A thread for the creation and discussion of fan fiction and other fanworks - anything that involves a story and/or reading. What've you been reading? What've you been writing? What would you like to see more of?>Thread question:If you could delete one Pokemon's dex entry and rewrite it, what would it be?>Previous thread:>>59701393
I'll repost it.This is the draft that I'm comfortable sharing of "A Million Miles Away", the PMD fic I started writing at the end of January.There are likely still typos in it that I've missed even after proof reading it.There's a little under two days left before the link expires and it's a little over 245,000 words long.https://litter.catbox.moe/s917aa83uuuim6nz.pdf
Of course the new thread pops up while I type.>>59710656 #I've already got a fic I'm working on, but I'd love to sometime. It would also be easy because for a fic like that I'd make an OC pirate crew searching for the One Piece. I might even just do a what if scenario where Luffy isn't born since there isn't anything he does that can't be done by somebody else.Admittedly the difficulty of writing a One Piece x Pokemon fic is deciding how to include the pokemon alongside devil fruits. The logical conclusion is to have people fight alongside their pokemon, though for the sake of the crossover I'd likely have the pokemon do most of the fighting. Also pretty cool that the lore already answers the most important question: Pokemon can eat devil fruits. We've had confirmation for decades that animals and even inanimate objects can 'eat' devil fruits.So the fic would have most if not all of the fighting being done by pokemon with a handful of them having devil fruit powers. Hell, you could even just do a traditional retelling of Luffy's story with his Chimchar having eaten the Gum Gum fruit instead of him. Just make everybody's gimmick be done by their pokemon instead. Zoro's Treecko gets 3 swords, Sanji's Quaxly just kicks.Man, another fic idea to throw onto the someday pile...
So, what fic are you writing once you’re done your current one? Any ideas or things written down?
>>59711062>Sanji's Quaxly just kicksshouldn't it be Blaziken?
>>59711172Blaziken was my first choice, but I was going for a Water Grass Fire starter set for the monster trio. And Quaxly suits Sanji for... Other reasons.
>>59711165The sequel.
>>59711165Human raised by wild Pokémon that fights using moves
>>59711165I'm going back to original fiction for a while.Have an idea for a journey fic happening before Pokéballs were invented, but it won't be coming for years and years if it happens at all.
>>59711288Finally going to write about Rhys' ancestor vigorously impregnating a Sneasler, Mahoganyfag?
>>59711290Nah it's the WoNfag actuallyDoes Mahoganyfag write original stuff? I didn't know that
>>59711165While I have a (possible) Pokemon sequel planned with a tone shift, I might end up working on one of two OC novel ideas or some non-writing projects. Would be nice to potentially make a few bucks on something that isn't copyrighted by someone else. That's at least a year out at the rate I'm going.
>>59711310I assume so, how he writes pokemon comes across as he does. This is just a swing and a miss.
>>59711165Probably back to something original. I’ve been flirting with the idea of another fanfic but my current one is still going to take over a year to finish by my estimate, and really I started writing a fanfic to cut my teeth on something where I could get real feedback and at least have some sort of in built audience which gives a shit. I’ve got two ideas for the future being a xianxia or a collection of shorter stories which make up a whole that I’ve been stewing for a long time. In any case I’ll hopefully be a far better writer by the time I get to them
WoN update: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/89012/within-our-nation-a-team-rocket-story/chapter/4322630/1307-this-is-a-love-story-iiiThe evil is finally defeated (the evil is a nerd with good intentions).
What if this guy wrote a pokemon story?
>>59711351That reminds me, I forgot to comment this on SF since I'm not most familiar what is and isn't kosher to post there. But I didn't like the last chapter, it made sense that Red was there, but like Mew and Deoxys I don't find him that interesting.>>59711471Also. Spacial is spelled with a t not a c. And I'm somewhat humored by prediction of one-to-three additional arcs after arc 13 was correct.But I do wonder how Red is going to get out of this alive, Mewtwo and Giovanni are the only ones in anything resembling top shape as the Mew and Deoxys situation goes cone shaped.It's a bit funny seeing Lysandre fail at the last minute but I feel bad for the guy, getting mind controlled is never fun.
