I think I've been depressed ever since my father got diagnosed with cancer and died. Recently I came across the pricing for a pyschiatrist's assessment, it's pretty cheap and I'm thinking of going. I'm pretty sure I'll be put on some medication, my motivation is down, I can't feel happiness unless I drink alcohol or binge sweets, and I feel absolutely useless. It used to be worse, a few years back I was actively feeling depressed, now everything's empty, lifeless and gloomy. I brushed it off as being cynical and grounded, but honestly, each comparison to my former peers, even those who had it hard in life and were friends with me, fell flat on my end because they got to healthily experience life. I know I have alcoholic genes in me and lately I've been drinking more and more, so I don't want to end up a drunkard.Have you had any experience with going to a clinician? I'm still very reluctant to go. I don't know how it's going to be like. Is it just talk? My incentive of going is that I simply cannot hold down a hobby and a passion, it breaks me how mediocre I feel, and I tried everything under the sun.
>>85427369Yeah, the medicine they give out doesnt give energy, if youre looking for candy that only improves stuff you should get supplements
>>85427369You made your father happy
>>85427384I'm aware. That's what therapy is for. I tried supplements before, ashwagandha, and it didn't work, I felt nothing and I'd simply forget to take them.
>>85427390Therapy can help you benefit from learning how to manage your thoughts and feelings and medication can help you build better habits do the same as therapy but you have to find what's right for yourselfI couldn't imagine losing my father but I thought about it and it's a lot to think about I think he would want you to heal
>>85427394Thanks anon, appreciate it a lot. I don't think I'm in the right mind to really find what's better for myself, it's not like I'm actively trying to harm myself, but nothing comes up. I've tried every DIY method, exercises, philosophy, trying to busy myself with goals, self-help, semen retention and nothing really worked, so I guess an expert's help is what I really need. I'll book an appointment for next month and see where it goes from there.
Therapy and psychiatry are making my life livable, I guess? It's part of treatment, not THE treatment
>>85427429So I'd have to put in some effort of my own too.
I don't really want to discourage you from going if you think it can help you, but I want to ask the question: do you think they can really solve your problem? I'm a little skeptical cuz I feel like your problem can only be solved by very deliberate action by yourself, e.g. taking steps to improve and enrich your life, for which you'll need your own willpower, drive and energy, and which won't come from meds.I would add though, you should probably not be drinking period. Alcohol looks like happiness but it breeds misery, makes your inertia and the feeling of being stuck worse, and distracts you from living in the moment, instead making you think of your existence as filler between two drinks. Stay away from that shit anon, you need will, and alcohol saps it.
>>85427456Think about this:>You see a therapist maybe once a week for one hour>You see a psychiatrist once a month for one hourThe rest is on you. Those tools have helped me IMMENSELY, but you need to put into practice some of the ways of thinking you dissect
>>85427474>for which you'll need your own willpower, drive and energy, and which won't come from meds.You've clearly never been on the right ADHD med or taken an anti-deppresant that's worked well for you
>>85427483Correct, I have not. I'll just point to the fact that OP said >My incentive of going is that I simply cannot hold down a hobby and a passion, it breaks me how mediocre I feelwhich doesn't feel like something you should be taking meds for to me, as he doesn't have an obstruction in functioning as much as he has a void of purpose and activity in his life.
>>85427413How are you dealing with things in the meantime
>>85427474>e.g. taking steps to improve and enrich your life, for which you'll need your own willpower, drive and energyI tried anon, nothing worked or stuck with me. I don't know how to put it in words, but imagine you do a certain activity for 2-3 days, then one day you just feel like not doing it anymore, something from inside just keeps you from doing it, so you lament on it and just feel shittier about yourself. A few years ago I bought a drawing tablet, browsed /ic/, and really wanted to learn how to draw because I used to read manga and watch anime a couple of years back. I searched all sorts of materials on the net, drew for a few days, then stopped. Now repeat the same cycle, every couple of months to a year. At first I thought it's not for me, but I still think about how I'd be like if I didn't just quit every time I tried.>>85427537Thanks for asking anon, I'm doing fine. I've been at it for the past 5 years.
