I have a community of online friends but I wish I could stop wanting to talk to them and be accepted. I've been told its hard not to pick on me since I'm at the bottom of their social pecking order but any attempt at trying to better understand dynamics or assimilate so I'm not getting bullied for laughs 24/7 is met with more hostility. I've been in this loop for years now and It makes me feel pathetic. But with them being my only form of bearable social interaction and activity, how am I supposed to stop torturing myself.
I've invested so much time and passion because I do genuinely look up to them, I wouldn't trade them for the world. But I cant bear this pain anymore, I walk on eggshells with everything I say worried I'll get made fun of again. I'm so tired, and everyday it leaves me feeling so hollow. I've been sold into the idea that doomed to be an insufferable idiot. I wish I couldn't ever care.
>>33589966They aren't your friends. They told you that to give you some sense of security and make you dependent on them. Being met with hostility for banter is not friendly behavior. Distance yourself from them, find new friends. Try playing CS or another multiplayer game to find new friends. Don't talk to your old friends for an extended period of time; a week to a month should be enough. Once that is done and you've spent some time with new people and away from them, you can return if you want, just to gauge their reactions to you. Don't sperg out if you do this, just pop in for a moment then take off again. Be polite and civil. Chances are your old friends won't miss you, you should pay them the same courtesy.
>>33591514Thanks, will do.Wishing you the best
>>33589966If you don't like the dynamic remove yourself from it. Don't even make a big show of it just do your own thing for a while. Play and chat with new people. As that other anon said, pop your head in when you feel like it just to vibe them out but if they keep treating you like shit just dip out again.
>>33589966had same but now I am in the process to fix that
>>33589966In this order, make new friends and drop the old ones
