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Dragons are one of the most deeply embedded elements of the fantasy genre - in fact perhaps of mythology in general - and yet dragons can be some of the most challenging fantasy themes to write about. Whether it's trying to get the psychology of a hundred foot lizard right or working out how to introduce it without totally wrecking the fights, dragons in a story often lead to a lot of problems.

So how do you handle your dragons, anons? Are they dumb beasts, or rich in wisdom and cunning? Are they noble creatures or harbingers of destruction? Are they traditional gold-hoarding lizards, or do your dragons find other hobbies to occupy themselves with?

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Incidentally - and I know this probably makes me seem a bit basic - my favourite take on dragons is the Song of Ice and Fire series. Not because I think G.R.R. Martin writes particularly interesting dragons per se, but because they feel *real*.

In any modern dragon media my main gripe is always 'that thing must weigh more than a blue whale, no human being has a chance against that'. Back in Medieval times when legends like St. George were being written, dragons were depicted as being barely bigger than a horse. In fact a lot of them look suspiciously crocodile-sized. But power-creep being what it is, dragons have steadily become bigger and bigger, to the point where there has to be a bunch of absurd contrivances for any human to have a chance of defeating them.

And G.R.R. Martin took that 'giant dragon' trope and said: nah, they're just going to destroy everyone, and it's not going to be a remotely fair fight.

Because of course they would. Of course people riding a hundred ton flying lizard THAT CAN BREATHE FIRE would absolutely wreck anyone who didn't have dragons. That's just common sense. So although the man can't finish a book to save his life, I thank him for that at least.

>>98309525
https://nickbostrom.com/papers/the-fable-of-the-dragon-tyrant/

>>98312252
Yeah, in many stories the dragon is basically just a stand in for death itself. Death as an active evil, rather than a more impassive, neutral force like the Grim Reaper.

I remember seeing the CPG Grey video on that essay - must be the better part of eight years ago now - and I always thought it was a bit neat; they were all thoughts I'd had myself long before that, but I saw the problem more as people actively obstructing the fight rather than just being too resigned and lazy. Sadly the intervening years have only strengthened my belief that in that scenario many people would actively fight to protect the dragon.

It's funny, I watched 'The Boroughs' last week (that Netflix show from the creators of Stranger Things), and I wasn't very far in when I realised 'oh, it's another one of *these* stories'. That is, one of those stories that function like the king's advisor in the essay, using empty rhetoric to defend the status quo. It's amazing how many stories in popular media are, when you get right down to it, based on the premise that not wanting to grow old and die is a bad thing.

Harry Potter, for example. What was Voldemort's main motivation? He didn't want to die. Rowling starts with the whole race war aspect, but Voldemort's personal motivation underlying all his evil acts is just 'I don't want to die', and instead of the lesson being 'he should have tried to find less evil methods', the lesson is 'he shouldn't have tried at all'. (although, apropos nothing, Rowling's still not as bad as C.S. Lewis, who sent Susan to hell because she wore lipstick). And don't even get me started on the whole vampire genre.

Sometimes, I don't particularly like associating myself with artists. When a scientist encounters a problem, he tries to fix it. When an artist encounters a problem, all to often he only tries to make everyone feel better about it. For all my issues with that essay, it's nice to see art used to further progress rather than stymie it.

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Doing taxes and I apparently made almost 50 Euros last year from my self-publishing.
Which is barely anything, but more than I expected.
We all gonna make it!

Finally finished the short story (about 15 pages) I have been working on the past few months.
Or at least finished the first draft with some light editing.

Probably needs another draft or two before it's worth putting out there with my name on it.
So could really use any constructive feedback that I can use to improve my next draft or stuff I should learn for my next story.

https://files.catbox.moe/8gr1zc.txt

It's related to a larger project I am working on and very action focused, so some of the stuff isn't explained in detail, but I think the story as a standalone is still decent.

>>98318206
Finally got feedback in another thread.
Turns out it's garbage and they couldn't make it past the first page.
They got super hung up on the hooded men not being fully fleshed out, got bored, and couldn't continue it.

As such it's not worth my time to attempt to fix up the story or improve it in any way.
It would probably be best to just move on to another story and try to do better next time.
Sorry for clogging this thread with my shit.

Curious of folks feedback and perspective on world building and race selection, and looking for input.

