i have a theory that because i stopped worshipping a specific god i grew up worshipping, i lost his protection and/or blessings and my "fate" or luck went back to how it would be by default without his interference. since this happened i lost pretty much almost everything i had before and my life's been a living hell. human life makes no sense, it's mostly just suffering and things that we have no control over while having no idea about reality and what happens when we die or why we're alive. it feels like i don't have almost anything anymore. i constantly try to do stuff that i used to in the past to comfort myself but it doesn't help anymore because i think that those things i did in the past comforted me because i had that protection and blessings and my fate was being altered by the god i worshipped, so i had a better life but only because of his intervention by altering my fate. so i basically got abandoned and thrown into garbage for not worshipping that god anymore. funny how there wasnt a warning or anything either saying "hey, the only reason youre allowed to have any happiness is because you worship/depend on me, if you stop then your life will become a nightmare and you'll lose almost everything that made you happy before and you wont be protected from spiritual entities who want to harm you :)" i don't feel safe or comfortable about human life. it is extremely concerning that we don't know lots of fundamental things about reality like what happens after you die or why any of this is happening.
>>42539566Have you tried worshipping her again? (just to prove to yourself that its actually a personal skill issue, the worship being unrelated)
>>42539605he's a male god, and i did at one point, but i didn't sincerely believe in their theology or think of him as the highest god.and with my life circumstances calling it a "personal skill issue" is kind of like saying someone has a personal skill issue for not being able to speedrun a survival horror game without taking any damage. i have genuinely forgotten what it feels like to experience wanting to be alive. my life feels like when you have a cold and just hate the feelings of the symptoms but you cant do anything except wait for it to pass. the actual experience of WANTING to be alive and actually enjoying the fact that i am alive is foreign to me now. i really hate that life is like this.
>>42539566God has made my life hell my entire life he has abused me through his tranny hivemind minions my entire life but for most of my life I just forgot rapidly that everyone else is controlled by a retarded tranny hivemind raping my mind shortly after it happened probably as some mental defence mechanism to preserve my sanity it was only after god gave me eczema in jr high then started demanding on the internet through his tranny minions that I pray to him that I started praying to him and this was only under duress because the eczema was a persistent, constant problem that couldn't be mental defence mechanismed away the same way that the relatively frequent demonstrations of the fact that my mind is being raped and that everyone else is fake and controlled by God as a retarded tranny hivemind could. Praying to God didn't make my life better it just removed the eczema that he caused, which then basically got me into the practice of begging God not to abuse me as he threatened constantly to abuse me and did abuse me through his tranny minions, sometimes using my prayers as excuses to abuse, harass, terrorize, threaten etc me. I feel much better not praying to the retarded evil tranny God, he never made my life good, he only ever made my life hell, the closest thing to a "blessing" from God was when he forced me to perform billions of dollars worth of rap music for zero compensation, being exploited by God is not a blessing, my life was never good, praying to God is not constructive and at best it's the functional equivalent of a protection racket where God does something evil in order to force prayer to get him to stop
>>42541009I have really severe ocd and some bizzarre metaphysical stuff going on where i notice completely arbitrary patterns in reality like getting bad luck from drinking specific teas or using specific things as my phone wallpaper and i feel like something similar might be happening to you. And/or that you have some kind of malicious entity altering events in your life, or some kind of really bad luck or fate. I think you also mentioned having OCD before in one of your posts. I think what you said about a "mental defense mechanism" could be related to it.
>>42539566I had the same thing happen. I think there's some kind of phenomenon where if you grew up worshipping a specific God and you all of a sudden stop then a piece of your identity just feels 'not there' anymore, as if you're not one with reality and you're missing a piece. It would certainly explain why people who grew up religious often stay that way until death even if all logic points to the contrary (especially in modern society where we have all sorts of information present to us). It's not that they believe in their God but that the subconscious is afraid of losing a piece of itself and forces itself to be attached to that divinity no matter how ridiculous it is.
>>42541009God' is a bitch for brutally niggraping my mind in the level of the Goosh Goosh meme and thus forcing me into a hellmatrix, as well as forcing me to eat the most vile, gaggable nigg tier niggslop like stews concocted from cockroaches and maggots, semen, and spoiled vegetables. I cannot get even basic foods like plain white bread, white rice, crackers, fresh fruit or even clean water. He also only gives me the ugliest ogre gorilla broads for me as an option to date or wank too, even tho they still reject me for an even uglier hoggoblin tier loser, and also would rather get blue balls then jack to them. The worst thing he does to me though is forcing me to type out very longwinded posts everytime the topic of God is brought up. I hardly have enough time to sleep or eat my niggslop or find broads as most of my time is spent typing up extremely blasphemous and hilarious stereotypically schizophrenic ranting and ramblings. I have typed so much that my fingers have their bones showing.
>>42541045I have had weird/bad things happen almost everytime I mocked my phobia of sugar cubes.
>>42539566>worship god of luck>prophetsimple as
