>spend all week looking for headphones i bought because they went missing and I can't find them anywhere
>start to think that maybe i left them in my brothers room while i was playing my computer (which he moved to his room a few years ago)
>see brother sitting on his bed listening to something on his phone with my headphones that i paid for
>"hey bro can I have my headphones back"
>brother doesn't even look away from his phone when he points at two of his old headphones that he's no longer using anymore
>"You can have these"
>one pair looks like it's been chewed up by a dog or walked all over so I discard it and take the other pair before looking back at my brother who's still preoccupied with his phone
>"umm thanks bro you can keep those even though I paid money for them haha"
>he doesn't even look up at me as i leave his room
>later check headphones he let me take and they're completely useless they make everything sound muffled like you are underwater
What the fuck was I supposed to do here?

>>33594981
Slapped him

>>33594981
unplug them and take it back. Being a passive aggressive ninny clearly didn't get you anything.

>>33594981
Why not confront him and beat his ass, if necessary

I feel ashamed yet I love the attention I get having a secret femboy persona and showing myself off online for people to thirst for me. I'm so conflicted about it.

>one of my closest friends is a young earth creationist
that shit sucks man. I guess as far as conspiracy theories go at least this isn't actively harmful. But we love to talk about all of our niche little interests and some of mine happen to be geology and biology and I feel like I can't really talk about those.
And since it's tied so directly to their faith I don't think I can (or frankly want) to try to convince them of anything.

>>33595346
who are you quoting?

I have extreme emotional volatility, I also have a real anxious love style where I assume a girl is going to ghost/reject me which can trigger intense depression and sometimes leads to self sabotage or substance abuse to cope. Nothing has seemed to help. When my ex broke up with me earlier this year I went on a 3-day bender

>>33594981
"Hey i need my headphones back, those are mine"
if he reuses then you had my actorly to kick is ass. bo needs to learn your boundary's and respect them. teach him a lesson so he wont forget it.

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>>33595027
like this?

>>33595336
Conflicted in what sense?

>>33595506
I feel like I should be ashamed of it, and I am some because it's completely secret from my life irl. But the attention I get is so addictive.

>>33595432
Mistype or schizophrenic? You decide, though probably a mistype.
>>33595346
Don't argue with the friend. Or do so you can quickly learn how a conspiracy theorists brain works. You can give them all the facts and they won't care. Facts aren't the reason they believe conspiracy, so it's silly to think facts will be the reason they stop believing them. You seem research oriented, so a better use of your time is to research how people learn to believe such things.

>>33595516
>I feel like I should be ashamed of it
Shame isn't inherently bad. It should make you stop and analyze what you're doing and why you don't like it. Can you articulate why you feel this is bad?

>>33595525
It feels so degenerate, partly why I have to keep it so secret. I already have very few people in my life, they'd most likely leave if they found out.

That went as good as I could have hoped especially considering the lack of preparation

>>33595520
>Don't argue with the friend
Oh no, I definitely won't. As I said, it's technically not harmful, just really fucking lame.
And even if I wanted to since the belief is rooted in their faith and the fact that (as far as I understand) they think the bible is word for word literally true I'd have to uproot their entire world view and I don't want to do that.
>you can quickly learn how a conspiracy theorists brain works
Unfortunately I am well aware. My grandpa is your typical conspiracy boomer and when I was a teen I also believed in some absurd shit thanks to him and unfiltered internet access. My favorite quote on the topic is "You can't reason someone out of a belief they didn't reason themselves into"
So I actually feel great empathy for people who fall for conspiracy theories, no matter how frustrating it may be to deal with some of them. I'd argue many of them are victims of it. Not to mention it's a very hard fucking process to change your world view on something. I know I did a few times.

>>33595551
Is this a kink for you or do you feel you may be a woman?

I keep having intrusive thoughts about grabbing the asses of my female co-workers as I pass by them.
I heard this can be a sign of OCD and the thoughts get more persistent as the day goes by and I get stressed and tired.
I'm worried I'll do it instinctively without thinking and then my life is over.
Anyone have experience with mitigating intrusive thoughts which doesn't include being unemployed?

