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>>85413315
stressed out
counter strike

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>>85413315
feels like i'm spiralling down continously and starting to self isolate more, for me it was super mario 64 when i was playing it when i was around 3ish, i didn't have a dam clue what i was doing but i was trying

>>85413315
I have this hollow feeling in my chest, it literally feels like my heart is breaking. I'm just lonely as hell, I don't care if that makes me sound gay or whatever. I miss having a friend I could text stupid shit too, and I miss making plans to hang out with someone. I try to come to terms with the idea that maybe I'm just meant to be alone for the rest of my life and that's okay but it doesn't work, nothing works and it sucks. But I'm so checked out and am so apathetic to the future that changing anything feels pointless. Even if I somehow make a new friend I don't think it would help me. What's the point of making a new friend I they'll just leave like everyone else too? What's the point of changing anything if I seriously can't even see myself living past September. I feel like I'm in this weird stagnating stalemate with myself. It probably sounds pathetic and whiny but I really don't have to energy to put in the effort to care, and I don't want to talk to anyone because I feel like they'll just send me to a hospital. Anyway, that's how I feel right now.

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>>85413344
whats stressing you out? also nice double dubs.
>counter strike
bretty good
>>85413347
>spiralling down continously
sorry to hear. thats how ive been feeling too recently. i cant get out of this and its been killing me. hope things get better for you. do try to talk with others and dont just sit in your head alone. (which is what im doing)
>>85413370
its not gay or pathetic to have feelings anon, you've just been conditioned to think it is by society. you're allowed to feel this way and cry about it. literally. just cry about it, who knows, it might make you feel better. i am in a similar position. i dont think im meant to have close connections with other people. i've been trying to come to terms with it, but its really hard. of course it is, we're trying to give up a basic human need. so dont be too hard on yourself.
>What's the point of changing anything
because you got nothing to lose. if you wont live to see next year, then even if you hurt yourself trying to change things to the better, it won't matter anyway. at least you can say you tried.

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>>85413407
>do try to talk with others and dont just sit in your head alone.
i nearly tried doing a meek attempt of pushing to the one friend i talk to and about my sad problems when i was feeling so unfathomably pathetic and now i just feel worse because of it... especially now that they're comforting me over my inability to make friends who i can have deep/close connections with

i hope things get better for you too hu tao nonna, it's truely energy sapping for all of us involved in this spiral isn't it, what does tao nonna do to maintain morale in his never ending search for connection ? besides nonna posting i suppose

>>85413315
Hello Anon! You made another thread, wahoo! Now I don't feel so bad for missing most of yesterday's.

>how are you feeling today?
Decent, I guess. I didn't get anything done the whole time I've been here at work, which bothers me a bit. I don't know how I can waste so much freaking time. But other than that I guess I'm fine, I don't seen to have a headache right now and don't even feel much fatigue, so I'm good physically (minus a stuffy nose), and emotionally too.

>do you want to talk for a while?
Yes desu. Now here's hoping that there's actually things to talk about... I guess I could mention that when my mom visited me a couple days ago she brought up how she wants me to cut the hours I work in half and that she'd be willing to pay for any expenses I wouldn't be able to afford if I did this. What the heck. Why are they being so nice to me... this feels like a trap of some kind. I told her I don't really want to do this and she was like "well do you like your job?" and I was like "no..." and so she was like then do it. I don't know why she insists on it so much. I guess if I cut my hours in half I'd be able to get on the government-subsidized insurance I had before, so maybe that's the main reason, but it seems a bit extreme to do that just for insurance methinks. Anyway, she is probably gonna hound me about it again next time she sees me which is gonna be a bother. I was gonna talk about it with my therapist to see what she thinks of it but I couldn't even do that because I felt so sick on Friday I couldn't even sit on my chair for any length of time, I started the session with her and then had to tell her to cut it short because if I didn't go lie down right then and there I think I was gonna throw up. Oh well. I guess I should be able to talk about it this week at least.

Cont.

>>85413315
>>85413472
Cont.

>i hope this week goes better for you
I hope I can play more vidya this week! Stupid illness making me (gasp) miss like two days of gayming... how will I recover...

