>Blocks your path
goblins just have a lot of sex, so they're plentiful/cheap worker drones. why WOULDN'T you put them in your dungeon?
>>98474647Has her kin spared any defenseless human?
Rolled 9 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>98474647I second >>98474733 I would like to bribe the goblin with some rations as we ask of her tribe and what she's doing all the way out here.
>>98474647yo little goober, want to join the party?
>>98474774Wrong. What I was getting at is no, Goblins don't spare defenseless humans. Your sort are the kind that get killed because you saw an evil creature cry.
>>98474647I did not bring a Magic Missile caster so I will proceed to miss all my attacks for the next three rounds while this goblin tpks me
>>98474647>inb4 I AM DA BAG
Eat her.But like, sexily.
>>98474793This is why people call you a murderhobo. You never ask questions, mindlessly killing for treasure and quest completion, and then burn your profit on training an extra level only to be just as destitute as before. Your inability to think is no different than the last six "fighting-men" our party had, pilfering corpses and dying of a hidden poison or curse.What I am actually doing is leveraging the fact that this goblin is completely outmatched by armed humans. The worst she can answer is trying to flee and alert the monsters we were going to kill anyway, and she wouldn't survive the attempt, but there is the off chance we can learn something to make our job easier if we don't become as base as you know they are.
>>98474647Headpat into Submission!
>>98474647Tell she has a higher chance of surviving by joining me. She's going to be out of job (or dead) soon anyway.
>>98474919She's a goblin.
>>98474647I hate goonblin fags AND "what if evil creature....LE GOOD?!?!" fags in equal measure, so I kill this thing on principle. Funnily enough, I'd be MORE inclined to try to save and redeem the goblin if it was nasty, evil lil shit.
>>98474919Miss, you dropped her fedora hat.
>>98474976what makes you think she isn't a nasty evil little shit? why are you projecting mental trauma onto a random goblin? is it the cute art style? because being drawn cute doesn't mean it's not evil
>>98474647
>>98474976>Funnily enough, I'd be MORE inclined to try to save and redeem the goblin if it was nasty, evil lil shitThis is the way. Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Which is why I engage with the goblin, recognize how debased it is by its behavior, and respond accordingly.
>>98475010Because 9 times out of 10, people interpret that as making them go "teehee I'm a chaos gremlin" and screeching while eating too many rations.I'm sick of my hypothetical GM putting coomer goblins in the game, and I will kill as many as it takes for him to stop.
>>98474647Why is a green elf guarding a dungeon from us? Are we an evil party?
>>98475465>I'm sick of my hypothetical GM putting coomer goblins in the game,>I'm sick of my hypothetical GM >my hypothetical GM lmao
>>98474919If you want to torture the goblin, just say so.
>>98475561I don't. You might, if you think it'll get accurate information faster. Last I heard, creatures like you more when you're nice to them, and cognitive dissonance makes people susceptible to information that they'd otherwise filter out.
Rolled 12 + 6 (1d20 + 6)>>98474647I roll to seduce her.
Rolled 5 (1d20)I bludgeon the goblin with my cock
Rolled 6 + 1 (1d10 + 1)>>98474647i attack the goblinAlso 3 hp isn't low for a goblin it's average (HD 1 -1)
Rolled 20 (1d20)>>98474774The goblin looks at you warily. It looks at the ration warily. It isn't attacking. It isn't getting out of the way either.>>98475924>>98476206Your attempt at seduction seemed to be going well. Unfortunately, Anon came up out of nowhere, attempting to pelvic thrusting. The goblin attacks Anon!
>>98474647She doesn't exist, because goblins in classic D&D/AD&D are reddish orange and have pug ugly faces, no long ears or noses. Millennials polluted the lore by making them pretty versions of Blix from Legend, or Green Goblin from Spider-Man.
Rolled 3, 7 = 10 (2d8)>>98476615The goblin crits Anon!
Rolled 6 (1d20)>>98474647>>98474647I cast Ray of Self-Improvementshe must make a reflex save or become a productive member of society with deep moral fiber, a willingness to endure the pain of growing in order to achieve the critical thinking skills necessary for rational beings to self-actualize, a healthy social life, and ability to empathize with others, she will participate in a collective approach to society in order to facilitate constructive governance as long as it respects the dignity of the individualshe must shower or bathe every 1d2 days she must eat 1d3 substantial, nourishing meals per day, if no food is available conjure food casts (yea I took a meta-magic feat, fuck you its not powergaming, I'm just playing my class HOWARD)I proceed to offer her an escort to the nearest metropolitan era where she can make her own decisions about what to do without being under duressif she makes save, her willingness to pay taxes is halved and she will be a very irregular and uninformed voter
>>98476624You can drop your one-sided struggle; goblins are still orange and squish-faced in 5e.