>>59711541 (me)Oh wait, just saying I found Red boring isn't that helpful. Lemme put this in words someone else told me, but it feels like the fact the reader will care for Red is taken for granted given he's the Gen 1 Protag but in the story himself he's been absent for 99% of it and even with people having mentioned him before, it sort of comes out of nowhere.If Misty and Brock appeared earlier and mentioned Red I probably would have been more invested in him, but I do like the current climax.
>>59711551>but it feels like the fact the reader will care for Red is taken for grantedof course they do because he's fucking Red, the trainer who sold the world
>>59711551people like to think Red is like Master Chief, everyone wets his pants when he's mentioned or when he's around
>>59711055I'm through to chapter 19. I'm not a fan of the level/system messages since they feel intrusive and generally take me out of the flow of the story. The combat at times feels a bit strange given the seemingly encyclopedic knowledge of moves that the MC has and the narration's reliance on X-aura or Y-aura.The story otherwise is cute and written well and easy to parse. I think it captures the spirit of the PMD games. You're right that there are a few misspellings, but they're quite minor with things like "lightening" instead of "lightning" or the occasional swapping of letter order as in "paly rough." Overall, I think it would be a hit if you drip fed the chapters on a weekly basis on Royal Road or AO3 when it comes back up.Is there some specific critique you want that you think would improve the work?
Oh yeah I forgot to post this. I made it around when WoN was added to the fanfic collection on ao3 but never got around to posting it.
>>59711735whoever made these banners, learn how to use fucking antialiasing. This isn't 2004 you stupid retard and it looks like shit
>>59711735>>59711745here, thanks @grok
>>59711745Oh, I, Mahoganyfag that is made them. But I make them for free and you're always welcome to grok them if you want.
>>59711745Aliasing is sovl fuck you
>>59711681Any sort of feedback is good because I had no idea if it was garbage or not even after having written all of it.Libreoffice doesn't have the blue underline grammar suggestions that word or google docs has (or I never thought to look for an option to enable that), so any catches are welcomed.The MC is the only one who gets those messages/mental image of his stats, and even he thinks they're bullshit and the numbers don't mean anything.The other characters just know that stuff by instinct. Like they can tell someone is strong by looking, but Ref sees a number. The reason for that is he doesn't have those instincts and something else is filling in the gaps for him, but that doesn't get revealed until much later.He was worried about looking crazy, so he never asked anyone about it.As for encyclopedic knowledge, he doesn't know what every move does, nor does he know the name of every pokemon or ability, but he does know a lot of them. He was part of the original target demographic and mostly kept up with the series over the decades.His coaching for Maz comes from the fact that he used Azumarill for tera raids a lot, so he's very familiar with what the species can do and how to get one trained.Y-aura is more of a plot device, is that what you meant by the narration's reliance on it? The ability Dark Aura isn't working the same way it does in the games.
>>59711681>seemingly encyclopedic knowledge of movesI have always found that annoying, that's why my MC forgets about types matchups and the moves of his own Pokemon so it's even more annoying to read
>>59707510One thing I'm still amazed by in BoC was that Lee telling people to talk on the same level as pokemon and to think like a pokemon, wasn't him bullshitting to downplay his psychic powers. It's still amazes me in a world where there's species of super powered animals, no one ever tried to get on their level.Also trying to think like a pokemon sounds like nonsense. I've said this before but actual psychic powers would've been more tolerable.
>>59711902Tbf most people IRL are that stupid and it's somewhat implied pokepeople are stupid about that too given just how many problems there are that could have been resolved by just leveling with the pokemon.Like, the entirety of BW could have been avoided if even one person thought to ask pokemon if they liked the trainer-mon system and living among humans.