>got you into vidya?
I guess it probably has to be Serious Sam since that's the first game I watched, and played on my own? But Unreal Tournament and Warcraft II: Tides of Darkness are good contenders as well, I played them all around the same time so it's hard to say if any one of them was really the one that started it all. The one I sunk the most hours into is UT I think, I probably have several thousand hours in it, though sadly no way to know exactly since I never ran it through Steam. I played it pretty religiously from about 2010 to 2016, and on and off since then.

If VNs count as vidya in this case then what got me into them was Chaos;Head. I remember I was going to watch the anime for it but read that it was a bad adaptation, and that it was better to read the VN. So that's what I did. And that was my first ever VN, I read it back in 2016 I think. I liked it a fair amount and wanted to try other VNs after that and that's how I got into them. Surprising that it wasn't Katawa Shoujo that got me into them.

As for you, wuld it be Crash Bandicoot or, even though that's like the first game you were ever exposed to, do you think it's something else that got you into vidya?

Also I saw you opened up DOTA 2 and then closed it pretty much not long after? What's up with that? Don't tell me you're too depressed to even play that...

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>>85413459
>feel worse
i get it. i dont really know what to suggest about that because nothing really helps me either. i feel guilty for asking to help and it feels like im begging for attention so it makes me feel shame too. but it is just a perception of my (or our) mind, it is not true. we have to try and remind ourselves of that.
>energy sapping
yeah. i havent been able to do anything all day. i dont even eat anymore. i think i've lived on like 6 breadsticks for the past couple of days. im not even hungry, im too tired for anything
>maintain morale
uuuhmm... i dont really know . i kinda just gaslight myself into thinking its okay. its okay to be the way i am and i'll get used to it eventually. that its not my fault if things never work out with other people, its because of how my brain is wired. i guess. then i play sad songs on guitar and feel pathetic about it! today ive played nutshell by alice in chains ofr an hour or two.
also, forgot to say before, but i love super mario 64. i remember playing some weird edition of it on websites with flash games. then i played hte actual one eventually and i was like. woaaahh.
>>85413472
hi. glad your headache didnt come back. still get some aspirin or something for your nose. ive been having a sore throat the past few days and im not sure why.
>feels like a trap
crazy idea but i think she just really cares about your wellbeing
personally i would say no. though its just because i'd feel too bad for stealing more money from my mom. unless i REALLY hate my job. then i'd accept. but yeah talk about it with your therapist first if you can.
>Tides of Darkness
hmm... suspiciously familiar name...
i never played any of the serious sam games, but i used to watch a youtube that really loved the games and made videos about them. it seems to me that they're mostly just quake.
>Crash Bandicoot
i think i didnt really understand much about it, so i believe the game that actually got me hooked to vidya was stronghold crusader. and RCT3.

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>>85413539
>i feel guilty for asking to help and it feels like im begging for attention so it makes me feel shame too.
it makes us feel horrible and as if we're burdening or annoying/bothering someone so usually it keeps couped up until it ends up actually affecting how we interact with someone and it becomes unoptimal, as in just pure blanking on knowing what to say or just playing off of them bad, have you kidnapped anyone off of the chan ?

>im not even hungry, im too tired for anything
mmmm maybe you might benefit from some teas with sugar in it, if you have multivitamans you can crush them up and somewhat fortify them, it's easier to stomach then most things, it's basically just an offbrand version of the oral nutritonal supplements we gave old people and eating disorder creatures who had difficulty stomaching food when i use to work in the hospital, i hope your appetite improves !! :<

>its okay to be the way i am and i'll get used to it eventually. that its not my fault if things never work out with other people
sometimes i can't help but feel like the common factor that i'm doing something wrong and i just need to simply minmaxx the most effective method of interacting with someone even if they only have one word replies, but some people just really will never have interest in talking to you or even hate and despise you as such

>yeah. i havent been able to do anything all day.
my studies have been suffering, i feel like for the past like 2 months i've litterally done nothing productive and i'm already bleeding out academically which is just hurting it even more, i struggle with studying since i have adhd and a diagnosis is extremely long and painfully expensive for my landias so i gotta suffer sober

>i remember playing some weird edition of it on websites with flash games.
i remmeber playing on specifically onemorelevel that site and on nitrome, i think my favourite was 'nitrome must die' and 'bad icecream' throughout all those years, good times

