Thread #12.All are welcome here.Previous: >>8098749 (Using an anon's OC from a previous thread. Great shot, anon.)
Despair about my life, feels like I am living my parents dreams rather than my own. Should have utilized the time given to me in a better way.
Can't solve captchas.
>>8125994It ain't over yet, pal. Every day you wake up is another potential fresh start.
>>8126657someone once said, every day you get outta bed is a victory
Here's something to think about...ONCE YOU TURN 18 YOU CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LET ANYTHING OR ANYBODY THAT MESSED YOU UP AFFECT YOU ANYMORE. IF YOU DO LET IT AFFECT YOU ONCE YOU'RE AN ADULT THAT'S 100% YOU'RE FAULT.
Not long ago, I was useful. I went places, I met people, I did things that were worth doing. Now it's just a couple of years later, and things have fallen apart. I'm in pain both physical and emotional, and I'm so tired of fighting. Day after day after day.
>>8126729You're choosing to be that way. Nobody is forcing you to be that way. I say throw your TV away, throw your computer away, throw your smartphone away and get a dumb phone. Act like your life depends on it. You live in a country that has all the opportunity in the world and you can live life however you want. You can live in the country away from the crazy people and find people who are down to earth. I've done it and it was awesome. So for anybody wanting to respond with a bunch of bullshit I'll say go fuck yourself and have a nice day.
The last time I felt free was before the pandemic. 5-6 years later, it feels like my life has been put in a stasis that all my effort only preserves. I don't get to roll the dice anymore. Most of my day just goes into work, and going to and from.It drives me crazy. Stagnation cuts away at your soul like a razor.I can't decide whether I want to keep going, or start over. I have started over before. I know I can do it. But at my age, I'm not going to get too many more chances to restart, or come back from a failed attempt at a restart. I've always trusted my decisions, but now I can't turn a single choice over in my mind that isn't trapped inside a cage of doubt.Maybe leaving the place where I was born was a mistake after all.
Think I need to have my gallbladder out. Damn.
Life is wonderful and I love all of you.
Moving in with my gf soon. Quite anxious about it although i'm also very excited.
It feels like every day's the sameAnd I'm left to discover on my ownIt seems like everything is grayAnd there's no color to beholdThey say it's overAnd I'm fine againTry to stay soberFeels like I'm dying
I'm 27 years old and I have never felt the touch of a woman. I have no idea how to get over this "boohoo woe is me" bs I have been living with all my life.
>>8128482It's better to never know how it feels, than to know but then lose it forever one day.
I have an extremely difficult time accepting that I am truly alone.The only friends in my life are online, and as the years go by more of them move on to do things with their life while I'm still here. The past 4-5 years I've been with an entirely new group of people. However, I haven't really felt like I really belong with them; I keep thinking that I'm not truly wanted, that they have hidden chats they've made so that they can hang out without me. I'm afraid to bring it up because they're all in on it and would get rid of me by that point. Maybe it's my anxiety and self esteem, but it's been so long and I can't shake the feeling. I see it in the little things, the longer than normal pauses to respond to me compared to the others, the different tone one of them makes with me than the others, the lack of communication all around. 9 times out of 10 I'm the initiator when messaging anyone, I can never get anyone to join me to hang out or play games, while 95 percent of the time they actually do join a call in the mutual discord server it's made without me. It sounds ridiculous, but it means a lot to me because they're the few people I have left. I really don't want to have to start again like before.
So many sadposters. I'm old now. Spent a lot of time lonely when young, made mistakes, married the wrong person, all that sort of stuff.>It can get better, anons. It did for me, so it has to be possible for you.>Take care of yourself. Be >>>/fit/ and save your pennies >>>/biz/ so that when an opportunity comes for something better you are ready.>Fortune favors the bold and the prepared.
>>8128771Never treat online "friends" as actual friends unless you know some of them irl as well, I'm not saying online friends cannot be good, but it's one in a million, 'specially nowadays.You're thinking about these people too much when they clearly do not give a singular fuck about you, way too unhealthy.I'm afraid it's time for you to move on again, and stop forcing online "friendships", they happen naturally, just chit-chat with randoms in-game if you need the social-hit, but never force anything, if forced you end up with a group that you have right now.Also if you really need online friends always find solo players, never a group, it simply never works out when a new person joins.>and as the years go by more of them move on to do things with their life while I'm still here.Comparing yourself to others is lowkey worse than your obsession with pixels which you consider friends. Just enjoy your life as is, stop comparing yourself to others, and just focus on the shit that you enjoy, not everything has to be a 'fight' against other people.
How are you guys weathering (haha) the winter storm? By this evening they're saying we'll have about a foot here.
How do you guys feel about the future of the internet? Will it becomes so normal but so trash that eventually people will just see it as boring?
