any of you guys ever called a suicide hotline? how was it like? I'm the closest I've ever come to doing it (calling the hotline, that is). I feel like if you say the wrong thing they're gonna call the police. I just have no one to talk to. feeling like this has been a constant in my life (I'm approaching 30) and I don't have the will, the energy, the capacity nor the hope of ever improving. feels like my spirit died years ago.
>>85431871You should call. They just do basic talk therapy stuff.
>>85431885I'm really, really ashamed to talk about with anyone that can hear my voice. Especially since I know my voice isn't gonna be steady and I might start crying. I know I'm a bitch. I've been self-treating with alcohol and tears>They just do basic talk therapy stuff.what is that
>>85431871>>85431939It is super hit or miss because the "counselors" are human, too, and paid very little if anything. As many times as you can call in and speak to someone sweet and empathetic, you can get someone forcing canned responses who clearly wants to get off the phone quickly.Never mind the phenomenon people report of the police being called against their will (never happened to me or anyone I know).But truly if you just want someone to vent at, it is helpful. Sometimes you're not insane enough to follow your thoughts when you hear them said out loud and reacted to.
>>85432227it's not for "venting" that I'm thinking about it. It's that I can't find a logical reason to keep living. There's nothing in life that makes me happy. All the things I used to enjoy, I no longer do. I'm basically forcing myself into doing things saying "do this, you know you like this" and I feel nothing. I've been in this state of mind since 2023 so I think it's permanent. I don't know what happened. Once my parents go, there won't be anyone left on this earth that cares about me, so I think I can do it then. I won't be missed and I'll be free. I'd rather enjoy life but that seems to have become an impossibility for me. I'm so, so disappointed with my life. Anyway, it was just an idea. There's no one that can answer that question but myself, but I can't. Mentally I feel like an animal just waiting to be put out of its misery.
>>85431871Why are you suicidal, OP?
>>85432496Can't find a logical argument to keep living. Nothing's made me happy in years. I have no real relationships. When I was 18, I was pretty close to pulling the figurative (no easy guns here) trigger but my cousin stole my thunder and did it not long before when I was planning to do it. I remember looking at her in the hospital bed, brain dead, thinking "I'm glad you finally found your peace, I'll be there soon too". But then I got to see what it did to her parents and I realized I couldn't ever do that to mine. So I told myself "I just need to hold out until I'm 30, they'll be gone by then, and then I can do it without hurting anyone". That gets us to now, my parents are still around. And I'm still faced with the same question: when my parents go, I'll have no one. Since I'll have no one who even knows I exist, thus my death will hurt no one, and I don't enjoy anything in life, what's the argument for staying around? I fail to answer that question. It's not just that things aren't enjoyable anymore, I am in pain. I think I hide it well, but I've been in distress for a long time.
>>85431871No, why would I do that even if I was suicidal
>>85432547Damn, that sucks, anon. Though I can't say I'm in a different boat. I feel the same way, though it's friends that are keeping me around over parents.How'd your cousin manage it, and I assume they've pulled the plug now? Any idea if she was in much pain before the brain death? I ask because that's what worries me and a lot of others I've seen discuss this. So surprised you haven't mentioned it yet.As for your parents being gone by you're thirty, how old are they? Because the average human lifespan is around eighty, so you might be around a while still, no?