>>59712030It's the concept being revolutionary that I take issue with, like with Lee being the first person to think of applying Vulpix's pyromancy to it's moves. Like I can believe normal people didn't think of it, but Birch? Not every person is going to be a genius in every subject, but just how colonialist a lot of isekai stories feel rub me the wrong way.Especially when it's a word like pokemon where it feels unrealistic with how far some reaches are made, it may not be a setting where you can introduce crop rotation, and you may not introduce the concept of nutrition. But you can be the first person to apply nutrition to pokemon.Not like I take issue with pokechow being shit either, from what I heard of the Paldea games nutrition is a plot point there. So people in setting know how nutrition works and apply it to pokemon. Really a lot of this is a minor issue, but BoC is that, a lot of minor issues that compound on each other and from what I've heard, don't get better. Which is why I dropped it.
>>59711892I found a few typos in chapter 1. Only one I remember off the top of my head is Joktick. I am enjoying it so far.A friend I shared it with felt the opening egg sequence was a little too padded with words, and I do agree the prose can come across a little purple or trying too hard sometimes. On the opposite end, I don't think I know the MC's voice, but it is very early still.The friend also mentioned the gamey elements taking them out of it.
>>59711551I kind of hoped that given Hoshi's views an him, watching HIM interact with Red would be interesting at least. But if it didn't hit it didn't hit; hope you enjoy the rest of the story more.(Also you replied to some rando thinking they were me, heh – though I DO have another xianxia in the works, so it isn't even inaccurate.)(Also also, spacial is a valid, if archaic spelling of the word. I forget why I chose it originally (probably BECAUSE it was archaic? It was a xianxia setting, so...), but it's gotten stuck in my personal thesaurus.)
>>59711735Appreciate the thought, though I don't think I'll use it. I'm an artist myself, if an incredibly mediocre one, so I prefer to make my own stuff.But again, thank you. I think this counts as my first piece of fanart?
>>59712109>>59712117I guess it's not surprising there are multiple xianxia authors here, I've never read a work in the genre but I hear a lot of terms second hand like cultivation, which sound both very video gamey and sort-of-like what I've read in pokefics before. But don't worry, I've been enjoying the rest of the climax so far.If you're not the 1 year guy than that's probably Pofag. He wrote a lot of stuff before Prince of Po Town, most of which is BBW weight gain smut, and PoPT has a about a year to go until it'll finish. For myself I have no idea how long I have left on Mahogany, I guess I'm getting pretty close to finishing VSiS soon, then there's another fic I want to finish as well. After that there's this Touhou quest idea I have and a recursive fanfic of Redo/Reimu, and a self indulgent Project Moon fic idea... man if only I had more time. And less things to do!>Appreciate the thought, though I don't think I'll use it. I'm an artist myself, if an incredibly mediocre one, so I prefer to make my own stuff.Don't worry, I don't expect any of the stuff I slap together in GIMP in under an hour to get used, it's just something I like to do. Sort of like putting together picrel, the Isekaijin bingo.
>>59712097The thing I really wanted to convey was how wrong everything felt, from the new body, to the world, to there being an extra force pushing against his mind that he could recognize as foreign.The game-y elements are part of the feeling of wrongness the MC has about the world, but I get what you're saying.I'm not really sure how I'd change it at this point, I've kind of had it in my head too long. It's still a draft, so eventually I can probably think of something.
>>59711892I meant what I said when I think it has the potential to be a success if you pace the uploads. As for the aura thing I was thinking more in terms of it being a short hand to not describe what was happening, not in the literal sort of sense with respect to game mechanics. For instance rather than describing what an accumulation of ice aura would be it likely would be reduced to just "ice aura" in the text. There's nothing wrong with this assuming that your intent is conveyed properly, but it's also not my personal preference. It might be that this is not actually a problem, but it was an impression that I got while reading.Also,>beating up a union leaderI can think of someone who would object to this.
