>Local Lord posting in 2026

wow that looks like shit

we murder everyone. Taxation is theft and will not be tolerated.

>>98085253
I guess we're recruiting a local night hag with syphilis to sleep with the local lord.

>>98085253
The party is one dude and three traps.

We immediately strangle cuckee in his sleep

Peg him

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I told you I didn't want to do this shit again, Zack. It's fucking weird and makes everyone at the table uncomfortable. My roommate's not even part of the game and you're making him uncomfortable. We're gonna get a new player and one of us is going to DM from now on.

>>98085253
I'm a barbarian dedicated to Bhaal go ahead send your men after me

I'll ship you your mens' skulls and turn an entire field into a river of blood before paying taxes.

>>98085253
>The Local Lord offers to waive the several thousand gold pieces of taxes your party legally owes him
The party members are, at this point, all princes and are on a first-name basis with the Empress—two of them even related to high-ranking imperial advisors. The Local Lord is told to blow it out his ass, especially as there is no tax paradigm under which them owing such a sum would be possible.
>on the condition he gets to sleep with every female member of the party.
The only potential “female member of the party” is the wife of one of the PCs. Not happening.
>If you refuse, his army of 1,000 soldiers in full harness will track you down and have you hanged.
Not only would he fail for a variety of reasons, but the political fallout of even making the attempt would be absurd. Three principalities of the empire would immediately start petitioning the empress for action against his treason, and historical context would more or less force her into doing so even if she weren’t already inclined to take a dim view of that kind of behavior. So he’d end up with the entire imperial army out for HIS head, with both his subjects and his soldiers forced to confront the notion that he’s dragging them into a rebellion against the imperial crown.

After the empress decapitated him, we’d probably arrange for some kind of memorial that cost exactly one gold piece less than the bogus amount he was trying to extort from us.

>>98085281
>>98085484
There's absolutely no way your party could murder even 1 of the local lords men-at-arms in full harness, professional warriors trained well beyond the standard of any adventurer.

>>98085521
Imagine thinking that any noble would put mere friendship with a rogueish adventurer behold the feudal ties of kinship that bind them together and uphold all of society. The Empress would doubtless have you all hanged for the lèse-majesté of even daring to pretend you were on a so-called "first-name basis" with Her Imperial Highness.

>>98085253
It's like a heist but with human trafficking, sweet

>A party of adventurers hears rumours of a dungeon in the wilderness. Louis, a fighter, asks around and finds that the area is owned by Baron Greenfield, who is an ally of Baron Summerland, but whose seat of power is far from the dungeon. The players safely loot the dungeon and return to town with 100gp each. They spend the loot on meat, horses, and donations. Baron Summerland hears that his vassals have far too much money during peacetime. He shows up with a bunch of knights and interrogates them. While Louis and Albrecht, the cleric, are spared torture, Honorius the wizard is beaten nearly to death (below the waist, because he's a wizard), and Gwendolyn, the thief, is raped by the Baron's men then hung from the nearest tree. The Baron finds out about the dungeon and the looting. Fearing war with Baron Greenfield, he revokes Louis' grant and title, and sends him with an armed escort to Baron Greenfield's seat of power to be tried and executed as a commoner. The crippled Honorius is kept as a battlefield mage and never trusted again. Albrecht is dispatched to the Bishop of Six Falls who severely chastises the poor priest, defrocks him, and has him work as a chapel servant for the rest of his natural life.

>>98085554
> Imagine thinking that any noble would put mere friendship with a rogueish adventurer behold the feudal ties of kinship that bind them together and uphold all of society

>The party members are, at this point, all princes

Can you not read, or are you just retarded?

>>98085554
>>Some random feudal goon is better at fighting and better equipped than a murderhobo
NTA, but this is too obvious of a troll and you're a fucking retard in the unlikely event that you seriously think this. The most likely answer to the "feudal noble dipshit tries to fuck with the stupidly powerful party of adventurers for whatever reason" is said dipshit getting his ass thoroughly kicked. DnD, especially more modern editions, is in no way shape or form a realistic depiction of a feudal society, and any attempt to make it work like one is retarded.

Coins and Scrolls? Right?