>>85427564You'll learn a lot
>>85427390That guy hijacked my post to cajole you, buddy you have a lot of pain coming your way and you'll never figure it out
>>85427584Is that what I did is that what will happen to him
>>85427390A word from the wise you'll regret going against me, just because I look like trash to set me against this phony fool here >>85427598
>>85427564>I tried anon, nothing worked or stuck with meFailure doesn't necessarily guarantee future failure (in fact sometimes it helps you find the path to succeeding by learning from failure).>but imagine you do a certain activity for 2-3 days, then one day you just feel like not doing it anymore, something from inside just keeps you from doing itI don't really have to imagine it, it happened to me multiple times. I think your problem is more with the way you frame this situation. Dropping some pursuit because you didn't have the motivation to go all the way with it is a very common situation for many people and not some awful character flaw of yours. There are things you simply currently don't have drive for, and that's okay. Maybe you'll get it in the future, or maybe you never will. I'm probably never going back to trying to pick up guitar, but that doesn't make me feel bad.I don't want to minimize your suffering, but in a way you're kind of creating it yourself. You're making a problem out of not being able to pick up hobbies that famously need hundreds of hours, that you're supposed to work into your life and habits (that are completely different).I think you need to do 2 things:1) make your life an environment that's conducive to doing the things you want to do. if you want to pick up creative hobbies, you can't do that if you're feeling sapped of energy and miserable, so do what you can to "hack" your mood - drop the drinking, fix your sleep schedule if it's bad, go outside at least once a day. It's almost impossible to not feel like shit if you deny your body the basic things it craves to function at a high level. If you're on 4chan, there's a pretty high chance you're neglecting at least some of those crucial things like exercise, diet, sleep etc.2) try things and don't be sad to drop them if it doesn't work out. dabble, dabbling is good, you can feel out what you can commit to, and what's not for you.
>>85427604I care about people
>>85427647I couldn't imagine losing my father to death I would ruminate for hours upon hours about things a few times a minute about past mistakes and it would be with a layer of grief behind all of the thoughts I can understand why he got depressed Not being able to say the things you think you should have said or do the things you think you should have done What somebody else thought during those moments you think about how they felt in situations the impact you had on them while they were alive and it was their only chance to be It's a lot it sounds like a lot
>>85427654But I think about it more and he's still the child his father held in his arms in one of the most happiest moments of his life hen he was a babyThe toddler that would do stupid things and act cute and Goofy and make him laughThe moment he realized he saw parts of himself in his son as a child through his behaviors and mannerisms from genesThe man he became and the man he can become
Pills won't do jack shit but harm you. The appointments will cost you money time and stress. There's nothing medically wrong with a human feeling grief loss and emptiness when their parent dies. Stop drinking. Eat better. Get physical, outdoor exercise. You'll never get over the loss of your parent. But the intensity will fade, the acuteness of your suffering will become distant.
>>85427628I don't want it to sound like I'm trying to win an argument over you, or that I'm justifying my reasoning, but everything you're saying feels recycled to me because I've had this exact mindset for 5 years now, and nothing has come out of it. I wasn't drinking daily until a week ago, my sleep's fairly okay, I get enough exercise from chores and work, and going outside doesn't fix it. Dabbling into hobbies makes me feel guilty that I don't commit, and trying to commit ultimately ends in me dropping because I doubt myself, begin feeling no joy from doing it so my motivation fades. It's been an ongoing pattern with me. So other than the basic minimum, which is work, all else I do is rot in bed.
>>85427749I feel like you thats why I take drugs. Pregabalin, clonazepam, opiates, LSD. Gives me something to look forward to on the weekends. Helps me cope. I wouldn't drink if I were you, it makes your sober state way worse because you're always hungover - filled with anxiety, depressed mood, eating badly, reflux, etc.
>>85427369Why should anyone take meds when It can be easily resolved with pratical case analysis + counseling?It feels like the world shat on your head and its you who have to buy the shampoo.
>>85427749I disagree with a lot of what you said and I resent the implication that not drinking daily was fine and that it's only a problem now because it's daily, you shouldn't be drinking at all if you want things to be better. I typed out a longer post but I understand that it feels like I'm just hectoring you, so I'm going to refrain from posting more. I wish you the best.
>>85427735Youre mimicking me
Man needs purpose. What are you doing right now with your life?
I cant do anything without drugs, being sober is like being dead to meIm not even physically addicted to anything atm
>>85427369The meds I'm on are the only thing keeping me from killing myself, so I have to say my experience is on the positive side.
>>85427369I resisted for years, and I regret that. I finally gave it a chance and in the end, meds and therapy helped me significantly. honestly ask yourself, what do you have to lose if your life is currently complete shit? if you try meds and therapy and your life stays shit, then just stop after a month or two and go back to your current state. best case scenario, you start to see improvement and you pull yourself out of the hole youre in.