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>>85413664
>pure blanking on knowing what to say
yeah, exactly. i dont think i could've explained it any better. it sucks. so much
>have you kidnapped anyone off of the chan
uhhh, im not sure what you mean, but i did add a few anons from here over the years, yes. though only 2 actually stuck with me. and i stuck with them, so far. but its scary. to get attached to people i mean.
>teas with sugar
hm, i was never much of a tea person, but i guess trying doesnt hurt. i do take vitamin b and d (least, i try to when i remember) because im like, incredibly deficient and apparently according to my psychologist its the source of all my issues. i wish. but thank you for the suggestion desu, i appreciate it
>will never have interest in talking to you
yeah, you cant really be friends with everyone and thats fine. even if you'd like to. i know i'd like to be friends with everyone i meet. but in certain cases it just doesn't work, and its not always your fault. even though i do think its always my fault. but its not! (i hope)
>the past like 2 months i've litterally done nothing productive
mhmmm. yeah. literally me. im supposed to study for exams and i cant do it for the life of me. i open the workbook and i get distracted every 3 seconds or i just get this immense feeling of dread that impedes me from doing anything. i also have adhd and have been rawdogging life with, it hassn't worked out well. especially school wise. i could never ever study or pay attention in class when i was a kid. now that i want to, and i HAVE to, i still cant...

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>>85413315
Woke up for no reason again in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back asleep for a while, so I'm a little tired. Ugh.. I hate when that happens, it makes me feel like ass... At first I feel terrified of being alive and conscious, then I feel hopeless and regretful about my situation, and then it turns into random thoughts I can't stop. When I finally fell asleep I dreamed about a childhood friend whose dad an hero'd. He looked at me and I felt guilty for some reason, so I woke up again...
>whats the game (or one of the games) that got you into vidya?
Maybe MediEvil on the ps1, it was such a good game desu.

>>85413786
>only 2 actually stuck with me
Add me back maybe?

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>>85414034
sucks to hear anon. you might wanna try melatonin to fall back asleep fast when that happens.
>feel terrified of being alive
get that often too. its like a loop of emotions, the ones you described.
>MediEvil
i remember that game desu. always loved looking at the pictures in the packaging
>spoiler
sorry. i dont really want to be friends.

testing or something..

>>85413539
>get some aspirin
Does that help with the nose stuffiness?? I did actually take some last evening because I felt kind of uhh sensitive I guess (every part of my body was sort of achy) and it fixed that but I don't think it did much if anything for my nose. And now instead of being stuffy it's being leaky instead which is gross ugh I hate being sick. Weirdly though it reminds me of the good times a bit because I used to always be sick a lot as a child. It's funny how the sensation of being sick can sort of bring you back to that time.

>sore throat
Maybe you caught it from me! But hm hopefully it doesn't develop into anything more serious. Maybe get some cough drops if it becomes too bothersome?

>she just really cares about your wellbeing
That IS crazy. I mean, I don't know... I do think she does but I swear it's never led to anything good in the past. Her way of caring is just not good for me. It would also just make me feel guilty for taking money from her AND still feel like shit for having to go to work so it would sort of be the worst of both worlds I think. Plus, yeah, I don't think I REALLY hate this job, it's not that bad all things considered. I never did reveal to her what it is that I do so she probably thinks it's some backbreaking labor, meanwhile I sit on 4chan for 9 hours a day and do 1 hour of simple household chores. The other thing is, I also want to save up money so I can NEET eventually, so it doesn't make sense to cut back on hours right now, then I'll be stuck having to work forever. More work now means less work later.

But hmm I do wonder what to do about getting an awwtism diagnosis then... she really wants me to get one it seems, and I do think it's a good idea just to know WTF is wrong with me if nothing else, but it's pretty expensive without insurance. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and spend like $2k on it....

Cont.

>>85413539
>>85414349
Cont.

>familiar name
Lole, I noticed that too. It sounds cooler when the words are in that order compared to DarkTide, though, IMO. You should try that game since you like RTSes. Although I guess it might be pretty boring compared to Stronghold since it's a lot more basic... but the graphics and sound design are top notch. I still have some quotes from it stuck in my head...

>youtube that really loved the games
Ah, you've told me that before! I know of Zeb89 too. The games are indeed a bit like Quake, though more like Doom I would say. But it's basically a horde shooter in a way, or at least you certainly have to fight through a bunch of hordes. There's melee weapons too though they are not as good as in the xTide games. We should really play it sometime, there's a coop mode too so we could go through the campaign together.

