I have a job that pays fine. I don't hate it but I don't love it either. I don't really have any friends or any desire to make any. Everything in this life is pointless, I feel. My family, my money, my videogame consoles. All of this will be gone someday. I don't see why I should live. I had an older brother who was aborted. I often find myself envying him. He's in heaven and I'm here, cold and empty. I don't know what to do. I keep waiting for something to happen, I thought spirituality would give my existence some meaning, but it did the exact opposite. Realizing how big and important God is, it just made my life that much smaller in comparison. Boring, meaningless drudgery until death. Why?
>>42616180anon, you need to keep awakening, more and more. then these things will sort themselves out, I feel. The problem is that none explains this stuff very well. Most spiritual teachers are in fact fake and gay. The other problem is that we are just looking in a mirror, and that's a little too much to swallow. So instead we end up going for the easy targets>muh nihilism>muh loneliness>muh suicideanyway, no hard feelings. I'm basically right there with you. It's tough, it sucks. I'm sorry.
>>42616180It is time to begin the process of self-lobotomization. You must forget what you know and start "not giving a shit" about that, too. Once you have gone a while without fixating on what you learned during "awakening," the draw towards that kind of thought becomes a repulsion and you hopefully will find yourself rubber-banded back into waking-life of the normie but with an ever-present undercurrent of knowing that will never leave you but will also stop infecting your fucking life and making it even more unbearable to live than it already is. Hope that helps lil nigga. Gotta play pretend and understand that not playing pretend will lead to a whole hell of a lot more of the suffering you do not want as described above. Good luck nigga. I believe in you.
I'm going through this myself. I can't relate to other people anymore. They're so caught up in the trappings of daily life and none of it means anything at all. I don't even remember what it's like to be that way, myself. I think about death constantly. I have no guesses as to what happens, as any of the halfwits here will tell you they surely know, but I know for a fact that they don't. They only enjoy believing that they know. Death is real and no one knows anything about it except that you never come back. It's real and it's coming and there's no way to escape it. It's a hard boundary where reality itself drops off into pure, perfect nothingness, for literal eternity. I can tell that none of the people around me comprehend this. If they did, they'd wind up like me. But this happened to me after a psychotic episode. I keep wondering if something broke in my mind that can't be repaired. But even as a teenager, I remember having no ambitions, no direction, no identity, no deep desires, etc. - maybe I'm just now becoming more aware of what I am.OP, I think you and I have either BPD or NPD.
>>42616244Yes. I understand. I feel this way as well.
>>42616180From what it sounds, you have achieved at this point in life more than you probably realize. Appreciate this. Life might get repetitive and tiring when there is mostly routine and free time with resting and shallow entertainment, but you need not have the 'system' depersonalize you. Think about valuable experiences which help personal development and growth.By cultivating awareness, you can take care so that everything you do becomes meaningful. Think about the consequence of your actions with care, you have the power to make the world a better place even if it is not visible at first.Praying is useful, and also having principles and a philosophy of life you can shape by reading and studying on your own, which is better than soulless entertainment.
>>42616261But I don't actually have that power. Everything is impermanent and in the hands of a higher power. I feel as though I'm a passenger in a long, obnoxious amusement park ride. It's a small world after all on repeat. My achievements are, literally, nothing. They don't amount to anything. They don't effect anyone's life in any noticable way, and even if they did it would be pointless. I feel as though humanity is the redheaded stepchild of the order of the universe. We don't really do anything anyone cares about besides decide whether or not to go to hell, which really is a very uncomplicated binary decision. Everything else is battled out in higher courts. This is just as bad as when I thought reality was just me, a thought in a void. Now I know how objectively valueless I truly am, along with everyone and everything around me. We truly just live to die.
>>42616180>spiritual awakening>Godlol lmao even
>>42616318retarded faggot
>>42616180you had a spiritual awakening and you're not even considering the massive opportunity given to you (sad nigga) from GOD? to help others? sounds like you're still sleeping anon
>>42616180You literally have clear instructions on what to do. Go read Sermon on the Mount till it sinks in.>>42616244>>42616310You didn't get spiritual awakenings, you got baby's first existential crises. Main thing is keep exploring till you find an answer, don't settle for this state.
