Thread for discussions about selfharm and mutual supportthursdays are cathursdays nowhello>How are you doing today?>Any plans for today?>When was the last time you hurt yourself?>Why did you hurt yourself?>Is there anything bothering you right now?
cool helpful links>a long list of self harm alternatives (thank you muddy):https://imgur.io/a/7Q2zgw7> first aid post cuting:https://www.lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-for-self-injury-and-self-harm/> wound care guide:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/mobilebasic> bpd workbook:https://d-pdf.com/book/1781/read> bdbt (dialectical behavioral therapy)workbook is intended for BPD but can work for anyone:https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdfPlease don't post any drastic images and if you have to, spoiler them
school sucked so fucking bad today oml>>85383307good morning cat how are you
>>85383307I'm annoyed.Waiting on getting weed (which will calm me down), just spoke to the guy so shouldn't be long. Almost 9pm so I'm almost done for the day.I mentally torture myself daily by thinking of a girl I loved 12 years ago.I feel I deserve it.Me. The future. Multiple sclerosis. The past. My mistakes. I want to scratch myself but no razor blades, so just tapping my pocket knife on my hand.
>>85384008I'm sorry :(. There are smart people that survived multiple sclerosis multiple decades. It's all about actitude and healthiness. It's not your fault she left you. Most people went through that. Stay strong. And if you have more worries you can tell me .
>>85384228I don't think it will kill me, but it'll ruin my body. 6 years ago I was walking with no issues, now using a walking stick (if outside, inside I just wobble around). Oh it's better than she left me, nothing ever happened, I got to know her through work, spent a good amount of hours together, but I messed up twice when back at her house.
hey guys>>85383990hello>school suckedat least you passed that darn test :D>how are youwatched anime, funposted with anons, good day>>85384008hey anon>mentally torture myself daily by thinking of a girl I loved 12 years ago.sounds like you should stop immediately I know it's easy to say but It'll only make you feel worse >but no razorprobably for the best stay safe!You git that weed yet?
>>85384008>Multiple sclerosismissed that partit's fucked up anon, this world is unfair
>>85384304How did you messed up ?? That seems VERY hurting and sad. Was she good to you ?
>>85384308>least you passed that darn test :Dyea that's the most important thing honestly lol>watched anime, funposted with anons, good daysounds pretty peak honestly ^^also can you check discord for a sec i asked you something on there?
>>85384308>sounds like you should stop immediatelyI'm trying. Not doing well, just can't let it go. All part of the personalities we have as humans. Some disorders maybe?, dunno, trying to find out.No not got the weed, getting some off a neighbour, but think they brought their (the couple) newborn bay home tonight, so not going to pester him.Weed just turned up, heard my name called outside, and before I could finish yo, it was posted through, kek. Woohoo.
>>85384433Those are not like permanent disorders. If you feel anxious you can easily take some GABA sweats. I like you to have a good life so don't ruin it. There are always tons of things to do.
last night i promised id do one cut. my entire arm is covered in bandages now because i lost control and started cutting as deep as possible. im fucked. its been over a decade since i started cutting.
every time I see how ugly I am I get the urge to cut all over my face :(
>>85384521THAT IS A REAL EMERGENCY. TOMORROW YOU SHOULD GO TO THE DOCTOR, TELL HER THAT SHE SHOULD GIVE YOU SONETHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. You should not follow that promises. Beauty is not that important. People are. Morover, there is nothing in you that can't be fixed with some self care. Some shower, some grooming, some hair cut, you don't even have to do more like dye your hair or makeup like south koreans do. You are more than your beauty
>>85384521Do you feel bussy ?