>didnt really understand much about it
I didn't either, about those first games of my childhood... I remember when I played Half Life I thought the point of the game was to avoid the resonance cascade and I kept re-playing the intro trying to not get everything to blow up lol. I was too innocent for that game back then.

>stronghold crusader and RCT3
I see. I'm glad I've played Stronghold now, seeing as it was such a pivotal game for you. I can see why too, it's pretty much just as sovlful as Warcraft 2. The graphics and sound design are pretty great. Plus you can build cool castles. I'm pretty sure I'd be obsessed with doing that too as a child. RCT3 though, I am yet to play. I have it installed but still haven't touched it... I wonder if I will like it...

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>>85414301
what are you testing??
>>85414349
>nose stuffiness?
it should, afaik aspirin is an anti-inflammatory so that means it makes ur nose work better too
>More work now means less work later
its really funny to me how your work ethic has no flaws whatsoever except for the end goal
>spend like $2k on it
if she really wants you to take hte test, then maybe you should ask her to pay for it desu.
>some quotes from it stuck in my head
i think ive unwillingly memorized most voicelines from stronghold games and tf2. its like whenever says something similar to a voiceline irl then a sleeper agent in my brain activates.
>should really play it sometime
hm, we could, i wouldnt be against it. i did want to play unreal tournament too at some point
>when I played Half Life
i think i played hl2 for the first time when i was around 14, and at some point in the game i got stuck and didnt know what the hell to do. so i just gave up and never finished it.
>RCT3 though, I am yet to play
i dont think its as good, but it also has a lot of sovl. the first game though is better imo. really good looking for a 1999 game.

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>>85414252
>melatonin
I don't need that, I need to fix my life... I'm pretty sure I'm just suppressing a lot of issues that manage to slip past when my brain is still half asleep.
>get that often too
Are you afraid of death? I'd assume you aren't, knowing how suicidal you get.
>i dont really want to be friends
Ah... I tried at least. May I know why? Are you afraid of the bpdemonry? Or just not interested anymore?

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>>85414546
>I need to fix my life
sure, that too. but getting melatonin is a lot easier dont you think?
>afraid of death?
no, more so im afraid of wasting potential. and passing my suffering onto others. not really sure i'd still be here if my mom wasnt alive. are you afraid?
>May I know why?
if i've learnt anything from the past is that we're not really meant to be anything else other than anons on an imageboard

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>everything is fine more or less
>feel bleh
epic
>only person I talked to sometimes deleted me
>I mentioned something about politics
>they start to rant
>get deleted befor I even get to reply
every time, they will be back lole

>>85414504
>anti-inflammatory
Ah, I think you're right, that would make sense. I don't want to take it too much though since I think you're not supposed to take over a certain amount every 24 hours and I might need it later if I get a headache.

>except for the end goal
What's the flaw in being a NEET huh??? I thought you had no problem with it yourself as long as you weren't leeching off your parents? And in this case I would be living off my own hard-earned money, so what even is the problem? I *guess* it's theoretically better if I could find a career that I actually enjoy and make it my life purpose or whatever but that really seems impossible to me. This is the second best thing.

>maybe you should ask her to pay for it desu.
Don't think she would desu, she can't afford that much. She'd just tell me to cut my hours so I can get on that government insurance.

>whenever says something similar to a voiceline irl then a sleeper agent in my brain activates.
Heh. For me it's not even that, I will just completely randomly remember certain voicelines, unrelated to anything, and they will get stuck in my head.

>i wouldnt be against it.
Really?????????? Awesome!! I thought you wouldn't be interested in it to be honest. We should definitely do that sometime then, I just gotta test a few things to see which settings are best. Of course we're going to have to play on Serious difficulty for the extra challenge though, so prepare to die. Although I wonder if you'll die much... baka is way too good at video games for that I thinks. Probs I will die more lole.

Cont.

>>85414504
>>85414911
Cont.

