Does anyone else get paranoid when you get a reward and expect the DM to try and screw you over to balance the narrative? Context: Playing ADND2E the party cleans out a barrow, and in one of the chambers it's filled with treasure. The DM tried to get us to abandon most of it since the majority of it was silver and we can't rest easily underground but we managed to create a system of pulleys to drag out over 3 sessions, while getting attacked. Eventually we managed to get something like 15 chests of treasure now, but our horses can't carry that much. Someone suggested we bury what we can't carry, go to the nearest down, and see if we can purchase or rent a wagon or a cart (logistics are a bitch in this game). But we decided to leave half the party to guard it because we have this niggling meta feeling that the DM will now create issues to try and part us from the treasure. All of our discussions are now how to convert this silver as quickly as possible into something portable and that can't be easily stolen or lost. We've even began to sleep hidden or hide in trees because we're paranoid a random horde of enemies will appear and force us to flee. Despite this we still have to fight off random monsters that keep increasing in number or threat. At the town the peasants were also very curious about why the party was purchasing three wagons and knew that we were adventurers heading out to the barrows. I have a suspicion that if we were to abandon the treasure the amount of monsters would suddenly become zero.
>>98657280I'm never paranoid when sitting at a DM's table, because I know he's just going to do what he wants.
>>98657280You need to get better at being paranoid. Plan a bit ahead instead of schizo reacting. Should have gotten the means to cart the treasure back to town before you got it out of the dungeon, which had its own security so bandits wouldn't steal it.
>>98657673We didn't know there was treasure horde down there, we went there to stop some kind of necromantic cult whilst tracking a man who stole some kind of mguffin.
>>98657673Would eating some of the silver be a good way to keep it from being stolen?
>>98657943It wouldn't poison you as long as its pure silver, but might be too dense to safely pass though digestive tract. Shoving it up your arse for easy retrieval might work.
>>98658216How many silver coins can someone shove up their ass realistically? This knowledge might be useful in the future
>>98657877That was clear.If you've spent 3 sessions setting up and using your pulley system you had time to go back to town and get things sorted out before making it easier to get robbed.>>98657943>eating silver Wouldn't advise it. Especially if there's magic involved.
>>98658254For context a coin is about 1.2 inches in diameter and weighs about 1/3rd of an ounce
>>98658261Not really, the first session was just setting up these things called pitons to run the ropes through, then some of us had to stay out with the horse to get the ropes pulled, some of us had to escort the chests or repair the rope that got damage splitting the party further who often had to fight off more monsters where the rope was severed, while the chest party also fight off monsters. The surface party and the underground party were attacked several times during this.
>>98657280>monsters keep attacking you when you dick around in one placeThis is a function of the system.>peasants think it's weird you're taking waggons to a burrowThis is because they're peasants, not retards. They can easily surmise you're grave robbing - but what?Frankly I'm surprised the GM didn't make the treasure cursed. It's treasure in a fucking barrow, that's ALWAYS cursed in your classic myths.
>>98658316I don't think we care that it's cursed. The main issue is there's a lot of it and we don't want to haul it around and lose it, and I feel as though the DM is going to make that an odyssey. We'll get the chests loaded up and then suddenly bandits or something.
>>98658254>>98658269/tg/ tried to address similar topic in the past, so I will build on those foundations (see attachment) to answer your questionWhile theoretical estimate of human colon capacity is about 7 quarts (6.6 litres), practical storage utility for solid objects is just 1/3rd of that volume, say 2.2 litres (2200 cubic centimeters).Pure silver has a density of 10.49 grams per cubic centimeter.1 troy oz = 31.1035 grams, therefore 1/3rd of an ounce = 10.37 grams10.49 and 10.37 are close enough to approximate them as equal, so we can say every coin is about 1 cubic centimeter in volume.That would put us at 2200 coins. For safety reasons let's round it down to 2000 coins.
>>98658331Wouldn't be surprising. If so, the villagers tipped them off.
>>98658367I AM NOT GOUING TO ASK THE DM IF I CAN SHOVE 2000 SILVER COINS UP MY BUTTHOLE
>>98658412NGMI
>>98658367Is it different for men and women?
>>98658299Yeah. Stop trying to get the treasure out. Leave it until you have the right gear. If its a pain for you to get, its safe enough. All you've done is made it easy to get fucked. You've had to deal with being attacked repeatedly and didn't even have a plan for a large quantity of treasure.
>>98658367Those 2000 coins will weight almost 21 kilograms, which brings up question of structural integrity of the colon holding them contained. We could go over exhaustive list of things removed from people's assholes to find out the exact limit, but that's more effort than I'm willing to commit (if somebody else wants to expand upon the question, go right ahead) so instead I will extrapolate from a single known example and say that if wizened old man can survive stacking up 10 kilos worth of ammunition, healthy adult can handle 21 kilos of currency.
>>98658428What about races like dwarves and elves? A stout dwarven asshole would be able to hold more weight but have less volume, so they should store the gold. While a petite elven asshole being weaker should hold things like gemstones.
>>98658412You don't have to ask, it's rules-rigorous!
