When I had a voice in my head berate me for just being a disobedient and lazy christian. That the calvinist pastors knew better and this was all because I wasn’t being a good enough christian…At least I had assumed the voice was just my own, my conscious, my self deprecating thoughts…I know better now. This went on for a while, the bible and prayer never helped, the condemning thoughts even bullied me into going out into a foreign country on the street to talk to people who barely spoke english about jesus despite having no idea what to say, using a bible verse about god giving people words or something. Eventually I got fed up and told god directly that I didn’t care anymore about going to hell, I was sick of the suffering. Then the power went out. Scared me senseless, I prayed and cried a bit, sucked.

The torment would continue for months after that, I fell back into bad habits, some worse. Browsing 4chan’s X for answers and browsing gnosticism generals to figure stuff out but it never stuck, trying to understand the guilt, pain and suffering that no other christians understood. Eventually I came across a free grace baptist from germany on 4chan who used some verses to explain christianity in a way that I had originally believed. Essentially just believe in Jesus and you’re all good, a breath of fresh air after suffering under reformed theology.

I was happy, my friends weren’t predestined to be doomed, and I didn’t have to suffer as some kind of religious weird being forced to constantly do stuff I didn’t want to.(of course the baptists had rules but you didn’t go to hell if you didn’t follow them, you just got punished here)…anyways, things went well for a while, then I found some teachings at odds with verses, there was a disagreement within the free grace movement about prayers being needed to be saved or…not important. Anyways, the condemning voice was back, same loudness, telling me to stop questioning pastors, that these men were right and you were wrong. As I gathered my notes and arguments for the head pastor, I tried to send him an email, then for some reason it failed at sending, which was weird. I suffered for a while, one day I was crying about how guilty I felt and how I felt God was punishing me, more before talking with another pastor dealing with my convictions before leaving the baptists, I joined another church led by an old italian guy, it was much nicer, less intense, of course they talked about saving people but the whole vibe was that you were there to learn in a safe environment and they weren’t legalists. I was happy there for a while, they taught things in lessons using lots of evidence in applicable way…I am rambling.

Tl;dr I questioned pastors and why I was suffering, I felt God was punishing me for saying the truth through supernatural means.

This happened again. This was the worst, there had been a lot leading up to it, a guest pastor at my parent’s church saying we needed to hear gods voice, more videos seeming to…read my mind. The titles and content would pop up seemingly as it was responding to my thoughts…then the fucking numbers. I’d see them everywhere, license plates, video lengths, clocks. All repeating. Videos saying that god was angry at me and I needed to do better, that I was going to have to leave my home. After a lot of pressure I was making a gospel video to send to save all my gaming friends and I sent it in fear, this video was actively directed by the voice. After I sent it I realized how stupid this all was and deleted it and apologized that it wasn’t ready. I felt something was wrong, like I was tricked. Then a crash, the power went out like the hand of god took it, and I assumed it was. Because I walked out and saw a fucking tree took out my power line. I was scared shitless.

All culminating in me walking out of my house to talk about jesus under the threat of harm to me and my family if I didn’t. I walked for hours, most of it barefoot at the behest of the voices, tormented and telling people to believe that jesus died for them. I kept getting little…encouragements every time I wanted to go home, things would happen in the real world as if it was a sign for me to continue, some people I talked to honking in approval. Then on and on…I had walked for hours, it being nearly midnight before I tried to consider sleep, some nice couple gave me some sandals to replace my shoes. I came across a homeless man who shared a blanket with me and I cried because I hated being out there. I wandered and talked a bit more before suddenly the voice told me to call home. My dad came by to pick me up and cried a bit as we drove home. He said he and a pastor prayed for me and then seconds later I called, which was surprising because the pastor was a calvinist, the same thing I had disliked because of their doctrines and believed they were unsaved. I talked to the cops and they took me to a medical hospital to keep my in the psych ward.

It was pretty nice, but I was still suffering immensely, I socialized and talked to people about jesus at the voices behest. It kept trying to convince me to believe things, like the calvinists were right, that the catholics were right. Even had another patient tell me all religions were pretty much right. But I noticed it’d…be inconsistent. Once late at night I reasoned I didn’t need to talk to the night staff because foreign workers were more likely to be christian, so it calmed down and let me rest…then I thought to myself that was retarded, there was no guarantee of that, what kind of voice of god was this who didn’t think of that. Then it got angry and the torment continued. I’d have up and downs. I talked with some interesting people about religion including a rabbi and some spiritual general chaplain for the hospital. Not much in answers. They kept me on pills and I eventually got out after about a month of some lessening torment. Every moment was hell. I couldn’t have a nonreligious thought. I was in torment.