TL;DR I feel like theres too many races in my setting, and having trouble gauging how to effectively rule on their usage. Curious of how folks determine their racial choices in their homebrews.
---
For wider context, I'm aiming to run a ToV game. And fortunately (or
unfortunately) theres a LOT of races in ToV already; not just the bog standard fantasy but even some refreshing new ones.

And while I have a brother and friends who have all already offered wonderful feedback on this...unfortunately, for some reason, my brains struggling to translate that into real impact on my setting.
My brother in particular is a relatively accomplished amateur writer, and has been making settings for stories and tabletop for over 20 years, so hes given good advice...(Case in point, he himself does not care for 'racial kingdoms'. He prefers nations and kingdoms of mixed races in most of his settings, rather than "the city of elves" and "the country of dwarves". Make the nations culture, and blend/bend/pick the races to match rather than pick 1 race n 1 culture n bam, etc.)

In my setting, theres a cataclysm that resulted in deific intervention.
It culminated in an empire collapse as well as at least 3 (so far) races rendered extinct. To me, that felt a bit lacking for driving home the "gravitas" and depravity of the empire.
My brother has offered counsel that 3 is honestly a lot, and perhaps rather than extinct races I should focus on restricting their usage or outright removing them from the setting if need be.

>>98321144
(Me continuing 2nd half of my post/question)

Unfortunately, part of the setting (And OG goal I had with it) was to allow all of us to feel unrestrained for our first ever ToV game (new toys, new tools etc.) so I had a genius idea with the lore that allowed, in theory, for nearly any race to still be playable even if not native to setting; extraplanar visitors as a regular setting observance.
Its quite nicely worked into the lore...but ive come to a struggle;
By my count, I have over 60 native races/subraces, over 30 planar based/non native races, 3 extinct, and among that mix....17 that are ask/conditional no and 5 hard no's.

The first pass of the racial list feels decent but it feels...unfinished. With over 60 native, 30 planar, 3 extinct, 17 requiring DM approval, and 5 hard no's... The "planar factor" means I could easily choose 20-30 of those "native races"l choices n fling em into being planar guest choices, but im having trouble gauging what goes or stays.

Faerun, Eberron, or ToV's Northlands or Labyrinth...these are all set settings with set races, to help guide newer players on what to use/not use. But for homebrew, its w/e ya want...but while Im not trying to etch out *every aspect of the world*, id very much like to try and make a reasonable number of races so things dont feel cramped OR overly pruned...and boy im struggling....

So yeah....any tips/tricks/advice for determining what races to keep or not keep? I love them all, its so hard to cull ;_;

>>98321144
>>98321146
I was about to say 'D&D gets by fine with a lot of races I'm sure you'll manage', but jesus, over a hundred is a lot.

It *really* depends on what type of game you're running what races you cull. If it's got more of a traditional High Fantasy vibe then you want to make sure you keep elves and dwarves, if you're running more of a gritty low fantasy then maybe get rid of the elves and dwarves and focus more on races without a lot of history behind them. To be honest, I'm not familiar at all with ToV (in fact I had to look up what that even stood for), so there's limited help I can give you.

The most obvious place to start, however, would be to get rid of any that are just slight re-skins of other races. I've said it before (about D&D) and I'll say it again: a roleplaying game can get by just fine without twenty different types of elf. After doing that, get rid of the ones that are just riffs on a similar theme; going back to D&D again, there are a lot more animal races than there need to be. A tabaxi and a lizardman aren't exactly re-skins of each other but they're still just animal-people. And don't even get me started on Giff (who I do have a certain affection for desu, but come on Wizards of the Coast, are you really that strapped for ideas that you had to resort to hippos)?

It would help if you could give us a brief rundown - emphasis on the brief - of what different races you have.

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>>98323954
So basically, to try and minimize restrictions on a new wholly unused system (even if its effectively DnD 5.5 or 5E Lite or w/e), i thought up an idea for a setting where people could either willingly or unknowingly get sucked into/plopped into the setting along certain nexus points or what have you. So its fair to say 'all of them'.

The biggest hurdle is, until recently, they didnt really have a TON of overlap....

Trollkin are trolls, Werekin are basically shifters, Syderean are basically tiefling + celestial, Smallfolks is gnomes n halflings, shadow n light fey are basically shadow/light elves (recent n one of those few 'overlaps'), shade is kinda unique as is scarith n skelling.