It sounds claustrophobic. Will you talk about sounds like clawing at the walls until exhaustion were you crawling a ball and tell yourself everything's okay when in reality you're trapped. Your words ruminate like echoes is each movement feels Imobilizing knee deep mud.

You aren't choosing to be away and alone, is something you put on yourself from outside of you to keep you where you are. It's further perpetuated by your own mental self-sabotage. Every time there's an opportunity to climb out you kick the walls until they cave. Your injuries have festered and you hide them from others. You stay in the dark so you don't have to look at them yourself. But in that darkness you feel the pain and it's crippling

>>33595650
It's summer time where I am. When I see women walk by in shorts and a sports bra nice and sweaty, I immediately imagine how nice it would be to walk up to them and grab their fat asses and suck their tits. Sometimes I catch other guys staring too and think of how fun it would be if we all had our way with her. Sometimes consensually. Would love to grope asses all day and be called a fucking pervert for it.

But after looking and dreaming about this for a second or two, I move on. I don't think you need to pathologize this. Women are hot and they give you thoughts. Don't act on them and don't stare. I don't think you can get rid of the thoughts without severe psychological damage. The closest I've come is to imagine them farting and pooping. That's an instant turn off.

>>33595625
I think more of a kink. Though life would be easier as a woman.

>>33595691
The reality is almost all the friends you have are into their own weird shit. Whenever you're bored, look up the most popular categories on Pornhub. Somebody is consuming all this content. They're just smart enough to keep hush about it.

If you have fun being a femboy and chatting with other people and it isn't interfering with your responsibilities, what's so wrong?

>>33595678
I understand it is normal to want to. I won't dwell on it, it just freaked me out because instead of thinking about it, it felt like my brain gave a subconscious signal to my body to do it, which I actively rejected, at least that's how I perceived it in my mentally fatigued state. This new job is also making it hard to get good rest. All I can dream about is getting swept up during rush hour and failing to delegate to the increasing number of people who work under me and rely on my direction.

Imma sound like a fag, but what's up with uppity white woman bitching about me speaking Japanese? I'm Mexican American and I have an accent already because Spanish was my first language and I learned English after. When you're speaking a second goddamn language, you're gonna have an accent.

Not my fault you fucking know 1 goddamn language and you're as Americanized as they come. Implying I'm racist when our Japanese professor says my accent sounds native.

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I feel like a fag because asian women are all built for white cock

>>33595749
Dwell on it. I don't understand how what you're describing isn't the same as what I described.

>>33595756
They associate learning Japanese with low status weeaboos and are just itching to pick on them to prove themselves to be of high status. On this website I once mentioned that I was trying to learn another language and a bunch of schizos replied to me bitching at me for wanting to learn Japanese even though I was referring to Spanish.

>>33595776
Maybe you are bisexual or a cuck, or both

>>33595780
you think picturing something and feeling your hand twitch is the same thing?

I'm fairly worried that utaites are out to get me. I was kind of an idol trainee back then and one of them physically and emotionally harassed me to the point of suicide. He wasn't sweet or anything mushy, everyone was afraid of him during my trainee days.

Really not feeling good today.

compartmentalizing makes me feel a tad bit better honestly. It's not me feeling that. It's someone else. It never happened to me. It happened to them. They're the one who has to feel bad. Not me.

>>33595801
You think I haven't had the same urges to literally grab an ass? I did it in highschool. I played it off like I tripped. Stop pretending you're unique.

>>33595868
What about catching a grind on your way through the club.

>>33595902
I've "accidentally" done that before

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Had an interaction with a customer today that convinced me that we need something more spartan for society. There is absolutely no reason a morbidly obese man who's so lazy he just shits and pisses on puppy pads instead of going to the bathroom or using Depends should be able to afford rent or food to maintain his weight, while other people have to struggle and starve.

I think that's why I want a family so bad, because I don't see any value to the rest of the thing I labor for. It's so fucking gross and decadent.

I'm hearing all the undergrads partying outside my window and it just reminds me how much of a loser I was then, and how much I still am in grad school

I need to fix myself.

>>33595654
como pikachu

I don't think I could ever love myself. My entire life, the overwhelming majority of people treated me with contempt. Peers, teachers, girls, all humiliated me with impunity. My dad completely shattered my ability to trust another human being because I didn't conform to his standard. The only person who had my back was my mom.
Honestly, if you're a csa victim, I don't know if self love is possible. It's like I've been contaminated. I'm damaged goods. And they know. They know and are more than happy to let you know.

