GW hires you to reimagine the Pygmies for Warhammer: The Old World. How do you do it?
Aren’t they already in the empire
>>98637682Wakanda.
>>98637682Study actual pygmy culture this time so they're an accurate caricature in the same way Britonnia, Cathy, and Kislev are.Definitely keep them human, since the idea of small humans existing in the same setting as actual halflings has always tickled my autism.
>>98637682turn them into malnourished fentanylized Appalachian white trash NOBODY likes those, not even the whites
>>98637682If I were geniunely asked to I would evolve them into Pictmy, and they would be a blend of pygmy, celts and a culture that idolizes metal totem/island heads.
Lots and lots of war elephants.
I make them into tiny pigmen and rename then Pigmies. I know that GW won't tolerate any notions of racism, so avoiding it entirely and creatively rebuilding the idea is the best way forward. This is what I'd do if I'm actually unironically in a professional contract with GW.
>>98637682use A. Whyatt Mann pictures as references and add more sagging pants, backwards caps and handguns held at 90 degree angles
>>98637682Base the models on dwarf actors.It's what the SJW would do.
>>98637682Scrap em. Retcon them into a tribe of all-skink lizard men protecting a spawning pool/slaan tomb under the earth that sometimes ally with the Amazons but otherwise leave alone.Let’s be honest, they were terrible even putting aside their racist origins. Only way you could salvage them is if you pretended Pygmy was short for Pygmy Blue-Tongue Skink and rolled with that instead.
Re-release them as-is and sue anyone who complains.
>>98637682Reimagine them as snotlings who managed to thrive away from bigger greenskins and formed a primitive civilization of their own.Now they're comedic relief, so it's not racist anymore.
Zulu-esque tribal warriors whose deep connections to ghurish magic have given them the power to being the very earth to life. They are well liked by the lizardmen and have been granted limited access to some of their technology, which they use to great effect.tl;dr Warhammer Fantasy Wakanda
>>98637682Halflings that are part of a loose alliance of Southlander groups. They are united by their hatred of chaos (for obvious reasons), lizardmen (who they frequently war with over territory), and elves (they think of Druchii as the default elves, due to slave raids).
>>98637682I turn them into an all female nation of women from Cathay and The Empire named Pickmes who spend all their time sucking up to the Chaos Lord most likely to turn them into a war bride.
>>98637748>an accurate caricature >in the same way Britonnia, Cathy, and Kislev are
Not-snots
Funny you should ask this. I have a homebrew project which involves fleshing out the Southlands, and part of doing so includes reincorporating and retooling the Pygmies. Would you like to hear about it?
>>98637682I would make them renaissance, feminist Wakanda -which is the only socially allowed option - then collect my paycheck and leave.People can't even handle the existence of actual pygmy people, they mostly think it's a racist stereotype and not a real phenomenon.Personally, I also think there's little point in trying rehabilitate old concepts to be suitable for a modern puritanical culture. It's better to engage earnestly with the modern sensibilities and just make something from scratch that has none of the old "racist DNA" that modernoids will inevitably bring up and complain about.>>98640082If you have 10,000 words and no pictures then nobody cares.If you have 200 words and 3 pictures then I will allow you to post.
>>98639247Bretonnia is, or at least a caricature of the middle ages and Arthurian mythology as a whole.Kislev is a bit less, but that's mainly because there just wasn't the same level of British tropes of Russian/Eastern European cultures. Bears, winter and heavy accents on the steppe is about as far as it got. Really, a lot of Kislev hasn't changed a great deal since the perfunctory paragraphs in WFRP 1e.Cathay, I'll give you. The Cathay we could have had in the 'golden age' is very much NOT the Cathay we've got now; the modern one lacks bite, comedy, parody. It's almost too respectful, played straight. That said - I will confess that I've not got any of the relevant TOW books and I'm going purely off what I saw in Total War, which is obviously not about to dive as deeply as, say, the old Marienburg articles did.
Pygmies were getting a lot of Rastafarian and Afro-Futurism stuff in the scant White Dwarf scenarios they got.Take them and Amazons and go full on sci-fi fantasy.Bring back the ray guns and floating pyramids.
>>98637682Re-issue the old models while ordering sculpts for more weapon types to fill out units of line infantry and skirmishers. Further, order for the old 4e savage orcs to be reissued with a resculpt of a big lipped human head as a heavy infantry option.
>>98637682I make them POC Halflings.
>>98640339Wait what?!
