Hello. I'm a young adult and I feel depressed and isolated. I don't know what to do.I remember being bullied - a decent amount in primary and constantly in secondary. I had to go to therapy afterwards and I recovered from the post-trauma. I graduated, went to another school, and I slowly got to know the class. There were a surprising amount of women there, considering I study STEM. As I recovered, I slowly let myself go socially and became more confident. It was a liberty getting to know people without social anxiety. For the first time I felt like I could be myself somewhat and not get ridiculed. The only problem is that I was too apathetic and emotionless to care about anything else.My routine is the most important here, and it's devolved throughout the summer. When I wake up, I normally play vidya or use social media for hours on end. Then I eat a meal, and do the same thing until I go to bed. I normally eat two large burgers or a batch of pizza rolls for dinner. I spontaneously eat whatever candy I find for no good reason, but I'd like to stop. I have to lose over 100 lbs to reach a healthy BMI. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this when every step to improve myself feels monumental. I feel like I don't care about self-improvement, even when I do. I am too weak to approach my problems head on.I gravitated towards religion, that typically happens for people like me. I still believe - but I don't really know what my purpose is. I suffer for nothing, in my eyes. Religion has become a novelty for me to wear when I feel that my isolation is purposeless. I don't know if I believe in anything anymore.I dreamt last night that I got a girlfriend. I woke up and saw only a plain room with a couple of clothes strewn around. I haven't felt so shitty in a long time - and that's why I'm making this thread.Thanks for any advice
>>85427365You look strong
>>85427365I think you can do it if you try
>>85427365I was in similar position like you few years ago. I know it sounds stupid, unhealthy and might not work for you.You really NEED a strong desire to change your life. Its not enough to just say >I dont like this but whatever. You need to hate your current self. And if you hate yourself you need to punish yourself.And by punishing yourself I mean do things that you actually dont like and make you uncofortable. Thats why pushed myself ehile being fat to go buy clothes in a store and ask the workers for help. They should see me, a fat shy ugly slop (that doesnt know how to priperly interact with people) buys clothes in xxl.I told myself Im not allowed to relax or play video games because I hate myself so I did incelwalks all day. Sometimes even at night. I pushed/punished myself to go in a gym and ask the people working there to train me.All this humiliated me and made me feel bad. But I deserved this bad feeling becauae I hated myself.By doing all this my life improved.What I wanna say is: If you hate yourself punish yourself with things you dont like that improve your life
>>85427395I would think mental positive reinforcement would work better than mental negative reinforcement for long-lasting change
>>85427401I agree but that was something that came with time. Ik it sounds stupid but I imagined myself/my life as a dead tree in a garden. And first I hat to cut that tree down branch by branch and rip out every root powered with my hatred. And after some time I planted the seed for a new tree and watered it with positivity
>>85427411Once you recognize the soil around you has rotted roots the first instinct may be to rip them out but if you let them decompose they can help the new seeds grow better and stronger