I'll find meaning in life I know it.

I've just felt depressed the past 2-3 hours. I don't know why.

This foid is turning my best friend against me and now I'm sad.

My best success seems to be with women who were fans of Naruto as teenagers. This is a crucial observation.

Learned to drive <6 months ago. Today I drove into an indoor parking lot for the first time and dented a rental 3/4 ton truck.

Paid for full coverage so likely I won't be charged, but feels bad man. Can I even forgive myself for hurting such a noble creature?

>>33596559
Lol. My wife was a total Narutard and she is the best woman I have ever known

>>33596671
>Muh wife
Nobody cares.

I hate that my friends ex looks so fine in her new profile picture

Please come back and love me again I need you so much that’s it’s making me crazy

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I feel like I’m being left behind, stagnant and morose like a withered old mammoth being left behind by their herd. Which is to say, I feel so stuck and pathetic while all of my peers and friends are getting started with the next chapter of their lives and meanwhile I’m in the same spot I’ve been at for years now. It feels like nothing I’ve tried has moved the needle for me, and I’m honestly so scared that I’m just a retard who doesn’t know it yet.

If you were forced to make a decision would you rather get hit by a rake by stepping on it or slap yourself or in the face or slip on a banana peel? IT COULD HAPPEN.

>>33596671
Based. Thank you for confirming that I am on the right path.

>>33596458
Maybe it's your own fault

I used to disagree with people who called others tourists for not behaving the way they expected. And then I see the dumbest takes ever made by people who can't engage with the media they claim to be fans of and. I get it now. Tourists are real and they're insufferable.

it's over.

>>33597038
For you

>>33595650
I imagine bonking rude people where I work. I used to imagine a guy asking me out too. Just daydream, you can always bump your butt with theirs?

>>33594928
fuck me and fuck this shit life, cant wait until this garbage is finally over.

I hate you they tune it how low ho' warning.
get this off my property, pasta salad.
commute their property off me. it rapes my mind, throat, bowel, come meet disease, no tooth, no job, lost in a homeless lifestyle and disease cancers the telephone pasta.
come meet a swirl in my mauf' when i wake up.
ign dying to answer pasta, hdu make me come meet this pasta salad numero uno, one too many. you nuke a dumbfuck fraud.
eye don't even get what i belong as i swirl the disorder.
eye hate my lifestyle.
they're commuting a tear pasta salad, sour you nuke a warning. ;tie a knot around this
(you nuke a bullshit fraud too many)
i told you not to pasta proof, you hook a fraud a proof, a target warning, come meet im dead a ho'. i'm dead, or dying. by the time you get to pasta mo(you)rning.
pasta cum meet you nuke a dumbfuck HO'!!!!

you nuke
A-1 (one) too many. H7wow no brainerr

>>33595784
learn it brotha. knowing another language is genuinely refreshing and opens more doors for you.

pasta they nuke a /pull/ hazardous fowl

pasta polt anhedonia.
they nuke a now, ah no thank you
pasta they nuke a elite patsa

pasta pull how you'll nuke a warning
scream who scouignled this pot
pasta herne heenre u wore_ningasan

pasta no. they nuke a cancerous warrrrrrrning
nuke a no.
pull a pasta smile tooth.
nuke no teeth smile! Dentistry, hey ho' they commuted that pasta smile.

come meet uh A1 HVAC & cooling.
pasta buddhaman, he hoo' you waring around your smile.

pastsa no. you nuke you wore nin gen style pasta. commute a humanitarian effort. pasta yu hoo' you kno our pasta sala you nukea grape efffort. pasta nukea call me brother...

Still am gonna try to beat the guy my crush loves by being more of a man than him while he keeps getting grossed out by doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, and taking care of the kids. Yeah go do that, Imma be a real man to the point the only thing you got going is your listening skills she loves, and that's gonna get taken away when all you want to do is sleep with her and scold her instead of actually be her real loving friend like a real man like me... Either that or someone else would appreciate it. WOOT

4channers be like: Yeah well I'm smart, cool, and nobody gets me
Me on the other hand: Yeah well I am myself.

om
you) ni ta make a pasta smiel.