>>8129248>How do you guys feel about the future of the internet?I stopped thinking about it because it just gets worse, there is no salvation now unless everything resets, but even then, people won't change. Either you enjoy AI and Bots everywhere, or you adapt and use something like uBlock Origin with 'nuclear' filters that remove 90% of it while using catered websites as the "browsing" part is pretty dead already.>Will it become so normal but so trash that eventually people will just see it as boring?It kind of already is that, just that your average teen and young adult has their brain so fried that even consuming Reels/Shorts and AI content is entertaining to them because they simply do not care. In my opinion the internet became boring around ~2017.But maybe that's a bad way of viewing it because their current state of the internet is as "good" to them as it used to be for us, as in, I will forever cherish the days of Xfire becoming a thing, for an example, while someone in the future will 'probably' be reminiscing about Discord or something, idk.
I really need a new job.
i want some meaning in my life
A mobile one.Like the other anon said, I'm trying to find meaning in life.Last year I not only broke up with my fiance, I abandoned her. She actually has diagnosed BPD and the last month living with her was a torture and actually dangerous, she cut herself multiple times with a knife and one time she actually pointed the knife at me. Sometimes I feel I was coward, sometimes I feeI took the right choice, she wasn't alone so her friends and mom helped her... I hope.Today I lost two of my best friends for something stupid I said two weeks ago. Feels bad but at the same time not so much, they growed distant to me in the last five years and I barely saw any of them anymore. Also, I hated many of their opinions in certain topics, but I tolerated them a lot too, I was silent for a really long time.I dunno, I feel weird. I returned to a point in my life where I figured out theonly thing for me was work and maybe see how my sister growed up, but that's it, I don't want to have a family anymore and Is harder and harder to keep in touch with my friends
there is nothing to prove in life. everything you do is for someone else. everything you even think you are doing for yourself is done in a way that someone else profits from you.
im contemplating my life. letting go of past grievances/mistakes/regrets. ill find meaning in religion, in Christ.https://files.catbox.moe/pjc7f0.jpghttps://files.catbox.moe/tswj3z.jpg>>8129248> How do you guys feel about the future of the internetsocial media is for goycattle. only thing i interact with on the internet is friends, game piracy sites, youtube (with uBO filters for shorts) and 4chan. real human beings. There is no opportunity to find quality friends online. Instagram, tiktok and whatever is effective normie sedation. People will see it as boring but normies will continue to use it anyways because we're all creatures of habit. I've never used social media though, so I'm spared. nice pape. i added it to my rotation
My current desktop.Whats on my mind? I'm about to join the military. As a liutenant in "biosafety". I'm a scientist, and a friend asked if i wanted to join. These positions are not posted, you can only join if you know a guy who knows a guy. Pay is grat, the work is fascinating, the labs are amazing... but it is BSL-4, and if war were to break out... i have a wife and kid. I don't fear death, but i grew up without a father (he died when i was a kid) and i don't want that for my son. And we are 1 border away from the russia-ukraine war, though we are NATO if that still means anything. This would be my best shot at buying a house though, and it does seem like fun in peace time at least.>>8130148>we're all creatures of habitIt's not even just habit, it's explicit, deliberate addiciton. Good take by the way, i agree.>>8130140Is that a problem though? If we all are doing things for others, find the right people to do things for. I couldn't give less of s shit what most people think or get from me, but i'd do anything for my wife and son. Doing things for them feels good. And my wife does plenty for me too.>>8129700And what are you doing to find it? That is the ever lasting search, but i think you may find a few worth while things. I have my research, my family, my faith (i'm not quite clear on what i believe, but i do feel faith)>>8129691I know that feeling. The job market fucking sucks right now. Even if you have an in demand degree and work experience and everything. It just sucks.>>8129248I don't think so. It will always be a battleground between those who want to control it, and those who don't want it controled. Or at least i have hope that it will be.
Im a 33 year old loser and im going to move to a new city hoping I can be someone I am proud of.As long as I’ve lived I’ve been alone and living with my parents. I’ve never had a girlfriend and lived mostly watching anime and playing video games, “killing time” for when it felt right, but I’ve become numb. I can’t feel a reason to do anything, it just feels so late. Im 33 but I have all the life experience of a 15 year old.I feel so stuck. I have some money though. Over the past year I’ve fantasized about buying a quadplex in a big city a few hours away and have a property manager fill up the rest of the units while I live out of one of the unfilled units. I have zero experience doing this, but im terrified of having to pay bills after being a life long child leaching off of my parents.>>8130072Im glad you left. Mentally ill people don't get better, they just wear you down until you just sort of say "ok" to everything. one of the few friends i have from high school is baby trapped with a narcissist. Though, you'll always be around people that don't completely agree with you. I'm sure you know that too, 95% the silence of being alone is fine, but then the 5% when the silence is unbearable. i don't know either, i've visited my sister and she has a family, but holy fuck are kids annoying. I can't imagine being a parent 24/7. maybe you don't know what you want, but do you know what life would make you proud to be you? I
>>8128482Get a hooker
im 32 wfh hermit, i lost my only chance at love and normalcy. i fear the best is past me. some people don't even know i exist. my cousins haven't seen me in so long, they don't know how i look. airplane mode 100% of the time unless a delivery is expected. i don't know if i suffer because i miss her so much, or because i simply miss being in a loving relationship. .... *long distance relationship that is. i haven't actually touched anybody all my life ... close family eggs me on to get an arranged marriage... but i don't want it like i'm buying a car.