I got out and suffered for a while being forced to talk with people before reasoning since god answered the calvinists prayer that was the right religion. I went to church for a bit before talking to the calvinist pastor and he told me I was likely possessed by a demon like some other people he talked to, at that point I decided to cut my losses, theres no greater proof of being unsaved than being literally possessed and since my experience with calvinism fucking sucked and I didn’t want to go through that again, I decided to fully leave christianity and do whatever I wanted. That didn’t go well. I kept doing stuff like jacking off or other stuff and getting “punished”. It’d punish me for getting angry at the calvinist pastors, it’d usually torture me with sleep deprivation, make my hot water cold as I took a shower after some self pleasure, set my dogs loose so I’d have to go search the neighborhood to find them…but this is where the cracks formed.

You see, the voice would insist that it was a different phenomena than the punishments of god. However it made a mistake, it would often link itself to the same kind of punishments that “god” did to me. For example it tried to bully me into doing something gross and I refused, it gave me sleep deprivation torture. The exact same way “god”, punished me for getting angry at the right pastors. The patterns became more apparant. The punishments that I was lead to believe came from god were used to try and punish me for things not very christian. For example one night I was tormented by shadow monsters who yelled at me for “not obeying god” when I lazily responded god will punish who he will. I was woken up by being told my dogs got out and I had to go get them. The same punishment used so often by “god” for my sins. The worst of it came when I jacked off one time and then my dad had a heart attack. The voices bullied me into praying for mercy. My dad survived but I had to put my attention to this.

I started calling out more of this entity’s bullshit. How it was responsible for all this nonsense and it wasn’t god at all. It stuck around if slightly pushed off. But the real progress came from a humble little toothache. You see I like using herbal remedies. So I got a bottle of clove oil to help with the pain. Then a few days in my tooth got loose all of the sudden, and the voice began demanding I repent or I’d lose my teeth, that the clove oil was making my gums weak…so I went into the dentist and nothing was wrong. They sent me off…but for the first time in a long time. The voice was quiet.

I was curious about this, so I did some research, apparently clove contains eugenol, a potent painkiller…but also a potent anti-parasitic. For the first time in fucking years I felt sane, I came back home and started taking the worm pill and started feeling better. I was able to jack off again and I knew that whatever was behind this wasn’t gods divine punishment. So I jacked off and no weird shit happened. No escaped animals, no cold water, nothing. I’ve been battling the voices still and dealing with the occasional bad luck or stuff happening. But for the most part its been subdued. Had a bit of a scare earlier today with some bad stuff happening but I’ve learned to never back down from the wyrms. I got into thinking they’re actually spiritual parasites and they can be defeated by the mind, but that quickly went to crap and they got louder and annoying. So I took more herbal tinctures to kill them, I’ve been on ivermectin but I need some real worm meds so I’m gonna get some abendezole to finish the fuckers off. I don’t know what the fuck is happening or why I’m so targeted, but I will win this.

Tl;dr: Weird entities pretended to be god to make me more religious and tormented me when I questioned stuff or sinned. I realized they kept lying and are probably some kind of worm or psychic parasite. Man life has fucking sucked recently. Apologies for the roughness of my writing and story quality, I just needed to get this out.

>>42534287
Calvinists and Catholics are assholes
Everything they believe is basically "you will go to hell if you're having fun!"
Thou shalt not pleasure thyself with a beautiful woman with big titties

>>42534363
That wasn’t my problem at the beginning. Later on I realized I didn’t like the full constraints of what I was getting into. It was all the torture and stuff. All in all I wish I never got into religion or supernatural stuff at all. I wish I remained a normie. I don’t think christianity is true anymore, but if it was than I got possessed and messed around with for nothing. I spent years of my life worrying about stuff for nothing. I just wish I had never found any of this nonsense. I’d say maybe I am insane, but I have witnesses who can corroborate all the weird supernatural shit thats happened.