>>85384348Both times were after work shifts, night shifts, doing 12 hours for 3 nights (just setting the scene, tired, bit trippy ready for a beer then bed),and she asked me if I wanted to go back for a drink. The first time I was thinking should I kiss her a few times, but then she mentioned something about a person I classed as a friend saying to a manager about me smoking weed, and internally I lost my shit, couldn't believe it as I classed him as a mate, plus he smoked weed with me sometimes. I needed a spliff to calm down, I'd ask her to come with me, and we'd come back and she said no!. Fair enough. I messaged her the day after, apologised and asked her out some time when it wasn't after work (we only worked weekends, 1 weekend sat sun 6m-6pm, the next fri sat sun 6pm-6am) but she never responded. I then thought ok I messed that up. Concentrated on being friends, but also kind of flirty. Then again one monday after night shifts she invited me back to hers. I then got into my own head, not sure of if something was going to happen, and also being worried as I'm fairly hairy, and need to psyche myself up for something to happen, and I panicked and called a taxi, she angrily said YOU'RE LEAVING? I said some bollocks about needing cigs. The next week, a neighbour of hers got in the taxi, and said just had breakfast with blahblah, and I thought oh like what I was there for last week? Then that weekend I was seething at myself, then the weekend after somebody said she'd started seeing somebody, so I just thought oh I definitely wasn't anything special. About a year passed (maybe less), and I was being treated like shit on my shift (think just because I'm me, not because of her, she was nice) and I ended up leaving. Didn't even tell her, or say goodbye, I couldn't.Found out she had time off and was on anti depressants because of something happened with somebody she worked with. I didn't even think it was to do with me.Blog over.
>>85384497This is just one thing of many things in life. I have stuff going on from childhood to now (I'm 40+). Worse thing is when I vocalise it, it sounds like nothing.
>>85384605bussy? what does that have to do with anything?
i cut myself last night not deep enough to cause anything lasting but enough to similar previous instances from months ago and i didnt realize i still "had it in me" i wish i didnt but it worries me because i dont know how to feel i dont know if i felt worse or better afterwards i just felt...sad, no real reason for me to bring this up since it doesnt matter anyway i dont do this consistently thank god but im just reflecting on it
>>85384631She gave you opportunities and invited you to be with her. You meant something to her, not sure if she wanted to be a partner immediately, as it requires time. Don't worry. You can invite her too if you want. Also tell me tomorrow if you go to the doctor for that harm. You don't deserve that. Just don't do it :(
>>85384754That's weird as well a bit, just sex? I don't want that. It should be in a loving relationship.This was over a decade ago, I haven't spoken to her, I don't work or anything now. Plus now I can't offer a future to anybody, so shouldn't push anything with anybody.
>>85383307>thursdays are cathursdays nownot sure i'm fine with that, but eh. i'll give it a try.>hellohi catbro. i had a strange day. you?>>85383990hey gator! good to see you. (^-^)>school sucked so fucking bad todayugh. guess both of us a had a shitty day. what got you down?and hello to everybody else as well. o/
>>85384852That's ok just don't kill yourself :( go to the doctor and tell me tomorrow. I also don't have a job. Just studying for an exam to work for the government. Proffesional players usually do well. They are weird, but fun. However I don't understand on women's perspective if that would be fun for them
>>85384754Sorry forgot to say, I won't go to a drs, I've not done anything serious. Only been to A&E once because I punched something years ago and thought I broke my hand (I hadn't).When I've cut in the past, it's not overly deep or long, they scarred but nothing bad, just some lines.I am trying to get to the bottom of things, psychology and psychiatry, but psychology can feel a bit patronising at times, plus going over things I've sort of worked out the cause of isn't really doing anything but winding me up, and repeating myself winds me up. And I waffle a bit (talk alot) and veer of subject, and paying for things just to "chat" with somebody is annoying. Plus the psychologist doesn't evaluate if any underlying disorders (need a cause of something to be able to tackle it), just psychological analysis, over time lead to something, and as I said I've sort of done that myself. I'd go back to it, but I also feel "different" to others, so want to know if somethings I feel are because of that, or if I'm just fucked up. Then I can tackle it.
>>85384388>most important thing honestly lolhow did that other one go?>pretty peak honestly ^^ye :Dare you chilling?>>85384433>Weed just turned uphopefully it helps you get better >>85384512>promised id do one cut.ye it usually goes that waybetter to do none but at least you want to stop, that's the most important part so do best yourself over it anon ^^>>85384521ye, I get it, crazy how what's inside your head can not like your skin suit wierd >>85384746hello anon>cut myself last night not deephope you patches yourself well >dont do this consistentlythat's good still, something is bothering you that made you consider cutting, which is not great >>85384882hello hellowhat happened?? :o>not sure i'm finesmoke cat episodes come out on thursdays!>you?pretty good mapped a little, watched anime, chilled
>>85384978I do want to, but also believe in souls, and somewhat religious/spiritual, so don't want to ruin things for my soul.I have had a couple of gfs, but they made the first move. The hint I had was a tongue down my throat.Is the exam soon? Hope you do well and get that job.