>unreal tournament
No way!? That too? That's amazing! I would love to show you around in the game. I could also absolutely hand your butt to you in it if you want. Or we could do some gambling for money and play a match where I handicap myself to only the Bio Rifle (generally regarded as the weakest weapon) and no armor pickups while you can use everything at your disposal and if I lose, I have to pay you 100 bucks or something. Dunno if that'd be fun or more frustrating than anything. Or we could play on a Friday and join a bunch of other people on a fun server where they have tons of different gametypes. So many possibilities! Definitely should do that sometime. Also I wonder if you'd like this game because of your ADHD, it's pretty fast-paced, I know there's one guy with ADHD that liked playing it because it's the only thing that could keep his attention. Also also, did you know a lot of the soundtrack in the game is DnB? Or at least I think so. Here's one of my favorites: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZ7BcbB5QqE

>hl2
Oh I've never actually played that one, only the first, and I didn't get very far even after I realized you're supposed to let the alien invasion happen. I think it's pretty common to get stuck in games as a kid, especially older games that used to have much less handholding, so no wonder that happened to you I guess. There's some games I had to spend like 3 hours running around a level before I found a way to progress lole...

>really good looking
Yeah honestly I'm often amazed at how good the graphics are in older games, especially 2D or 2.5D stuff. I guess it makes sense those would age well compared to 3D games but yeah. Amazing what people could do with the technology at the time.

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>>85414911
>not supposed to take over a certain amount
thats a suggestion, really.
>the flaw in being a NEET
that it makes you depressed and suicidal? you wont be happy neeting. you've been doing that for the past decade of your life and you dont really seem like a happy person to me anon.
>can't afford that much
you could split the bill or something. or just get on that insurance and once you're done with it just go back to normal
>randomly remember certain voicelines
i mean i have that too. i could be going on my day normally and randomly say something referencing a game. even if im not talking to anyone.
>I will die more
we'll see desu
>I handicap myself
i think the fact that you'd be playing with 100 ping or something like that is alreayd enough of a handicap. i think i'd probably like UT, i liked quake too when i played it, i just didnt continue because its a dead game and also the newer one runs like ass. yeah the soundtrack isn't bad either. fits the 2009 or so vibe
>had to spend like 3 hours running around a level
never had the patience for that. i'd just quit, or look up a guide online.
>good the graphics are in older games
imo, they look a lot better than many modern games. look at the pokemon franchise. every game was prtty until they started making them in 3d. after that not one looked good.

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0kies I will get a pizza from the grocery store tonight methinks

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>>85414724
>a lot easier
You're right... I'm just tired of suppressing more problems.
>afraid of wasting potential
You better be. It's a shame to see you like this really, I hope you don't give up.
>passing my suffering onto others
I'm glad you realize that. Your mom would most likely never recover from depression if you were gone.
>are you afraid?
Terribly. I'm afraid of losing myself, and of whatever surprise is in store for me after death, if any...
>we're not really meant to be anything else
I understand why you'd think that... and I assure you this time would've been different. I don't wanna try to change your mind but I do want to let you know that the only reason why I'm here is because I still see you as a friend. If you don't agree with that then I guess there's no reason for me to stay, unless you enjoy my company. Either way I promise I'll be on your side, no matter the outcome...

>>85414724
it took you this long to learn such things?

hm

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>>85415349
>tired of suppressing more problems
you've gotta deal with one at a time, not all of them once though. so its fine to take shortcuts for some.
>I hope you don't give up
thanks. i hope so too, really.
>never recover from depression
im pretty sure she'd kill herself too, honestly. im not saying im the only reason why she's alive but... shes in a bad spot already, and me dying, would just send her over the edge. im such a horrible person. i did this to her just by existing.
>losing myself
what does that mean to you? going insane? giving up entirely?
>this time would've been different
i really would love to trust your words but, i cant. i also cant really forget all the things you said back then. i know you've apologized, and i forgive you. but i dont forget, and that alone prevents me from trusting you. and if i cant trust someone, then whtever connection i have with them is bound to fail. thats just how i work. i like speaking with you here, i'd go with you to japan, but i wouldnt be able to be 100% myself around you so, i cant call you a friend. i know my definition of friendship is retarded but what can you do. im retarded.
>>85415404
yes. refer to the last two words above

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oh wow that confirms it
im being ignored
the pain

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So what happened to the take it easy baka?

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>>85415464
You'll get used to it. Old people are practically invisible.

