Long story short, I grew up in a dysfunctional family with an abusive alcoholic mother.Nothing too crazy, no broken bones or cigarette burns, but bad enough that multiple "professionals" have diagnosed me with CPTSD despite me denying it. We've always had our ups and downs, but this time was different.When I was living with her most recently, I was having a really bad day and we got into an argument, but instead of swallowing my pride and de-escalating, I went full throttle and burned it to the ground. She really knows how to push my buttons. She's all warm and cheery one day then one little issue and she becomes that same monster she still is deep down, sober or not. I ended up vehicularly homeless but managed to pull myself out of it, and here I am now.I haven't spoken with her in almost a year. I never even think about her really. But today I was morbidly curious and decided to look through our old text messages. Reading every "I love you" and "I'm so proud of you", all the money she sent me, every time she really tried to make an effort, made me feel so guilty. For all I know she doesn't even know if I'm alive. How could I do this to her? Then I remember all the times she beat me to the ground and didn't even remember it, how she would threaten to kill our entire family while in the driver's seat, the extremely developmentally inappropriate rants, sometimes involving my own father. I could go on.But the truth is, I don't hate her, I don't wish she were dead, and I can't help but empathize with her. Despite growing up fairly well-off, she had it a lot worse than I did. At first I completely cut contact with her just to hurt her, but at this point it's because even being reminded of her is too stressful, I already have enough on my plate. I don't know if we'll ever speak again, but I can't imagine going to her funeral, knowing I could've tried to make things right. She's still my mother, after all.
>>85574618You can empathize with somebody but you're forgetting to empathize with yourself and you clearly needed to detach in a healthy, loving manner. You can apologize for how you acted and still maintain personal distance for your health.didnt read tho
>>85574626>you clearly needed to detach in a healthy, loving mannerIt was anything but. It makes me feel like a spoiled baby, after everything she's done for me.
>>85574636That's what I said. Needed. Please learn to read. And don't wonder why I won't put effort into my responses any further if you can't actually read. Thanks.
>>85574618>>85574636are you white trash?>>85574642>>85574626are you black?
>>85574659>are you black?iono mang shieeeeeee don b axin me no questins like dat gah damn bitch ahh nigga fuk u tryna say rn shutcho bich ass up fo i pop a cap in yo azz
>>85574659No, typical middle-class upbringing, I'm just a dysfunctional NGMI loser.
>>85574618Okay. So what do you want me to do about it, faggot?
Your mother?I shagged her.
>>85574679Nothing, I just wanted some different perspectives
I am certain I have some repressed memories because I absolutely have cptsd but I cannot for the life of me imagine what went wrong to cause it. I had a rough 7th grade and maybe shit spun out from there but I really very bad vibes from my mom and her family.
>>85574675>>85574674are you women? only women agonize so seriouslyand pointlessly over their relationships with their parentsi am a guy, and i dont take my relationship with my parents emotionally at allthen again, maybe i am just emotionally detachedeven when my parents came to visit me at my base while i was in the army, i didnt feel particularly moved by it
boo hoo your parents were alcoholic what a tragedy and not a normal thing basically everyone goes through. sick of this whiny baby shit
>>85574701>are you women?How fucking retarded and equally horndoggin' are you, shitskin? Please try to answer as honestly as possible you retarded protosimpatronic fagola.
>>85574693My supposed CPTSD seems pretty disproportionate compared to what actually happened to me. I tend to have irrationally negative views about women and I'm not even attracted to them. I'm so developmentally delayed that even "ADHD" or "OCD" doesn't really explain it. These therapist faggots always try to blame it on my mom but that seems too simplistic.
>>85574701No, I'm a man>>85574704That's why I feel like I'm overreacting, I minimize it all the time myself.>starving kids in africa