Sapopova is frog people, raven n rat folk are self explanatory, Rachisan n Piney are another semi-close (Rachis are basically humanoid onions or carrots n the like, whereas piney is more GW2 sylvari/humanoid treant dryad types)

Orcs are orcs, minotaurs are minos, lizardfolk are same as before, ditto kobold n human, hexen is basically the hag race from 5E.

Gravewrought is basically frankensteins monsters, goblins n gnolls are same as they were, giantkin is basically giants/goliaths, gearforged is warforged, fateborn is basically racial descendents of those affected by deck of many things effects (pretty unique)

Erina are basically hedgehog (to which i once thought "whats difference between them n beastkin quillbacks?" Mechanically, Erina are burrowing small nocturnal skill monkeys. Quillbacks are more small or medium martials. Narrative, hedgehog vs porcupine)

>>98323954
>>98324092
Past that, Eonic is time travelers warped by lots of time travel trying to prevent a future calamity.
Elves are elves, elemental scions are genasi, dwarves are dwarves, dryads are dryads, dragonborn is dragonborn.

Dhampirs dhampir, Derro is dark gnomes (but more insane/eldritch horror), centaurs are centaurs, broodlings are fancier ettercaps (spider people),

beastkins were meant to be a sort of "general purpose bestial race option" to try n minimize the "theres owlin and arakocra and kenku and aven and dohwar and" repetition. It mostly did the trick, most bestial races that are made, especially after beastkin, focus on a specific race or genuinely try to make them stand out. KP's stance was something to the effect of
"Beastkin are meant to be used as the general beast-related lineage that can be built to represent any type of animal-person". Not sure if that means they're more/less likely to make 'bestial races' but it shows they're aware.

Bearfolks what it says on tin, and Alseid are basically 'what if centaur but fae bullshit and deer half'

So beyond the obvious (asleid/centaur, bear/raven/sapop/beastkin/etc., elf/bright fey/shadow fey, erina/beastkin, and a scant few others) they're all likely fairly different/unique, not just narratively but mechanically...

As for setting....moderately high fantasy? It has some degrees of magitech/magitek, but it wont be a focus nor everywhere. Like firearms are a known thing, but the farther you get from certain locations, the more exotic (and harder to come by) the ammo for them is...

>>98314482
Personally I am fighting this dragon. But yes, a lot of people are in a 'pro-dragon" trance.
>>98316450
Consider it a bonus on a hobby.

>>98324092
>>98324116
Actually, a better first step might be finding out what your players actually want to play. If they have some pre-conceived ideas about what race they want to be then let them have their thing, then cut around it.

The more traditional the fantasy setting, the more conservative you should be with races. So if you're going with moderately high fantasy, elves and dwarves are in. A bit of magitech? Keep the gnomes. However:

>Rachis are basically humanoid onions or carrots n the like
Out.

>Sapopova is frog people
Out

>Erina are basically hedgehog
Out

>Alseid are basically 'what if centaur but fae bullshit and deer half'
Out

You're going to have to be harsh, but it's got to be done; you've got too many races for your players to keep track, and too many to give most of them any time in the story. When you look at a race, you should be asking yourself not 'do I like it' but 'do I need it to tell the story' and 'will it leave a hole if I take it out'. Spider people? I love spider people. But I'm betting you could totally erase ettercaps from the setting and not notice the difference.

>>98318206
>>98321077
>Turns out it's garbage and they couldn't make it past the first page.
We'll be the judge of that.

And even if it is garbage, there may be useful lessons to be learned from analysing it.

Unfortunately I just do not have the time to read it right now, and probably won't for a couple of days, but I *will* get to it.

>>98328540
Hilariously, 3 potential players among the group are arachnophobic, and the abilities n descriptions were not okay with 2 of em so i just used broodlings as an easy extinct race.

Alseid I kept cause of the planar interplay nature of the setting + centaur being extinct. A sort of "nature covers gaps" type development.

Sapopova i have a soft spot for cause EQ frogloks...but Erina im ambivalent on.

Rachis ive always been sorta eeeeeh on. So maybe ill give them the boot as a planar only race.