>>98085587
The local lord learns of your character's presence in his fief. Why would he allow a dangerous and psychopathic vagabond to wander around freely? The local lord dispatches a single man-at-arms, but one of thousands of battle-hardened veterans in his service, to apprehend your character.

Experienced scouts and trackers, and countless loyal peasants, point the man-at-arms towards your character. He confronts your character and conveys his liege's offer: swear fealty to the local lord, or die. Your character arrogantly refuses and swings a blade at the man-at-arms. It bounces harmlessly off his full harness of hardened steel, with articulated plates covering every joint and gap.

The man-at-arms, armed with a poisoned pollaxe (historical in Fiore), delivers a zornhau from Vom Tag. Your character parries, but the blinding powder in the pollaxe's head seeps into your character's eyes, blinding them forevermore. Your character wails in agony, incapacitated.

Your character is stripped, pilloried, denied food and water, and sodomized in the village plaza. Your character is but one of many "adventurers" who thought themselves above the law of the land, now babbling deliriously in the sunstroke. Before your character dies of thirst, they are dragged off to be drawn and quartered before a jeering crowd. Your character screams and voids their bladder and bowels at the last moment, and their corpse is fed to the pigs.

Such hubris is the inevitable fate of all "adventurers." When will you learn that feudal society has no place for "adventurers," and that service under the local lord is the only rightful place for a commoner?

>>98085608
>but the blinding powder in the pollaxe's head seeps into your character's eyes, blinding them forevermore. Your character wails in agony, incapacitated.
Stings a bit, but I already had blindsight.

>>98085580
I simply disregarded the absurdity that any PC "adventurer" could be elevated to the noble rank of prince in a decent game. Surely you were simply making an ill-considered jest.

>>98085608
Yeah no, none of this shit happens and the party of adventurers slaughter the local lord's men at arms and put his head on a pike and fuck his daughter over his corpse.

DnD isn't the sort of game you want to make it out to be and you need to stop pretending that it is even if you are just fishing for (you)s right now.

>BBEG
Ugh!

>>98085648
>nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu my power fantasy! wah! WAH WAH!

>>98085648
You don't belong here, newfag

>>98085253
I place the local lord’s soul in my torment nexus

damn, puckee is getting desperate

>>98085655
>>my power fantasy!
What do you even think modern DnD is at this point, retard? Fuck off to some other, obscure game system if you want something else. "Local Lords" don't mean shit in modern Dungeons and Dragons when compared to PCs.

>>98085664
I'm well aware of what Local Lord posting is, I was here when it first started, I think. It's still retarded though, even if the people posting it are just trolling.

>>98085642
One crown prince, one reigning prince, and one heir presumptive. The heir presumptive was known nobility at the start of the campaign, the crown prince attained his rank when his father was revealed to be the long-lost presumed-dead rightful heir to one of the empire’s principalities, and the reigning prince was ennobled to that position when the Empress conquered the city-state that he hailed from. He’s still seething.

Now, the Local Lord can either, as requested, blow it out his ass OR he can choose to press his case in defiance of both imperial law and common sense. Maybe one of his soldiers will be smart enough to overthrow him before the Empress makes it to his borders.

>>98085674
Dude, the local lord's men all wear full harness. They're using mordhau techniques with their hand and half swords. Ain't no fucking way the PCs survive that

>>98085687
>They're using mordhau techniques with their hand and half swords.
They might even break out their polearms.

>>98085687
I know you're joking here, but none of that shit matters compared to the sort of high-end magical weapons, items and spells a party of adventurers have access to.

>>98085687
>survive
My man, my party solved one of our problems by killing the relevant party member and then revivifying him. “Survival” in contiguous time is not a major concern to even mid-level D&D characters.

>>98085710
>>98085731
You appear to be very new here. Good luck!

>>98085608
The clearly blessed Bhaalite barbarian does not give two flying shits and tells the veteran to piss off or be a statistic.

The Vet refuses and so combat ensues, the Bhaalite strikes at the veteran with the full force of rage damage + greataxe +3 + zealot barbarian unholy damage. The full plate is just another form of AC the barbarian can hit as hes been around and killed enough things to make it happen. The Barbarian can take the hits owing to his rage reducing the damage he recieved from the poleaxe and his high constitution saving him from blinding poisons.

