This is called scrupulosity and it is similar to OCD. Know you're not alone at least, a lot of people suffer from it.

>>43075668
thank you anon for defining the term, ill have to bring that up with my therapist or maybe find a new one that specializes in that

Scrupulosity is well documented and has actual treatment. What you’re describing, the thought loop, the feeling of total failure, the inability to feel repentant no matter how hard you try, that’s not a sign your soul is lost. That’s a sign your brain is stuck in an anxiety pattern. The ERP therapy used for OCD works well for this. If you’re going to bring it up to a therapist, look for one who specifically knows OCD. Not all of them handle religious scrupulosity well and some will accidentally reinforce the loop instead of breaking it.

>>43075668
No its not, why the fuck are you lying? Also OP is just regular old mentally ill due to malnourishment etc

>>43075657
Not me, I've done bad things but I've forgiven my past self just like I forgive anyone who has done bad to me, in this life, for example I've been wanting to do DMT for a while, I had a weird dream I was in some moroccan dinky place where they have visitors try recreational drugs, I was trying all types of shit and it would transform the room and my friends It was exactly how tripping on shrooms feels like but I thought it was too weak and I demanded DMT the biggest dose possible, the guy finally gave me something strong and told me to sniff it I sniffed through both nostrils things changed a bit then they were back to normal and suddenly I'm here now idk if I'm in a dmt trip or not because the "dream" was more detailed than real life and I did not forget a single thing its closer to a memory than a dream, you've lived an infinite number of lives you just forget each time your memory is lost and you're back here, if you want to truly escape earth's reincarnation loop you need to get on a socae ship and launch yourself towards some empty part of space you'll probably wake up an infinite number of years later as some type of different consciousness.

It does not matter how long you get tortured the end result is the same you forget and are transformed, your human instincts tell you this feeling is bad and that is good but they are both an illusion of the same type.

>>43075657
Either you're the victim of a religious psyop or you're an agent of one (possibly both). The use of the classic Milton illustration makes me think the latter, you're part of the brigade designed to make the paranormal board all about dark-side Protestantism. Hell is a hoax designed by mind-control operators seeking to robotize primitive populations. The bad ending is getting sent back here for another round of the human condition.

>>43075657
Souls do not fail.
Souls are placed on Earth to grow, and then upon physical death all souls go to Heaven.
Hell is a place like Earth, but only for the fallen angels, who also need to grow before they can re-enter Heaven.

>>43075657
>i cant get the thought out of my head, the thought that i have already, totally, completely failed at any attempt of having a spiritual practice which benefits my soul and others

Have you ever asked, "was that thought my own?"

Being unclean or impure is a 3 layered problem. The body is infested, the mind then gets manipulated to act on thoughts that are not your own, and you are shut out spiritually. This sounds like what you are going through.

Free the body to free the mind. Free the mind to free the spirit.

>>43075657
Maybe there are people beyond help, but the mind has neuroplasticity so I believe most people can change their ways

>>43075657
It's sounds like you've been trying to do this spiritual stuff the way you or someone thinks it should be instead of what true. If you want a clear answer look at the fruit it produces. Evil doesn't think on what is does, to do so is a tactic to doubt if you even worthy.