hello /x/i have a question for you all because it feels spiritual in naturei've spent a lot of time working with my spirituality. i studied philosophy deeply in my adolescence, and found it incomplete. I turned to mysticism of all kinds. i learned many things. some were comforting and some were not. in searching for myself, i alienated myself from other seekers. i have the ability to convince people of my experiences, but i am reluctant to do so. after all, everything i learned was by searching for myself. some things aren't supposed to be known and I'm worried I will hurt them.I'm trying to live a normal life again. I am trying to settle into a normal career, in a normal relationship, and make things normal with my family. but i'm not normal anymore.i have been filled with overwhelming feelings to get away from it all. today i was walking home and saw a turn in the road. i felt a strong compulsion to turn away from home and keep walking. it felt like destiny pulling at me. i know that if i walk down that path, i will disappoint my loved ones and die an early death. still, it feels like it has power over me. the path i'm on feels ill fated, but all reason suggests that I will completely ruin myself if I walk down the other road.I don't know what to do. Should I force myself to give up on these things? Is it better to advocate for my own life than to follow the other path? It keeps telling me that it's unavoidable anyways. I worry that the choice itself is in vain, and irreversible choices have already been taken. I feel guilt for the prospects of destroying my family over something so fickle.
You will know to walk away when the time is right. Keep doing what you do so long as you can, but don't force yourself beyond what is reasonable. Follow your intuition. Both paths are correct, there is nothing to fear.
>>43017280I've felt this way often throughout my life and am feeling it pretty hard rn. The spiritual path is one that's hard to pursue while surrounded by others or otherwise embedded in the world. That's true. But the problem is if you are in part a product of the world and worldly things are central to your experience of everything else even if you don't realize it. That is, it is ultimately impossible to fully abandon the world. That is just the nature of existing. But the occult is the study of the nature and architecture of this world, if your will is to pursue spiritual things then you need to command the architecture of the world to support you in that. Look for the tools and opportunities to do this around you rather than abandoning your boons. No great sage or monk or guru did their work without a world around them that was willing to offer their support, they had access to religious institutions that feed and clothed and housed them. We know their words only because others carried them forward.
>>43017280You should become who you are.
>>43017280>Posted with that imageYou don't have a family. You don't know how to emulate the person you're pretending to be You are asking if you should blow up your relationship with your parents by being a tranny right? The answer is no. It's a psychosexual cult.
>>43017348>>43017444>>43018784>>43018794Thank you for responding. I'm still not sure what to do, but I'll take this advice seriously.
>>43017280Post your natal chart and I'll be able to provide a more helpful response.
>>43020814here it is
>>43017280> trying to live normal life/normal careerNot worth it at this juncture IMHO, gl
>>43020824Knew something was off from the way you write. The way you communicate is agonizingly nebulous. Spirituality is 9th and 12th. Your 9th ruler is actually in his joy in the 12th, but it's a naturally difficult house. Moreover, your Moon is in hard aspect to Saturn and Uranus, so you're kinda screwed. Not the end of the world, but you have more to fix than most. Prone to melancholy, strained relationship with your mother (?), struggles to settle into a stable existence. You're also prone to spiritual delusion (Neptune in 9th). Your best bet is to make friendships and develop social networks (Sun exalted in 11th and sextile Jupiter and ASC). Step one is to stabilize your mundane life. Forget expectations, whether from others or yourself. Instead of trying to "convince" others of your experiences or "finding yourself" (me, me, me!!), sit down and ask yourself what your motivations are and what steps must be taken to get to where you should be. Instead of occupying yourself with arbitrary whims and fancies, direct your attention to what you are good at and what intuitively feels right. Stop jumping from subject to subject. You probably already know what you should be doing, but it's clouded by your random desires and fears. Find one thing and dedicate yourself to it. Find one thing that feels right and do it diligently. Stop thinking about it, it solves nothing. Literally just do it.
>>43020892nothing seems to satisfy me though. i wander from thing to thing out of desperation more than anything. it feels impossible to stay rooted. everything feels meaningless the moment i touch it. there has never been a moment where something felt "right"
>>43017280As someone with admittedly little spirituality but who also has these urges to just walk off far away from time to time, I assume it is because of your dissatisfaction in your life, like e.g. feelings that you don't really belong, that it all feels wrong in some way and/or that it would all be better somewhere, anywhere else where you would be somebody else. In my experience these are strong but ultimately deceiving emotions. The inability or unwillingness to change one's life situation results in the wish to abandon this life as a while and start fresh. But if you think it it through (and it seems you have since you foresaw the same result), it will most likely end in your demise, with your family ending up with griefing. If you really see no other option at all that haven't tried yet, then it is the last exit one can take. However, and I know how corny and overstated this is, you should at least try to seriously talk with your family about it, not just the urge to wander off but the problems that push you towards that kine of thought. They may not be able to fully comprehend your situation but they will want to help you out as best as they can - and that is something you should very much consider first before making more drastic descisions. Of course that is based on lots of assumptions since I don't know the specific situation you're in but I hope you can get something out of it even if it's not the spriritual answer you were looking for.
>>43021012What would "satisfaction" even entail for you? Be concrete. Why did those things not satisfy you?
>>43020181If you know it is time to walk away, you do it. From what I gather, you are hesitant. So don't. Once all hesitation ceases, naturally, you walk away. Go with the flow. Shrimple as that.Perhaps one more piece of advice, do let your friends and family know that you yearn to walk away. Otherwise, they will lament not having had the chance to try and talk it out with you. You don't have to convince them or let them convince you of anything. But do hear out their advice. More likely than not, they will not be receptive to your words and try to impose their will on you. But that is ok.So long as you are hesitant, don't do anything rash. You will always be able to walk away later. The opportunity will continue to present itself, and you will know when to take it. Shrimple as that.