>>59712220>It tried to open its eyes, but it could not, some membrane was pushing up against its eyelids. It tried to move its limbs <in this darkness> and met resistance. Trapped. Panic set in. It couldn’t breathe. It began to move more forcefully, with purpose. It stretched its arms and legs out as far as they could reach and pushed against the darkness and the darkness, with some effort, finally gave way.This paragraph hit well. It had punchy bits, it was tactile and visceral. Felt good. Personally, I would remove the enclosed bit. The darkness is repeated a lot, a little too insistently.>Awakening to this all encroaching, suffocating darkness.Similarly, this sentence feels a little purple in the paragraph it's in.If it was me, I would move the attempted eye opening to the waking up part to draw attention to being unable to see, without pumping more DARKNESS into the text. Opening your eyes is typically what you do when you wake up, after all, and he can't actually see he's in darkness unless he can open them, which he can't.Let the second paragraph open with the pushing instead. Follows the thought about alien limb proprioception from the end of the first paragraph better. I think it would help the logical flow of ideas.
>>59711045>If you could delete one Pokemon's dex entry and rewrite it, what would it be?like expanded upon or write something completely different about them?I got some few, but here's one: >Mewtwo>GMO Pokémon>The first Genetically Modified Pokémon whose purpose behind their creation is a mystery. It's said that their psychic powers were so strong that it effected the surrounding areas.
>>59712234Can you give me an example when I used aura like that? I'm not really sure I follow.Or do I just need to go into more detail when attacks are used and what it looks/feels like? When the MC had access to aura it mainly let him feel where other living things were by letting him see the life energy coming off of them.There were more than a few times where I rewrote large sections because I felt I glossed over things too much.And sometimes I thought I was being too wordy when introducing new characters and trimmed them down since mostly everyone reading it would know what they looked like already. Ao and Shi, the Meowstic duo running one of the Guild Halls, got that treatment pretty hard.And that union leader attacked first!>>59712249Noted. Thanks.I can't work on it right now since I have to be at work in less than an hour, but when I have time again... on Friday... I'll start making changes.
>>59712261Godspeed, anon. I'll be reading chapter 2 tonight.
>>59712156I think I could fit the top row into my fic. Already got 2 out of three.
>>59711045Holy vegapunk
>>59712261It's in the first few chapters. What comes to mind is that fight on page 68 that starts with "Slaking woke up with a sigh." I can't find the aura thing I mentioned while skimming through the sections so I must have misremembered, sorry. I think it was a reaction to the repetitive use of Thunderbolt throughout this fight scene and similar scenes like where Aura Sphere is used, where the same move is constantly recalled. If none of this is useful it's because I'm speed reading to get you useful feedback as soon as possible. I hope another anon chimes in with a second opinion because there's surely things I'm missing in my haste.
>>59711055Chapter 2 opening felt good, very wistful and a little sad feeling, in a nostalgic way. Think that was the aim.>he tried not to think too much on that as he used food as a distraction.I would cut this in half. Something like,>he tried not to think too much on that. Food made a good distraction.Using 'as' to conjoin things can get clunky and feel like a run-on.
>>59711055>The Oran berries consisting of today’s breakfastWord order implies the berries are made out of today's breakfast, rather than the opposite. "The Oran berries that today's breakfast consisted of" would be correct, but sometimes short and simple can be better. >Breakfast was Oran berries again.Past the second fight now. First real fight, really.>the Bellsourt suddenly swayed violently as vines hurdled towards the Smeargle.Hurdle is what horses jump, hurtle is what you're looking for here. Another as I would shave off to make the prose a little more punchy and crisp, and some word orders that could use switching around.>the Bellsprout swayed, suddenly, violently. Vines hurtled towards the Smeargle.There were a few Bellsprout typos and missed capitals as well.I hope these edit/suggestion posts don't come across as negative. I am engaged.
>>59711055Spidermanning immediately with the vine whip, so relatable. I enjoy the experimenting with the moves for utility and survival. Love seeing Pokemon casually do cool stuff with their weird Pokemon abilities.>I’d ware myself outwear>it darned notdared>the vines had proved usefulproven useful, or proved themselves useful
>>59712030>Tbf most people IRL are that stupidwhat kind of excuse is that?
