I am crashing out right now. My brain is telling me 100 percent certainty that I poured alcohol denat to my soda, an hour ago and I am going to go blind. Even if it isn't true, WHICH IT IS , I am still going to have to deal with it tomorrow. And if not that my autism making me unable to work cause I have executive functioning issues all my life. In short my life is really unstable. I hate my life I am going blind I hate my life I am going blind. I will never be able to see again. I wanted to try having sex without a condom once in my life. But unless I a man appears and I fall in love with him all in the course of today before I go blind. I guess that is not happening. I guess that dream is gone. My e x b f is probably reading this and is upset that i am craving love even though he left me so I don't know why he would be upset. Whatever he hates me for saying that I want to have sex before I go blind, everyone hates me everything I do is wrong i am an incompetent autist. Everyone hates me . I don't even have accurate perception of my reality and memory. And or I will go blind. I hate my life I can't even drink alcohol cause that will probably make me more anxious
Even if I wanted to have sex with my e x. Well i want to have my tubes removed before i have sex with anyone so that would take time to accomplish. And even if I got them removed and asked him to have sex. If he said yes it wouldn't feel the same since he wouldn't love me while having sex with me.
But to be fair I don't think anyone will ever love me since I am really autistic and low iq so sex is only thing I can have. Not even sex since it would be meh now that I am going blind . I hate my life I hate my life
>>85272754I'm typing this super slow if you type what you want to type next slow it could help you override the panic a bit
>>85272784I can't think clear realistically
I hate going blind I was doing scrapbooking earlier and now I can't anymore there is no point it just a cruel reminder that tomorrow it won't be there since I won't be able to see. I hate my life. I feely hat I am speaking bad things to happen in my future by typing this. But I can't not talk about my worries
>>85272787Focusing on typing slowly can help drain energy from the panic which could help clear
>>85272754Autist, you can just go to the emergency room. They will prove for certain you didn't pour any alcohol into your soda.
>>85272754https://vocaroo.com/1gmUsKNB2yNY
>>85272775>But to be fair I don't think anyone will ever love me since I am really autistic and low iq so sex is only thing I can have. You sound almost exactly like someone I was just talking about, except you type more coherently and seem to be way more normal than they are kek
>>85272800I am not until symptoms>>85272804Why would you do this. I don't like your tone>>85272814I don't know what exactly this I referencing especially since I am not really coherent
I hate my life if blindness doesn't happen I am scared it will happen tomorrow or the day after or the Day after
>>85272819What's the problem? I just really liked your post.
I hate my life I hate my life. Most people don't understand how being a low functioning low iq autist with OCD feels like
>>85272877No you didn't like no you didn't
>>85272885yeah-huh yeah i did.
Great no I am having another OCD delusional that is just great wow. Or it is another rational thought of a think that is totally going to happen to me. So now two bad things are going to happen to me
>>85272916From your laboured breathing and dismissive tone I would not believe that
>>85272927Thanks for admiring my technique
>>85272945I am not doing that doe
>>85272950yeah-huh yeah you are.>>85272965thanks king
>>85272804Absolute nonsense come on now literally why would you do that
Every time I try to calm down I feel like a fool because I should be upset
>>85272754omg u all say the same things im autistic wah wah wah
>>85273076Yes I am boring I am
>>85272754You're in a downward spiral. You wanting to just vent somewhere it can be seen or do you want to talk to anyone? Do you want advice or to just feel like you're heard? Do you want a distraction?For what it's worth I've been there quite a few times, as recently as a week ago.
>>85273140Do you also have ocd or is it something else. Well calling people would be annoying since I am not a good convo partner rn
>>85273160>Do you also have ocd or is it something elseGeneral depression and a really shitty life. Suicidal ideation has been a constant since I was like, seven.>calling people would be annoying since I am not a good convo partner rn1.) If you're in a depressive/anxious spiral you should call someone you trust, even if you're worried you will annoy them. If they actually care about you they will try to help anyway even if they are annoyed.2.) You're probably not that bad to talk to. And if you need it I can just lurk the thread and you can talk to me. I ve had to play babysitter for suicidal people several times in my life and I'm sure you're not gonna be half as bad as any of them. At the very least you won't try to kill me in my own home
>>85273254>I am sorry Nothing to be sorry for. I'm just trying to help.>don't know what to say other than what I already saidWell if you can still read posts you're probably not going blind. Do you miss your ex or were you just making the point that you feel lonely? Are you just horny or do you want a genuine human connection? I'm not asking that to shame you, everyone gets urges. You just can't act on them in shameful ways. Do you have a good reason to belive everyone hates you, or if you really think about it is there family and friends that care about you?
