Let's have a discussion in self-reflection. Is this an issue of taking accountability? What do you think accountability feels like? What you say it seems you perceive accountability as something that is very painful. While this is true It also helps you remove that lens You have created to distort perception. Accountability creates a doorway to the path back home, the one you lost long ago. If you was a love of your life he would still love you, but you would need to make the correct decisions from now on. Choosing each other over all else is what true love is.

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>>33591756
I won't read what is obviously a made-up pile of larping, creative writing.

>>33591756
Yeah. Um, as for the first guy you loved, idk how easy it will be to get him back but at the very least get out of the situation with living with the guy you only kinda like in the middle of nowhere.

The thing I learned recently is we have to work on ourselves first

>>33591840
It's not a larp, it's what actually happened.

>>33591846
I think that would be a good first step. How should I go about that?

I disagree about working on ourselves first, I think part of getting back together with the love of my life is working through this together so we have growth as a couple, clearing miscommunications, and building trust.

Working on ourselves is really a falsity isolation tactic whether conscious or not, it is a form of self-sabotage to repeat what caused me to lose him before.

>>33591900
Hmm. Well, what’s your support system like? Ya got any friends or family? That could spot you a bus or plane ticket? Do ya have a car, job?? Etc.

Cuz depending on ur situation I will have a different answer

As far as getting back with “love of ur life” yes if it works out to be that it would be great but some have Rose tinted glasses and does the guy even still like you? In my opinion you’ve got to wanna live a life you would enjoy living on ur own before getting with other people but if this super strong bond with the other guy exists, would he be able to help your escape or ..?

>>33591938
I have some savings. Do you think if I talked to the guy I loved that he would buy me a flight up or do You think because of our communication issues, my isolation, ghosting that he would want me to pay for the flight, not because of a risk of losing money thing, but that its representative of choosing him, shows that I'm taking initiative in our relationship? It's only a couple hundred bucks to buy a plane ticket and he would take care of expenses when I'm there. Money is really tight for me and using what I have to buy a ticket would put me in a vulnerable position with my savings but I really do love him and my gut tells me that he loves me. I truly believe he would catch me and take care of me once I'm there.

I dislike being materialistic but I have belongings that I need help moving, I do think he would help with that ordering a moving crate or a road trip for everything. I know that he has considerable wealth and could just replace things too.

I think he still feels the same about me that I feel about him. It's the same with the hurt we feel over this time between and stuff that happened.

I tried doing the life thing and only drifted apart from what I actually wanted with him, time and distance created further distortions and I experienced a lot of trauma from everything I went through that I never would have had hurt me if I had chosen to stay with him.

Living alone is just repeating the same cycle that hurt us before. Establishing a different life is not a in between step. It's a choice over what I actually want and I know it's important to choose him, us over that.

Do I just message him and straight up say "I love you, I truly am sorry. Can I come home? My flight to you is (date). If the answer is yes then call me so I can hear your voice again."

I know that he is not judgemental and doesn't believe in "too much or too fast" because everything just is and he wants me to feel how I feel, not stifle or force pacing in some way. One of the things about him that I love is how "clear" communication is with him (before I isolated). I don't know another word to describe it other than "clear", it feels viscerally real, like everywhere else I'm holding my breath tending my muscles. Grinding my teeth, walking in mud. But with him it's like I can breathe it again. I feel safe, Loved, and cared for.

>>33592043
Did you ever feel any of this shit about the guy you presently live with?

A lot of what you're saying is vague, but this sounds like you're just imagining everything wrong in your life will magically be fixed by reaching out to the old guy, when not only is that not how things work, but is a bad precedent for reconnecting. What is this self sabatoge isolating thing you brought up? What did you do to distance from him, and what makes you think it won't just happen again now? Perhaps this cycle of thought is your vaguely described trauma rearing it's head. I don't know, but you sure are building up this past guy as a way of coping with whatever your own issues are here, and that's really abnormal.

>>33592043
Having him pay for your flight and expenses doesn't sound terribly sincere. What are you bringing to the table, exactly?

>>33592113
The only thing I feel about the guy I live with now is the "ick". Everything he said and did before was a lie to manipulate me to be with him and push me away from the guy I love. He made a bunch of larp posts here that over time shifted my emotions and you would also post as the person I love and trick me into thinking things about him and actions that he did that never happened.

The thing is everything was perfect before and that's why I isolated and I truly believe I was getting over that and was about to send a package, letter to my love when this other guy tricked me with a LARP and it just went from there.

I'm tired of living in a lie, I'm tired of living in a mistake. So yeah, I do believe that if I remove the lie, I remove the mistake, I remove the guy, then What is left is who I truly am and even though I have trauma from dealing with all of this I know that the love of my life will accept me because he does love me. It's not that things will be magically fixed, it still takes commitment in love but it's something that he does for me too.

I don't think the isolation will happen again because the aggressor in that was the guy who tricked me and now that he is gone and removed (blocked in every way) I won't have to deal with that. I have avoidant tendencies but that is because of distrust from my past traumas and I know that if I can trust completely in the guy I love that he will prove that love real to who he naturally is with me.