Ive tried to get a gauge on what races they want, but they all keep telling me "tell us what races u wanna run, and then we'll figure out what we wanna play". They know the general overview of the setting, the basics of the calamity, what race was responsible for the historically horrific empire (and why that race is a big heavy 'probably not playable')

BUT maybe its worth circling around again and inquiring, now that ive got a "first pass" list of how the races shake out. Use that to better refine some things and fine tune it...

As for the magitek, thats in an interesting spot; the farther from the central nexus of events u get, the more old high fantasy it gets. Guns, gunpowder, ammo, it all becomes a lot less common n straight up magic becomes more common. But major cities/hubs probably still have their brushes with it. And only 2 or 3? races have any real experimentation in the magitek type of deal (goblins being chief among em along with drow lol)

But definitely some good advice. I think my first move is to reach out n inquire for which race(s) stand out to people. their top 5 or w/e, and go from there.

>>98328540
>We'll be the judge of that.
Don't bother.
It's a loss cause and waste of time.
No one should be subjected to it. It is unreadable boring garbage.

>>98330008
Mean.

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Looking for some suggestions/advice

My goal with the current book was to wind down a bit from the constant anime-like battles of the previous and formulate a plot more focused on political mysteries, intrigue between different factions, a subtle plot about two rival villains each trying to get the protagonist to join their side etc. I feel like overall I succeeded, even though I still ended up having a ton of anime-fights in it.

Im wrapping up the second-to-last arc I'm planning for this book and moving into the climactic final act. The moment our protagonist goes to the main villain's lair, who we've only seen acting through others and dream-like shadow events. This will be the main confrontation that all's built up to. The mystery being untangled at last
The problem is I dont really want to end on some big bombastic fight finale. Thats not who the villain is as a character, and also not really what I have planned. Sure, their meeting will have lots of juicy talking, lots of revelations, lots things being discussed, but I kinda am struggling a bit to come up with a good climactic finale to actually end the book on. I have all these characters in this location, these powerhouses, with villains they hate, and not having them fight or really do "something" other than have a chat feels like a bit of a massive waste?

Im not sure, anyone's got any thoughts? One idea I had was to have one of those "play a game for the fate of the world" type scenes. Since poker and card games, and card suits are quite literally on the cover of the book itself. The problem is this villain is the "eldritch demon from the dawn of time all about nature and bugs and shit" and the other who is absent from this plot segment is the "clown who has a card suit theme and all that jazz" so it doesn't really make sense for the former to offer to play a card game? Though I could stretch it a bit I suppose

Dead thread

>>98330915
Didn't say I'm wrong though

>>98332036
I mean, do you want your hero to stop the villain or not? Doesn't need to be a bombastic fight, but somehow hero would stop the villain either way.
Might feel cheap for the reader, however.

Where do you usually post your stuff? What are some good places?

>>98334506
I don't.
I ain't at that level yet. Maybe one day my stuff will be good enough to post somewhere, but that is a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way away.

At most I might share a bit on imageboards for critique and writing advice, but my writing is far too shit to put my name on it. Maybe in a few years if I consistently practice I will be good enough to write something decent but I need to focus on the here and now when it comes to putting the work in so I can one day reach that point.

>>98334327
I dont want the villain to be stopped here no. We're in like, book 3 of possibly 7. The villain absolutely needs to end this book by winning.

My goal was to have the villain finally gain the protagonist on their side, but I havent really figured out how to connect the climax to that bit yet.

>>98318206
>>98321077
Okay, so I read it all and... yeah, it's bad. However, I wouldn't call it unreadable. The worst bit is at the beginning; you tried to give your opening some punch and like a lot of novice authors it just ended up overwrought.

Before I say anything else I have two questions:

1. What country are you from?

2. How old are you?

Because my advice might change considerably based on those two facts. However, we can at least address the basics. Firstly, the prose. After the first section it's not terrible but it is a bit dull. You use it simply to tell the reader what's going on rather than trying to entertain. That is, you're often just listing what's happening, sequentially, without really thinking about presentation. And just picking a less common synonym does not make writing more interesting.