Got promoted at my company and am slowly moving up the ladder. Total hourly raise: $1.20. Sad. At least the position above me is salaried. Probably take another two years.
She came five years ago. The anticipation about killed me. Those days we spent together created some of the fondest memories I have. We were both older and showing our age. Both in a separate situation, commitments made, tickets already punched. She made me feel a heat I hadn't felt in decades. She's been back twice more, each somehow harder to let go than the one previous. I told her about my feelings for her and she reciprocated, but neither of us could make it a reality due to those aforementioned commitments. I feel like a cheater and I feel shame and guilt.When I dropped her at the airport I watched her all the way from the ticket desk to the TSA checkpoint to the corner she had to round to make her way to the gate. She never once looked back. I asked her about it after the fact and she said, "It hurts too much." She was right.Will she come this year, I wonder?
What are you guys listening to lately?
>>8126713I still cant let go of all the trauma Ive endured in my childhood. What do I do?
>>8131551Here's a few random songs that I've discovered recently and like:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZNyztZKe4ohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFiYAtvUFB8https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50J8kbzHdSQhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FMVzIUrK1Uhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaGMCEMsuOAhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7M--VDx2mI
>>8131598Have you talked to someone? I don't know the answer, but many people find talking helps.>>8131637Cool, thanks for sharing. I love finding new music.
>>8131598Talk with a good friend about it, but seriously needs to be a good friend, not a beer friend or someone from your jobTherapy, but dunno, in my third world country a psychologist is affordableYour final option, write about it in a dairy or something similar you only have access to, but write by hand, it doesn't work on your PC or phone
>>8125991I just turned 21 on January and I feel like I will be cruising life till I get old and die. But I dont want to. The thing is, I don't know how to get out of this. I moved to florida to take care of my dad so maybe I digged myself in a hole. I have a decent paying job and such but why am I unhappy?
>>8131676You want to do something else, that's all.Your only two choices are 1) Actually do something else with all its implications or 2) You're 21. You're still figuring things out for yourself, you don't even know what's around the corner for you and your dad so, at some point this year talk with him (if he's an actual good dad that is actually willing to listen to you) and maybe you will figure out something that you have not contempleted yet
Every day my mood is different. Not because I'm bipolar, but because I'm constantly fighting with myself. Yesterday I was thinking that I actually have good potential, and that I shouldn't lose it just because someone else is luckier than me. Those happy people made me feel envious, they steal my happiness just by having their own. But they’re not powerful enough to steal my will to live.But that was yesterday.Now I dont have the strength to believe in myself. The real reason I’m still alive is that all suicide methods are painful, and some of them can even fail.But I live in a country with mandatory military enlistment. And if I ever get a gun, I'ma just put some lead in my body. It wouldnt hurt that much - just split of second.Or maybe on that day my will be strong enough?
I miss when this place was more active. I remember when I first found out about this place and I had just gotten my very first desktop computer-all for myself. And this place was a safe haven for any people willing to admit they liked beautiful images. I liked the comradery, but it's changed. Now it's slow and hard to predict. I wish I still had all those wallpapers from then. But my life was in turmoil. Now I just hold on to whatever is left and for dear life. To all my files.
>>8131749>I miss when this place was more active.Same, it's still my favorite board, 'specially threads like this one.
My cat is happy and healthy but was found to have a heart murmur and I’m working to determine if it’s heart disease. Facing his mortality, he’s like a son to me, and terrified I cant afford to help him if his condition becomes bad. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself if I fail him. At the same time, met a girl that makes me the happiest I’ve ever been, the best friend I could ask for and makes me feel truly seen. Just terribly anxious and the happiest I’ve ever been at the same time.There’s always someone out there that can care for and understand you, bros. It may take time, but they’re there, somewhere. And the’ll teach you that you can be happy even when you’re sad.
It feels like every time I start to develop any hope or indeed any positive feeling something comes up that crushes it.
I wish my parents loved me more than they love Israel and Donald Trump.
Sometimes I don't know what to do next.