Great now my delusions are worse since I get this fear whenever I consume anything wow wow fuck my brain >>85273292Thank you anon, are you a man or woman. I get I just idk, like how it would take and it feels like oh I might accidentally do it tomorrow or something. Idk if I have delusional disorder or severe OCD since I read that you can have poor insight OCD. Which at that point the too disorders seem the same to me? I didn't used to be this way it just happened last few years. Maybe because my only friend of years left me. Well idk about the sex and romance questions. I guess I want to experience sex without a condom once in my life. Something that I want to get my tubes removed before doing. But the rest, I don't know what else is even on the table for me.Well my family kinda does we don't have the best relationship. And I am not in a position to make friends right now since I am too mental
>>85273597>you a man or womanMan. Why ask?>how it would take and it feels like oh I might accidentally do it tomorrow or somethingAs I understand blinding yourself like that takes after a couple hours at most, usually within minutes. Unfortunately I don't have a wealth of medical knowledge; I mostly know physical trauma response.>just happened last few years.Sometimes disorders can wax and wane, sometimes they develop and sometimes they disappear. The human mind is complex. Cool thing is it means you aren't hopeless if you get diagnosed with something. >want to experience sex without a condom once in my life. Something that I want to get my tubes removed before doingIt's better I guess, but I only ever really enjoyed sex because of the emotional connection. Once that faded, condom or no, I couldn't enjoy myself.I assume you don't want kids then? Or do you think you "shouldn't" for some reason?>my family kinda does we don't have the best relationship. And I am not in a position to make friends right now since I am too mentalI understand. I have a poor relationship with most of my family. My Ma is really the only one I talk to any more. Thankfully I have friends now but I spent a good portion of my life without any. I wish I had better advice on making them but I only found my friends because of my last job.Regardless, I'm here to talk to as long as you need.
>>85272768Why tf do you have to sterilize yourself to have sex. You are retarded and your life is already over
>>85273697Context, oh do you work in medical?idk if I want to get diagnosed free doctors here aren't the best. I get it but idk I wil ever get the connection and also you aren't a woman so I am curious how it feels for me. Yeah I really don't . How did you befriend them at that job. Thank you.>>85273702I want it
>>85274122>I want itI want you dead
>>85274122>oh do you work in medical?Nah, used to be in the infantry. Considered it important to be able to treat gunshots, cuts, broken bones, obstructed airways, all that fun shit. So I spent a lot of time with the medics after CLS class.>idk if I want to get diagnosedI'm paranoid and I dislike the implications of someone in the medical industry recommending me for pharmaceutical treatment. Usually they end up trying to hook you kn treatments for life because it makes them money.>you aren't a woman so I am curious how it feels for meFair. I think the only part that's super comparable is the chemical release. Other than that the physical sensations are probably wildly different. >Yeah I really don'tObviously I'm not your dad or whatever, but I would advise you to be careful about making that kind of decision. I imagine you're young, and I can tell you that at 18, 19, 20, what have you I wanted things I no longer want and I now want things I had no idea I would have wanted. A lot can change in a year, even moreso after five or ten. And getting your fallopian tubes ripped out is irreversible, obviously. Casual sex (or even "no risk" sex in a committed relationship) isn't worth it in my opinion. Don't let 25 or 30 year old you regret what you do now.>How did you befriend them at that jobWell if you sit in a hole filled with water up to your nipples with another man for two days straight while being yelled at by a thrice dicorced sociopath and then march twelve miles to do combat drills for 21 hours straight, you end up trauma bonding with that guy.>Thank you.No problem. I just know how shitty it is to be stuck in a pit with no one to help and no one to talk to. I don't wish that shit on almost anyone.
You sound like a woman I used to know