It’s like I was clinging on to the way things were before everything fell apart. I don’t want a good relationship with my dad and I can’t. It’s more like I wish things never got fucked up.

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I can’t help but feel like something is off.

pasta you needed a book teeth;
scream you who gno...;
pasta teeth...;
pasta we have a prolem;
come meet uhe who made a pasta smile.pasta come m eet a smile welcome to hey ho you're all on you rown pasta smile. come meet who a he who hit orieelly.

I’m going to have to make some decisions I feel like a real asshole about, but I’m really prioritizing other people’s comfort and happiness over my own.

>>33597213
What are u doing?

>>33597426
leave me a voicemail/message.
, how is pasta commute the runtime?
#call me back

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This is my dad according to dna test

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I HATE IT

I am addicted to ERP (Erotic Roleplaying) On World of Warcraft, I'll spend upwards to 6-7 hours a DAY just ERPing on WoW

It fucks with my work life, I do it behind my wife's back which makes me feel guilty and like I'm cheating, but I just can't stop, I find myself reinstalling WoW purely to ERP

Even if I masturbate thinking "Oh it's just because I'm horny" I STILL do it

I can't stop...I want to stop...I don't know what to do anymore.

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>>33597483
They look like they match at this angle

>>33597426
be more specific in your inquiry.
(502) is the area code to the number. nuke an email reportj.j(*)'! GRRRRRR WOFO WOOF I'M A CNNOTE A PASTA!1 FFF IM RANDOM YOURE RANDOM EVERYBODY1

hah they made a connote the pasta, um u warning everybody they mad e..:
gb2mods, insane, install pasta mute, transgender waifu. commute i ah i run a thousand waisu men who cnnted the pasta oww an argument eeeeeeeeecho w/e i'm pasta mute. ''mute'' dog, now ho' a warning...

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Feeling painfully unsure

I’m in intensive outpatient treatment and they told me that the housing they would try to find me wouldn’t be free so I don’t know.

A lot of weird shit happened to me and I’m diagnosed as schizophrenic because of it.

you need a divorce ah connote a'more
moreal then a apsta deaf mute... cala huh you wrote a tar ea pasty. uchi cum laud. wha'ts behind thier monitor a delete them all? pasta oated um wow, note a j.e connoted
not even a real a nuke from afar.
not even a real nuke from afar.
come meet you who connoted a thousand wise to drayke ub. pull usb now...

dog is dying of old age, she'll be 16 if she lives until novembre but I don't think she will.

she's been living a great life,
been through my 3 long relationships,
she's always be there when I have my ups and downs

but she won't be there for long...

welcome to heehaay he a pasty commute.
he um.
welcome to a aahh 4d dimensional bottomless drop the commute a pasty the tower [dubai][paid a was offended group] no a pasty smile.
pasta sleeve, until a sleeve
law following me
pasta
j. connoted we needed to go back to wehre we pasta.
''''j.e. made a they made a */n painful deaf mute connote a pasta'''
compared to you
pasta pretend
pasta hi how he was just 'tarded, you?
come meet, i really want to pasta commute my bow down cala.
pasta connote they who ow how no lo can it go on sterons. '''butte''' you who pasta nuke a moron. i'm sure you'll swirl the pasta, for the rest of your life.
an issue w/ '''nuke a moar, on this route, we nuke a rmoon zala''' i hope you'll understaqnd my pasta connotoe

>>33597594
Yeah I think my cat is gonna die in a year or so. You either get relieved of the stress or can get a puppy tho!

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It was actually the night of the 24th and the morning of the 25th. I was wondering something that made me worried on the 21st.

Apparently she was flirting with me while I was eating Raising Cane's but all I could think about was how good the chicken tasted.

>>33597619
thanks bro
might take a break from having pets, I spend 2-3hr a day walking her
I could use this extra time to read more

>>33594928
If I win tonight's powerball drawing I'm buying this house

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/3015-Lincoln-Rd_Oak-Brook_IL_60523_M88404-14496?from=srp-list-card

How about you

You remember me. You remember home. We are meant for each other and complete each other. You know this
You have always loved me, I am your truth. You are coming home to me. You are choosing me.
You need to figure out a way to cut or bury Colton out of your life. His lies led you to a false heart, living in a mistake that is taken us from each other and everything that has ever mattered. Continuing on the path with him will ruin your life and you will forever hurt missing me. You can have hope in me because you know me.