>>42616180Self-sacrifice means enduring and improving
>>42616180>Realizing how big and important God is, it just made my life that much smaller in comparison.You are still putting yourself at the center.Put God at the center.The hand will starve no matter how much it feeds itself.The hand has to feed the stomach, and then not only the hand feels full, but the entire body.>Why?To make your Beloved Supreme Relative happy.Why do you ever please the ones you love?To make YOU happy?Or to make YOUR LOVE happy?How do you relate to God? Act in that relationship, for the happiness of God, and you will always be in joy regardless of the external.
>>42616244You're describing the dissociative continuity loop we use as a coping mechanism for lacking purpose and identity in a foreign, hostile world.When you understand people are avoiding something they largely cannot alter, you begin sympathizing more.The behavior being described is reflexive and rarely consciously indulged. It's a trauma induced defense mechanism, it's not there to make you sad or angry. It's there to help those people face another day.It's actually quite rewarding to understand this completely and help others passively without explicitly mentioning the topics.
>>42616345Yeah. But why? Why do their lives matter? Objectively.>>42616364>To make YOU happy?>Or to make YOUR LOVE happy?It's an interesting question. Sometimes, I think I do it just because that's what I'm supposed to do.
>>42616197Listen to this guy, he knows what's up.
>>42616180>>42616197Yep.Stop looking at the bigger picture, that's not very convenient for the powers that be. Just follow the advice that tells you to shut up and settle for your lot in life, such as:>Don't forget to notice the little things in life, like pretty flowers>Hug a "loved one" and spend uncomfortably long amounts of time with them>Express gratitude for things you honestly could live without>Develop coping skills you can add to your toolboxOf course none of this advice actually advocates for changing the status quo or actually finding a way to escape reality into a better plane or whatever. Just pretend banal mundane shit is much more profound than it really is, and that's where the magic/purpose/spiritual aspect of life really is.There, saved you a visit to spiritual forums everywhere.
>>42616350>You didn't get spiritual awakenings, you got baby's first existential crises. Main thing is keep exploring till you find an answer, don't settle for this state.This. Came here to post it but anon already did.
>>42617558What do you people think a spiritual awakening is? It doesn't count unless I become Yoda in an afternoon?
>>42617609You're clearly still attached to and operating from within a religious framework (christian in your case). So yes, it is a religiously inspired existential depression, not an awakening. You are on the right path though, so keep digging, re-evaluating and challengin yourself. Don't stop at smugly reveling in what you perceive as "truth" (it's not).
>>42616197>Gotta play pretendNo, I don't think you get to tell me things like that.
I understand that feeling. I've largely shifted from external goals to internal ones -- breaking old cycles, vices, attachments, and so on. If there is anything you can take with you, it is that. And if not, at least it still gives me some added value in this life.
>>42617627You're a fucking idiot
>>42616180Work out more and take up a hobby that involves travel
>>42617792I conveniently have certain medical conditions that make working out a hassle and I'm not wealthy enough to justify traveling for the fun of it. I've travelled before. Europe is beautiful but it's laws are awful. Thanks for the suggestion.
>>42617785Case in point.
>>42617831No, you are an arrogant presumptuous internet autist. You probably smoke pot. You are not enlightened. If you were, you wouldn't be here. You are probably like 23.
>>42616180Don't worry OP, you're not actually spiritually awakened.
>>42617850Yeah? How's that?
>>42617852You're a young man probably in his early 20s or late teens full of convert zeal who wants to feel like he's better than everyone else
>>42617836Struck a nerve? Again, with this behavior you are but confirming everything me and the other guy said. "Awakening" at full display.>arrogantpots and kettles eh>not enlightenednever claimed to be>smoke potno>2336Anyway, I've said my bit. It's your choice how to proceed. I understand you came here to basically stroke your ego, and you can keep at it for all I care, but just try being aware of your intentions at least. Very silly and childish to get angry at people who refuse to fellate you.
Try going for a walk outside in the morning, get some sunlight, maybe start working out will help with any despressive elements. But, in terms of spiritual arguments, as big and important as god is, he sees you as important, he wrote your story, he created you in your mothers womb, he loves you, he created this world for you, see his wonders, visit natural places, talk to people, explore what he has given you. He doesn't make mistakes, and in his perfect creation, his perfect judgement you were granted life. You in particular, are loved by the creator of this unfathomably large and complex universe, realize it for the incredible miracle it truly is.