>>98340413

The main problem with the story itself is that the reader doesn't really know anything about the characters and has no reason to care about any of them. Who is Jak? We don't know. What does Jak want? We only find out a bit of that at the end. Who are the Blooded, and what is his history with them? Isn't addressed at all. Even just a line like:

>Jak was surprised to see Gek. He would have thought the Blooded would send someone like Belladonna, or Barnabus, to take him out. But then, they probably hadn't expected these losers to actually succeed.

would have added some depth to the story, some sense of the backstory to what's going on. All the characters apart from Jak feel like disposable minions whose only role is to provide him with a slightly more difficult fight. There's *some* exposition from Belladonna but even that really begs the question: if Apex used to be all about the dominance and favouring the Elite, why the sudden change of heart towards the Equalists? Which isn't addressed at all.

You may or may not decide you want to rewrite this particular story and try to fix it, but if not for your next story consider

- prose is there to entertain, not just to explain. But subtlety and restraint go a lot further than just opening a thesaurus every time you want spice things up a bit.

- understand who every character is, what their backstory and motivation are, and how it can be woven into the story in a natural way

>>98340413
>you tried to give your opening some punch and like a lot of novice authors it just ended up overwrought.
I don't really know what that means in context. But I will work on it and take it into consideration.
>1. What country are you from?
>2. How old are you?
The fact my writings keep getting accused of being "esl" is telling.
I only speak/write English. I am old enough.
>You use it simply to tell the reader what's going on rather than trying to entertain.
I was trying to show the reader what was going on and that the goings on was where the entertainment came from. That said, after several re-reads I did notice I have mistakenly did quite a bit of telling as well. Ideally I would want my prose to be like a glass pane. Clear and doesn't block or distort the view of events. Though in this story I have failed at that goal.
>just picking a less common synonym does not make writing more interesting.
That wasn't my intent, I just was trying to avoid repetition. Another thing to take into consideration.

cont.

>>98341655
>>98340427
A lot of the lore and background questions come down to
>It's related to a larger project I am working on and very action focused, so some of the stuff isn't explained in detail
It being a short story in a larger project it's not meant to explain quite a few things you brought up.
That said, I REALLY should have been more clear about Jak's motivation, as you pointed out. That is something I should have included at the very beginning of the story, and should not have been mysterious. If I ever revise this story rather than throw it away, that will be the first and most important structural change to the story. Character motivation should be clear.

> All the characters apart from Jak feel like disposable minions whose only role is to provide him with a slightly more difficult fight.
That is because they are, both in world and on a meta level, but I wanted to keep the reason why in the larger project.
For example
>that really begs the question: if Apex used to be all about the dominance and favouring the Elite, why the sudden change of heart towards the Equalists?
That is exactly the question I wanted to leave the reader with. One that would make them want to read other stories set in the wider setting to find out. This story is a snapshot, a single night and night of the revival of who will eventually become the main antagonist/rival in my bigger project.

However the story it's self has to be better written for anyone to bother, and they have to make it through the first page. So I still have a long way to go when it comes to the craft of writing, before I can really focus on meta-narratives and multi-part episodic storytelling.

cont.

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>>98341661
> But subtlety and restraint go a lot further than just opening a thesaurus every time you want spice things up a bit.
You probably won't believe me but there wasn't any thesaurus opining or anything, I talk and write like that typically. I just happen to have weird phraseology and extended vocabulary. I will try to keep it in check in subsequent stories though. It's good advice.

I also fully understand that the character work in this story was awful and I should strive to do better.
You, and likely anyone who can manage to read trough it, can tell that all but 3 characters that came up in the story are throwaway characters. Ones I didn't care much about and that lack of care showed.

I want to deeply thank you for the constructive feedback.
I will use what you said going forward to improve my stories.

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>reading up on Instagram-marketing
I DON'T WANT TO PUT MY FAGGOT FACE INTO A CAM
I'm not shy, maximum introverted for sure, but fuck advertising myself using myself more than my actual books. I don't have a nice bookstagram bookshelf to pose, and my smartphone camera is old and shitty. Fuck.

>>98343038
If you are not an Ethot, with an OF pipeline ofcourse, or buy followers, insta is dead AF and zuck only knows how their algoritme works because their timeline is not chronological and the recommends make no sense.

