I was born in a thirdie shithole as the only son of a BPDemon. Lifetime of poverty, loss and loneliness aside, it's basically over for me. I took every single opportunity I was given and life crushed every last bit of hope for me without fail, every single time. Failed businesses due to unforeseeable macroeconomic bullshit, dead life partners, valuable lifelong acquaintances and friends fleeing to greener pastures while I stayed behind, waging and studying and rotting. Even the college that I'd managed to get a scholarship for FUCKING CLOSED halfway through my degree. Every single avenue for financial prosperity has been permanently closed to me by this point in life, and I want nothing to do with any kind of non-spiritual, non-philosophical pursuits atp.I've always been into philosophy, spirituality and esotericism, mostly hermeticism and western occultism in general. I've dabbled in everything, but nothing has ever taken root in me, nothing has ever felt rewarding because I know nothing I ever do will ever amount to anything other than solipsism, escapism or sporadic conversations with internet randoms that never lead anywhere. There's no communities in my local meatspace, no sanghas, no monasteries, no study groups, hell I'd take a fucking satanic pedo cult if it meant the possibility of building anything remotely resembling a life outside of permanent underclass wage slavery. But there is nothing.I really need something to keep me from fucking roping myself until the hag kicks the bucket, some way to build a life that feels like anything other than vapid, pointless make-believe on the 'puter.So tell me anons, how do (You) reconcile being a perma shut-in loser with leading a fulfilling spiritual/magickal life? Feel free to share your experience if you are or have been in a similar situation. What have you tried? What clicked with you? How can you feel like you're going somewhere when all avenues for self-realization irl have been taken away from you?
>>42840039That OP image is really, really gay. I didn't read your post because of it but I will bump your thread.
do you really want to do anything else? if so, then yeah you are cucking yourself out of your only life.
>>42840039h
>>42840066kek
Do you want the honest truth? You're nowhere near close to my level, because of the simple desire of "i want to do more / be more".When that last ember of hope and desire vanishes, then your question answers itself. There is nothing to reconcile, because this is simply how (my) life is. There is no love, there is no hope, there is no future. It will continue, and then one day I will die.By all reasonable metrics, you should never get to this level. However, if you do, you will find a measure of peace.
>>42840039>>42840114Why are you Indian?
>>42840066k>>42840114T-thanks anon, comforting thought. >>42840116It's one of the white shitholes, but it's quite the fucking shithole alright.
>>42840039I got one of those Meta data center construction jobs. I deal with my shitty life by spreading the joy.
>>42840127Oh, you're white? I don't feel sorry for you anymore then. We were born with the greatest advantage in life and you squandered it.
I only read halfway through your tripe but, as someone who sympathizes, let me just tell you in advance that your spiritual pursuits will lead you full circle back into the world. Get ready.
>>42840039>nothing has ever felt rewarding because I know nothing I ever do will ever amount to anything other than solipsism, escapism or sporadic conversations with internet randoms that never lead anywhere.Juste meditate. Things will start happening eventually>>42840039>it's basically over for methis is pathetic. You're probably young and you can still do much.stop repeating that loser mantra, they use that as an excuse to keep being mediocre losers around here
>>42840039We’re here to suffer.We’re here to endure.
>>42840039>some way to build a life that feels like anything other than vapid, pointless make-believe on the 'puterwe all feel like that. even us with a decent amount of money in a first world country. this reality is a torture chamber
>>42840039>I've dabbled in everything, but nothing has ever taken root in meThats the thing. Larp systems like magick, hermeticism, astrology will not help you. Everything is predetermined based on how much spiritual juice your being holds.
>>42840039go herd alpacas in chilé when youre ready
>>42840039End yourself poopjeetGet trained.
>>42840039>How can you feel like you're going somewhere when all avenues for self-realization irl have been taken away from you?i have started to use progessively more and more violence in the astral realms, last time I broke a white cord binding me in the void and the time before that I stabbed a white construct twice in the top right of his chest with scissors, and I did this because they woosh me somewhere and try to trick or persuade me into giving up or saying that I am dead. Not even a whatsapp message, an email or a postcards, it is the height of bad manners.
>>42840179Race is pretty far down the list of possible advantages/disadvantages. Stable parenting, wealth, intelligence, attractiveness, health, are all more important.
>>42840039I share a similar story to yours. I had a silver lining in that the material world was largely something I wasn't capable of participating in anyway. My journey began when my self-pity ended and I started getting bored. My situation is largely set in stone, and bemoaning that fact is just suffering twice for no gain. I also find sincere joy in mundanity, and genuinely lack the impulses most have to climb the ladder of domination. The world has always been as alien to me as I have been to it, however the fleeting moments I did enjoy in spite of these facts, I look back on fondly. I don't lack hope, I lack the demand to win immediately. I see how fleeting and fake the things we chase are. Sometimes the grapes really ARE sour. The gluttons never tell you that part.
this planet is a loosh farm and you should hate the jews and their western power structures that treats humanity like cattle
>>42840039People raised in poverty feed two daimones (in the greek sense, so not really demons but more like subtle intermediaries): the Beggar and the Servant. These two are the root of certain automatisms, attitudes and perspectives which lead many areas of life to a pre-defined dead end, which for them however it is not a dead end at all. They are just doing their job and it is totally by chance that you may happen or not to be borne under their jurisdictions. The Beggar shows itself whenever you carry out a course of actions or enact a certain behavior with the subconscious belief/attitude of begging for something to happen because you lack that something or maybe something else related to that something. The Beggar is Greed's best friend. The Servant shows itself whenever you carry out a course of actions or enact a certain behavior with the subconscious belief/attitude of seeing yourself as lower to someone or something else and/or of needing to demonstrate or perform to not be in such a position, as well as the need to receive confirmations, validations, support, praises, immediate outcomes and so on. The Servant is Envy's best friend.The Beggar and the Servant also interfere with any spiritual purpose other than the material ones (btw i think the spiritual and the material are just two layers of the same thing but that's not strictly related to the issue at stake). Know yourself, analyze your mind, your automatisms, your repeated behaviors, thoughts, daydreams, beliefs, judgements and actions and see if you can spot the Beggar and the Servant. Realize that you are just thinking things and facts and acting accordingly upon such thoughts. You may spot them and you may even spot someone else who knows. Do what you want with this information
>>42843159can anyone identify the flags/logos in rows 4 and 5 of the pyramid here, the two layers between the digits and the religious symbols?kinda don't think the spirit and intelligence of saturn are the guys running the show here... the other planetary intelligences don't even get a corner of the infographic? come on
