If I imagine an alternate state of affairs in which I were not conceived in my mothers womb and born into this world, and then compare it to the actual state of the world in which I was born as this human organism, it is much like a comparison between heaven and hell. To have never been born would be to have never been subject to suffering, vulnerability, need, aging, and inescapable death. A total invulnerability to suffering and harm. Timeless nothingness, for nobody. How could there be a better state of affairs? But here we exist in this fallen state - ensnared into this world as this human organism - as a body that shivers and hungers and thirsts and wants, and must struggle for its survival via securing material resources (warmth, food, water, protection, hygiene, etc), or suffer a miserable protracted death. All while the overall life-cycle of the human body imposes upon us it's aging, wearing down, and dying processes, and whose inescapable fate is to end up a lifeless corpse. Its hell down here - struggling to keep an organism alive that was never wanted, and whose death is both rationally craved, and yet we will instincually fight to remain alive at almost any cost. Our fate is sealed - we were born as a human, we will suffer as a human, and we will die as a human. Where is the awe? All I feel is a profound sense of disgust towards a world that embodies organisms into a locus of wasted and meaningless suffering, and then kills them without reason. My jaw drops not in awe, but in disgust - my mouth opening just wide enough to spit on this fucking world.