In the end the Veteran realises he and his lord should have left well enough alone considering the barbarian was merely passing through even the local peasants were talking about how weird it was that a man who clearly lives for violence never stopped at one of their villages to murder a few of them. Almost as if he'd finished up something big and was moving on to the next part of his life.

In the end, the veteran lies a decapitated corpse just another man sacrificed before the Lord of Murder. But its fine right? Surely his family will not be angry at the local lord for willfully sending a man to certain death?

As for the Barbarian? Well hes off to the northern lands as the fighting there will be much more exciting then the southern lands especially seeing as his party already dealt with a big threat in the form a returning dragon god. A threat the local lord never dealt with himself despite all his power he wields.

>>98085253
We shrug, say "sure", and go grab one.
We just don't bother to inform him that the planetouched whore he asked for is, in fact, an underage male sex slave with a very feminine face and hips, and make our exit from the realm as the news of the local lord being a little boy buggerer spreads and ruins his reputation forever.

And hey, if he swings that way, then he'll be too busy buttfucking his planetouched homo slave to pay attention to us.

>>98085281
This is so fucking cringe, you have no idea

Also
>shoehorning modern morality into your sessions
Equally cringe and reddit

>>98085747
It's impressive this is somehow more embarrassing than any of the shit spammed as part of this forced meme.

We didn't know how good we had it

I summon a changeling.

>>98085774
people also fucking hated taxes back then. hating taxes has been a constant since taxes started being a thing

Fuck off.

>>98085253
The party barbarian is offended by the local lord disinterest and cleverly disguise herself by painting herself in blu. If the local lord still refuse to have intercourse with her, she rape him on the spot for his rudeness.

>>98085792
Since before that, even.

>>98085253
I guess we'll go to the oread mines and see if any of the dirt poor women there want a better lifestyle.

>>98085784
This thread is convincing me we're a solid 60% LLMs at this point.

>>98085812
Frankly, the fact we're still dealing with local lord threads that produce cringey shit like>>98085608
proves it's still just the refuse that no other website wants, since I think the robots would kill themselves out of embarrassment if they shat out stuff like that.

>>98085253
We consider his offer, but elect to pay our taxes instead. Every coin due, weighed and measured. After all, who would do anything less than their legal duty?

>>98086412
I feel like in most games just paying up is the way to go, after few sessions money becomes worthless anyway. Once you're fully geared there's nothing else to buy and your regular life expenses are negligible.
Exception for stuff like Shadowrun, but that doesn't have local lords.

>>98085356
>>98085672
schizos

>it's been so long that people are falling for this again
Remember, the local lord is and has always been the name of a bratty femboy prostitute with delusions of grandeur at the local tavern. It was inviolably decreed literal real life years ago.

>>98085253
Okay. He can sleep with all 0 (zero) female party members in our party.

>>98085664
Better a newfag than a local lord Puckee poster.

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>>98085253
"Psssh... I thought you self-proclaimed "warriors" honored the Gaijin variant of bushido and were men of honor, but to force yourself on m'ladies? Unforgivable...
>I draw my katana
Leave now, this is my final warning!
>I rapidly deflect countless polearm strikes with my swift and precise katana blows
So you have chosen...death!
>My battle theme starts playing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wfsBqJ4vdo&;
>I dash forward, bisecting countless men-at-arms after men-at-arms at the speed of light while the poor fools try to surround me. I jump upwards and spin around my axis rapidly
NINPO: THOUSAND STEEL SAKURA PETALS!
>I remain suspended in the air and slash around wildly, sending out shockwaves of energy that eviscerate most of the remaining men-at-arms. The rest flee in fear and panic except for one. I land on my feet in front of him
Hmm! At least one of you has the guts to stand and fight like a man. I guess you're their leader. Well then... local lord-dono, let us settle this like men of honor!
>He lunges at me with his crude, brutish European sword, I dodge every thrust at godlike speeds
Heh, that uncivilized weapon of yours is telegraphing your every move! There is no grace to your moves, no flow...
>I spin around and strike the blade of his sword with my katana, the inferior blade shatters directly after impact
Surprised, lord-dono? This is no ordinary blade, it is the katana: the sharpest and most durable blade known to man!
>The local lord stumbles back, I slowly walk towards him in a slow and menacing manner with my katana lifted above my head
Unlike us Gaijin, the great Samurai of the East have honor. They know that each m'lady is a queen, a gentle sakura that is not to be touched
>I decapitate him with a single blow faster than the mortal eye can see, wave my sword around once to shake all the blood off my weapon and then sheathe my katana
You're a disgusting human being, I won't even tip my fedora at you
>I walk away silently unopposed