I just want to take a moment and remind myself that I don't need to needlessly insert memes into my fics.
I just want to take a moment and remind myself that putting memes in my fics is kewl
>>59711045what if there were Potion fountain machines in Pokémon Centers?
>>59712911Pokemon is a utopian society, they wouldn't go down the path of replacing Fresh Water with Brawndo.
>>59712946Pokemon trainers are tryhards that only drink PSYCHO SODA
>>59712955Mr. Fuji's favorite beverage
>>59711288>a journey fic happening before Pokéballs were inventedI have also thought of that, but with a twist. People back then threw rocks at Pokémon to tame them, then that concept evolved into Poké Balls. That's why you can throw rocks in the safari
>>59712997>throw rock at creature much stronger than you with magical powers with no way to defend yourself >end up raped, mauled and dismembered not necessarily in that order
>>59713005>with no way to defend yourselfyou have rocks, idiot
>>59713014Safari pokemon are sedated and extremely malnourished, that's why they run off from stones
>>59712955that's such a rad name that I can't not use it in my story
>>59713005h-hot
>>59713005>creature much stronger than yousays you
>>59713132>Cum on her footHe enjoyed that.
>>59713145why are Pokemon like this?
>>59713170>all pokemon are masochistsThis one detail solves 90% of pokemon's worldbuilding.
>>59711045What are some potential drawbacks from boosting your Pokemon's strength by the use of items?
>>59713378I thought the Clefairy manga would've been one of those early series quirks that died before Gold and Silver came out but it went on long enough to feature Sword and Shield characters.
>>59713453mind you that the manga ended in 2019, then a "sequel" manga called Pocket Monster Aniki was made right after and it's still going to this day, digital only and with shorter chapters though
>>59713378>>59713453>>59713471I love the Clefairy manga. Even more than pokespe. Just wish there were more translations of it
>>59713378erectile dysfunction
>>59712300There's really no rush.>>59712350>>59712412Noted.>>59712387They don't come across as negative at all. This is very helpful. Thank you.I hope my very late replies don't discourage you as I really do have next to zero free time during my work week.
>>59713770>This is very helpful. Thank you.Happy to help, then. I'll continue as I read chapter 3 tonight.
Me? I drop a fic when a non-alpha Nidoking taller than an adult appears in it
>>59713848This truly is a prince of poo town.
>>59713848That's why my fic has Nidogod instead.
>>59713848How do you feel about a Nidoran taller than most buildings?
Has anyone else been following this?https://www.pixiv.net/user/20522049/series/192551
>>59714103No, I can't read japanese but it looks cute.
>>59711055>Chapter 3The preparations helping the MC in both intended and unintended ways is good. Especially since prep and utility seem to be his strengths. Unexpected weather ruining some of those preparations is a good wrench to throw in the works, too. The underdog protagonist trying to survive on cunning and a prayer is fun. Brings to mind the early parts of So I'm a Spider, So What.>charging Slaking; unbelievable as it was to see, it really was chagrining, running on all fours like a gorilla.I'm not sure chagrining is the right word here, and I'm not sure what was intended to be said. Charging again? An animalistic synonym suiting a gorilla's run, like loping or galloping?. Could just trim it, "it really was running on all fours like a gorilla.">It slammed into the Electivire knocking it back, but as it was being pushed backA comma between Electivire and knocking would be correct here, I believe.The whole paragraph after this is one run-on sentence. Buts, ands and befores connecting a bunch of events together. Better to limit those to two at a time at most.>cont'd
>>59711055>>59714429This is an example of how I'd write the same exchange. >It slammed into the Electivire, knocking it back. Its feet skidded through the dirt. One arm was braced, keeping the Electivire from being overrun. Electivire grabbed one of its tails in the other hand, transferring a crackling charge to its fist. The next moment, a heavy haymaker was swinging straight for Slaking's face.>Slaking caught the Thunder Punch in one palm, and every hair in its body stood on end from the electrical current. Even that could not stop the mountain of a Pokemon. Grappling Electivire, Slaking raised its foe into the air by the arms. A whipping motion slammed the electric type into the ground. Not finished, Slaking made a short hop and came down with both legs extended. A brutal dropkick.Any time there's a new action in the sequence, a new sentence is good. If two actions are closely tied to one another, a conjunction can be good. Never more than two at most, and 'before' is usually the worst one to use as a conjunction. A ", then" is often better in its place.Good practice is to read out loud. Commas are pauses, periods are longer pauses, paragraph breaks are yet longer. If you're put of breath while reading, break it up. If you're going a mile a minute, break it up. If you notice you pause naturally, evaluate if a period or paragraph break feels right in that spot.The Poocheyna and Mightyena chase was paced much better. Good tension. Was an enjoyable action sequence to read.Caps on certain things like Pokemon names and Move names can be inconsistent. Which I struggle with too, remembering which way I do it between writing sessions.>three-ononethree-on-one>surlysurely>Mew.”Closing quote, but no opening quote since it was internal.
