Why is self hate considered bad, when you can't help not liking things about yourself you can't change? I dislike alot of things about my appearance that technology isn't advanced enough for me to control. And I can't just stop disliking them how would that even work. But if you say this or people even suspect you feel this way, they push the love yourself thing which isn't even plausible
Life sucks doesn't it
>>85425045"Self love" is actually radical self acceptance. This doesn't mean totally ignoring your flaws but to say fuck it and accept the things that are out of your control. If you have a lot of safe-hate that you ruminate on, then it will affect your behavior, and you inadvertently end up punishing yourself for things you can't control.
Because unless you kill yourself it just gets annoying listening to some loser whine about how much they hate themselves and either doing nothing about it, trying to get empathy or worse of all trying to drag others down with him. And no one will believe you hate yourself THAT much if you are still breathing, only that you are an attention whore
>>85425431I am sorry but this is too general to say much can ypu specify
>>85425453Well, say, you focus on these things, and it brings down your confidence, so you don't take the opportunity, even if you are mentally capable of doing so. You may become avoidant to people, because you don't feel worthy. I know modern society focuses on looks a lot, but they really aren't everything. When you resist something truly out of your control a lot, you can end up feeling like a failure for no good reason. It unconsciously makes you feel like you need to fix something that just cannot be fixed. Radical self acceptance counters this. And like I said, this isn't accepting harmful behaviors or anything, but just focusing on what is within your control.
>>85425502They really are though and I think the argument is stupid the external world influences the internal world more than vice versa
>>85425502In other words yes those millimeters of bone really do matter they will shape how people will treat you your entire life okay and you can use therapy speak all you want but people will treat you based on how you look obviously neurotypes play a major role as well but good looks can overpower neurodivergency any day
>>85425509The internal still greatly affects the external. Your perception is not a clean one, no one's is. All information is constantly being ran and filtered through a pattern-seeking, biased brain. All of our brains are built this way and every person experiences cognitive distortions based on the internal. Things like negative confirmation bias can make neutral stimuli feel negative. So, when you internalize self-hatred, you run your experiences through it before it even gets fed to the experiencing you. This can absolutely affect behavior and outcomes and is changeable from the inside-out.
>>85425543Two brains Two different bodies Two different lives
>>85425526Of course they matter, but that doesn't mean you should "hate" yourself for it. Also, I think modern therapy is retarded, but all of these words are just shorthand for specific human experiences that have been well-studied. I understand there are people who you dislike who also use them, but I also dislike those people.
>>85425550Just because one side of this exists doesn't mean the other doesn't as well. I'm not denying the existence of what you're saying but am just saying, that's not all there is. Especially in the context of "self-hatred."
>>85425554It doesn't mean that they should it means that they do because of the experiences they've had from how they look
>>85425561>Why is self hate considered bad, when you can't help not liking things about yourself you can't change?This is what I am responding to. And I wouldn't even use the word "bad," I would use "bad for you," because it's not a moral thing. I was explaining how the internalization and focus on such beliefs can end up in self-sabotage and why it happens. Just because you don't have all the opportunities as a Chad does not mean you have none at all. The reason I recommended the practice of radical self-acceptance is, because you can end up penalizing yourself more, just because you have it in your mind that you are actually inherently lesser. It is better not to focus on those things so much that you possess self-hatred over them, and to instead focus on what IS in your control.
>>85425583The thing is I do have the opportunities as a chad I've had them my whole life and they formed in the womb
>>85425588Alright, that is totally beside the point. What about the rest of what I said?
>>85425593What do you think someone has control over
>>85425597Grooming, skincare, fitness/body composition, posture, fit of clothes, hygiene. Conversational ability (even neurodivergents can learn some of these skills), humor, emotional attunement, competence at something. Whether a rejection gets treated as a global verdict about your worth. Whether ambiguous social behavior becomes the worst-case scenario. Which subcultures, communities, and dating pools you put yourself in. Whether your own self-worth hinges on the way you look. You don't control the hand you were dealt, but you control what you do with it. And you don't have to do all of this at once, but there are plenty of other things you can focus on, that won't end up making you subconsciously sabotage yourself.
>>85425667I would agree those are good solutions but it's hard to have somebody who is mentally unwell from a lifetime of negative experiences to put the effort into want to change for more positive ones because they are only expecting negative ones
>>85425705Yeah, that's what I was talking about with negative confirmation bias. It makes sense why it happens, and, really, the only way out is by seeking out and purposefully noting the things that break it. And yes, you may fail again and it may hurt, but if you stop seeking the good and positives, and don't choose to put the things you can't control to rest, then it will never reveal itself to you, as it will be filtered out by that bias. Most of navigating the world is confidence, really. For some of us, we have to fight for our confidence, work harder, and prove it to ourselves. Hating yourself for something you can't control is just not an effective way to deal with it. Once again, I understand why it happens, but it doesn't have to be the end point.
>>85425726Money too probably
>>85425756Yes, but there is still plenty you can do for free. Like I said, it's only about focusing on the things you can control.
>>85425045You should neither love nor hate yourself. You shouldn't think much about yourself. Stop evaluating your "worth" or "quality". Just be. Just exist. You aren't a "person", you are a vessel.
>>85425787Well I still dislike some stuff about my appearance what about that