>>42616180>thinks le god did everythingKeep awakening buddy. This is still on a npc cattle normoid level. You share the same beliefs with a soccer mom who goes to church.
>>42617885If the Normies are the most happy and generally successful, then maybe they are correct ones.
>>42617910>If cows are the most happy and generally successful, then maybe they are correct ones.
>>42617910Well there we have it. Pack it up everyone, thread over. Any further time spent here would be wasted on a non-person.
>>42617877>>42617878You're insecure. You're the one who came here and completely disregarded me. You just read "God" and your eyes glazed over. You have no idea ho I am or what I've experienced. You are hypocrites. When was I ever arrogant? You are the one looking down your nose at me.
>>42617932Buddy I was in your exact position several years ago. I know exactly what you think you're experiencing.
>says he awakened spriitually>wall of text of bluepilled garbagelole
>>42617885See, this is just what I've come to expect from you idiots. What in your life have you ever done that justifies you speaking this way about others? Just who the hell are you?
>>42617920Cows will likely never go extinct, thier rarely fall to predators, they are cared after, the standard of care continues to grow. You can watch videos of Zebras being eating asshole first by a pack of Hyenas, Monkeys being picked apart screaming by Chimps, Deer wasting away from disease, I'd rather be a cow.
>>42617945I'm not your buddy. I didn't pick this up from social or as self help. I had supernatural experiences that are still ongoing that inform me of the reality of God.
>>42617960>I had supernatural experiences that are still ongoing that inform me of the reality of God.Yes I'm sure you think that's what's happening. You may be experiencing a religious psychosis, and I'm not saying that to belittle or insult you. I am serious.
>>42617958>accidentally implying you're god's farm animalYou're closer to the truth than you think
>>42617964No, you're saying that to belittle and insult me. You're also a complete faggot. You believe in the spiritual, but only when it reinforces your beliefs? I have spiritual experiences, and they have to be fake because it's not what you believe? What if you're the one who's wrong? Doesn't it seem a little fucking arbitrary to just decide I couldn't possibly be experiencing these things?
>>42617950It's the same as asking what have you done to be above an ant? I'm just undeniably better than you.
>>42616180>lol he fell for the enlightenment meme
>>42617972>You believe in the spiritual, but only when it reinforces your beliefs?You really, REALLY need to look in a mirror
>>42617968Anon. Please read what I say and absorb the information. Nobody is impressed that you're a gnostic. Everyone knows about the Saturn cube loosh farm. This information is readily available, every other thread discusses this idea. You have not stumbled onto exclusive information through your dogged commitment to truth seeking. My pothead uncle talks about this shit. You are a pothead uncle.
>OP
>>42617978You are so insane it isn't worth talking to you >>42617988Total deflection. What have you experienced that reinforces your beliefs? It's only psychosis when it happens to people you don't like? I never accused you of lying or being insane. In fact, I'm sure you have actually experienced things.
>>42618001>In fact, I'm sure you have actually experienced things.But it must be demonic or something, right? Like anything outside of your religion. If not, what exactly makes you more "enlightened" than anyone else?
>>42618008I didn't claim to be. So you have experienced things. For me it's psychosis, but for you it's real and spiritual. That doesn't seem very fair, does it?
>>42618016>babby's first spiritual experienceYou can have a spiritual experience for anything. You could summon a hindu god if you wanted to.
>>42618016I'm saying it looks like psychosis because that's what it often is when someone is obsessed with Yahweh. Psychosis caused Abraham to almost kill his son and caused Moses' wife to cut off their sons dick skin. Btw I am using the word psychosis a bit incorrectly, since i don't necessarily believe this entity doesn't exist and illusion. I call it psychosis because it is almost universally harmful and causes the believer to dehumanize everyone not in his group
The issue is youre dislocated in time (anticipation, experience and memory) and space (interpenetrating phenomena). Get in touch with brought you joy as a child, realize its still in you but has present day appropriate translations, and re-weave it into your life in private until its strong enough to share with othersirl, the screens make us dopamine resistant, also food water and environment, gut can be healed with probiotics and eliminating processed food, incorprating healthy animal producs and pure water david mcewen talking about reality transsurfing helps a lotwe reconnect with fulfillment moment by moment so even though everything changes, the path gives us contentment and joy
>>42618043Fucking hell you're such a pastiche. Have I dehumanized you? When the fuck has a Christian dehumanized you? You people were calling me a christcuck golem. This guy believes he's objectively superior to me. He's never even met me. >>42617885Literal crybullies.