>>98341655
>>98341661
>>98341666

Reading back >>98340413 and >>98340427 I feel like I was a bit vague by what I meant by making your prose more entertaining. So lets take this paragraph as an example:

>The person operating the chains halted the chains when the chamber's entrance was level with the ground. A few blooded appeared to be staff of some sort due to their crisp uniforms that did not appear military in nature. They began boarding the the chamber after the door hissed open. While they did Jak acted. Using a bit or cloth ripped from his cloths he quickly applied spark gel to it while infusing it with his will. He then tied the cloth to one of his throwing spikes. Using his inner eye he felt rather than saw where the gas lines to the lamps flowed. He threw the spike hard at the line and triggered his spell the moment it struck. A 10 foot high gout of flames poured from the punctured gas line that drew all attention in the area. As those on guard rushed to handle the fire Jak snuck past and entered the gatehouse. He activated the chains and dashed to the already rising chamber. With supernatural strength he jumped high enough to land on top of the chamber.

>Jak let out a breath as he laid prone and whispered to himself "Easier than I thought." He then cringed as he felt high frequency clicks and squeaks shiver down his spine coming from the clouds above. "Jinxed it" he rasped to no one in particular.

Here's another way you could write that scene:

>>98346020

>The platform clanked to a halt and the Blooded began boarding; they looked like clerks, not soldiers, their crisp uniforms starched and pressed. Things really had changed since he was last here; those boys would have been eaten alive by Barnabus' dogs not so long ago. As they filed aboard the elevator Jak ripped a strip of cloth and applied spark gel to it, before tying it to a throwing spike. Then he concentrated, infusing it with his will while at the same time using his inner eye to see - no, feel, like bright sunlight on his cheeks - the fuel lines that fed the lamps. His arm whipped round, muscles flexing, and the spike cut through the darkness.

>In the instant it hit he triggered the spell and suddenly all eyes around were drawn to the gout of flame lighting up the night. It was almost too easy, Jak thought; as the guards rushed to help fight the fire, he simply walked past them into the gatehouse. A flick of the switch set the chains clanking again, and with his supernatural strength one good leap was enough to get him on top of the slowly rising platform.

>Then he felt high frequency clicks and squeaks shiver down his spine, coming from the clouds above. Yeah, too easy.

>"Jinxed it.", Jak muttered to himself.

First of all, as you can see I split that big paragraph in two; presentation is a simple thing but it does make a difference to readability, and you seem to have a consistent habit of letting your paragraphs run on.

Now, as for the actual content.
>The person operating the chains halted the chains when the chamber's entrance was level with the ground.
This is what I meant when I said you're just listing what's happening. If you just say 'the chamber stopped', that's all the reader needs to know; they'll naturally infer the rest. I chose to say 'the platform clanked to a halt' because that's more evocative of the machinery than just 'the platform stopped', and a way of implying chains without needing to directly mention them.

>>98346024

>A few blooded appeared to be staff of some sort due to their crisp uniforms that did not appear military in nature
Phrasing is a little stiff here, and it seemed like a good opportunity to add some depth.
>Things really had changed since he was last here; those boys would have been eaten alive by Barnabus' dogs not so long ago.
This is what I meant by weaving in backstory in a natural way; I showed the reader a glimpse of Jak's past in the citadel, and also gave Barnabus a mention to build him up a bit before the confrontation.

>Using a bit or cloth ripped from his cloths he quickly applied spark gel to it while infusing it with his will. He then tied the cloth to one of his throwing spikes. Using his inner eye he felt rather than saw where the gas lines to the lamps flowed.
Again, it's just: this thing happened, then this thing happened, then this thing happened, etc, etc.
>Jak ripped a strip of cloth and applied spark gel to it, before tying it to a throwing spike. Then he concentrated, infusing it with his will while at the same time using his inner eye to see - no, feel, like bright sunlight on his cheeks - the fuel lines that fed the lamps.
You don't have to try to make *everything* interesting; sometimes it's okay to just be 'this happened, then this happened, then this happened'. But in that case, try to avoid redundancy.
>a bit or cloth ripped from his cloths
and if there's an opportunity to make a line a little more interesting, take it. 'Using his inner eye he felt rather than saw ' is an interesting concept, but it could be illustrated more vividly with 'no, feel, like bright sunlight on his cheeks'

>>98346028

It's all about finding the right balance between keeping your prose concise and fast-flowing, and sprinkling in bits of colour here and there to keep it interesting.