"Jungle Halflings"
>>98638911>zulu esque>live in lustria>actual pygmies live over 1500 miles away from the overrated nation of the zulu
>>986404561980s warhammer had lots of aliens who were crashed onto the planet and couldn't leave, lizardmen are a remnant of that and the rarely-mentioned amazons sometimes have laser guns. Pygmies were literally not human at all but an advanced race that crash landed and devolved into savages, but there were wizards with floating pyramids who would enslave them and then invade other pygmy tribes to cannibalize them.
>>98637682Turn them into sexo little all female tribal humanoids who are tan with bodypaint rather than shit brown and all wear colorful wooden tribal masks. Really just turn them into a enhanced version of the Pygmies you'd encounter in older fantasy/adventure fiction, instead of a represenation of brown people no one likes.And they do fun stuff like stacking on top of each other (looking like totem poles with their masks), like in that one WoW dungeon back in the day.
>>98637748>Study actual pygmy culture this time so they're an accurate caricature in the same way Britonnia, Cathy, and Kislev are.They are accurate caricature of Regge and associated subculture of weed smoking jamaican negros.>Definitely keep them human, since the idea of small humans existing in the same setting as actual halflings has always tickled my autism.They are not human, they are literally degenerated grey aliens.
>>98640118My ideas involve fleshing out the Apemen into their own faction distinct from the Old World's Beastmen and adding human Southlander factions based on various sub-Saharan African cultures and civilizations. For the pygmies specifically, I'm going to rework them so that they're more fleshed out, authentic and culturally sensitive; they will be given a less generic name, reside in the Southlands rather than inexplicably being in Lustria, and be based on actual African pygmy peoples rather than being essentially an amalgamation of "Darkest Africa" stereotypes. Some Pygmy tribes are still affiliated with the Lizardmen, however; the Lizardmen tend to use these Pygmies as intermediaries when dealing with humans and some other races, along with frequently having them do most of the talking when they engage in diplomacy with other factions. Lizardmen-aligned Pygmies also sometimes act as auxiliaries in battle, which means they can be used on the tabletop.While some Pygmy tribes are aligned with the Lizardmen, however, most are affiliated with a faction that is entirely my own. This faction primarily draws inspiration from the various peoples of the Congo Basin. The majority of Pygmies are associated with this faction, but they are merely one component of it, albeit a fairly important one. They have complicated relations with Araby, Nehekhara and the Lizardmen, generally get along well with the High Elves and the Dwarfs, and are hostile to Chaos (including the Apemen, of course), Skaven, Greenskins (particularly Forest Goblins and Savage Orcs, as they are the Greenskin varieties most commonly encountered in the Southlands) and any encroachers from the Old World. The territory controlled by this faction is mostly rainforest, but also includes a good deal of savanna and desert.
>>98637682I just put a mask on them and paint them an ambiguous skin tone in the default scheme.
>>98637682Lawyer friendly oompa loompas.
>>98637682They're the Thousand Sons, basically. Nearly all of their forces are constructs, the leaders are Shamans who are not actually Pygmies.
>>98640481Holy shit that's sick. Imagine you're fighting a bunch of gub gubs throwing sticks at you, and one of them has a plasma pistol and just evaporates one of your party memebers
>>98640481>>98640579Whose to say they aren't 40k Ratlings who got stranded in fantasy land?
>>98640579>They are accurate caricature of Regge and associated subculture of weed smoking jamaican negros.Not enough guns and scams for this to be true.t. Yardie.
>>98640339>Take them and Amazons and go full on sci-fi fantasy.
>>98637682Rename them nignogs
>>98637682Cant you take Goblins and use Pygmies minis instead?
>>98637975Pygmy elephants
>>98646962Funnily enough, those were actually a thing once. Well, they were called dwarf elephants, but close enough.
>>98637682Make them akin to necromunda squats - started off as vat-grown servants, then the weird litle guys got loose and started breeding naturally.Unnatural skin tones, albino, metallic etc. with circuit-board looking warpaint.
>>98637682People think its parodying africans and it probably is but actual pymies are going extinct because africans hunt them believing eating their penises gives them magical powers and to sell them on the chinese black market. They should get a serious revamp to be more like friendly hobbits fending off bantu savages to raise awareness of their plight. They are descibed as very friendly people and deserve this bullshit niggardry even less than the boers did.
>>98649491>Eat penisThats gay. But i read somewhere that African tribes had an inition rite where a famous, good hunter/warrior had to give his sperm to the new adult. I think the new adult had to drink the sperm to get his “power“.Africa is so gay that eating a dick kinda sounds plausible!
