>not-so-mild autism with support needs that were hardly properly managed until high school>severe adhd with nightmarish executive dysfunction, people tell me to "just do it" as advice and i smile and nod not knowing what the fuck that even entails>social anxiety bordering on avpd, extreme difficulty posting online on public accounts and practical inability to reach out to people online>cannot handle any negativity from people online (anon sites like 4chan exempt for some reason) even innocuous things like people disliking music i like upsets me and makes me avoid listening to that music>cannot handle arguments in general>extremely strained relationship with my parents, inexplicable fear and inability to be vulnerable around or speak out against them>no job or any way i could make stable income, taking 1 class a week at community college but my mood swings are so severe it's even impacting that>no real life friends, number of online friends under 10>could've already started a life of my own, even have been a respected figure in art spheres (my main interest) by my 18th birthday if it wasn't for mental illness>instead i'm 20, have refused to leave my room in 4 days after a suicide attempt following an argument with my mom, was incapable of asking for help from anyone, couldn't even call a hotline>the fact that i'm even writing this means i'm in a rare good moodwhat do i even do in a situation like this? i used to have webs of friends and communities to partake in that would give my life momentum, motivation, and confidence. i've tried (barely) to fill in that gap but even simple goals like making a song, a painting, or a one-shot comic feel like unattainable fantasies. in the past few months the only thing i've had to turn to are memories of when my life was better, something like a year ago i would've dismissed as worthless escapism. i actually had something of a life to escape to back then, and within a year i lost all of it
I am exactly like you, well was at that age and I know this sounds retarded but tramadol turned my life around. You just have to be diciplined and treat it like an anti depressant so you don't chase the dragon and succumb to full blown addiction
>>85850368i forgot to mention i was medicated (zoloft + latuda) until the start of the year, when i had an episode and stopped them both cold turkey. i actually didn't notice any difference afterwards but i now wonder how major of an impact it ended up having
>>85850316>autism + executive dysfunctionThat's why you're here. Welcome to the club.No, I haven't figured it out yet. One year I'll be ahead and getting shit done, then five years of avoiding opening my email. Like, I can't do it. Physically or otherwise.Try to earn money in a way that doesn't surround you with normalfilth. They will not be kind to you. If you're in your element and concentrating, however, a job can actually help.
>>85850411yeah, those meds are shitty. tramadol is a narcotic gives you a high from subtle to full blown nodding out depending on the dose.
>>85850430I've tried doing art commissions (pornography) in the past but it wasn't sustainable (I consciously enigmatized myself online and took a low-key approach to business because I wanted to minimize the public eye on me, my fault for being a pussy) maybe I'll try that again some day but I realized I really don't like being publicly sexual. I could also try selling paintings at my local gallery (though, being confined to a screen most of the day, i find granular things like that difficult to find motivation) or making music (though i have no music-maker friends really, i'm pretty dependent on other people to find motivation) but outside of the aforementioned I can't think of any reliable source of income
>>85850316Wow, everything you said matches my life perfectly, except the attempt and number of online friends (mine being 0).I've thought about how my future will look like, and it comes down to these 3 scenarios.1. I wait until my parents die and take over one of their jobs so I can sustain myself.2. I suicide by cop or get thrown in jail so I can at least have a routine to follow.3. I somehow find the ichor that magically cures all my ailments and I live the life I always intended.It truly feels like I'm stuck in purgatory.