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In medieval Europe, 100% taxes were normal. Educate yourself.

https://coinsandscrolls.blogspot.com/2017/06/osr-death-taxes-and-death-taxes.html

>If a PC is from the Third Estate:
>Everyone else, including wizards (in my system)
>Determine your lord. For wizards, it's the person who sponsored their education, or an ennobled senior wizard, or the King directly. For fighters and peasant-derived classes, it's the lord of their birthplace or the person they swore fealty to. They owe their lord 100%. The church takes another 10%.

>"Wait a second," you say, incredulous. "That's not how percentages work. Also that's ridiculous!"

>Is it though? Is tomb robbing a recognized and organized profession? Is adventuring? Not even slightly.

>That tomb is on somebody's land. Never mind that it might be in trackless wilderness beyond the edge of civilization. Some noble has a claim to it. You are, in effect, stealing their stuff. Second, while you're off tomb-robbing, your regular profession isn't being done. This might not be an issue if you are a soldier, but if you were a farmer, a glassblower, a tanner, a baker, or a scribe, you abandoned your duty. You owe your lord. If you are lucky, he'll accept an apology and a bribe. Third, you have money and no rights. Your lord has rights and no money. He also has a local monopoly on ass-kicking. Guess which way the money is going to flow. (And no, you do actually have rights, we'll cover them in the Estates post. But effectively, for RPG purposes, you're screwed.)

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>>98086564

Albrecht is a Cleric (First Estate). He answers to the Bishop of Six Falls.
Louis is a Knight (Second Estate). His is the vassal of Baron Summerland. Louis holds the grant of a very small farm.
Honorius is a Wizard (Third Estate). He is also the vassal of Baron Summerland because his family grew up on the Baron's land.
Gwendolyn is a Thief (Outlaw). She answers to nobody.

Standard Method (core D&D):
The group hears rumours of a dungeon in the wilderness. They march off, loot it, and return to town with 100gp each. They spend the loot on potatoes, coffee, books, and plate armor. Everything is fine.

Feudal Method:
The group hears rumours of a dungeon in the wilderness. Louis asks around and finds that the area is owned by Baron Greenfield, who is an ally of Baron Summerland, but whose seat of power is far from the dungeon. The players safely loot the dungeon and return to town with 100gp each. They spend the loot on meat, horses, and donations. Baron Summerland hears that his vassals have far too much money during peacetime. He shows up with a bunch of knights and interrogates them. While Louis and Albrecht are spared torture, Honorius is beaten nearly to death (below the waist, because he's a wizard), and Gwendolyn is hung from the nearest tree. The Baron finds out about the dungeon and the looting. Fearing war with Baron Greenfield, he revokes Louis' grant and title, and sends him with an armed escort to Baron Greenfield's seat of power to be tried and executed as a commoner. Honorius is kept as a battlefield mage and never trusted again. Albrecht is dispatched to the Bishop of Six Falls who severely chastises the poor priest and threatens to defrock him.

>>98085253
Traditional games?

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>>98086564
>>Is it though? Is tomb robbing a recognized and organized profession?
Yeah, it's called archeology. Though the general rule is to go after stuff that's at least 100 years old.

>>98086564
>>98086566
Thanks for showing how this mudcore realism crap is lame and gay as fuck to want to subject people to.

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>>98086566
Somebody already posted that. At least be original nigga

>>98086615
>brown jeet fingers shat on this post

>>98085642
Have you ever either played games or read any fantasy literature, anon? Because knights, nobles, princes and even kings being out there on adventures is a pretty standard fare.