Whatever the way you need to get rid of Colton you deal with that is up to you. Whatever it takes. Fight for me fight for us against him. He is worth nothing. I am worth everything.

You need to stop and move on from Colton. The more you engage with him the harder it will be for you to pull away. Block his number. Destroy every avenue you have of contacting him. He is he lying manipulative person, everything you have ever hated in a person and you would never want to be with someone like that.

You are ALWAYS coming home to me. We will have all of our promises and you We will experience our love

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>Percent of births outside a hospital in the USA: 1.6%

>>33597522
Make AI analyze them

>>33598818
Devilish

>>33598823
How so? It'll be an unbiased analysis not like what the trolls here will feed him

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>>33598818

I don’t want to think about it anymore. I just need to land this job and start a new life.

>>33594928
>33, M.
>Bitter and hateful towards niggers and the world.
>in a relationship that ends with each day in arguments.
>I fuck myself with drugs and alchohol like soprano fucks his therapist.
>plan to suicide when lose parents.
6

>>33598870
>in a relationship
Great, another fakecel loser

>>33598870
I don't like some nwords, but you should stop being so hateful it ruins your overall health

I'm white and I lost my virginity to a black girl when I was 18, now I'm obsessed with fucking black girls. It's my guilty pleasure, the trashier the better. Anyone else in the same boat

>>33598870
All of your problems would be solved by working out
Want to do drugs and drink, don't, work out
Want to fight over stupid shit, don't, work out
Want to act emo over your parents mortality, don't work out
You'd be able to fuck your girl better too and she'd be less pissy at you
Work out fatty

>Have a FWB
>She has a daughter
>Was planning to fuck her over the weekend because she had today off
>The father of her kid suddenly "wants to spend time with his daughter"
>He actually just wants to lay up in her house because the place he's staying at is shit
>He's an abusive, mentally ill pothead
They're probably fucking and I honestly don't care, but goddamn I'm getting tired of getting blueballed due to other men being retarded.

A while ago a friend of mine was assaulted and for some reason I'm still being affected by it. Whenever I merely remember her telling me my body gets nervous and all sorts of upsetting thoughts go through my head. Not sure if this is helpful to add but I was assaulted in the past so it's a very sensitive subject for me, and the mention puts my mood down greatly and makes my body react poorly. I wish I could've reacted better and helped her more but I couldn't, and I feel guilty

I left the a /soc/ server over a year ago and people from there STILL try to crypto post about me and "guess" posts are me on certain boards. It's so creepy and hilarious, just being female and shitposting is enough to make people remember you for years. Meanwhile I'm just chillin, grillin and having fun with my bf. yesterday we had steak, played disc golf and fucked in the woods

>>33599095
/soc/ is just really weird and autistic about that. They'll study your posting style and stalk you for years.

>>33599095
How do you know they do that if you left the server?

>30
>Boring, mediocre job I don't care about (got made redundant from last, better paying job in March)
>Never really fit in anywhere
>Never had a serious relationship
>Girl I really liked and thought liked me ghosted me for a month before telling me she's seeing someone else
>Not that close with family
>Lived in current place for ~3 years, not made any friends
>Few friends I do have probably only talk to me out of a sunk-cost fallacy or because I just let them vent uninterrupted to me
>Not interested in anything enough to make it my purpose in life
>Don't enjoy anything enough to live for hedonism
>Also found out I have autism and ADHD last year

It could be worse, but I don't see it getting better.
I just bought some rope and I think I'm gonna kill myself at the end of this month if the antidepressants don't start working

I want to fuck my friend gf so bad it's unreal. What a slut she is.

I have a crush on this guy but when I see him I get so nervous I want to run away, or hide my face.

He doesn’t feel the same (I did ask him out) — and I know a crush is just a fixation on potential and fantasies. But the feelings persist. It’s just all in my head.

