bpd anons please advise: is it possible to stop yourself from obsessing over your favorite person 24/7 and becoming super angry and jealous when they talk to other people? how do you cope with the unbearable feeling of despair when your favorite person doesn't like you as much as you like them? what do you do about the constant overwhelming fear that they'll leave you?
take your meds what gender are you?
it's hard, but i started trying to channel my obsession into things that don't harm me as much. try getting obsessed with things that can expand your tastes and knowledge, like movies and stuff!
>>85434063>bpd anons please advise: is it possible to stop yourself from obsessing over your favorite person 24/7 and becoming super angry and jealous when they talk to other people?Yes, but you won't like the answer. It's a path some consider unnatural.
>>85434102>take your meds meds don't help with these kind of thoughts >what gender are you?I'm an older woman my life sucks please kill me so I don't have to suffer any longer >>85434109>try getting obsessed with things that can expand your tastes and knowledge, like movies and stuffI used to be able to do this for the longest time. now having any hobbies/interests feels completely meaningless unless I have a fp that likes when I talk about my interests or even better is into the same things as me >>85434131c'mon you can't say something like this and not tell me
i wish i was someone's fp, years of depression and isolaion has left me craving attention, intimacy, approval.
>>85434063>is it possible to stop yourself from obsessing over your favorite person 24/7 and becoming super angry and jealous when they talk to other people? I'm sure there's a DBT skill for that, ymmv though. For me I've just accepted that it will be a part of my suffering. It's possible to not have a favorite person, I've done it a couple times>how do you cope with the unbearable feeling of despair when your favorite person doesn't like you as much as you like them? Cutting and/or substance abuse, wouldn't recommend it though>what do you do about the constant overwhelming fear that they'll leave you?idk, it's all about having your guard up. I'll usually get clingy, avoidant, or leave firstSorry I'm not much help but like what do you expect?
even tho there is a lot of shit that can happen with bpd, if i had a bpd gf they wouldnt get mad at me if i talked to other people, especially other women, because i dont talk to other people, so theres no one to "take me away from her" so to speak
I wouldn't recommend asking people with BPD to advise you. If they have BPD, they have the same skill issue you do about emotional regulation.Having some level of fear or concern your partner could leave someday is fine. So is being sad if they don't like you back in the same way. Becoming super angry or jealous over them talking to others isn't healthy, nor is spiraling into unbearable despair if they don't like you back. None of those things produces anything positive for you, and if you take out anger on them, they might be even less likely to ever like you back if you had a chance to begin with.Emotional regulation includes both shorter and longer term things. I recommend:Lift regularly At least 2 very intimate long-term friendships, ideally moreNarrative therapy to process traumaAshwagandha Breathing techniquesStretching/yoga Walks or more intense cardio of choiceFirst two are the most important. Remember not to self-sabotage. You'll make it eventually anon>>85434063
do you want to cuddle with your fp? like lie in bed all night together with bodies curled up toghether?
>>85434246yeah please remember to run daily so you can chase your fp down and lift so you can overpower them beat them up and take home
>>85434176same here anon>>85434179no money for therapy plus have no health insurance >It's possible to not have a favorite person, I've done it a couple timessame but then I have to be isolated or only have unfulfilling surface level connections and the loneliness from this is comparable to dealing with the bad feelings caused by fp obsession consuming my life>Cutting and/or substance abusedone both of these drinking until I pass out kinda helps but then it tanks my physical health >Sorry I'm not much help but like what do you expectit's ok in a way it's comforting to know that other people deal with this as well so at least I'm not alone in this pit of misery >>85434208yes I try to befriend and/or date pathetic friendless loser khhv neets and what happens is having someone who cares about them and loves them like I do boosts their confidence and they end up finding someone else eventually >>85434246I wanna hear from bpd anons because maybe some of them found ways to deal with these feelings. people who don't have it may not understand how much it consumes your life like it literally revolves around one person even though I'm aware it's unhealthy I can't stop myself and I can't tune out the obsessive unhinged thoughts. >At least 2 very intimate long-term friendships, ideally morecan't handle this it's really hard for me to do>Narrative therapy to process traumano money for therapy plus currently have no health insurance>Ashwagandha did a lot of drugs over the years they made everything worse and fried my brain can do the rest of the things on your list and I do try to regularly do cardio/work out>>85434270yes I wish I could fall asleep like that every single night >>85434281I don't want to do that anon because I want them to care about me as much as I care about them without having to give them stockholm syndrome
>>85434327>having someone who cares about them boosts their confidence and eventually leavesi dont think i could even muster the will to do that. im too self aware for such a thing. besides, im autistic anyway. knowing more than like 3 people outside of family is too much
>>85434327>I wanna hear from bpd anons because maybe some of them found ways to deal with these feelings. people who don't have it may not understand how much it consumes your lifeMight be better to ask for ex-BPD or at least people who've made significant progress then. Else you get things like >>85434179>>At least 2 very intimate long-term friendships, ideally more >can't handle this it's really hard for me to do Start small!youtu.be/WyKFHd7cSaU?>no money for therapy plus currently have no health insurance I advise using this method:1. Open a Google doc2. Write your life story as you see it3. Keep exiting over the course of a while (gdoc lets you add things wherever)4. Get everything out that's relevant to you5. Reflect on it6. Think for a while about how to make meaning from it and find a life purpose. You can use ai to help you7. Write an ending that reframes how to see things and what steps you will take to pursue your goals moving forward>Ashwagandha >DrugThat's... Pretty strong of a term. Most people wouldn't call ot a drug any more so than coffee. Are you familiar with it at all?