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>>85415469
I want ro state that we basically never talked off 4chan so I have/had no influence of this baka spawning here
probably why I was ignored
I wrote this entire post while I had to pee

>>85413315
hello, hu tao anon
i hope you've been doing better as of late

>whats the game (or one of the games) that got you into vidya?
when i was 4 years old i stumbled onto age of empires 1
i was immediately hooked, i already loved spending my time on computers so i would visit my relatives every weekend to play on theirs
i also got into playing some sonic hacks and fangames too, by the time i got my own pc i was already playing aoe2 and aoe3 as well as emulating the og sonic games lol

nowadays i've been playing ragnarok online on a private server with my friend
been leveling up a soul linker and star gladiator, i feel like the soul linker is easier to play but star gladiator feels very op when i can use heat skills

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>>85415487
aisu bros... am i understanding this right that youre saying that being associated with aiste will get you ignored by the entire board

>>85413315
I'm shitfaced off four tall boysand can't feel my face also I'm playing the mw4 beta

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>>85414504
>what are you testing??
was seeing if posting in a thread would get rid of the thread cooldown that for some reason appears every day despite my ip staying the same. and this is a thread i had open so..

i guess i could play along with the read too so
>how are you feeling today?
a little bit happier than usual. sorta reconnecting with a friend i met here. he's actually doing stuff which kinda motivates me to do the same now.
>do you want to talk for a while?
i wish i could but its a bit difficult. even some people i talk to a bunch tell me that i am different. meds not only did away with my bpd but also my soul..
>i hope this week goes better for you
thanks anon i hope the same for you too :3
>also, whats the game (or one of the games) that got you into vidya?
Mario 64 for the DS probably. wby?

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OP is cute so I will let this pass
>>85415486
I went with mom to the grocery store
>>85415535
can you guys just make up already

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>>85415500
hi. im doing pretty fucking awful. but oh well
>age of empires 1
nice. i played the second and it was fun. as a kid i played this "imperivm" game which looked similar and thats probably one of hte main games that got me into rts.
>sonic
i used to play the flash versions of sonic games. really liked the songs more than the anything honestly.
>ragnarok online
wish i was old enough for the golden age of mmorpgs. kinda feel like i've missed out.
>>85415567
thats nice. is the beta as shit as everyone says it is? i assume so.
>>85415632
oh, hello.
>little bit happier
ah thats nice desu. i hope he gives you enough motivation to keep drawing. i think you wanted to do that more no?
>but also my soul
maybe the true soul was the bpd we had all along...
>Mario 64
another mario enjoyer. wish i could play that game for the first time again. me, it was stronghold crusader. ive spent a good amount of my childhood playing that game.

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>>85415714
have a hug, hu tao anon
here's hoping better times come, it's all i can do anyway

>imperivm
i never heard about it, but it looks every bit as fun as aoe lol
aoe2 is an excellent pick too, i got fascinated by medieval stuffs in no small part thanks to it back then

>flash versions
ah yeah flash games, what a blast from the past
i used to really like this batman one as well as a bowman one, i'd autistically fixate on them lmao
hell yeah

>kinda feel like i've missed out.
yeah same actually, a big reason why i got hooked on RO is because of that
the game has a lot of sovl to it, i've been enjoying it a lot
if you ever feel inclined to start playing, i can let you know which server i picked and maybe play with you if you ever feel so inclined
you can also interact with the rest of the community there, maybe it'll do you some good, aye?

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>add some extra cheese to my frozen pizza
>still have a dip from pizza hut
>new episode of one piece ready2watch

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>>85415714
>i think you wanted to do that more no?
yeah but that's only one of 4 things i wanted to do more. probably not good to want to do everything at once but i love my hobbies even if i rarely do them you see.
>maybe the true soul was the bpd we had all along...
you know, maybe. when these pills work they do flatten you out a bunch and not being able to cry is scary but you see things to clearly. verdict: a little BPD is essential in keeping things interesting
however it also absolutely needs to be unter control.
no i wasnt joking it actually is scary and i can barely muster replies to some people
>stronghold crusader
must be good if taoanon played it. kinda wanted to try a game from that series for a while but forget every time.
oh fallout new vegas was also around that time. its one of the first games in general that i played. was a wee lad playing full versions in a country where they are censored haha

but yeah you see how i have barely anything to talk about. blegh, good thing im quitting these. actually there is stuff to talk about but it just wont work sorry.
good night

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I will ask last more time what happened to take it easy baka?

