ITT we discuss the best way for GMGODS to annihilate the playoid scourge from our tables. Personally, I starve them out by refusing to provide food or drinks, and this seems enough to ward off most of their fat asses. How do you keep the playoid menace away from your table?
Your slop bores me
>>98234083No you fucking boob this isn't how the GM wins at this game. Back to bootcamp with you.
>>98234083I bought a punch card system and gave my playoids ID badges. I expect them to clock in and sit down with their characters ready on the dot otherwise they're marked late. If you're not early you're late playoid!
I make my playoids pay for their adventuring gear using real money. If they want that +1 sword or those health potions they better cough up.
>>98234083Unironically, the best kind of player is a guy who is usually a GM.
Didn't read the OP, but nice juicy pecs.
>>98234579This is why everyone who plays should also run at least a couple short games. Helps you understand the rules better, let's you see the game from a different perspective, and most importantly, makes you appreciate what the GM has to do (or not do) for every game
>>98234579People who've never GM'd should not be allowed to play, period.
>>98234579nah I had a forever gm in a group once and he ended up being the most boring rules-lawyer retard of the bunch. i thought i was doing him a favor by letting him off the chain for once but some people are fit only to narrate published modules for eternity.
>>98234625I ran 3 one shot games, and they all sucked balls. Didn't help I had only one player. We both silently agreed to never speak of those games ever again
>if you cannot accurately construct one (1) sentence in each of the languages your character "has" in the conlangs I made (they're in the setting guide I handed out, playoid) then you get Common only. Better go hire a translator!>if you cannot explain a real setup for all that gear and loot you're carrying, it stays where you found it. If you can but can't access it without rummaging around in a bag or undoing some rope, you can't get it out it combat.>if your character's backstory conflicts with the setting, you WILL fix it yourself or you will find yourself making deception checks.>if you make an attack, you have to describe it. If you repeat a description, the enemy learns your attack pattern and parries, you fucking casual. Maybe read a book, playoid!>if you cast a spell whose prime element us not aligned with the overhead zodiac (tables in the setting guide - take an astonomy class, brainlet!) your magic has a failure chance.>if you do not buy and paint YOUR OWN MINI (it must be nice to only have to do that once a campaign you lazy whore) you WILL accept whatever mini I hand you: white male human fighters for modernshit players, rainbow tiefling wheelchair shamans for OSRs.>if you make fun of ANY proper noun in the setting, I'm slashing your fucking tires. No karmic punishment for this one, just fuck you.>if you mention how many sessions it has been since you've had a long rest, you gain a level of exhaustion and I roll another random encounter. Fuck it, I roll two.So glad these subhumans keep leaving my table
>>98235269Playtards btfo once again, great job GMGOD. I would add that any female players have to cosplay their characters at the table, and they are restricted exclusively to social roles/classes as a woman could never hope to compete with a man in any athletic sense. They may perhaps change this with magic items, if they play competently enough to earn them.
>>98235269>if you do not buy and paint YOUR OWN MINI (it must be nice to only have to do that once a campaign you lazy whore)>only have to do that onceSo you kick them from the group permanently if their PC dies? B-Based.
>>98235566I think an even better lesson would be forcing them to paint (and also buy a new model for) their new character. If they don't leave after that, they will quickly learn not to fuck around by touching obvious instant death traps or pissing off the lich king who can solo the whole party.
>>98234736On the other hand, have you ever been in a game GMed by someone who has never played? It isn't great.
>>98236353There is a rare, elite, and elusive class of GM that is capable of running a fine game without ever having previously been on the other side of the table. Such characters are rare as unicorns and ought to be regarded with wonder and awe, and treated with the reverence one would give an angel.
>>98234083Start by not playing D&D
>>98234083I don't run D&D, that keeps away 99% if the retards, casuals, and fans like (you).
>>98240884>>98243990In fairness, he said "GM" not "DM", so there's an implication he's already away from D&D
