I'll start>be me, 3 years ago>work shitty retail job at an outdoor mall>every sunday is farmer's market>this is great because there is a booth that sells homemade mini pizzas for 8 dollars for my breakfast>today the booth is gone >nona went back to Italy to visit family>fucking dago>spy one of those hot alt cottagecore bitches running a mushroom stand>she has a mushroom themed hat like a zelda shopkeeper>she must understand mushrooms>walk over and she has baskets of different shrooms wrapped in cloth>I'm a cookfag and love to make mushroom curry>chat with her about the best kind for curry>she convinces me to buy 5 pounds of some shit I don't even remember, but it's pink and supposed to taste like oysters or something>take my oystershrooms home>that night I make all 5 pounds into curry>you have to understand>it was the best curry I have ever had in my entire life>even now, after everything, my mouth waters>I ate the entire pot in one night>go to sleep
>I wake up the coldest I have ever felt and with my stomach making the sound a dvd player makes when you insert two discs at once>run to toilet>fuck, I have to throw up and shit at the same time>have to decide what I'd rather clean up off the floor>puke wins>shit into toilet, puke onto floor>mfw no trash bin >the shit is cold and liquid, like I'm shitting straight snow>the puke is chunky and contains undigested mushroom chomps>shit for I kid you not 3 hours>there would be moments of peace where I could check the time and see time progress>I was the thirstiest I had ever been in my life, but every sip I imbibed was puked up>since I am a poorfag I debate calling an ambulance>call my mommy instead like a bitch>she arrives and uses her spare key to open my door while I remain on the toilet>she sees me>she screams>not ideal>apparently I was entirely white "like those guys from Mad Max" and had a glassy eyed look>my mom thought I had died shitting like Elvis>I am so wet and sweaty and I try to stand>knees give out, eat shit on the vomit floor>somehow I get to the car and the hospital>the doctors inform me the mushrooms I ate were toxic, but only in large quantities>like for example if you were a retard and ate five pounds of it>get fluids so I don't die of dehydration>discharged>go to dollar store>buy bathroom trash bin>never see the shroomwitch again
>>85611168>>85611172mildly entertaining, thanks for sharing non. i dont have any greentext worthy stories in response unfortunately
>toilet becomes perma clogged>too lazy to fix it>start shitting and pissing in bucket >shower faucet drips>too lazy to fix it>drain becomes clogged>too lazy to fix it>bathtub now fills up with water that wont go down, use shit n piss bucket to collect water>when bucket becomes filled with shit n piss water mixture, open window and dump onto neighbors property/side of house>repeat for going on two years
>>85611230how have you not yet died from some type of disease yet, anon?
lmao good story. don't have anything to share tho