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>>85415839
WOW
now you are ignoring me too???
I should kill myself

>>85415839
They're having a bad time with making friends at college and has elected to rope

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I wish kanoeanon just added me back then

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>>85415939
I see. Poor bastard is literally me in my youth sigh.

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I will just get ready2sleep now since I have to work tomorrow >:T

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>>85415454
>its fine to take shortcuts
My whole life is a shortcut...
>im such a horrible person
No you're not, you're just unlucky and in a perpetual state of suffering. It's normal to feel the way you do, so don't feel bad about it. The fact that you care about your mom makes you the opposite of horrible.
>what does that mean to you?
I meant as in dying and losing all my memories and progress in this life, which is flawed thinking anyway because once you're dead there's nothing to lose...
>...
All baka had to do was add me back on the 'cord but instead he chose to (deeply!) hurt my feelings in public...
I suppose I deserve it. Sorry for bothering you with this anon, it won't happen again. You are none of those things that bpdemon said also, I hope you believe me when I say this.

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>okies goodnights then you bullies

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I stopped taking my meds, and decided to get too high for my own good, the derealization is actually horrible but im finding comfort in it

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that wasn't supposed to be greentex

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>>85415754
>fascinated by medieval stuffs
yeah, for me it was stronghold that got me fixated with medieval things. still am as of now.
>i can let you know which server i picked
i'll tell you in case i ever start playing it. as a kid one of the things i wanted the most was being part of a guild. when i played minecraft there were this servers with like guild wars and stuff and i could nevr partecipate cause i wasnt able to make any friends.
>>85415787
>one of 4 things i wanted to do more
one thing at a time anon... but yes, i can understand why you'd want to do everything at once when you're motivated. its kind of a fleeting feeling.
>needs to be unter control
well yeah on that much i can agree. untreated it can turn into a nightmare. so better safe than sorry i suppose.
>but forget every time
they often go on sale for like 2 euros on steam so you have no excuse not to try them. i can assure you they're like, top 5 games ever.
>new vegas
i played that a bunch but i could never get that much into it. i played 4 too and never finished that one either...
>im quitting these
you mean these threads? oh... thats fine. okay. no issue. *cries*
>>85416160
>My whole life is a shortcut
more so you were never taught that taking shortcuts should be used as a last resort, not as the default. and you, having had a rather difficult life, cant really be blamed for taking the easy routes. although, now that you're more aware i hope you manage muster up the strength to choose to take the harder routes.
>opposite of horrible
just caring isn't enough though. thats not going to fix anything. i need to do more and i cant seem to be enough.
>all my memories and progress in this life
you're not really afraid of death then, more so of losing what you have. if you start to consider that what you have, maybe isn't really worth that much, then you'd be more keen to risking things. in order to get things worth living for.

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>>85416160
>add me back on the 'cord
sorry. i dont really see a point in doing that though. we'd just discuss pointless stuff or say hi twice a day only for the sake of not hurting each other's feelings. and sorry for hurting you again, i just wanted to be honest. but you see, this is exactly what i meant. all that is going to happen is this. accidentally hurting one another until things go to shit. you don't deserve it, i dont deserve it, but its whats going to happen anyway. i dont want to hurt anyone anymore. so im sorry.

>>85416389
>still am as of now.
oo, what aspect of medieval stuff do you like the most?
for me it's the architecture of those days, the castles, the cathedrals, how wach empire built their own designs was always fascinating to me (i'm a fan of the gothic style but islamic can look pretty fucking good too)

>i'll tell you in case i ever start playing it.
aight, you know where to find me, fren
>being part of a guild.
hmm... it could be a pretty good or a pretty shitty experience if you ask me
i'm a pve player so i hunt monsters and dungeon dive instead, the pvp guilds were usually too much for my ping and my overall hatred of pvp

larger guilds tend to make you feel more distant unless you get into a particular clique
smaller guilds are hit or miss, if it's a group of friends it can be extremely fun but if it's just a newbie guild or something, you may have a decent experience or just infuriate yourself

my best experiences were with friends' guilds but with like, retired/veteran players just fucking around with their friends
you skip a bunch of newbie bullshit but you also don't get pressured to perform like you might in bigger guilds
>t. was a newbie in such a guild and molded into a veteran by it

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>>85415057
Fell asleep again... I give up, I guess it's my fate to always miss half of your threads because of it :( My body just wants to sleep at this time I guess.