>>98086462
I'm falling for it for nostalgia reasons.

>>98085253
we finna cull 1000 pigs

>>98085608
I'm a wizard
I cast lightning on him, the metal cooks him from the inside.

My grasp of the mystical sciences scares the peasants(the trackers and scouts) into understanding that no amount of coin is worth getting cooked alive by the man who can summon lightning from his hands.

The local lord of course, doubles down and promises punishment for anyone who does not find our party.

The local peasants are damned if they do, damned if they don't. My bard, an incredibly charming, famous man known for wooing duchesses and counting baronesses, sends out missives about the cruel treatment our guild (authorised by the Emperor, of course) is facing at the hands of this lord. He also convinces the peasants to rebel against the lord.

While his many men-at-arms are busy putting down the peasant rebellion (expertly placed for the most diversion by our fighter)

Our rogue sneaks in and poisons him with an undetectable poison. His death is ruled as an accident, his men-at-arms are split between the forces of the other lords and ladies we sent missives to, and his land is given to more worthy, nobler lords.

>>98085253
Ram a spear up his ass and mount him at the gates. Then cast fireball as many times as it takes for his rabble to break and wipe out his bloodline.

>>98085253
There's no females in the party tho. Are girls(male) still okay?

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>>98085253
>If you refuse, his army of 1,000 soldiers in full harness will track you down and have you hanged.

I wish them much luck making their dex and wis saves against my various aoe spells.

>>98085554
> There's absolutely no way your party could murder even 1 of the local lords men-at-arms in full harness, professional warriors trained well beyond the standard of any adventurer.

NTA, but killing "professional soldiers" would be me trying to be reasonable, with a dash of "That's what my character would do".

Then I tell the GM to cut it or walk away from the table forever.

>>98085774
>this is so cringe, he says
>while posting in a local lord thread
>in the year of our lord 2026
anon, i...

>>98085253
I’m legally a subject of a different lord in a different fief and doing work on behalf of their shared liege, and have the documentation to prove it. If he wants my money, he’s going to have to take it up with them in court. And he should try to explain how he can afford so many retainers with his meager holdings while he’s at it.

>>98085281
This.
Wouldn't even be the first time we had to take down a evil corrupt warlord and probably won't be the last. Regardless they are going to be dead by the end of the session as well as a good chunk of their so called army.

>>98086566
At least post the whole thing, retard.

>Feudal Method (Good End):
>The group hears rumours of a dungeon in the wilderness. Louis asks around and finds that the area is owned by Baron Greenfield, who is an ally of Baron Summerland, but whose seat of power is far from the dungeon. Louis goes to his lord and, after a suitable gift and meal, says (in private). "I know of buried treasure, long forgotten, in these hills. If I retrieve if, I will present it to you as a gift, because you are a lovely man with lovely mustaches." Baron Summerland is flattered but not stupid. He knows the deal. "Go find this buried treasure," he says. He thinks to himself, "My accounts and holdings are vast. A few boxes of gold wouldn't raise anyone's suspicions. And Louis is a good vassal."

>Louis asks slyly, "I have but two other requests, and they are quite minor. Can your wizard, the one who calms the waters at your mill, accompany me? It spring and the mill is idle. I also know of a priest of great learning who, through no fault of his own, lacks a church and a flock." He knows Baron Summerland has no love for this water-wizard, and he knows that many churches in the Baron's fief are vacant.

>"I agree to both conditions," the Baron says, sensibly. It costs him nothing. He writes a letter to the Bishop of Six Falls telling him that Albrecht will be the village priest of Mud Hill, and sends a small gift. The bishop's secretary reads the letter, pockets most of the gift, and files the letter away.

>The party loots the dungeon and retrieves 380gp (Gwendolyn hides 10gp in her boot, while Honorius, who has never seen so much money, hides 10gp in his hat). They return to Baron Summerland and present him with 380gp. He takes 300gp for himself, gives 75gp to Louis, and 5gp to Honorius. Both men are his vassals and both need to be rewarded. If he kept all the money for himself, they would resent him. If he is too liberal, they will grow haughty and ambitious. He made no promises to Albrecht and he doesn't know or care who Gwendolyn is. His part of the deal done, he thanks the party and asks them to leave.