>His arm whipped round, muscles flexing, and the spike cut through the darkness.
Maybe that's even a little too much, but it seemed more interesting than just
>He threw the spike hard at the line

>He threw the spike hard at the line and triggered his spell the moment it struck. A 10 foot high gout of flames poured from the punctured gas line that drew all attention in the area. As those on guard rushed to handle the fire Jak snuck past and entered the gatehouse.
More 'this happened, then this happened, then this happened'. Notice how I merge bits of those sentences and cut in a bit more flavour; by moving the 'easier than I thought' bit here it breaks up the boring bits of the sentence. It's almost like creating camouflage; you want to break up the silhouette of the basic events of the scene with a bit of colour here and there, feeding the same information to the reader but disguised so it doesn't look like just a sequence of events.
>In the instant it hit he triggered the spell and suddenly all eyes around were drawn to the gout of flame lighting up the night. It was almost too easy, Jak thought; as the guards rushed to help fight the fire, he simply walked past them into the gatehouse.

>>98346031

And lastly, when you have an impactful moment you want to isolate it so the reader notices it more. That's why I changed the beginning of the next paragraph to
>Then he felt high frequency clicks and squeaks shiver down his spine, coming from the clouds above. Yeah, too easy.
>"Jinxed it.", Jak muttered to himself.
Now rather than buried in another thick paragraph, the moment when the batteraks appear has space to breathe.

I'm going to end by saying that I'm sure other writers would do it differently and would take issue with how I've rewritten it, but this is only intended to be an example. Something to give you ideas you can develop into your own style, rather than a manual to follow exactly.

>>98343038
I wouldn't worry too much about instagram marketing unless you are already a avid instagram user who has a decent sense of how it works and it's culture.

While it can work for some people, it doesn't work for the vast majority. Honestly even using plain old facebook instead might be a better option of grabbing attention. Mostly through building connections rather than being at the mercy of a algorithm and someone's tiny attention span as they flick through bikini photos.

That said take what I say with a grain of salt. I never advertised a book. Only services in a particular area. So my marketing experience and knowledge is low.

>>98346040
I have never in my life received such detailed and useful feedback on my writing before. Not even in school.
I will ponder and take into account all you have written and incorporate this lesson into my efforts going forward.

I will have to digest it a bit to have more to say at the moment though.
Regardless my gratitude is unexplainable and I am currently at a loss for words.

>>98343038
You need boobs and a pretty face (or good makeup) to market on instwhoregrams.

>>98350594
How come they are not attacking the boats?

>>98309497
>Come up with a scenario
>Try putting it to paper
>Writing is hard
Am I retarded?

>>98357587
No, writing IS hard.

>>98357635
So how do I get good?

>>98357658
By writing

>>98357658
Yeah, write. Read a lot as well. Rewrite, have someone look over your writing.
Your first results will likely be shit, that's just how it is.

>>98357658
Same way you get good at anything else.
Practice and constructive feedback.

Can't help with the practice part, but once you do write something threads like this a good for feedback.

>>98357658
I'll let you know when I get there.

Most orphans did not end up on the streets. The traditional peasant commune or extended family usually absorbed them. labor was the primary currency. Children were not the financial liabilities they are in modern post-industrial societies; they were net-positive economic assets from a very young age.By age five or six, a child could weed crops, scare birds away from seeds, or herd small livestock, or supervise younger kids. Because labor was valuable, relatives would take them in; even if they treated them like second-class, overworked servants (a "Cinderella" existence). Only those with zero surviving family or those from displaced refugee populations, due war, famine, disease, ended up on the streets. Genuine abandonment to street life required something to break that safety net specifically + no surviving kin at all, or a kin network that no longer physically existed to absorb you. Far more common were runaways surviving abuse, or outright abandoned due illegitimacy, or too many mouths to feed.

>>98366043
I should try to rebuild that in KitHack Model Club.

On a unrelated note, my master outline has transformed into the place I put revision notes and story plans.
I am starting to wish I could create tabs and collapsing note sections, but I don't really feel like bothering learning a new piece of software when I just jumped to a proper modern word processor with lite desktop publishing features.
A whole other program just for my outline and notes seems excessive.

How do you guys handle your notes, outlines, and other planning related stuff?

>>98367641
You guys are making notes?

Honestly, I wish I knew. I've never been inclined towards making notes but when I do it's literally just another document with them completely unorganised. I suppose there must be some way to set up hyperlinks that either open another document or take you another part of the same document.