>>85434327>no money for therapy plus have no health insuranceYou don't need to go to therapy. You can find self help books and skills online for free. Here's a book from the cut general https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdfIn case you don't know DBT was designed by someone with bpd for people with bpd. Can't guarantee it will work, doesn't work for me desu but it's worth giving a shot.>done both of these drinking until I pass out kinda helps but then it tanks my physical health :( yeah I hate it when the coping doesn't work anymore>it's ok in a way it's comforting to know that other people deal with this as well so at least I'm not alone in this pit of misery 100% the only reason I still come on sites like this is because it helps me feel not alone and understood>>85434399>Might be better to ask for ex-BPD or at least people who've made significant progress then. Else you get things like >>85434179(You)Hey, fuck you
>>85434352>im autistic anyway. knowing more than like 3 people outside of family is too muchmy last fp was like this for many years then suddenly became a super sociable person that was always talking to a bunch of different people and rarely dedicated time to me so it's always a possibility >>85434399hearing from bpd anons like >>85434179 is still worthwhile because they can relate to me. it's nice knowing I'm not the only one experiencing these particular thoughts and feelings.>Most people wouldn't call ot a drug any more so than coffee. Are you familiar with it at all?oopsies my bad I confused ashwagandha with ayahuasca >>85434433thanks for the book link anon I'm not convinced it'll work for me either but I'll still try it.>yeah I hate it when the coping doesn't work anymoreright now literally nothing works I'm trying so hard not to flip out on my fp I'm keeping everything inside so I don't scare them off >100% the only reason I still come on sites like this is because it helps me feel not alone and understoodsame reason I come here as well, talking to anons makes me feel better (especially the kind and understanding anons). it's nice having places like this where I can be my authentic self without worrying about being judged
i feel like bpdarlings target succesful people on purpose to be unhappy. I mean, a depressed neet like me could spend 12 hours a day cuddling in bed with you and the rest of the day also toghether- cooking, baking, foraging, cycling etc, no other people needed. But you probably target some social butterfly who already has to handle uni, career, hobbies, friends, family etc
>>85434063This is cute and quirky if you're a girl, if you're a guy you're probably gonna get a restraining order put on you.
>>85434706read >>85434327>yes I try to befriend and/or date pathetic friendless loser khhv neets and what happens is having someone who cares about them and loves them like I do boosts their confidence and they end up finding someone else eventually the only guy I dated was from 4chan and he was a pathetic friendless loser khhv neet who cheated on me and left me for some disgusting normalfag whore after I built up his confidence and improved his life. my current fp is a khhv loser neet I'm so paranoid he's going to ditch me for another woman >>85434738>This is cute and quirky if you're a girlit's not cute and quirky, I don't want to be like this
>>85434784a shame your heart belongs to another, I wish I could have this sort of codependent obsessive relationshipWhat's the stated reason they give for cheating? Do months of relationship, hours on call, mutual trust and helping each other count for nothing? I always thought that love is a obout that unique connection built over time that another person can never match
>>85434063>what do you dodespair and eventually give up the thought that they'll ever like you enough. letting go hurts a lot less than holding on in my case. although it will feel like someone is amputating your arm when you do let go, after that, it'll be awful for a while, then it will be manageable and in time you will only feel a slight discomfort whenever you think of them. i do not believe a person with actual bpd can only be friends with their fp and not go insane. it is just not doable. even if you're together with someone and they keep tellin you they love you its still hard to believe them. let alone when they dont do that.
>>85434399>ask for ex-BPD>ex-BPDthis guy is fucking retarded and needs to kill himself.
>>85434327>what ends up happening is that their confidence is boosted and they leave>>85434633>fp ends up becoming a sociable person and not having time to pay attention to mephilosophically the idea of just leaving someone because they cared about you enough to the point that you got better yourself, and thus seek out different people just seems spiritually harmful. also the idea of becoming more sociable and thus having less time to spend with an fp is kind of an incomplete picture. i could see myself paying attention to other people as a consequence of socialization but its not like i would value it more. like i said a couple sentences before, the awareness of my own self and someones love and care being an integral part of that would make it so that i would value the time and experience i spend with someone just as much as i first met them.at the end of the day, were not telepaths. we cant exactly know what the other is feeling and thinking. the next best thing is being honest with ourselves and others.
>>85434842>a shame your heart belongs to another, I wish I could have this sort of codependent obsessive relationshipsad because so far he has not asked me to be his gf, it eats away at me I want him to like me as much as I like him>What's the stated reason they give for cheatingthe moron refused to admit to cheating on me. he cheated on the woman he left me for too yet refused to admit to her that he cheated. some people are unable to feel love. cheaters don't have any real reason for cheating it's entirely self-serving bs they do it simply because they can. >>85434861>despair and eventually give up the thought that they'll ever like you enough. letting go hurts a lot less than holding on in my casemy brain doesn't allow me to let go until they leave me then I have to accept it's over and feel basically what you described like being amputated. >i do not believe a person with actual bpd can only be friends with their fp and not go insane. it is just not doablethis is the situation I'm in right now internally it feels like I'm going insane but I don't ever lash out or anything I've been keeping it together so far >>85434971a lot of people are dishonest sometimes you don't realize the extent of how much they've lied until it's too late
>>85435055>a lot of people are dishonestthe cynic within thinks that this is always the case, despite me never having interacted with many people in my life. from what i can tell for a lot of those kinds of people it seems to me that they are not only being dishonest with others, but most importantly with themselves.
>>85435055You will never be the hotest girl he knows so be the scariest. Also, women can ask men out too uknow? Especially for a virgin outcast it will feel amazing and he's very likely to say yes, i bet he's afraid to make the first move.