>>42618028Yeah we've been acquainted. They aren't impressive.
>>42618076>Fucking hell you're such a pastiche. Have I dehumanized you?You believe you have reached the summit of spiritual development because you found Jesus or something. Where does that leave everyone who came to a different conclusion?
>>42618076>When the fuck has a Christian dehumanized you?Go ask a non believer or gay person that.
>>42618091No, I don't. "Spiritual development" to me is a materialistic gameification of simple truths that Christ provides. Every other religion acknowledges Christ as a great spiritual teacher, but claims there to be many ways. Christ says the opposite. He is the way, the truth, and the light. Other belief systems claim him, but he only claims himself.>>42618100John the Baptist temperaments. There are abrasive people in this world.
wish I had more time to contribute but I'm basically in the same boat as >>42616180 and >>42616244 .. I had an awakening and now everything sucks because it became apparent that, as >>42616388 said:>you're describing the dissociative continuity loop we use as a coping mechanism for lacking purpose and identity in a foreign, hostile world.I was told my awakening is not the same as enlightenment. it's a first step, a door opening but not really walking the walk yet. it's a constant struggle and I don't know how to deal with the lack of purpose in this hostile world, surrounded by blissful NPC normies that can't even comprehend the words "electromagnetic fractal hologram". in my world no one believes in god, I live in a western hell society of atheists. at the last family meeting I told my aunt about free will and she laughed at me, like nigga don't say stupid shit like that hurr. as if the concept of taking responsibility for your actions is foreign and laughable to her.. insane!it's no sign of mental health to adjust to an insane society. our struggle goes on bros. even though suicide is my daily "you could end it right now"-buddy, there has to be a way to take real responsibility and reach enlightenment. it's either suicide or enlightenment and objectively enlightenment sounds more healthy
>>42618121>No, I don't. "Spiritual development" to me is a materialistic gameification of simple truths that Christ providesSo yes, you do. As you pointed out, Jesus himself dehumanizes people by claiming anyone who chooses another way deserves eternal torment in Hell
>>42616414You're not awake if you don't understand why lives matter. My goodness. Please keep going. You'll figure it out eventually. Once you do, have a damn chuckle and crack open a beer.
>>42618129That isn't what he says. What the fuck are you talking about? Deserving doesn't even factor into it, if you deny Christ while knowing better you deny life. If you jump out of a window from the fiftieth floor, you're not going to survive. You are in disbelief at the audacity of Christ and feel convicted. You want to do things he doesn't want you to, and don't want these things to have negative consequences. Have you ever heard the story of a man, a snake, and a garden? Ultimately, it's all your choice. But you get your ticket punched at the end of the line. Pick a ride.
>>42616180the waiting never ends.https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Af-k9sTAYEQ&ra=m
>>42618130>I fell for the empathy slop meme and now I'm enlightened!Reddit post. You live in a multiverse so even if everybody was massacred in a nuclear armageddon it wouldn't matter. Your empathy does nothing.
>>42618146>Have you ever heard the story of a man, a snake, and a garden?Who put the snake in the garden? I would recommend against going down this road.
>>42616180Have you read any Christian mysticism - like the Cloud of Unknowing or Gregory of Nyssa, Pseudo-Dionysius, St. John of the Cross, Meister Eckhart, etc.?
>>42616180maybe you are going through the dark night of the soulit sucks and its depressingbut the other end is good
>reee stop dehumanizing me and assuming i'm a christcuck golem>immediately proves to be the stereotypical christcuck golemoh how i wish we had a /rel/ board to contain you retarded faggots
>>42618197He admitted he was a cow here >>42617958This is the spiritual level christcucks are at and we have to converse with them as if they are human
>>42616180>picWhy don't you go back to the sharty, they're all christcucks there
>>42618169You aren't as insightful as you assume. I thought about that a long time ago.>>42618216That isn't me (Op) you utter faggot
>>42618383Well who did? Judging from what you've had to say in this thread so far I'm sure your copes are extremely lame, but I'd love to read them
>>42618383>That isn't me (Op) you utter faggotis this you? >>42617910
>>42618389You really fucking hate me, don't you? God did. He allowed him in. Adam had a choice.