>>85385021>hopefully it helps you get betterIt does, but I also rely on it too much. But then again some of it is good for relaxing muscles which is useful (I get muscle stiffness, tremors, cramps). I need to try a few meds, then I can get weed for medicinal use (buy privately) and can pick weed which is good for a purpose, not just to get high.
>>85384982You are making impulsive decisions. You should go to the doctor and tell them to give you vortiox or something, to feel less pain.
>>85385030If I don't pass the exam in 20 days, I'll pass it in a year. You are a good guy. Just don't waste it. You have a ton to live, from making games to go volunteering, and all the women being interested in you seems they saw something in you :). Strong hopes on you
>>85385050I only got invited once to eat something after I went to the disco. Later she saw lot's of things. I had my clothing hidden in the bath to go to the disco because I bought the disco clothes on the going. I am stuterer when I'm exhausted and I'm weird, I pass machine learning science videos to girls to talk to them and I also live far away so she lost her interest I guess, she said she was bussy
>>85384746hi anon!>i cut myself last night not deep enough to cause anything lastingglad you stayed superficial. any particular reason you did it?>i didnt realize i still "had it in mewhy wouldn't you?>no real reason for me to bring this up since it doesnt matter anywayit's something that was on your mind. that's enough reason to talk about it.>>85385021>what happened?? :oweird lady came to the store today. she's always very loud and angry, because she's trying to send tracked lettery to institutions in ukraine and a lot of those don't arrive and for some reason she's blaming us for it. so today i come in and my coworker has just finished another of her letters. next thing she does is she gets out her phone and starts taking pictures of me and my coworker and when my coworker started protesting, she started screaming about how 4 of her letters didn't arrive and that's when i had enough. stepped in between my coworker and her, ripped the label of her letter and tossed it at her. intended for it to land on the counter, but it went a bit too far and landed in front of her feet. tried to give her her money back, but she was not having any of that and stormed out. a delivery driver witnessed that and offered to try to give her the money (i guess he's ukrainian as well or at least speaks the language), but she just kept screaming at him instead. guess she threatened to take it to the district attorney. good luck with that. been kinda on edge since that interaction today. anyways, that's what happened.>smoke cat episodes come out on thursdays!ah, now i get it. in that case, i'll allow it.>mapped a little, watched anime, chilledwish my day went like that, too. ^^ bought mortal shells 2 and played it a bit. it's fun, but couldn't get into it today.
>>85385063I've been on anti depressants before, and had some bad side effects, one is now permanent (took the tablets for 3 months 6 years ago) tinnitus in both ears 24/7, and one was bad for about 6 months but not as bad now, but that messed with my dreams, for months I was literally fighting for my life in my dreams, I've had to kill people in my dreams. Now it's some confrontational type dreams every now and again. The really weird thing is it was never scary like a nightmare, I'd just wake up and think "oh well, that happened". I was and am thinking negatively all day, so just thought my thoughts had manifested in my dreams. Luckily I googled the meds and saw that as a side effect, and cut down then stopped.
>>85385100I'll find something eventually, just going through a phase of dropping hobbies and trying new stuff. Started collecting pokemon cards (not for investment, they're cool), been to a cardshow by myself and had a 2 night hotel stay, which is mental for me to do something alone.>>85385148That sucks, but hopefully you'll find somebody else. I do believe there is somebody for everyone, just need to find them and (slowly) never let go.
