I survived a stabbing in 2020 and ever since then nothing that normies like has brought me any joy.I like reading, walking in nature, and spending time with people and thats it. I supposedly almost died but I didn't have a NDE. Just woke up in a hospital bed being injected with medical fentanyl while my stab wounds were being stitched and sutured. I feel closer to death than most other people and I've spent years looking for meaning in life or a reason that I'm still alive to no avail. Only thing I have to show for it is debilitating PTSD and doomerism.
I’ve survived stabbing myself. I didn’t go to the hospital or anything. I got tiny scabs on huge bruises and that’s it. It’s like the lower layers of my skin are made of kevlar. People will probably say that it’s just a matter of too little force or the body refusing to injure itself grievously, but considering that it left bruises and that many people do successfully kill themselves via stabbing I doubt that’s the case.
Also got stabbed. Right through the gut with a kitchen knife. Left a nasty scar.
>>42662465I’ve been stabbed in my shoulder at school with the person breaking part of the pencil off inside.If you didn’t get justice it never goes away. If the person got off free, you’re viewed as nothing more than a joke.All that’s left is the knowing that you karmically owe someone a stabbing and the universe cannot punish you for it should it be the person who stabbed you.
>>42662465I’m in somewhat the same boat as you, but mine happened when I was a child, and I did have a “near death experience” (my heart stopped, I saw the autobiographical flashes and light accompanied by a feeling of being pulled).What I’ve come to realize is that we are just different, not unlike soldiers who learned of death through war. To us, death is ever-present. It’s not a future event; it walks with us, metaphorically.If you’re looking for meaning, you simply can’t use the same paths as those unfamiliar with death. Instead, you must let your “self” go. It’s gone, and isn’t coming back, and nobody that doesn’t know death will ever accurately see that in you. They will never understand your worldview. You can’t even describe to them how it feels.This doesn’t mean give up on your body. You shouldn’t become a hedonist or mass murderer or whatever else. It means you must understand reality through a new lens of selflessness. To me, that’s where my faith comes in (I won’t share which because that’s irrelevant), but even if you’re an atheist you can accept that you have the power to make the world better for other people. That orients me. That is the path unfurled before me. My meaning is generated by a desire to leave the world in a better state than when I entered it.Picrel is a film that helped me realize this. Reality is a cold bureaucracy, so be a warm helper despite no material gain. Don’t let “you” even enter the equation. You’re dying, slowly, quickly, unfairly, and absolutely. Be part of the human project, and your meaning is tangible.Sorry if this is gay or corny, but I am genuinely trying to help. I became a therapist for veterans because I understand how death twists your sense of self-worth. Accepting that you have zero self-worth is how you know that you do, since the proof is in your life’s work. You don’t even have to do a whole lot. Simply enduring is enough (see: butterfly effect)
>>42662554(Cont) Forgot picrel
>>42662554What is your specific faith if you don't mind me asking? I've tried Christianity to what feels like no avail or answered prayers. I just alternate between "I wanna be a white magician and help people" and "Theres no meaning in life and I should embrace my inner darkness and bitterness". More occult inclined friends have told me they can feel the darkness of my presence but ultimately think I'm a good person. I'm pretty obsessed with duality as a result. My life seems to be full of synchronicities too ever since surviving.
>>42662465I would avoid people too. In fact I was never stabbed and I still avoid people.
>>42662465Similar story here You should try hypnosis session like qhht Prepare the questions before hand and record the session
>>42662575I try to avoid boxing myself into just one faith since the goal is more or less the same.Christians might call your obsessions “demons,” but that word comes with the connotation of being an entity rather than a self-state. “Angels” are a Platonic form helping you see the bigger picture. “Praying” is an alignment ritual. “Christ” is a teacher. “Baptizing” is a traumatizing ritual (not unlike being stabbed) that births a better version of you. Etc etcI’d call myself a non-theistic Christian, if anything. The myths aren’t real, but the message is.
>>42662621I've never thought about approaching it non dogmatically. I do agree that it contains a lot of truth. I've leaned towards gnosticism some too but it seems a bit too pessimistic overall. Something about old churches and Christian paintings fills me with peace. I also love angel symbolism.
>>42662465>ever since then nothing that normies like has brought me any joy>I like reading, walking in nature, and spending time with peoplenormies like all those things
>>42662773Normies don’t read or walk in natureThey ride electric scooters at Walmart and watch marvel goyslop
>>42662782They most certainly do both of those things!
>>42662465im in heart failure. i feel the closer to death feeling too. i feel the glory of the Lord close to me. its my only hope. im suffering so much.
>>42662465Sounds like trauma defense cope numbness and depression. Normies totally dont like hiking and reading. Only geeks and dweebs like nature and reading books. Why read a book when you can watch a movie on netflix? You sound numb. Trauma doesnt mean you're wailing and weeping like a distraught mother who lost her child but it can mean your body shutting down to protect itself
>>42663423lame. geeks and dweebs are in dont you know? plus being close to nature is being closer to God.
violent trauma shatters your innocence and drags you down forever, what else is new
>>42662465Have you tried stabbing someone to find out if that's what brings you joy?
>>42662465>I've spent years looking for meaning in lifeThe meaning/purpose of life is whatever God has put in front of you at this moment. Try living like that for 1 hour. It will take a long time to even get past 19 minutes. Eventually you'll get up to an entire waking day. Then you'll notice that your depression/numbness is gone.
>>42662465>in a hospital bed being injected>with fentanylwat?
>>42662773All the normies I know don’t read or take long slow walks in nature. They don’t have the attention span or appreciation for art. It’s all doomscrolling TikTok or getting high and watching Netflix or playing ps5 sports games/ fps.
>>42663800Normies always need their Bluetooth headphones podcast or music going while taking a walk or exercising. They don’t know how to appreciate the sounds of nature if outside or to just think with their thoughts.
>>42663597Based knower.
>>42662465You have this beautiful thread to show for it and you're a way better person now. And it's due to the stabbing and the PTSD. It shouldn't have took all that to make you a good person but it doesn't matter, you did it.
>>42662621>The myths aren’t real, but the message is.Demons, angels, Jesus, and God are all real tho, but God is true neutral, not good or evil.
>>42663869>me vs. normiesYou're closer to "them" than you think.
>>42663482It helps but its just a bandaidNTA
>>42662492so basically you're retarded?
>>42662465I was mugged by black people. It takes time to heal. Be ok anon. I did mushrooms to heal.
>>42662465the europeans are not okay
>>42662465welcome to the severe trauma club it never gets better
>>42662554>You don’t even have to do a whole lot. Simply enduring is enough (see: butterfly effect)I have really fucked up PTSD my family and I have for various reasons that are way too hard to explain but thanks for posting this. I cant do much because I am a housebound agoraphobic person but I try to help my family and extended family the best I can. (Mental illness runs in my family.)