>thats a suggestion, really.
Having a functional liver is a suggestion too then I guess!! But I mean it's probably fine as long as I don't down the whole bottle at once, I know, I'm just autistic about it.. I bet you would be too, until you try to kill yourself with them lole. Don't do that BTW.

>it makes you depressed and suicidal?
You think it's NEETing that does that? But then why am I more depressed and suicidal now than before? I was pretty happy for at least the first 5 years of NEETing or so, too. Certainly, it's not like having a job makes one happy, does it? If it made me less depressed I wouldn't want to stop going there so desperately. So I don't really get it still...

>split the bill
Meh I guess... I dunno. What a pain. Wish we had free healthcare but I guess the waitlists would be years long then so maybe I'd be in the same situation.

>i mean i have that too.
Ah, so you are a little crazy too! Good to know.

>we'll see desu
I wonder what your favorite weapon will be, too. I'm sure you'll abuse the knife a lot, even though it's a starter weapon it can be really powerful. Also, a question: do you think you'd rather play the original versions or the HD remakes? The main difference is mostly just the art style being slightly different, as you can see from pic rel. Although this pic doesn't really do it justice and the HD one looks unequivocally better here I think...

>100 ping or something like that is alreayd enough of a handicap.
First of all, no, I literally think it's not lol. You underestimate how good I am at the game, especially if it's a 1vs1 situation. I don't think you'd get a single kill if the only disadvantage I had was 100 ping. Second of all, there are some servers with ping compensation out there and 100 ping doesn't really make a difference on those.

Cont.

>>85415057
>>85416733
Cont.

>because its a dead game
I see, so that's why... I did always think you'd like it, it's too bad it had to be this way... you would have been good at it too probably. It is unfortunately completely dead these days, there's like 300 concurrent players at any given time I think lole. Pretty terrible. I wonder if they'll ever make a new Quake or if the series as a whole is dead... BTW what's your theory on why Quake and UT are so dead? Why don't modern players like arena FPS? This is always a common discussion in the communities and no one can ever agree on why they're dead.

>never had the patience
Yeah, it certainly tried my patience. Don't think I was able to find a guide or anything though so it was either quit the game or try to find it myself.

>they look a lot better than many modern games
Indeed. Modern games also tend to just look generic a lot of the time because it's always just realistic graphics. I'm too lazy to look up all the Pokemon games to see the difference but I believe you, the new ones certainly do look pretty meh from what I recall.

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>>85413315
>how are you feeling today?
Changing apartment in the following month...
I tend to feel lukewarmly lately because I've finished another important chapter of my life, and I feel totally empty about it and I don't seem to reason much with it whatsoever, so I'm kind of directionless at the moment...
Besides I'm trying to distract myself with Youtube videos and shitposting online.
>i hope this week goes better for you.
Yes!!! I need to finish drawing and reading a book, I'm almost over! but I always stop doing my tasks whenever I feel excited about it because I want to feel energetic for the next time aswell and not feel burnout by it..
>whats the game (or one of the games) that got you into vidya?
Mmmh... I don't remember correctly... it was either a flash game or an old NFS game!

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>>85413786
>it sucks. so much
it hurts so much because it adds so much strain to talking to other people or nonnas which is how we keep ourselves happy and in the game

>its scary. to get attached to people i mean.
i've added so many and all i have left is 1 wonderful anonny, it really is since a good bit of them were bpdemons and it really does hurt but hey we know from now i guess

>psychologist its the source of all my issues. i wish.
docco creature said it was a factor of mine specifically vitaman d, i'm probably defficent again because my room is litterally pitch black and i dont go outside too often, apparently it affects mood quite a bit, ace juice might helpa :D

>even though i do think its always my fault. but its not! (i hope)
most of them don't last past the weekend period or inital interaction so it can't be helped i guess it'd be rare for them to even last a week past uwaa

>i open the workbook and i get distracted every 3 seconds or i just get this immense feeling of dread that impedes me from doing anything.
the dread has been continously building up i wishthey could just give me drugs, usually when the dread builds of the same day of the exam or a day prior it makes us do something and cram, but for some reason it's just gone and gone and gone right now and now it just sucks.... i wish i had a solution