat has sailed. I may find someone, but not love. Either way I've made my peace with it. I have trouble with intimacy and connection that keeps me walled off from romantic relationships.
>>but sometimes it feels like other people want me to kill myself.
You just need to cut them out, control your life and who you let in.
>I really really really want a job though, so I will continue trying for one.
Do whatever you can to get that independence, it will be worth it.
>Is there a specific reason why you feel you won't find love?
I'm in my mid 20s now, I feel as if that boat has sailed. I may find someone, but not love. Either way I've made my peace with it. I have trouble with intimacy as well.
You have to do what's best for you, if you land on your feet you can help your sister in a very meaningful way. Don't stay hopeless and in doing that you can really help others.
>>85205349
>What other movies have you seen like that? Like at night like that. Any favorites?
The popular ones and reruns of older movies, it's been warm here in England so although I enjoy the movies I also enjoy the aircon kek.
>What does that even mean? I stopped going to see therapists, I now only have a psychiatrist. I prefer that
I told them I saw no point in living, rationally, I would have no family or friends and this constitutes a life not worth living. Complied with my childhood history they decided I was "too complex". I'm waiting for a call for a more "complex" therapy, but idk can't be bothered with it.

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>>85206252
>>85205312
I just realised I replied twice, kek. I've been drinking so I'm not as sharp. Anyways I wanted to reply to a few other things.
>Happens to me too kinda. I will pick at my skin, or scratch myself when I am tense or nervous, and my mom always notices it. She will slap my hands when she sees me doing it. Or my legs if I bounce them.
Yes it's something we can't help in the moment, but removing ourselves form our toxic environments can help. It can allow you to "heal" and release that tension. My dad used kick with his steel toe cap boats when I shaked, if I showed any fear it was a beating. I ended up becoming very violent because of it.
>But I'm so scared that if I leave, something will happen to my older sister.
I know I need to leave though
You have to get away, only then can you really look out for your sister.

>>85201163
i've seen you posting teeth and teeth related threads across the board, mentally i've dismissed you as a fetish poster like the anon who keeps talking about no penis humiliation and what not
now i'm curious, do you consider yourself a teeth fetishists? or is it more of an obsession/special interest/some other descriptor for a non sexual obsession/interest?
there's also another woman who keeps making vocaroos that namefags under H, i thought you were the same person but now i'm comparing the vocaroos side by side i'm unsure?
are you H?
>>85203214
that's their thread
or your thread if you are the same person, i struggle with differentiating voices
it's like face blindness, i don't mean to offend, i really just want answers to the questions i have bouncing around in my head

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>>85206252
>You just need to cut them out, control your life and who you let in.
I will try. It's just very difficult for me to stand up for myself sometimes.
>Or maybe he's lucky to have you?
Hmm
>I have trouble with intimacy and connection
Me too. Especially intimacy, I hate feeling vulnerable and I hate being touched, so I imagine stuff like hand holding or hugging would be difficult for me. If that's what you meant by that. I'm hoping it's just something I grow out of.
>Don't stay hopeless and in doing that you can really help others.
Yes you're right. I just feel anxious leaving her with our parents. She has no desire to move out or anything because they wore her down completely.
>England
Honestly did not expect that. What's it like there?
>I'm waiting for a call for a more "complex" therapy, but idk can't be bothered with it.
Idk maybe give it a shot anon. Maybe good things will come out of it
>>85206293
>My dad used kick with his steel toe cap boats when I shaked, if I showed any fear it was a beating.
What the fuck. I'm so sorry. My parents used to just hit me because they found me getting scared funny
>You have to get away, only then can you really look out for your sister.
You're probably right

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>>85206352
>do you consider yourself a teeth fetishists
Hmmm yeah I think so maybe. It definitely is a thing for me. I mean in my opinion they are a very attractive feature. And at first it was just a passing interest, like "oh they're so cool looking". But over time I feel like that kind of evolved into me being into it?
But there are also times where I'm not turned on by it, and I still think about it. It's confusing. I can look at teeth and be fine, y'know. But it's the idea of doing stuff to the teeth, and stuff like that, that I find interesting. Just looking at teeth they are simply just cool and amazing, thinking about doing stuff to the teeth=exciting.

And no, I am not that other girl. I didn't listen to her vocaroo so I don't know if we actually sound similar or not, but don't worry, I'm not offended about you asking.

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>>85206416
>If that's what you meant by that.
Yes I don't like being touched.
>Honestly did not expect that. What's it like there?
It's alright, very poor were I grew up but you make of it what you can. The countryside is beautiful and you don't have to drive far to see it. In 20minutes you can be a beautiful little village. But also there's very bad poverty, especially when I was growing up. It's better now.
>Idk maybe give it a shot anon. Maybe good things will come out of it
I appreciate that but I'm not, I'm content with my life and how it's going to turn out.
>What the fuck. I'm so sorry. My parents used to just hit me because they found me getting scared funny
Thank you, I still get nightmares over it but you have to move on. You cannot stay in that place, you have to move.

I'm tired now so I'm going to sleep, it's been nice talking to you I hope you find happiness in this life.

>>85206496
huh, you say it was originally just a passing interest but evolved into something more
was there anything that happened which influenced that evolution?
i feel like i'd describe my interest in feet in a similar way, specifically how you talk about how you can find teeth very attractive but you're not always turned on by them
i can look at feet just fine without being aroused, but the thought of interacting with them in a sexual or intimate way is very interesting/exciting for me
i think i know where my foot fetish originated from, when i was very young a girl who slept over at my house a lot would involve her feet/socks in truth or dare games
the more comfortable we got with each other the more perverse the dares became
we'd normally sleep on opposite ends of the bed, head and tails, and after we pretended to go to sleep she would poke and stroke me my crotch with her feet to get my attention
so i think that lead me to associate intimacy/sexuality with feet from very early on in my life
was there anything that influenced your interest in teeth, or do you think it's something more innate?
thanks for confirming you're not h, hopefully this line of questioning doesn't offend you either

Bumping originals

Imagine getting fucked by a big phat white cock of chad cause chad fucks Becky's lmao cause chads fuck beckies the most, just think on how hard you'd take his big jucy 7+ inch dick and his rock hard abs 6'3 stature and he stretches your pussy. Girls love sex more than men so you should stay female. Just get fucked by chads it's easy for spergy females