>>85385206It's good to see you care. But it's also sad you express that on sad ways . I want you to give hopes on humanity and don't waste all your life
The past couple days have been alright, I've been seeing my OCD and insecurities in a different light. I'm realizing how many wounds I'm carrying from my childhood. When I was little my father was unemployed for two years, during this time my mother developed cancer--and then Dad started a high stress job, and Mom got cancer *twice*. My father at times could be physically abusive. A lot of the abuse had a religious undertone because my father was a pastor, so it really screwed up my little autistic brain.Now when my anxiety spikes and I feel tempted to obsess, I understand *why* my brain is acting this way, and it helps me feel a little more a peace. Like when my OCD brain tells me shit like "Oh, you secretly did something horrible all those years ago, you deserve to die" I understand it's a manifestation of my brain trying to protect me, so I'm "morally pure" enough to be loved. Reading up on Jungian psychology has helped me so much, maybe even more than therapy ever did.I'm still hanging on. I still live with my parents at 27 but I'm putting a lot of discipline into getting my life together.>>85384746I know that feel. You don't always know "why" you did it but when it happens once more, it's like getting hit by a truck. You feel worried and scared, maybe a little ashamed. That's how I felt at least. I'm sorry you're sad. Please take care of yourself, okay? We all care about you.>>85385205Yikes, nothing like a Karen interaction at work. I'm glad you stood up to her though, we all need to collectively put a stop to this bullshit.
>>85385306Knowing IRL makes it hard at times to believe in humanity, but there are good people out there, nice people. I am trying to not waste my life, and want to do what I can while I can. I've not given in fully.
going to sleep>>85385417hey okabeglad ur a little better
>>85385050>also rely on it too much.I get it tho so you have any other alternatives ?>>85385205>the label of her letter and tossed it at hegood!>been kinda on edgedw it'll all be okay
>>85385512For escapism? Not really, there's vidya and collecting cool stuff, but I do like the feeling of weed. For meds?, yes there's a muscle relaxant I can try, but need to see what side effects are like (might be good for escapism). Not looked into others, will see what this one is like and if it's a daily thing or take as and when needed thing. Then there's a mouth spray called sativex which my country does. Would be fun to try that if the others don't work, or even if they do.
>>85385501thanks cat you make me feel better
>>85385417hello okabe! long time no see. (^-^)>Dad started a high stress job, and Mom got cancer *twice*that must have been a very stressful situation for all of you. sorry your father was like that, though.>I understand it's a manifestation of my brain trying to protect memaybe that's it, but tell your brain that that's not a very nice way to go about it. :p>Reading up on Jungian psychology has helped me so muchlistened to some vids about the topic on youtube. made a lot of sense to me, too. maybe i should have a deeper look.>I'm putting a lot of discipline into getting my life together.i know you can do it! best of luck! (*^*)9>I'm glad you stood up to her thoughthanks. after the encounter i told my coworker that i usually wouldn't have interfered, because i know she can handle the situation on her own, but i was just too fed up. she was happy with me stepping in, though. >we all need to collectively put a stop to this bullshit.agreed. the bullying needs to stop.>>85385501good night!>>85385512>good!not how i usually behave, but felt good for a change.>it'll all be okayi know. some people just make you mad. glad when this week is finally over.i'll try to get some sleep as well. good night, everyone!
>>85383307mm lifework has been so fun recently. thank fuck im finally done with school. spent the rest of my time at home n finally had some time to redesign my desktop :3 also bought some really pretty wool today for a new knitting project :D hope everyone is doin alr!>Is there anything bothering you right now?blackpilled deluxe
>>85385847hi yvki!>work has been so fun recently. glad you're having a good time. what made it fun?>thank fuck im finally done with schoolthat's what i'm telling myself whenever i have a bad day at work. at least it's not that.>had some time to redesign my desktop :3what did you change?>also bought some really pretty wool today for a new knitting projectwhat is it? something to wear? a stuffed animal?>hope everyone is doin alr!i'm ok. bit of a weird day, but you can read that in this blogpost here. >>85385205>blackpilled deluxehow come?probably my actually last post, though.
>>85385889hi hi>what made it fun?currently stationed in a retirement home so its chill n cozy to hang with old ppl n listen to their life stories>that's what i'm telling myself whenever i have a bad day at work. at least it's not that.xactly>what did you change?picrel. fuck i love linux. finally got blur and rounded corners to work in my crackhead terminal. its so stupid but i love it. plus the tiling window manager is amazing>what is it? something to wear? a stuffed animal?making a big fluffy pillow! :D>but you can read that in this blogpost here.o7>how come?its life, theres nothing much to say ig
>>85385205>any particular reason you did it?not really other than feeling distressed in the middle of the night because i think i hate myself a lot for multiple reasons