>>43021044i don't know. it doesn't feel like i've experienced it. it feels like other people have something inside of them that connects them to the world and it isnt there for me. things like emotions just aren't there. things that make you happy when you succeed or sad when you fail. every action feels hollow on a deep level. i dont think wandering would make it better but at least i would stop having to pretend>>43021147okay. i'll wait for a while. if it's truly the right time, then you're right. i should know for sure before doing something crazy.
>>43021405I don't claim to be an expert but this type of dissociation sounds like it could be a symptom of ptsd.
>>43020892not opif i show you my chart will you give me a quick reading?im undertaking a, what is for me as a long time couch potato, a very physically demanding career of sorts in a day or two and i feel ill prepared for it but also failure would be worse for me than dying at this rate, so i feel like i will experience soon either a literal or figurative deathalso it feels like everyone is ignoring mh posts lately, is it a bad vibe or am i just asking dumb and melodramatic questions or wha?
>>43021662well if you have ptsd you're screwed no matter what because you can't undo stuff that has happened, right?>>43021705>also it feels like everyone is ignoring mh posts lately, is it a bad vibe or am i just asking dumb and melodramatic questions or wha?might just be your spaing or typing style.
>>43021705Just post your chart njgga
>>43021712my spaing?also is my typing style like really autistic, immature, or ai sounding?i remember this one chick in the past that i would text back and forth with who eventually told me i type to autistically and didnt want to talk to me anymore because of that>>43021719surei can also get a sidereal chart if you want, i think this is my tropical coz my sidereal has sag sun instead of cap sun
>>43021712>well if you have ptsd you're screwed no matter what because you can't undo stuff that has happened, right?The point of psychotherapy is to make what happened have less power over you.
>>43021725Your typing is too much for gentile xattle to handle
>>43021725>also is my typing style like really autistic, immature, or ai sounding?it doesnt really seem that way. that girl was probably just being mean.>>43021731>The point of psychotherapy is to make what happened have less power over you.isnt that just mind control soul harvesting stuff though?
>>43021782>isnt that just mind control soul harvesting stuff though?It's literally just talking through what happened to understand why you acted/felt the way you did, for you to have more control over how it affects you now.
>>43017280Your spirituality is that you were a consciousness that chose to be human, and now you’re human. Dealing with everything that comes along with that. Alongside other humans. You will die and return to nothingness, formlessness. Pure thought. And then do this again as someone else, something else, somewhere else. Are you walking with light? Or hatred, anger and evil? Forming chaos everywhere you go? You decide. It’s your reality. You created it.
>>43021830You talk like a fag and your shit's retarded.
>>43017280>all reason suggests that I will completely ruin myself if I walk down the other road.Why are you listening to reasoning instead of intuition? Why will all your family members die if you walk away? Did they IOU their lives and fates over to you at some point?
>>43021934>Why are you listening to reasoning instead of intuition? In case I'm mistaken I suppose.>Why will all your family members die if you walk away? Did they IOU their lives and fates over to you at some point?my family life has problems and at this point i have been given a sort of responsibility to maintain things
>>43017280this society and the false humans you interact with are unnaturalif you are a pneumatic this existence and their pretend ego games is corrosive
>>43021040Thank you anon. It seems like you get the feeling. I'l trust you.
>>43017280Read the entire book of Ecclesiastes to find the true meaning of life.
>>43022713I already have read the entire bible 3 times and I hate it
>>43022713Ecclesiastes aka midwits' favorite Bible book.
>>43017280You seem dissatisfied with life, you are going along your life with disinterest, maybe you don't feel like it's what you should be doing, you want to run away from it all, maybe start a new life elsewhere, this is why the other path is very interesting to you. It's internal, you want to get out, maybe the life you are living is boring, troublesome or problematic and you want to escape. Both paths are fine and spiritual, but the 'escape' path may hurt your family as you walk away from them. Know that the escape path will give you some spiritual growth, it's a new experience and needs a level of detachment to do BUT will hurt you in the material sense. Just do a brief walk through the other path then return, taking it doesn't mean you can't return. On a free day, just leave the house and tell your family you want to go out for a bit. Then do things you usually don't do, follow a path you usually don't follow, then when it's getting late just go back home.>>43022183this guy has a point but says it harshly, if you are a pneumatic you will naturally wish to 'escape' from the materiality of society, you feel alien to it. But the problem with that is that both paths will lead you to the same world of materiality, preparing to leave as a pneumatic is more internal than a physical 'escape'.
Listen to your instinct boy and don't look back.
>>43021725>Ascendant lord Sun in Cap in the 6th, 10th lord in 6th, 6th and 11th mutual receptionI wouldn't worry about the career thing, you were basically made for this.
>>43021405Feeling disconnected and no response to victory or loss is normal. It means you are malnourished or have no tribe. Most likely a mix of both. In addition to being poisoned and enslaved etc.Other people are more receptive to artificial stimuli due to programming at an early age and onward. If you were never programmed or have de-programmed yourself, you can either be re-programmed or try to find conditions more aligned with your current programming. Either that, or get proper food and a tribe. More likely than not, your fate is a slow and grueling inevitable death. You may attempt to rape someone like a Nigger, but that is about it. Do not be too disheartened, and continue to live, one way or the other. This may sound demoralizing, but there is ultimately no good way out for an animal that was born and raised in captivity. :^(