>>59714154blasphemous
>>59713005humans quickly prospered after the invention of Repels. Speaking of, you almost never see them in fics
>>59714782They've come up twice in my first two chapters, but now that you mention it I don't remember seeing them in other fics really. I guess they're not usually relevant, since if you don't want wild pokemon to appear in the narrative you just don't write that happening.
>>59714782It's because it lowers the stakes, if there's a dangerous wild Pokémon you can just spray it with a Repel to make it leave
>>59714818Repels don't work on higher level Pokemon so they're clearly a device that draws on your own Aura. If your aura it's weak, you're getting mauled and raped anyway.
>>59714887>Repels don't work on higher level PokemonActually, they don't work on wild Pokémon that are stronger than the first member of the party. This means that you can either rent or catch a strong Pokémon so that Repels can work, which doesn't make sense because you would use the strong Pokémon to defend yourself
>>59714818>>59714887>>59714890You guys are forgetting that most travelling trainers want to see wild pokemon to battle or catch them. Repels are for when you don't want to deal with nuisances that aren't worth your time. In the games repels are sometimes used to garuntee specific spawns for things like shiny hunting too since if you're looking for something that spawns at a higher level than the rest of the mons in the area it will become the only thing that spawns.
>>59714689Game's pretty alright, first is better than second
>>59714792I always sold them for free money in the games tbdesu
>>59714913I'm talking about using Repels to spray any wild Pokemon that's about to attack the trainer>inb4 they don't work like thatwell it's my fic and I make them work the way I fucking want
Repels would probably be illegal. Anything that effective would also cause chaos to the local wildlife in a variety of ways. It's basically escalation against nature.
>>59714929don't worry I have a loicense for that
>>59714929Repel is bear spray. The Aura of the holder activates the chemicals inside (primarily from some type of mineral/herb mixture that naturally releases a foul smell when exposed to Aura), and the repulsiveness gets more potent with the strength of the Aura provided. It's common sense for trainers to have their strongest Pokemon fueling this Auric reaction, as it is also the Pokemon they have out and about when exploring unfamiliar wilderness. For the Repel's effects to work the Pokemon must also be within a certain range of the trainer. It's also not toxic. A Muk or Garbodor crossing a forest would probably be more detrimental to the wildlife.
>>59714959>The AuraStopped reading there.
>>59714966>t. Froakie in a well that cannot see Mt. Coronet
>>59711471>masqueratedI masqu-rate this chapter a 10 out of 10.
>>59714959My MC is already repulsive enough that doesn't need repels
>>59714959Muk and Garbodor were put on this planet by the Creator to eat pollution, actually. They clean up the environment around them. Slander by stupid humans is based on correlation of finding them in polluted places rather than causatoon.
>>59714997Honestly, aura's so featless that only a protagonist or a shillmon could make that bottom tier energy even somewhat viable. Invest in Type Energy or just don't bother
>>59714966
>>59713005Guns exist.
>>59715164Presumably not before Pokeballs, but you didn't read the rest of the conversation.