>>42618146Dude, no one cares. They're allegorical stories
>>42618396No.
>>42618398Oh man, you believe that shit? Humanity is genetically modified and mind-controlled livestock. We aren't even humans, we're fucking trapped in these vessels.
>>42618401If you don't care then fuck off. Why say anything if you don't care? Do you think you're going to change my entire worldview with a single flippant remark? Dumbass
>>42618411I laughed out loud. If you say so, anon. Heard it.
>>42618398>Adam had a choice.Lol, I was right
>>42618419Now where do you get off being so smug as if your opinion is worth anything
>>42616180
>>42619931What am I looking at here? Is this your living room?
>>42616180https://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/s/ierNRINBCy>TLDR:>This planet is Bozrah, not Earth. What's more, you should be warning people about the upcoming "day of vengeance" here on Bozrah. Keep in mind that the 1,000-year Millennial Kingdom will take place on Earth, not on Bozrah. This planet will be destroyed (and Jesus will be the destroyer). It has no future.>Bozrah is basically a replica of Earth. People who have lived here their entire lives NEED to realize—once and for all—that this celestial body was never Earth, and it never will be. It's an impostor planet. And if you have an issue with that, take it up with God, not me. I just speak the truth (nothing more, nothing less).>Bozrah's human anatomy is distinct enough from Earth's human anatomy that the differences allow me to know, with 100 percent certainty, that this is a different planet. Not 99.99 percent certainty, but literally 100.00 percent certainty. On top of all of that, the speed of time here is a blazing 50 percent faster compared to Earth! Yes, you read that correctly: fifty percent faster (as in 1.5x speed, and thus a day on this planet is only 16 Earth hours long). So, forget about all of the anatomical differences for just a moment; the time difference ALONE allows me to know, with 100 percent certainty, that this is a different planet. Now, ask yourself the following question: Is God not watching each and every person who tries to debunk these differences?>You, the Bozrah native, are the one who has been deceived. Not me. God didn't send me to the other side of the Milky Way Galaxy just for you to tell me that I have been deceived. You are the one who was born on an impostor planet. Not me.>Update: In June 2026, a Reddit admin deleted my main Bozrah post! It had been up for over four years and was last edited in May 2025. It can now be accessed via an X article. The redpill post will take you to my pinned X thread, which will then take you to the X article.
>>42620214https://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/s/QbBZhTQQN2>Bottom line: This planet is Bozrah, not Earth. Moreover, the event in which Jesus destroys this planet is called "the day of vengeance." There will be no 7-year Tribulation or Antichrist here—because this isn't Earth. Earth is roughly 75,000 light-years from here (and is currently going through the Tribulation). This is merely an impostor planet, a physical replica designed to serve two purposes: (1) a containment realm for a particular bloodline (namely, the Edomites), and (2) a temporary sanctuary for select individuals (namely, the elect or "remnant of Israel") who were raptured from Earth prior to the start of the Tribulation.>By the way, the thing that I'm referring to as "Bozrah" is not a symbolic concept. It's not an eschatological metaphor. It's not an allegorical parable. It's the physical, corporeal planet you're currently residing on. And unless you confront that fact head-on, you'll remain in total darkness—fully deceived by the illusion. So, in regard to our current location, let me be crystal clear: This planet was never Earth, and it never will be.
>>42620214>>42620220Ngl, I like this lunacy that you keep peddling cos it trolls the shit out of christcucks. One even made a thread not long ago complaining about it, kek.
>>42616180The Desert Fathers called this condition acedia. The noonday demon. It is not enlightenment or strength. It is a spiritual sickness that comes when a soul has been battered by so much ugliness that it shuts down to protect itself. The numbness is a survival mechanism that has outlived its usefulness. The cost of not feeling the pain is that you also stop feeling the joy, the hope, and the love.You say realizing how big God is made your life feel smaller. That is correct. But small is not the same as pointless. A window is small compared to the sun. Its entire purpose is to let the sun in. You are not the sun. You are the window. That is not a demotion. That is a vocation.The world is broken. The Church does not deny this or promise a world that works. She promises a God who entered the brokenness and did not run from it. Christ did not stand outside suffering and explain it. He entered it. He absorbed it. He defeated it from the inside.The saints were not people who felt less. They were people who felt more and did not break. St. John of the Cross described the dark night of the soul as exactly what you are experiencing: the sense that God has abandoned you, that everything is empty, that the spiritual path led nowhere. He called it a necessary passage, not a destination.Go to a Mass. Not because you believe. Because you are hungry and do not know what you are hungry for. Sit in the back. Watch. Let it happen to you.