Louis then distributes, as per a previous agreement, the 75gp among the party. He's a very fair and equitable friend - he could have easily kept it all for himself. Such generosity is uncommon. In the end, they all end up with 20gp.

>Albrecht sends 16gp (80%) to his Bishop. He has 4gp at the end of the adventure, but he also has a position at a village church.

>Louis keeps his 20gp, but spends 12gp (Noble 1) on his upkeep, plus 2gp to ransom the King from the terrible Arch-Potentate of Rahm, leaving him with 6gp. He was a good vassal, and the adventure greatly enriched his lord. Baron Summerland will look on him favourably.

>Honorius keeps his 20gp, plus the 10gp he hid in his hat. He donates 2gp to the Church. Guilt torments him nightly, but he is able to improve his tiny cottage and buy a real bed and a good supply of candles. The Baron thinks well of him. He may be invited to the Baron's court to deal with magical matters, and could potentially work his way up to become the Court Magician, with a stable income and fewer cold nights.

>Gwendolyn keeps her 20gp, plus the 10gp she hid in her boot. She donates nothing to the Church. She still lives as an outlaw, surviving as best she can on the road and in the wilderness. If she is caught with the money on her, she will probably be robbed or hung as a thief, and she will have no recourse to a noble protector unless Louis wants to get involved.

>>98086566
>potatoes, coffee, books, and plate armor
This nigger fucks

>>98085253
>le local lord and le epic mans-at-arms executes le adventurers for entering le feif!!!1! xDxD
>le peasants lynch le tieflings and le niggers on le sight, fucking epic!!oneone!1 lololol
>le woman who are not le whores get le burned at le stake for being witches!!! lolol wizards BTFO
>le gritty epic racist white human male homophonic fighter historically accurate medieval realism, just like in le GOT, lol!!! xDXD
Can we rangeban this subhuman spammer already?

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>>98085281
Beyond based and small bussiness pilled

Kek. Reminds me of a mudcore campaign I GMd once where my payers main source of income was from hanging not-jews from trees and taking the silver they had hidden in their boots. One of the playerd was a scion of the local lord and the other one was a priest

>reddit
>r/imaginarynobles
>puckee twenty-one shitspam

>>98085784
When?

>>98088502
Was it 2014? 2010? The whole 00s were kinda dope as well.

>>98086564
>>98086566
I have better things to do with my time then play Medieval Punishment Simulator with you, thank you for your time and leave to go play something fun with a different group.

>>98085281
kinda funny, around half the population of my countrie believes if you dont pay taxes or try to minimize the taxes you're paying you're stealing from them and become pretty violent

democratic socialism is a helluva drug

>>98088513
I'm not oldfag, but I started visiting around 2015 and things were much better.

I see, local lord.

That's an interesting proposal. My answer is...

Glorious Chainsaw Method.

>>98085253
NNNNOOOOOO LOCAL LORD PLEASE DONT KILL US, ILL SUCK YOUR DICK!! YOU WANT ME TO EAR YOUR SHIT????? ILL EAT YOUR SHIT PLEASE DONT KILL OUR PARTY

>>98087719
I LOVE ENA I LOVE ENA I LOVE ENA, sister

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>>98085608
>Why would he allow a dangerous and psychopathic vagabond to wander around freely?
He won't have a choice in the matter. The party can outright his soldiers, outsneak his scouts, and generally outrun and outmaneuver his attempts to undermine and exploit them.

Since he's only a local lord and has dumped so much of his treasury into soldiers, that means that he's neglected his commoners, so they won't be loyal to him beyond the bare minimum, and the adventurers will have traversed his realm within a few days.

They refuse his "generous" offer, refuse to pay, and make a note to detour around this dump of a county the next time they have to travel in this general direction as they go about their business while drafting a letter to the council regarding the conversation.

>>98085253
https://www.reddit.com/r/ImaginaryNobles/comments/1el7yb2/work_by_cai_dongyan/
>Zero replies
We could learn something here /tg/.

