>be me, a child>am gifted a pc and a Nintendo wii>watch Minecraft youtubers>my life is going to school, play minecraft and super mario bros and watch youtube>ffw 10 years old>my new addiction is league of legends and I buy the league's world cup ashe skin>i want to become a league professional player>at this point I still kept good grades, especially at math<convince my parents to stop obligating me to study>ffw a year>I fight against a classmate and suffer because of that>our many fights and relationship as "enemies" impacted my feelings and self-esteem>it was to the point that I was diagnosed with social phobia and depression>it didn't help that my family was going through an unpleasant moment>i discover fortnite and that became my new addiction>it basically became my whole life>pandemic arrives after more one year>i used to play fortnite with my classmates, that later would bully me>we played everyday until midnight after our online classes>i've also learned photoshop and made about 150$>eventually became 14 years old>dive deep into animes and i aspire being an anime elitist (aka otacult in the circles i participated)>my life consists in watching anime and manga and read reviews and critiques from elitist twitter accounts and blogs(1/?)
>discover new anime>find evangelion kickass>find the patlabor movies kickass>find sarazanmai kickass>noticed how the camera distortions in steins;gate gave a claustrophobic tone to the anime>low mean score at myanimelist>i could recognize hiroyuki tanaka's and yutapon's animation style, and also from other animators that i forgot the name by now>watch godard and bergman>fancy pepe holding a wine glass.png<meanwhile my school grades were mediocre (my philosophy was that as long as I passed the exact score didn't matter)>i was mediocre except on the literature, philosophy, history and geography classes>/lit/erature teacher said I had a great abstraction>philosophy teacher found i was a straight A student>english teacher said I was one of the best writers at my grade and that she thought I was aspiring to became a lawyer, due to how well I wrote>(and right before I graduated hs my geography teacher said he enjoyed teaching me; I participated a lot in his classes)>feels good, man.png
<meanwhile...<had a hard time on the math classes<didn't study in order to maximize my leisure time<realize I have le former gifted kid syndrome<at this point I didn't have friends and was made fun of by my classmates>ffw 16 years<introduced to 4chan through r/visualnovels<(actually knew about it through YouTube when I was a kid, but just started using after that subreddit)>find like minded people at /a/>that great feeling when I feel at home<my brother introduces me to some altchans<am temp banned from them because I didn't know how to properly write greentexts, lol>study japanese daily for 1 month<stop with that because my last year of hs was arriving and I wanted to focus on studying for university entrance exams<(barely studied)<(in retrospect, I should've kept studying japanese)<ffw more mental health issues arrive<ocd to be more exact<can't watch anime anymore due to that<start playing jrpgs as a substitute<140 hours at final fantasy ix<750 hours of jrpgs on total so far, considering all the ones I've played<apply to a humanities major since I was mediocre enough and bad at math<and I also was molded by the shit ton of media I consumed>manage to pass the entrance exam, but almost failed>the minimum score to pass and enroll at the major was relatively low, so it is laughable that I almost failed>ffw once more (that's the last time, I swear)(3/?) (attaching image to ffw the cooldown)
>be me, October 6, 2026>in the middle of my nth semester of university>still socially isolated>mildy recessed chin, light gynecomasty, fatfuck (due to antipsychotic)>no social life and still with social phobia>spend all my days on my phone>last week average time was 10h/day>having a hard time concentrating on the lectures>realize I don't relate to anything besides games, imageboards and literature>my major is still somewhat fun, but I hold ambiguous feelings toward it>trying to write fiction to try turning that into my future, but I'm only giving baby steps so far>mfw in a year of writing I've only wrote 2,5 short stories (currently working on the third)>no career prospects to people who graduate in my major but being a high school teacher or following the academic path>tfw the clock is ticking>I will graduate in some semesters>don't want to work>considered going for a master's just so I extend my time as an unemployed and as someone supported by my parents' money>(luckily they don't mind if I keep living with them, that's awesome)>realize I want to keep being a kid forever>#underage4evah(4/5)
I don't know what to do. It feels like my future will suck. I don't want to work in a meaningless job (and the only job I wouldn't find meaningless is something related to creating fiction, but as you could see, it's not going well enough, with how much I write). If I at least was passionate for math I could have a bright future with those emerging careers such as data science, AI and the like. And at the same time my own life is empty and a meaningless, wasted shit. I don't feel prepared to face the real world. I wish things had gone a little different.I don't want to be an adult. I've lived at the margin of the microsociety around me (my classmates), so how they expect me to fit in the real society? I exchanged a few words with my parents about becoming a neet, masking the desire with a tone of joke, and they rejected the idea, as expected. I know that neeting is a dead end, but I can't help but feel like becoming one.Sometimes I imagine what my life would look like if I wasn't born at the internet age. I would be bored and then would solve math problems in my free time, keeping a good performance in math and enrolling in a stem major. I would entertain me with books from a young age, being way more well-read than I'm currently am.Recently I've decided to read Sartres conception of shame and I related to it. I also related to that micro story of Kafka about the rat that was eaten by the cat. Life is kind of cruel.(5/5)
What ruined you was consooming like every other kid out there, not something that doesn't exist like depression.
>>85711879I know, anon.Originaltralalala
life's a bitch and then you die you know but that's kinda the beauty of it. if you can look back at the times that gave you a great sense of joy and feel satisfied then that alone is better than anything that can be bought or achieved through hard worki have a general grasp of where you stand via personal experiences with isolation & disinterest and i won't tell you that the end is going to be pretty; but being able to experience joy and relief are incredible pleasures too many of us take for grantedkeep your chin up anon
>>85712103Thank you anon. I will just have to make a little more effort to keep my chin up cuz you know... it's recessed.