I'm not building him up, I'm only stating who he is, who he always has been. All I have described of him is recognition of him. If that seems built up to you, that's only acknowledgment of his worth and value. He is worth everything to me. I don't expect anyone else to understand our connection and what we share with each other. I haven't seen it anywhere else in life but I know what I have with him is real. It's something that can't be removed and the reason I've been in such pain ever since losing him.

>>33592158
I want him to know that I am sincere. So you think I should pay for the flight?

I love him for him, not money. If he had nothing (but me) I would still love him the same.

With money, this is just something that is with him because he has it. Him paying for expenses taking care of me is just part of who he is and I know how hard he worked to become wealthy to take care of the person he loves so he can provide them stability in that way, in addition to who he is.

>What are you bringing to the table, exactly?

I bring the same thing to him as he brings to me. Who I am, all of myself. I would like to think I'm worth just as much to him as he is to me. I think that if he had nothing (but me) he would be happy.
To be honest I don't think there's anything material I could give him that he would perceive instrumental value from. He cherishes things from me, but I am the value, just as he is to me.

What I bring to the table is love,faithfulness, care, communication, loyalty, lust, comfort, and so much more in these ways.

I do think that making decisions and showing him that I'm choosing him in these ways, communicating that to him is the path forward with him.

>>33592232
>I bring the same thing to him as he brings to me. Who I am, all of myself.
Forget it, you are wasting both of your time. This is peak fem delusion. Your "love" isn't worth jack shit, you already proved that. You abandoned him the second you thought you could do better. If he has two brain cells to rub together, he will block your number. You are disgusting and deserve to be alone.

>>33592313
I know I screwed up. I don't know how else to say it but I do love him. I think he loves me the same way and if I commit and treat him the way I should have I believe he will forgive me.

I know anyone else would never allow me a second chance, but he is different. I don't know how else to explain it but I don't feel like he or I have a choice in it.

I would like to move forward with him and I think the best way to do that would be to send a text like I said before using those words, then we can have a phone call and I'll fly to him. Then we can spend time together and go from there. I think as long as I take action in good faith of him and choose him above all else, being the way I describe before with him.

>>33592345
I reread what I just wrote and in the argument fighting for his and my love for each other I think in a roundabout way a lot of my question is answered about what I need to do, the path forward.

I know the other guy will try to trick and distort things to keep me trapped living with him currently but I'm stronger than that, the love for my true love is stronger than that. I'll get out of here and I'll be with him again.

I'm going to do the best I can.

>>33591756
>Wasted my life
How old are you? 97?

>>33593055
Life where I would have been happy and wasted it in a mistake is life lost.

>>33591756
There's no such thing as "rotting away." You are evolving all the time, no matter what's going on. To be alive is to evolve, to grow. You're struggles, hardships, mistakes, downfalls make you who you who you are. Learn from this and don't let it happen again. No matter how upset or down you get. You gotta get up and remove yourself. Leave. Lie if you have to. Put effort into planning your life and what you need to do instead of wasting all your imte playing on the phone.

>>33593168
There is. I can see it when I look in the mirror at what it's done to me.

I'll get out of this house and get rid of the liar, get the fuck out of Texas, and I'll make the most of what I have left with The love of my life

>>33591756
I read all the post you made here.

The only thing you can do is suck it all up, reach out to him how you regret everything. If you could turn back time you'll do it without any hesitation. You'll promise you'll make up to him for every mistake you made.

Get down on your knees, you fucked up and your only choice is to correct every mistake you can do. Not all damage are irreversible so that's where you have to owe things up big time.

The issue here is whether how long you've been away from one another. You're going to write every shit you wrote here to him and that's all for him to decide.

>>33592232
>I want him to know that I am sincere. So you think I should pay for the flight?

Whether you pay for your flight or he pays it, none of that matters if the person on the other end doesn't wanna see you entirely.

Don't book flights until you two talked to one another. Go stalk him if you can to see whether you're still relevant to his life. Make a new account if he has you blocked and tell him everything in that account then start planning from there WITH HIM.

People here will say you should move on when you can't and never will. Once you talked to him and whatever the outcome was that's the only time you move on or moved in together with him.

>>33591900
>I disagree about working on ourselves first
That's the lazy take. You want things to be convenient for you, without putting in the work first.
If you are avoidant, which I am guessing from your OP, you absolutely have to get your shit together at least somewhat first. Otherwise you will just hurt others and yourself again.

>>33593241
>That's the lazy take. You want things to be convenient for you, without putting in the work first.
Bitches are like that. A lot of girls has that mindset that's why they're not equal to men. They always get that princess love story vibe impressions about love.

We broke up many times. She couldn't even understand herself but I know her very well to figure out how things are gonna turn out.

As long as both sides wants to then there's no issues with that. It's not wasted time when OP's thinking about is always that person. It could be for the other person but that's why she has to confront it. The wasted time she only had was picking the new person. The replacement she got wasn't even a proper replacement. If she's really still in love, you wouldn't bring financial burdens to your partner.