Taxes we own him? I think you mean taxes he owes US. I am a visiting noble from the neighboring duchy, which is larger and more wealthy than his pitiful county. The party is my retinue, and we're visiting in order to check in some of our holdings near the border.

Do you mean to tell me this mere "local lord" intends to speak for his liege and try to demand tribute from their neighbors, and risk provoking war? I thought not.

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(Casts Charm Person on the Lord)

What's that? We no longer need to pay the tax and you will treat us as honoured guests in your castle (where we find and lockpick his massive treasure vault that he pays and equips the 1000 men at arms with)? Thank you.

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He doesnt know that we are in fact a party of disguised demonic tieflings )proper half demons mind you, none of that pretty freakshit), spreading the chaos of our Gods among the mortals. Who does he want to fuck first? Typhoid Mary on the left, or Miss Testicle Snipper on the right?

>>98085253
>elves
>standard fare
Oh, so it's a freakshit setting.
In that case I rape the DM for being such a freakshit FAGGOT

>>98085253
which game?

>>98085642
How do you benefit from spamming the board with off topic, low quality posts? Are you being paid?

>>98085655
Yeah, you don't get your power fantasy. Cry more.

>>98085738
Ironic.

>>98088365
How do you manage to be more boring than an AI?

>>98085253
>The Local Lord offers to waive the several thousand gold pieces of taxes your party legally owes him, on the condition he gets to sleep with every female member of the party.
I tried to do it for free, back in the day. The DM had the most stereotypical local lord, who ated adventurers and treated us like shit, and my character kept trying to suck his dick

>>98085253
We dress the femboy tiefling tart in a fancy dress and fagtrap the Local Lord. Now he'll pay us constant hush money if he doesn't want the scrying crystal that recorded him pounding demonic bussy to get out.

>>98092125
Good job being more of nogames tard than OP the faglord.

>>98088559
>democratic socialism is a helluva drug
Sounds like the kind of drugs we could use here in the US, what with us dying of rampant late-stage capitalism and all.

>>98088559
That's social democracy
Democratic socialism is like Laos or North Korea

>>98088498
>>98088893
Of course it's puckee-21

>>98085253
>Medieval Local Lord
>In My Mech Game
Okay so, not only is this fancy-pants prick in the wrong time period (far off dark future where a lot of the Terran empire’s technology has been lost, thanks HR) he’s also on the wrong planet; Local Lord-dono, welcome to Icarus 12.
Icarus 12 is a terraformed exo-planet that was captured and pushed into the Sun’s habitable zone after Earth was blown up (again, thanks HR). So here’s the thing, Local Lord-dono here is currently standing in 120 degree Fahrenheit desert winds with an atmosphere that is 2% hydrogen sulfide. Said sand has also only recently begun to be eroded by the atmosphere the pre-HR Terran Empire englobed the planet in, so all this sand blowing around? Jagged fuckin grains, he breathes any of that in his lungs’ll be shredded. WE are cyber-modded to live in these conditions, he is not. And his 1000 men at arms in full harness have already cooked from heatstroke because of all the metal they’re wearing.
>1000 gp
Gold Pieces ain’t a thing on Icarus 12, champ. We trade in scrap, lost and abandoned technology we came here to reclaim so we can rebuild society away from HR’s faggotry. Only thing gold’s good for out here is high conductivity circuits. Fuck you wasting good gold on coinage for? Privileged twat.
>Weaponry
Full Harness? That’s cute, Tech Level 1 at the absolute most charitable, I’d say. My bros and I are Tech Level 3. We got Miniguns, auto cannons, scud missiles, batteries of weapon-linked 50 cal machine guns, all kinds of shit. Plate Armor don’t stop 50 cal rounds broski.
>Hot Women
All we got is a Big (Fat) Blonde Redneck lady who’s so cyberized she can turn bolts with her bare hands, or…the hippie Aphrodite cultist who’s literally sent multiple enemy factions to their deaths just by talking to them, also ‘she’ is actually a he. So he’s either getting his pelvis pasted or he’s gay.
>Conclusion
Local Lord-dono’s dead before he gets two words out.

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>>98085253
Kill the lord, that way we get rid of the taxes and his soldiers won't follow us if nobody is going to pay them for their work.