If anyone has any ideas I would genuinely be interested, although I too do not feel like having to learn an entirely new piece of software.

>>98370571
You reminded me I have a lore and worldbuilding note text file filled with references and notes to things too technical to reliability remember but too boring to directly put in my outline document. Think units of measurement, day night cycle lengths, regional temperature and weather ranges, spell components, that kind of thing.

I should port it over to something that is organized rather than a random dump of text that gets harder to use the more I add to it.

I have seen ads for stuff like world anvil but I ain't falling for a forever subscription just to organize my notes.
There has to be a free offline alternative.

>>98362598
>Most orphans did not end up on the streets.
They got eaten by dragons...

>>98352422
Maybe they are macing on each other and the boat people are taking notes on dragons spitting game.

Can you imagine the kind of pickup lines someone can come up with after a few hundred years?

>>98357587
I have problem where I can't really do dialogues that sounds organic. But then again, I also tend to often dislike dialogues in films and books because they overdramatize the delivery.

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1.47 MB JPG

Work on a cover may begin soon.

>>98326202
I meant to say, if you're looking for some anti-dragon media you might try Pantheon; it's an animated series on Netflix.

It's a bit schizophrenic because it's written as pro-dragon most of the way through, but then it takes a *wild* left turn in the last two episodes of the second season. (added bonus: it finished with two seasons so Netflix can't cancel it before they get to the end)

I want to try my hand at some writing. I just wonder what are the biggest writing pitfalls or gripes you have from amateur fantasy writers.
I know I can look up and get articles, but those always have a snobby pseudo academic "vibe" to them where here the responses are more attached to the ground of Earth and to me more trustworthy if coming from a genuine place.

>>98392279

Apeing DND.

>>98392279
>I just wonder what are the biggest writing pitfalls or gripes you have from amateur fantasy writers.
In this current age the temptation of AI is constant, especially for amateurs in the fantasy genre.
Nothing will retard your progress and skills as a writer more than leaning on AI to generate the bulk of your writing.

>>98392279
Have a coherent theme for your world. Neither bore the reader with endless world-building nor just make up stuff on the spot whenever you feel like it.
The coherent, inherent theme shouldn't be shoved into your reader's face (unless it's also the core conflict for the story), it should be something subtle that permeates through the world, its people, their stories. A well from which everything else flows naturally.
You should world-build, and most of what you come up with should not matter for the reader. It should matter for you, be a basis for your decisions for why things happen the way they happen and why things are the way they are.

I've noticed I care less and less of fantasy stuff and I'm now basically writing snippets of historical fiction. I guess either I don't care enough for fantasy or history is interesting on its own. Granted, none of the snippets required any magic. I wonder if I should commit or find a compromise.

>>98389956
Thanks for the recommendation.

Don't care if you don't want to hear me yapping about AI again.
I threw the timeline of my current setting into it and had it double-check for consistency, errors, gaps and whatever else seems illogical. Indeed pretty helpful, allowed me to smooth some things out.
Also talked a bit about the religion of a country, and my issues with it. It helps, if you don't have anyone else to torture with your autism, but its own suggestions are often garbage. You can explain what exactly your issues are and ask for ways to solve it, like different historical inspirations. The AI suggested something that was in line with some previously established theme, which I didn't think about. But the suggestion itself wasn't great, in the sense that it took the idea too far, too fantastical.

>>98393444
History inspired magical realism?

Could also be you should could benefit from focusing on character and plot and let the particulars of setting follow from the kind of characters and plot you want to write most.

Thoughts on a episodic series of short stories structured like tv show episodes.
I don't mean like serialized web novels. I mean each short story might be connected but each story also works as a standalone.

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Overhauling my magic system again.
Mostly to just add stuff to it.
But it's likely to get complicated enough that I actually need to take notes to keep everything straight now.

Better to do it sooner into this new project rather than later.

>>98411236
I think both serialisation and connected short stories are an underrated artform.

>>98413051
I partially figured it out.

I will just add things to the system based around the concept that was giving me a hard time.
Mostly modifiers that I can keep in a quick reference note for myself.

The writing continues.

Character's answer when asked in world what a spirit beast is.
>Spirit beast are a walking crossroads. A liminal being. A imperfect synthesis that doesn't belong anywhere but can go everywhere.

I like it even if a bit vague and overly dramatic.