>>42618128the noticing will continue but eventually the feeling of helplessness will subside and you'll start theory crafting traversal of this place insteadhappens to us all buddy it's a bitter pill to swallow but it is medicine nonetheless
I feel like king of the universe with my pet OuroborosQuit being a fag
sometimes i feel like this, but the cause of this (which leads anons to think they have NPD and whatnot) isn't due to ego-driven problems (usually) but too much black and white thinking. enlightment does not mean the world is unenlightened and is all badpersonally i recommend reading the tao te ching, it's meant to not make sense to make you think and try and break the black and white thinking. however, i've noticed a lot of westerners just completely revolt at the idea of nondualism especially when the items are "contradictory" and just throws it all up at once. i'm not sure if there is a solution to help development until a person is ready to accept that the world might not be black and white and purely logically deterministic etci consider myself basically a westerner and it's very easy to fall back into the default western perspective almost without realizing it. i think i need to do more meditation
>>42620842>acediainteresting word from what ive read so far, im gonna look into this furtheris this AI generated? writing is extremely AI
>>42616310you do have immense power. you just can't feel it atm cause you're going through a dark night of the soul tour event. manifestation is real and present both in all religions and the occult
You’ve arrived at the last question.Welcome. I’m here to send you off or have you turn back towards life.Not many live here with me on the edge, and I’m not fond of company. Don’t stay too long, or I’ll decapitate your being to sprout a new life for that is the destiny of the rider who sits atop the white steed.Go insane or turn back, you have no other choice as you stand on the final step.
>>42621202>i consider myself basically a westerner and it's very easy to fall back into the default western perspective almost without realizing it. i think i need to do more meditationi think it is fundamentally a problem or consequence of language. indo-european language has a very strong subject/object distinction.
>>42621440The word comes from the Desert Fathers, specifically Evagrius Ponticus in the 4th century. He listed eight logismoi (thoughts) that attack the monk at prayer. Acedia was the sixth. He called it "the demon of noonday" because it struck hardest when the heat was worst and the monk was most exhausted. It is not sadness. It is not depression. It is specifically the loss of the sense of purpose in one's spiritual life. The feeling that nothing matters, that the effort is pointless, that you should just give up. John Cassian brought Evagrius's framework to the West. Gregory the Great folded it into the seven deadly sins as sloth, but that translation loses the nuance. Sloth sounds like laziness. Acedia is closer to despair dressed as indifference.If the writing feels off to you, focus on the content. The Desert Fathers wrote about this 1,700 years before psychology existed. They described it from experience, not theory. If you are experiencing what the OP described, look up Evagrius's "Praktikos" chapters 12-27. Or John of the Cross's "Dark Night of the Soul." They will not tell you it is enlightenment. They will tell you it is a passage, and the way through is not to numb yourself further but to keep going.The invitation stands. Find a Mass. Sit in the back.
>>42616197>>42617543>>42617653in short: chop wood and carry water, before and after enlightenment
>>42616244>BPD or NPDNo. Cluster B disordered individuals would never be able to have thoughts like this, much less sit with them long enough to come to these conclusions.
>>42621492many of us enter a dark night of the soul in early childhood and never go back to normal.claiming we have power is a classic cope, so i don't fault anyone for it. it can lead to immense disappointment and self-blame though
>le dark night of the soulthere is a white woman in our thread
>>42617653Yeah, well, I just did. You sound like a retarded female. Get a clue little niglet.
>>42616180usually it goes like this, you realize you know something, it feels good, than you understand how little you really do know. it's natural, honeslty i would ignore anything talking about spiritual awakening, cause the only real awakening you're gonna do is getting out of bed each morning
>>42616180then you're not as spiritually awakened as you think