>>98476745https://youtu.be/OpbDjDHHh9Y?si=zr_OCFXcGqm0EmUf&t=107
>>98476745>forcibly turn her into a good person>drop her off in a fucking city so she'll lose all her newfound faith in goodness and morality and get robbed/stabbed on the dailyDamn, that's evil as fuck
>>98476745She did not make save>>98477015Woe, a satisfying life be upon ye>>98477076Its not a modern day city, so it would be trivial to sponsor her asylum at the temple of a good aligned deity if she should decide to make her life thereif its a god dedicated to agriculture, craftsmanship, art, or music she would have access to the fundamental skills necessary to live a simple life or even adventure herselfthe true curse is that she will forever know the hunger for a righteous world, and ceaselessly work to uplift others in a debt that cannot be repaid to the limitless potential for Good in all beings capable in making their own decisions
>>98474647Just give her a pet rat and some half-decent food.Why do you have to be weird about everything?
>>98474647https://www.youtube.com/shorts/fKCfOWiBY3s
>>98474662san fransisco is littered with AI ads. i miss back a long time ago when you could at least see an ad for a sleazy injury lawyer or car dealership.i can't wait for the crash.
>>98477614>san fransiscoWhy are you living in San Fran?
>>98477614>living in SFWhy haven't you killed yourself yet?
>>98479224>>98479286i live in the bay area, SF is a couple hours south. it's fun to visit for museums but it's honestly depressing seeing people shit in the streets without shame
>>98477614It wont come luddite get with the times or get left behind. In the time it took for me to type this shitpost my agents made me a $500 commission by contacting the sheriffs department to evict some shithead renter from an apartment owned by my uncle’s real estate management company
>>98476745>1 year later
>>98474647Smells bad
>>98481760he used phrases like deep moral fiber, pain of growing, critical thinking skills, self-actualization, healthy social life, and so onyour image shows a worthless wagie who isn't respected and doesn't respect herself, and is in an unfulfilling job that's overtaken all of the meaningful parts of her life, pretty much the antithesis of that post
>>98477614>i can't wait for the crash.It ain't coming bro
>>98482842That's right, we're riding this high to the Moon, baby! This ain't no bubble, it's the way of the future and if you're not on board now, you'll be left in the dirt with the rest of the poors as we sail our golden cruise ships into the sunset.
>>98474647 dies to 1 attack, but often she dies to 1 action1 goblin, -1 action1 extra goblin is like reverse haste on 1 playoid
>>98474647>>98474822Here you go
>>98477614>>98474662>A certain group of people that bitches the most about AI loves using AIwhy the fuck are they like this
>>98484127Best way to control the opposition is to lead it yourself.- some dead commie
>>98476702Looks like a kill to me.
>>98475530You laugh now, but if it's not coomer goblins it's local lords TPK'ing my hypothetical party, or some shit like that. He's really creating a lot of hypothetical problems.
>>98475530NTA but about 10 years ago I played in a DND campaign where the GM put "cute" versions of known monsters in place of their book description. It was the height of the tumblr dynasty's power. Cute goblin, cute kobold, cute undead, cute beetle guys, and even a cute wolf. All of which received GM protection when they were inevitably targeted for death.Anon might be fighting windmills, but these are dangerous windmills with big nasty teeth and barbed tails that hunt in packs.
>>98485128it doesn't matter how many spikes a windmil has if you don't walk into it
>>98474647Her head looks like it would split nicely if you threw her at another goblin
>>98482782>your image shows a worthless wagieMust've made her reflex save.
>>98474647Life is difficult for gobbo kind
>>98486333
>>98481737>>98484047>>98482842there isn't a bubble because the datacenters will become focal points for controlling entire workforces of robots in about 10 years, this is why the US government banned chinese robots because that's the endgame. If you don't make it in stocks/crypto/pms/real estate by 2030 you shlould have enough for a 3d printer and a robot and you can start a home business selling your copyrighted slop on ebay and etsy. The hypothetical idea is that starting your own business will be cheap and easy with Accoutantbot 5000, CADbot and your own robot feeding resin into your printer and packaging things and possibly also using your delivery drone to move the packages to the post office so you don't have to. In theory.
>>98486485NTA are we all going to be doing this?
>>98486462>>98481760i think what they need is a human husband to smooch and bed them.
>>98476745>give me a goblin with fuckin nothing
>>98474647Kobold now blocks your path!
>>98484127>A certain group of peopleDo you think the tech-oligarchs that pay for those ads are in the same group as the people they're targetting?
>>98487666Koboldfags are so fucking pathetic, just parasitically attaching themselves to any goblin thread they see in the catalog. Get lost.
>>98487666I fuck her like she's the goblin I was hoping for.
>>98484127> Why is night city run by corps when everyone hates the corps?
Rolled 5 + 2 (1d10 + 2)>>98485022Goblin has leveled up to lvl 2. Goblin gains: Action surge. Goblin underling lvl 1. Motivation: guarding dungeon from perverts and telling Anons to fap before posting. Magic item: AnonSlayer (as a spear, + 1d4 vs Anons, per level. ) All Anon's Internet cred. Healing potionx2 (2d4+4).
>>98493056Goblin now has 10hp. Goblin cashes in Anon's Internet cred for an extra lvl 1 goblin. Goblin's party: 2 lvl 1 underlings.
>>98474647>Yer not gonna stop me sis. I will become the goblin king and NO ONE WILL STOP ME!
>>98474919>burn your profit on training an extra level only to be just as destitute as before.Weakling detectedOnly trash care about wealth, which is unimportant. All that matters is increasing the power of your body and mind.
>>98498085
>>98474647Take spear away, raise in air, begin mercilessly tickling
