I am disillusioned with Eros. I used to think that at least some form of romance was a real thing as described by society. Now I think it's no different than any other relationship value-wise, except it's completely random and luck dependent. You can do ALL of the right things and still a person you could be compatible with will not "feel" it, regardless of which "pill" method you used to get there. It literally just happens because two people happen to have certain personas when they're around each other. You aren't special, even to them. They could've lived a life without you and yielded the same results, even if it was with an entirely different person. There's a good chance you aren't even that good for them. And now it makes me question why everyone thinks it's so important. Why does society shame those who don't gamble on this thing everyday that provides such little benefit to your life. At this point, I honestly only really see a romantic relationship being a stepping stone to experience fatherhood, and now I'm a little worried someday I'll find out that fatherhood will also be unfulfilling. In order to form a romantic relationship any time in the future, I'd have to literally stop caring about myself entirely (which I think is a bad trait in general, but especially in a father) or blind myself to what's behind the veil I ripped open and just pretend it's not there, just pretend I'm normal. At that point what's the difference between a relationship and just doing hard drugs? I've been questioning everything for the past season. I don't even look at my parents the same really. And now I notice a lot more often people ask me about hobbies and stuff. I like hanging out with my friends. Whether walking, eating, playing video games, or literally nothing. Now that most of them moved away and/or got demanding jobs, I have too much time alone ig. So I've been told to just "go do stuff" and it feels really insulting. Running out of space, will continue.
I don't think your pessimism is necessarily wrong, but you might be overlooking the volitional element of relationships - that is, of two people making an active choice every day to build a life together. The particular fruits of that.I still mourn past relationships, not because I want to be with those people again, but because each connection between two people is utterly unique, and has elements that are totally irreplaceable.
Pretty much everything worth doing costs money, and I don't have a particular passion that would incline me to take up one hobby over another. I walk around my town that's stuck in the past. and it's beautiful, but still unfulfilling when I'm not doing it with my best friend. I went to watch a band play yesterday and caught up with some people I knew. It was fun, and distracted me until night. It seems that no matter how exactly I try to frame the situation, I still result in the same conclusion. Is this cycle of distraction and anguish going to be the rest of my life? Are relationships really just using each other as distractions from reality? Is realizing that the reason why they all feel lesser now? I have no passion, I have no dream job, I'm getting in a line of work purely for the money, I have no future goal, and my caring family wants me to just socialize. It wont help. I will still live in an empty house cause gen z sucks ass. Both the men and the women. I honestly believe the only reasons I'm still going are because my family wants me to succeed or something. I don't know why they care so much that I'm happy. It wasn't like that when I was growing up. Why did it change now that I'm an adult. I don't know who I am and I'm fairly certain that that's just an indicator that I am nothing. I'm not myself, and I can't stand when they tell me to be myself, because it wont fix my problems, or the problems they have with me. I don't want to be married anymore. Maybe if you didn't lie to me along with the rest of the world I wouldn't be like this. I hope I'm wrong. I truly hope someday I will find meaning. But my life trajectory says otherwise. Considering taking the Paul method and claiming my celibacy, atm sounds preferable to being fruitful and multiplying. Only reason I haven't is because I haven't been called to. Idk maybe I don't have the Holy Spirit. Ima try to reconnect with my faith. It's the last thing I have that could change my mind really.
Regardless, I hope you all have a good day. This may be the last time we meet, as I don't plan on looking at this thread again tomorrow. While a lot of this did start from a girl, I think I may have undiagnosed bipolar, as both me and my father have many of the symptoms. I'm not like this all the time, but this could potentially become the longest depressive episode I've had if it's true. >>85709573I kind of understand that, but I don't believe they're literally irreplaceable. Maybe I'm just shallow and egotistical, but if those people never existed in the first place, someone would've filled that gap. Who it is isn't really important, in my experience, and that has gone both ways for myself and my friends.
>>85709521>it makes me question why everyone thinks it's so important. Why does society shame those who don't gamble on this thing everyday that provides such little benefit to your life.Literally just cultural inertia. We want to fuck because our gayass genes are whipping us to copy them. We come up with trillions of bullshit excuses as to why the desire to fuck is actually a good thing for some vague mystical nonsense reason and build autismal arbitrary cultural norms around relationship because humans are obsessed with stories and pattern replication. That's all there is to it. Ultimately, fucking and loving are just a couple of entries among a vast list of random crap you can do in your spare time while you're waiting your turn to die. It's not inherently more valuable than hiking, playing sudoku or watching paint dry. Do whatever, just don't be a cunt who creates unnecessary problems for others.
>>85709639>I don't know why they care so much that I'm happy. It wasn't like that when I was growing up. Why did it change now that I'm an adult.You're capable of making money now. That's literally it. Was the same for me, grew up not knowing what respect was until I became capable of paying bills, suddenly I'm great. Even if they don't need money *now*, they're hedging while thinking of the future. They're not getting any younger and an extra carer in old age is always welcome.
>>85709521>I used to think that at least some form of romance was a real thing as described by societyIt is.
>>85710557Elaborate or concede.
>>85709521At the end of the day it's about making peace with instrumentality and to try to enjoy it regardless, it's true both ways.What you believe influences how you feel about events so try to look for the light yeah? We try to do the right thing, to know what's best and right but there comes a time when we know enough and just have to trust life and what makes it go around a little bit and put down the burden so we don't get worn out.>>85709639Personally, i mean, maybe it'll be different for you but it's not really fun to talk to the powers that be. Cause we're here, doing what we have to do, they're there making you do what you have to do. Paying attention to what isn't, doesn't want to or can't be - not like this, not yet - can be painful but hey maybe you'll find peace in it.