>>98658468Elves can fit more than you'd expect, since they're always so full of shit. They just gotta purge first. I suggest tricking the elf and the dwarf to argue about who can cram more up their ass, and wait for the dwarf to inevitably make a "taking it up the bum" joke at the elf's expense.
>>98658412That's the neat thing, you don't have to ask if, you just show him the data and tell him that you can.>>98658428Realistically? Yeah. Women are, on average, smaller and eat less, so their digestive tract would be 10-20% less spacious.In ADND2E? Probably not, system assumes men and women are equally capable in every regard.
>>98658433We've killed everything that tried to stop us and we're a few hours from getting it loaded on to a wagon why should we abandon all that silver when we're the ones who cleared out the barrows from skeletons and crazy cultists we deserve a reward and once we exchange it for platinum or items it will be easier to carry.
>>98658479I don't think I can convince the other party members to shove coins up their assholes anon. Can we get back to the topic of the DM going out of his way to make it hard to collect?
>>98658479I always figured elves would have thin colons like arrow shafts
>>98658497>Can we get back to the topic of the DM going out of his way to make it hard to collect?Nope, thread derailed for butt logistics, sorry.
>>98658269According to ai 100 cm3 about 62 coins
>>98658502The colon is almost hellishly elastic.
Look, rather than putting the coins up your ass, bring the shit to the coins. Disguise your coin wagons as manure wagons. Shit washes off. Did this in Warhammer to disguise stolen grave gold. Turns out we got Pirates of the Caribbeaned, AND the Tomb Kang it belonged to came to collect.
>>98658595Where are we going to get enough poop to cover three wagons carrying 5 chests a piece?
>>98658600try stuffing some corpses with the coins?
>>98658610This is just the coins up the ass thing again but with dead bodies.
>>98658564That seems like very conservative estimate.100 cm3 would be 15.5" cubicmade on coins with 1.2" diameter (base of 1.13" square) would make stack almost 14" longverifying: (1.2/2)^2*pi*14 = 15.8 cubicI've seen people handling bigger in terms of both girth and length. Not to mention it's not a single solid cylinder coins can freely move around and stack more ergonomically.
>>98658600Peasants will have live stock, live stock means feces
>>98657280If there is a swamp nearby, you could seal the chests and sink them into an area which is deep enough to hide them but shallow enough to pull them out. You could also pretend to own a mine and money launder the silver portions of the treasure by saying they were the products of the mine.
>>98658612But now you can disregard safety concerns and keep stacking until the start coming out the other end!
>>98658595>>98658600>>98658612>>98658642The obvious answer here is to push coins up the asses of the corpses then shit on them, no one will want shit covered corpses from your wagons
>>98658612no one said you had to push the coins up the booty hole anon, the mouth work perfectly fine
>>98658658Okay, but someone MAY ask why you're toting around a wagon full of rotten, shit-smeared corpses.
>>98658600Start eating.
>>98658634>t.
>>98658634>If there is a swamp nearby, you could seal the chests and sink them into an area which is deep enough to hide them but shallow enough to pull them out.If feel like if we get away from the silver or do something like that the silver will magically sink too deep or some creature or cretin will steal it.>You could also pretend to own a mine and money launder the silver portions of the treasure by saying they were the products of the mine.How does this stop monsters or bandits from attacking the us?
>>98658664Why would anyone? It's a smelly dead body poop wagon, it's no one's business. Maybe you're burying them or collecting a bounty.
>>98658600Cover it with dirt
>>98658704Maybe you are a bloody murderer and those are your poor victims. People corpses are always suspicious and often reason to notify the authorities.
>>98657280Just kill everyone that gets in your way
>>98658704Well, if you're taking them on the roads, you're bound to brush up against the law at some point. Either town watch or road wardens, depending on the setting.
>>98658707It's not ethical to debase quality shit with mere dirt.
>>98658412shove the silver up the horse's asshole
>>98658738Horses, like most grazing herbivores, shit several times a day, and will do it right there in the middle of the road. So you'd have to re-stash the coins all the time, and might enough up being seen by someone while they're out in the open.You'd be better off finding sufficiently spacious carnivore, or omnivore, like a bear, they don't shit so often and when they do they shit in the woods. Inconspicuously.
>>98658738>>98658761I'm not putting coins up anything's asses, stop. I'm thinking maybe I can convince the party to put corpses on top of the chests to cover them.
>>98658695Why do you have such a deep distrust your gm? Like, he's the GM. If he's gonna fuck you over, he's going to fuck you over. We can't help you come up with some tricky, lawyer plan to get one over on him, that isn't how ttrpg works. Either>You're overthinking it for no reasonsOr>He is going to take the silver from you, but it's a hook for future cool shitOr>He is going to steal the silver from you, because he is a dick, and you should stop playing the game.
>>98658770How about an owlbear? OP said this is ADND2E, so they should exist, and since it's partially a bird it might have a cloaca rather than asshole.
Paint the silver with shit and claim they're chocolate coins.
>>98658793Then you're gonna have to sedate the owlbear, it's not like it's just gonna left you stick a bunch of coins in its hole.And would it have a cloaca? Are owlbears birds or mammals?
