I cant stop thinking about my misscariageThe grief and pain and guilt is driving me insane and it has been yearsI dont get women who can just abort like that and not feel a single thing Im trying to numb the pain with alcohol and drugs but nothing ever works Im tainted my body is tainted with blood
Its just never ending agony https://youtu.be/HsM_VmN6ytk?is=m3hMb8DxzGVmy6fB
I wish I had someone IRL I could talk with But it only makes people uncomfortable even those close to meIts terribly lonley and there is no way out of it
>>85720741Did you cause the misscarriage or did it just happen?
>>85720764I didnt cause it though some of the people close to me blamed me and said it was the exercise fault (mind you I only did moderate exercise) I have been sitting in a dark room while drinking for hours before I made this thread It has been years but I cant move on my heart is broken
I can not bring life into this world only death It reks of blood
I never drank a single thing and even stopped smoking during my pregnancy Its not fair I really tried my best
What on earth are you doing on this board if you had a miscarriage?
I was in the hospital on the day it happenedI knew something wasnt right I had immense pain They let me wait until it was too late I asked for a checkup sooner I misscaried in the hospital toiletThe nurse flushed the toilet, I didnt even get to know if it was a boy or a girl I just want my kid back
>>85720782Nothing Just screaming into the void to make it more bearable
I would give anything just to know if I lost my baby boy or baby girl I cant even call my baby by she or her The appointmenr where the doc would have showk me the gender would have been a week after my misscariage happened I cant give birthI cant even grief properly All people told me is well it happens to a lot of woman or it was just a clump of cells
>>85720797Is there a possibility for you to try get pregnant again?
>>85720807Yes but that wont bring my child back Nothing I could do would
Everyone put a lor of hope and expexctations into me His family, my family If I didnt fail then everything would be better today I failed as a woman
>>85720809well it isnt your fault the miscarriage happened regardless, no one would ever want that. free yourself from the guilt side at least
>>85720741you can't blame yourself with these thingsmiscarriages are something all woman risk or go through you don't control that part of your body thats all an automated thing. Unfortunately there is no way to guarantee the baby wont miscarry. but I understand if you wish to grieve, just don't blame yourself for things outside of your control.
>>85720832>free yourself from the guilt side at leastI try but fail Thanks kind stranger that you read my story and listened
>>85720741I got a woman pregnant and bribed her to get an abortion for 20k she killed herself 3 years later on my birthday
>>85720862You should consider ending your life
If you make a woman go trough that pain as a man just because its easier you should comitt suicide if you have any shame left You ahould find the nearest bridge and jump off if you have any shame left
You should ended your life instead of her You should have died instead of her
>>85720860also alcohol and drugs are only gonna spiral you further down, it'd be healthier for you to focus on things that you enjoy doing or pick up a new interest. just something that takes your mind off the trauma
>>85720876Thats kind advice and im grateful for that but Im unable to enjoy anything anymore and yes I tried new hobbies
My whole family and everyone I thought I could at least trust or rely on to some degree left me alone in the rain in those dark timesIt keeps coming upThis is no way to live
>>85720887Have you tried to stop running? I can guess that the pain is great but you're stronger than you know. Lay down and just breathe, the pain will come and you can let it be there but notice how it feels to just breathe.
>>85720897>Have you tried to stop running?I never had the chance or time to grief and face what happened and nowdays when I stay home for a day to cry and wheep I get called lazy and human trash Im tired of being strong Maybe if I drink enpugh I can gather the courage to get my rifle and paint my wall red
The music sounds more disorted the longer I sit alone in the dark My memories become more disorted the more I drink and the more time pass3s
>>85720915Hey. Why does their opinion matter? You need to let go of what's dragging you down and hold onto what matters, which is realizing it's okay to feel hurt and that you can find and experience happiness again. Get some sun, look at some trees and remember that you're going to be ok. You can do this, you're allowed.
I cant recall most of my memories But this one is stuck People usually gather to women who are distressed or in pain But IRL im seen as less than I never made my peace with it My nervous system is never calm im alwYs in fight or flight and im tired of it Im so terribly tired
>>85720934This may sound kind of silly but have you considered getting a professional massage? Drink some water.
>>85720945I would rather die than go back into the looney bin They locked me up and forced me to do things
>>85720773NTA but there are people who exercise while pregnant, I don't think exercise did it. Sometimes things happen with no explanation. My cousin had a couple of miscarriages before she had her daughter.Sorry you're going through this, and that those close to you said that, fuck those cunts.
You didn't do anything wrong, its just something bad that happened to you and your baby. You have to seperate the guilt and the grief, you shouldn't feel guilty about anything. Also stop listening to that song ffs you'll go insane.
>>85720954Not a behavioral institute. Read that post again. Try physical things to ground yourself and help calm you down and feel safe.
anon like half of fertilized eggs get miscarried, those are the rules of this cruel meatgrinder world and its demon-lord YHWH, life is worthless and meaningless, accept it or struggle against it or kys
>>85720741Hey anon, not your fault. Shit happens, ofc, all the what ifs, all the blame, all the noise, I probably hurts and it won't pass by telling you to get over it or to focus on something else.But I can assure you, the perspective you have onto it and the pain that shackles you is only a phase and it will get better, take your time, there is not an instruction book or so for this kind of shit. Maybe you will always think about it, maybe someday you will be able to over come it. But life is full of this, and as painful as it is, you cannot let this define your existence, as then you will lose everything else. One step at a time, slow things that make you feel progress onto whatever life you want. I'm sorry for your loss, and at least I send you some hope that these feelings may become more manageable.
>>85720741it's your fault, whore, you'll go to hell, lololololo
>>85721034go to hell faggot lololol
>>85720773Exercise, when not stupid, is completely fine and this >>85720977Also the drugs and alcohol and this place will never fix what you feel right now.
>>85720862Best gift ever!
>>85720741It's in your own wording You're sad about the miscarriage, losing that opportunity, potential, and effort up until that point, because you wanted to be a mother, it's not only about the baby because you've never got to hold or see it. It was never born.People get sad about not making it to a college they wanted, so why not a baby they wanted? Very different from the women who didn't hope for it
it's probably for the best if you were pumped and dumped. otherwise i am very sorry
>>85721298Also it seems you never made it into motherhood, that's your clue to why you didn't get over it
>I dont get women who can just abortThat's normal, they didn't want the baby and you wanted it, miscarriage is always the death of an illusion
>>85721298>>85722134Niggers or harlots without a soul
You are alone in this worldNo one cares or will come to save you That how it has always been and how it always will be
>>85720741I- girlthere's large swaths of communities for women who've lost children during childbirth or miscarried... why tf are you on r9k milking sympathy for this
