Trying to really figure out if have autism. Despite being relatively intelligent I've always been a bit slow and very tired of social interactions. At first I was a bit doubtful that I was autistic, probably I had built a wrong image of what autism was, one based on a very high selection bias for extremes types being overly represented in media. I've heard of Monotropism and I think it really clicked for me that this was the problem, anyway, now I'm tired of watching videos and doing quizzes, I'd rather have anecdotes of the small part of your life, to see if it matches my experience.* Do you "linger" on objects, as in do you sort of turn your head and your eyes stay stuck on whatever you were on* For those of you who drive, does having someone talking to you actually make you fail, as in fail to notice a car decelerating, fail to pass gears, fail to signal, fail to break smoothly, because this is something where I struggle a lot, even though driving alone is smooth and fine* Eye contact. Would you say that holding eye contact makes you *unable* to think, or *unable* to understand what's being said? Because for this what happens, I can read faces and emotions when watching things as an observer, but if I'm part of a conversation, staring at someone, I literally get stunned.* Do you like video games without music, or willingly turn off music, and also disable UI elements if possible? I remember playing Witcher 3 in 2016, turning off music, turning off UI, and simply strolling in the green fields, watching the day cycle roll, it's my favorite way to play games in general.* Monotropism says that Attention is directed at a few things at a time, but my analogy for my brain is more like there is a Single Room where everything goes in and is considered all at once, where every part is analyzed and compared with every other, which is nice when settings are harmonious, but very confusing when things are distinct and unrelated. Do you relate with this Single Room image?
>>85567066* My little brother has RGB keyboard and RGB lights in his PC, and I know for a fact I could NEVER EVER comprehend how someone does not get distracted by this flow and blinking. Do you think this is also a good sign of autism?* There's this song, and it's ending https://youtu.be/-qgkPKHQG7I (3:17), I counted I think about 9 distinct voices/intrusment lines, and to me this sort of ectic play is fantastic and orgasmic, do you have a similar relationship to some songs where high complexity is incredibly pleasing?* When looking at your folders or bookmarks, do you have a tendency to just start reading everything? And therefore have learned to keep things very concise (small amount of bookmark/file visible) to avoid this behaviour eating you up?* When you were young, or even today, are you *very* attached to your possessions? I remember vividly being mad at my little brother for merely touching my LEGO, I was very mad that I was not asked permission, and I would say yes, but the thought that something happened without my permission made me very mad. I asked LLMs if this attachment to property is autism related, and I'm not sure, tell me about it.* This may just me but I have always removed the clock from my computer, staring at the time makes me anxious.I guess what I'm looking for is sort of "inner life" perspective, because social awkwardness and stimming are all things that everyone knows about, but I'm interested in getting a feel for the autist inner life, which may be my reality, "monotropism" was a first step in that realm for example, but I want more, gimme more, pls, thank you, have a blessed day, go watch some trees, these days I love English Landscape Gardens. Sorry if any phrasing is awkward, don't have the Will to re-read myself and make this more succinct and neat.
>>85567066Yes to all of the above, fellow autismus maximus
>>85567066>wake up>check hitlist>smoke >drink>r9k>sleep
OK I'm not gonna read that list but I can tell from writing it that you have autism my man
>>85567066I'll answer in numbered order I guess>1Yes>2Yes it has caused me to speed, nearly crash and spinout multiple times>3Holding eye contact is pretty hard for me unless someone is looking at me in an aggressive way then i feel the defensive need to stare at them back>4I usually play games with music in waiting rooms then turn them off for when i have to focus on hard levels>5Yes with disturbing accuracy>6I sometimes get transfixed by RGB but not completely distracted>7I listen to jazz and always like to separate the different instruments playing at once its very comforting>8Yes and no but i organize my folders immediately and the ones i don't organize in time become eternal bedlams of scattered files>9I used to be attached to this leather pouch i would fill with feathers, i was convinced that without this pouch full of disgusting bird feathers i would never survive.I also used to sleep with a glass jar or keep it behind me while i peed>10Yes but i have to look at the time
>>85567079>>85567135Thank you for answering so far.If you have any aspect of your inner life that you think is partly due to autism I'd love to hear about it>>85567101uuhhhhhhhh>>85567131It's true, that I have a tendency, especially on /lit/, to fill up the character limit whenever I monologue.
> wake up> stretch> eat honey nut cherrio heart healthy version 0 sugar (taste like card boards)> login to 4chan> read /b/ tier conversations until bed time> eat whatever mommy cooked for dinner> go to bedI am not sure if reading 50 IQ nigger Anon conversations all day is autism but it sure would seem like it.
>>85567167>aspect of your inner lifelike my thoughts?constantly cloudy with huge bursts of lucidity combined calculative, creative and memory prowess then i am wracked with feelings of shame, emptiness, sexual deprivation, awkwardness and/or fear. Kashira