>>98657280quickly converting it is your best option and determined by your world map. Is spending it at a nearby settlement an option? Can you outright purchase a settlement? Take advantage of the local religion for a small donation to guard the rest, under the guise you are transporting it to a religious leader. Send a runner to the nearest military outpost requesting guards for tax/tribute payments. And if you insist on shoving the coins up somethings ass, kill a large animal like a bear or several deer, remove the gut organs and sew the silver in there. It's also good cover for why you need a cart. Stuff the extra space with looted dungeon fixtures and furniture.
>>98658835>chocolate coinsIt's all fun and games until someone decides to sample one
>>98658849It depends, shops have a limited number of coins they can exchange it for and so far it's a 10~15% loss on the exchange, and most shops can only trade up to gold with little platinum or electrum. We were at a large kingdom earlier in the campaign and were able to convert a barrel of mixed coins into really easy to carry jewels at a 5% loss but it took 1 week to get the exchange completed and we had to pay a gold fee. I don't know of any religious leaders or military outpost but I worry that if we mention it they'll just take it from us. 15 chests of silver is a lot of money. Also for the last time we're not shoving anything up anyone's ass.
>>98658835>>98658859Let me remind you that chocolate is the new world crop, in generic medieval fantasy it would stand out like a sore thumb of a glaring anachronism.
>>98658875Yes the word chocolate would stand out, not the smell of rancid shit
>>98658770Stick the coins inside the corpses' asses
>>98658891Smell can be excused as coming from the party rather than the cargo.
>>98658873another option is to melt down the coins into rough wooden molds that are harder to run off with. You'll lose some silver in the melting and re-melting, andsome value from being base silver instead of coinage, but it will be more difficult to steal than coinage in chests. Alternatively, hire some mercenaries to assist in guarding your carts to the city where you can make the exchanges for jewels/items/property you need. Pay them well.
>>98658891Alright, have the wizard cast Dispel Stink.
>>98658873We can call it "smuggler's purse" if you got issue with the terminology.
This thread feels like it came out a time portal.
>>98659419perhaps it did
Solve it like a man, physically threaten the DM. What he is doing is disrespectful, snarky and meek. He will cave to threats of violence.
>>98658997How would melting them down make them harder to steal?
>>98658664Kill them, throw them in the wagon.
>>98658487Yeah, so you had a whole dungeon to protect your loot while you got the transport sorted out and you killed them so now you have no protection while you sort out transport for your loot. If you can't admit you made a mistake you'll never learn. And you obviously did, you made an entire thread to complain about it. Its okay, its just a game. Its an opportunity to learn and become more creative.
>>98657280You have a shitty DM. That's the long and short of it. Your DM isn't handling the game world as if it's a world. They're handling the game like it's a ledger and if you gained something it means you have red in your ledger that needs wiping. Your DM should not try to get you to do anything, neither abandon things nor pursue things. You should only have been attacked if there reasonably was something that would be attacking you. Not just because you need some kind of obstacle while you enact your plans. Nor should your DM generate "issues" to part you from your treasure. They should try to determine if there are issues, naturally arising from the game world, but they should not generate them just to put up barriers for you.
>>98659872We have no way of knowing that that is what the GM is doing. It sounds like, from OPs account, the party is more terrified of something happening, than something actually having happened. If they were actually a dick GM, it seems like they could have solved this issue via fiat already.
>>98659463What if it's online?
>>98660172write a google doc on him and threaten to post it on twitter
>>98660036>via fiatExplain. As a DM I would just make it so that the silver is cursed, or that the peasants tipped off bandits or the local lord. I don't see why it's a bad thing if it's a trial to cash in that much money, the game will become way too easy after.
>>98662264Exactly as you said. The game master has any number of ways to fuck them over completely if they are an asshole GM. From the available information, it's impossible to tell if the gm is being an asshole, or if the players are being overly cautious because they assume a level of assholery that isn't present.>I don't see why it's a bad thing if it's a trial to cash in that much moneyI don't either, as long as the trail logically follows from the game state. But>the game will become way too easy after.They why, in this hypothetical, did you get them access to that much money in the first place?
>>98662342In this hypothetical I'd probably make it a lesson about letting go etc. They're supposed to be mighty heroes, not powerful Misers, otherwise they could just take over a kingdom with their strength and collect taxes and that would be the entire campaign. Every good story has that moment where the heroes sacrifice material goods for the overall picture. Also it's funny to tease dwarf players or thiefs.
>>98659419This thread is a lot more fun to read than the stupid ai art slop questions from a certain P.ness.
>>98657280What does "balance the narrative" mean?
>>98662442Find a reason to get rid of all that money so the players don't become overpowered?
>>98662478Why did the DM put the money there if he didn't want the players to have it? He could have just not put it there. Is he stupid?
>>98662359Its not a story, it's a game. Presumably, from the op, a game about killing monsters and getting treasure. Your mentality sounds like gotcha bullshit, desu.
>>98662359Acquiring wealth is heroic, retard.
>>98659526The wagon is ALREADY full of shit, dead guys, and coins!
>>98662982Maybe the real adventure was the corpse wagon we made along the way?