>>33593280
Not sure why you replied to me, but I don't care about anything you say.

>>33593241
I want to put in the work and choosing him, being with him in person is part of that. If he needs me to prove myself, I'll do that.

You guys keep making it about money. It's not about money. And I dislike having to say that I wouldn't be a financial burden because of the level of money he makes. He wouldn't make being with me about money and I won't make being with him about money. I'm obviously grateful for him being able to provide for me so I don't have to have a job and with what he does he doesn't have to work very much even. Couple hours at the computer weekly from my understanding. So we can spend time together or chill out and do our own things like he could go work in the garage while I read a book or I could draw while he reads.

>>33593285
Your dumb ass clearly never been in a relationship before to be in this topic.

>Not sure why you replied to me
Go fuck yourself since you can't read.

>>33593291
>You guys keep making it about money.
I didn't say anythng about money.

>>33592043
>My flight to you is (date).
Absolutely do not do that.
That's fucking psychotic.
If you have any way to contact him, start by telling him what you did wrong and why. Unless you show you have an understanding of what went wrong. HE gets to decide if he wants to talk with you, let alone have you live with him, not the other way around.

How old are you and how long have you been apart from each other?

>>33593307
I don't care what you think you have to say.

>>33593308
With our history and things we've talked about before I think he would like if I told him I'd like to visit and gave a date I could do a flight. And if he wants to talk to me then he can call me after I text him that. As far as living with him that's something I could talk to him about when I visit him.

My age isn't relevant and it's been about 4.5 years I think. But I know he still loves me because there's more to it that I don't want to get into.

>>33593365
>My age isn't relevant
Yes it kinda is, because what you are describing sounds more like some teenager fantasy, instead of a really adult thing.

>>33593378
Ok I'm 72 years old. Happy?

Just because you don't understand what true love is doesn't mean it's a fantasy. Twisting it as some teenage thing is such faggot talk too. I'm legal and he's legal. Now If you have anything to say about the actual topic then post again otherwise be a Karen somewhere else.

Until then

>>33593448
>>33593365
4.5 years is far too fucking long. You're just having nostalgia. You don't love him.

>>33595657
I do love him. Because I still have feelings for him after that amount of time only further proves I truly do love him. I won't let others disuade me from that love.

Almost 5 years is too long. You have both changed as people, and you are creating an idol out of your past experience just because you hate your life right now.
You seem to want to rely on men to drag you out of every bad situation so here is my advice.
1.) Write your former boyfriend, tell him you made a mistake you love him and ask him to buy you a ticket. If he is interested he will put up the money.
2.) Go on any dating app and find a sucker to take care of you.
3.) Go to any public place and start attracting men.
Even if you are an ugly whale, this shouldn't be too much trouble for you. Just put out your wounded wing routine and there will be plenty of simps who want to rescue you.
You could also see a therapist and work on your issues, but expecting a woman to engage in introspection and actually improve herself is like expecting a camel to pass through the eye of a needle.

>>33591833
nta but dont do it femanon. you had your chance. guys stay for so long, trying so many times. but once its over, its over. i was in this situation too and im so glad im out of it, i couldnt be happier. that bitch made me age & sucked the life out of me in all the worst ways. i'll never look at love the same & most likely wont ever date again with the same passion, or probs any at all. ruining good people has its consequences.

>>33591756
you sound crazy as fuck. you also sound like a terrible, immature person. this thread proves it. your ex dodged a bullet.

>>33591756
sometimes life doesn't work out the way you've hoped and you just have to pick up and keep moving on

>>33596116
Yep, same here

>>33595919
I know he would buy me a ticket if I asked, I feel it shows my commitment if I buy it. I've been told multiple times here that I should be the one to do it.

>>33596116
No, I choose him.

>>33596219
>>33597096
These posts only make me more determined to contact him and tell him I still love him

There is a lot I want to say to him.

>>33597545
>These posts only make me more determined to contact him and tell him I still love him

do what you want, it's your life

>>33591756
>How do I get him back? How do I get out of this hell I live in currently in the middle of fucking nowhere hard stuck in emotional, physical, and mental decline?
You fix what's broken. You change the things that are wrong.
>I just want to wash my hands of my current reality. Get it off me.
It's never that easy. You have to work on it. You have to do things the hard way.

>>33591756
Have you tried contacting him? Try hanging out again and see if there's still magic there. If it works out, then you should go for it and don't look back.

>>33597545
You cant be with someone if they dont want you. You can text them & let them know but you cant force them.

>>33599153
I will do that

>>33599198
I only want the opportunity with him. All I ask for is a fair shot being us again. I think a trip would be a good thing to be with each other in person.

>>33599215
Women live in a different dimension kek

>>33599215
>I only want the oppurtunity with him
lol. lmao. lmfao. is frankenstein ur dad?

get off the internet

>>33599331
>get off the internet
& deworm yourself, too.

>>33599126
she aint finna do shit. just a female vamp who lost her supply. i played the long game and i winnn. have fun with edgar, or pedro or whichever bum got you stuck out there. im sure your father will save you, after you abused him all your life >D