>>98641276You know what? This is actually not a terrible idea.
theres an ocean of cool designs you can use but no matter how good you make it you'll be called racist and cancelled into being a hobo so why bother
>>98649491Yeah, deleting them at this point would do more harm than just making them resemble their source.
>>98637682
>>98637682I don't do anything, they're already a perfect mix of actual pygmies and aboriginals
>>98641658Funnily enough, the Oompa Loompas were originally a pygmy tribe.
>>98656084>Gobligs
>>98637761Shalom.
>>98640481>make the africans actual YakubiansI dig it.
>>98637682Uhhh zulu, make them zulu...zulu.,..catgirls, yeah! Zulu catgirl shortstacks
>>98660797So... this, but short, curvy catgirls?
>>98640477?Lustria was never mentioned. There are Lizardmen in the Southlands as well as in Lustria.
Turn them into the Gary Coleman faction?
>>98667439The Colemen from Postal 2?
>>98667439Boring!
>>98640339So... just make it Warhammer 40k but set on a single planet?
>>98637682>to reimagine the Pygmieswhy? I like them as they are
>>98672835Those were the days.Although 1st ed. minis weren't always great, there was a lot of playful lore even before the Warhammer world(s) were created.
>>98672945You mean fun and not taking itself seriously? God forbid!
>>98637682What sane person wants to play, paint and collect midget-n*ggers?
>>98673118Yes, pretty much that.But I do still miss chaos goblins. Those minis were great.
>>98640339>>98672835More like 'Hobbit Wakanda'
>>98651089That’s a tribe in Papua New Guinea.
>>98640318>I'm going purely off what I saw in Total WarDon't worry, so does every other TOW "fan."
>>98637748>>98639247An accurate caricature would be even more racist than the original. There is no getting around the fact that Sub-Saharan peoples didn't even invent the wheel by themselves even after their northern neighbors had moved far beyond chariots and metalworking. Reality is racist. Look no further than the ooga booga island people that throw spears at helicopters.
>>98667439If it means a special rule about suing their parents, sure
>>98660797Zulus are Bantu. Those figs are supposed to be pygmies. Major difference.
>>98637682Heavy Zulu inspiration with bits taken from Australian Aboriginal culture and Ethiopia for more “modern” stuff. Kislev is a Russian-polish mix and no ond is complainingHeavy emphasis on animal cavalry and shamanism. You punch through enemy lines with your magically souped up rhinos, hyenas as harassers and use your giant eagles to hit enemy backlineAnother anon said they should be friends with lizardmen. That males them too safe, basically noble savage. Instead they should be another imperialist empire. Ideally all the cannibalism they did irl would be featured as well but that would be too un-pc.
>>98640339>>98640481Kinda sad only a single poster here actually knows that the OG warhammer pygmies were primarily a NOI/Rastafari/Reggae/Afrofuturism bit, the main antagonist in their 2-scenario campaign is a Yakub-expy evil white wizard called Bahb-Elonn that stole their ancestral spaceship pyramid through tricknology. This is of course way too fun for modern /tg/ which is apparently mainly about expressing your seething racial hatred.
>>98674395>pygmies>subsaharanHmmm
>>98682132Lazy writing thenLazy writing nowGW is just the tropes blender
A more violent offshoot of the halflings. Make them skirmish specialists, yes they chuck spears and blowguns but they're really good at it. They are wannabe lizardmen like the Diggas from Gorkamorka want to be orks. Fuck webm, I want to post the cover to digganobz because it's great, a bunch of humans in greenface. Make most of them white or some other color. Their grotesqueness is actually them wearing masks or jewelry to look like scary saurus. Savage orcs are ooga booga as fuck and nobody cares because they're funny and green.
They already exist, they're called Lizardmen.
>>98682132Does this mean that the Warhammer world's gorillas originated from a failed attempt by white people to turn themselves black? Believe it or not, that's actual NOI lore.
>>98637682Hire a bunch of culture consultants to make historically accurate Zulu warriors. Honestly not that hard.Frankly, I discussed this with a friend but I would love a southland faction that consists entirely out of weird chaos mutants based on actual mythological humans that people believed in. Blemmyes, Cynocephaly, Monopod, Sea monks, Hircocervus.
>>98637682I must consult with my Congolese sensitivity team over a working lunch of roasted pygmy first.
>>98682132>>98640339I don't know what you're on about, they're quite clearly described as just slightly retarded, stone age, hunter gatherers, cannibals. The "futurism" part is literally just one background line that says their ancestors came to planet tens of thousands of years ago and then they ate each others and devolved.
>>98688896>just slightly retarded, stone age, hunter gatherers, cannibals.So real life accurate it seems
>>98689278Duh. Except that it's usually pygmies that are eaten by the other retards IRL.
