CPTSD/DTD is surreal at times. There are stretches of months at a time when I'm a blank faced, one word response giving robot. I'm fully aware of this fact, but at no point can I force myself to just act as I normally do. Long term friends and coworkers will react with 'oh neat, he's back to normal' and act super positively towards me when I finally shake it off, and then kind of shrug if I fall back into that state again.Its been a very long time since I've been in a relationship, but they did keep me stable and prevent me from shutting down in the distant past but I can't help wonder if that would be true now. Its part of what prevents me from trying to approach anyone. I can't be relied upon to be me, or an effective provider between me being liable to go full silent child mode on them. I have no car and no interest in getting one. I'm working a job that doesn't pay well. I would be a liability and a poor partners objectively speaking, so its probably best I just don't put anyone through that. Inevitably, though, I have to wonder if that's just the CPTSD/DTD speaking.