>>98637682blue or red with gemstones for eyes, golem-esque and everything is made of rocks, shields, weapons, armor, all very chuky and with GW current preference for neomarine styles.The elders are fuckhuge, while the newer generations are smaller and smaller.The reason they're a horde of very small people is that they're later generations. Kinda like WoD vampire logic, the further it gets from the source the weaker they get, and on this case smaller.It is a forever decaying army with a few larger ones that make for permanent losses whenever one dies, since no new ones can be made/born.>>98637817that anon had such a similar view to me is so kino. Except that i'd lean heavily into sub-Saharan aesthetics, like songhai or mali
>>98682138Timmy, could you please point out on a map where the Sahara is and where the pygmies are ? Would it be accurate to say that the pygmies are below the Sahara ?
>>98638364How are their origin racists ? If anything they are closer to reality than any other factions.
>>98652097I like this visual here. I'd imagine these guys, tall masked Shamans as the standard units, and make the pygmies into straw stuffed fetishes like what the witchdoctor in Diablo 3 uses. Let them use fantasy-fied versions of african wildlife like rhinos, elephants, hippos, lions, wildebeasts, giraffes as war-mounts boosted with spiritualistic armaments.
>>98682169You mean orcs.
>>98685494It's hard to find a new religious movement whose lore is both as hateful and as wild as the Nation of Islam's.
>>98637682I'd just leave them much as-is, but make them more Tupi themed in terms of hair and ornamentation, but keep them as diminiutive negritos.I'd add straight bowl-cuts to their pool of hair designs, and bring back Brobat and Beesbok, to give them a more amazonian flavour though.Also include regular sized amazonian-ish tribesmen.Allow them as allies for Lizardmen, or armies fighting against lizardmen."Neutral units" if you will, probably in like, a campaign book set in Lustria.
Maybe they could have magic which allows their guns to perform better?
>>98679017What are Bantus known for?Other than Rwandan genocide I mean
>>98637682I do it without the caricature tier big lips exaggerations. Even though as far as I know 28mm scale miniatures have to have exaggerated features on proportions and faces are no exception. It is more about not exaggerating them to that level.But I think GW understandably memory holed them and pretends they don't exist. I can't imagine them bringing pygmies back in any context.
I write some atrocious lore where a bunch of modern africans from today are teleported to warhammer and they are all wearing coca cola shirts.
>>98703076For some reason in my mind I read that as modern Africans being teleported to Warhammer HQ
>>98698604Various warlike iron-age chiefdoms, known for sundry other genocides and mass enslavements.Outside that context, they are mostly known for collecting flies on their faces, and demanding handouts.
>>98703243And hopefully give GW a well-deserved earful.
>>98674395Aren't IRL pygmies enslaved by regular-sized Zulus?
>>98637682I make them even more racist.
>>98637682I make them minstral show levels of racist caricature and then have the setting treat them entirely seriously.
>>98692148Well, duh.The hateful religions are typically the old ones like Christianity.
>>98689791>If anything they are closer to reality than any other factionsChaos Warriors are the most accurate since most Europeans are pathologically evil.
>>98708556That would require the game to start taking itself less seriously again.
>>98707906No zulus (they live pretty far away) but other blacks. Sometimes they are killed for their body parts to be used in a form of magic called "muti" . Pygmies are the indigenious hunter gatherers of central Africa but they now only live in remote jungles because they were displaced by the spread of bantu farmers who used iron.
>>98708599Europeans are not jews anon.
>>98713550Jews want to rule the world. Europeans want to destroy it. Chaos represents germanic culture and folk religion perfectly.
Maybe instead of having them be cannibals, explain them being formidable combatants by saying they had to be in order to FIGHT OFF cannibals.
>>98698604iron-smelting, cattle. expanding into africa south of the equator. displacing the indigenious pygmies and khoi san.
>>98711607this guy FUCKS (with anthropology...)
>>98713850Typical Edomite swine, your pedo messiah Moses boils in hot semen. Your slander is identified for what it is, a child of Esau trying to farm goyim for loosh. Begone you kaffir zionist, the lineage of your tribe is that of feeble drug addicts, blasphemous whores, and unclean merchants.
>>98637682They will have almost metallic skin, either bronze or dark grey, they all wear a large tribal tiki maskyou can assemble them without the mask, if you do underneath they have an alien elongated head with huge eyes and lipless mouths full or piranha-like teethbecause they are aliensalso they get king kong and orangutan wizards, and the champions of the evil twin of their god is a lanklet