>>33597989
you wanna buy a title too?
id have much smaller with double the acre and access to a lake or sea with 2 guest rooms and 2 bathrooms, and some outdoor rooms, oh i have quite some ideas how i would like to have it; and trees and a bench and a swing and a full moon above

>>33599301
>if the antidepressants don't start working
Nigger... Antidepressants make you a void, go to the gym instead, start talking to people, find some community, find some place for yourself.
You have to fight for yourself, you have to fight, you have to act as if your clothes are always white, that there's plenty of oil on your head and do as you need, God already knows your way.

>>33598946
No, but I remember a literal decade ago where some /r9k/ lad was posting his black GFs pussy filled with cum basically saying that she took pity on him and they were fucking like rabbits since.

>>33594928
Molly, I find myself wanting to fuck you again.

I have no motivation to anything except attention and validation from others. I want to kill myself so badly. I geniunely do not see a future I can stomach. Plenty of people say they like me, love me even, but I know it is only because they see a potential that geniunely isn't there. All I can do is continue hurting everyone.

>>33596255
I feel like I'm not even a person. The csa isn't the worst of it. My sister says she was molested for much longer than I was and she's just a fucking normal person.

>>33599543
>Plenty of people say they like me, love me even
Somehow I can't see it

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I hate having to masturbate. I will never have a partner, and I made peace with that, but I still have the urge to do it at least once a week.
It feels dirty, sad and pathetic. My doctor and lots of other sources tell me that this is physiological need and I have to do it, but is it really?
I wish I could rid myself of lust and carnal desires. I wish I could chemically castrate myself.

>>33594981
Shouldn't make it a question.
>Bro, I need my headphones back.

>>33599523 (me)
There really was something so hot about playing with your pussy or having you dress up the way you did.
Shame we didn't get your old school uniform cum stained.

>>33596633
Shit like that happens. Just drive a bit more slowly in spaces you aren't as comfortable with.

>>33599689
all of my friends are dykes who also have bpd, don't worry about it.

>>33599750
All of them?

I did a bad thing and I have to confess.

I joined a discord server for an interest of mine. It's full of trannies spending half the time flirting with each other and attention whoring, and half the time proclaiming their moral superiority to other people, despite being disgusting sex pests who post about their mutilated genitalia nonstop in a server ostensibly about something completely fucking unrelated. There are 60 people in this server and 90% of the messages are from the same 3 people.

>>33599481
>Go the gym
I was working out 4-7 days a week, cardio and weights on different days, for the past year and it made no difference.
>Start talking to people, join a community
I do both of these. There's a few clubs I go to, and many others I've tried. A few of them put me in uncomfortable positions where I have to talk/debate. Again, hasn't helped. I'm not really friends with any of the people at these places, and I don't really fit in.

I appreciate the advice though anon, thanks. You're right in that part of it is my mindset which I've been trying to fix with therapy and mindfulness, but I haven't made much progress. Antidepressants really are a last resort. I was on them once before years ago and they did literally nothing to me.

Got to today get some studying done.

>>33599858
I don't say this lightly, do you think you need God?
Find therapy to be relitigating of trauma, mindfulness is a meme.

Know who's above and who's below, fight, always fight, you can rest when you're dead. Until then

ive come so far...
what was all of it for?

why didnt i escape sooner?

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I recently finished a short manga I had been working on. I also submitted it to a contest on a japanese magazine.
It will probably get rejected (that's if I they even contact me) but I'm glad that I went through with it.
I'm so happy, y'all.

i cant wait to be free from the military.

Whoa whoa they're women children wtf dude ffs man cunts.

I think stress cannot be entirely avoided for an animal of my social class if I have aspirations

>>33597933
They're like kids that never really grow up all the way and start needing intensive end of life care as teenagers.

I'm only human, JFC

https://youtu.be/xwtdhWltSIg?si=J0V2yKE7yhwej-Cn

I’m such a fakecel piece of shit I can see it when people are interested in me and it’s often. Why am I like this

My drunk ass so stupid

I ordered Indian food on Uber eats Noticed I forgot to order naan bread. There was an “add item” option so I added the bread like a minute later. Total said $3. I just checked the receipt and it tipped the person $6 twice since I guess it’s technically two orders. Such a simple mistake and it’s literally just $6 but damn my dumbass needs to stop drinking

I might just be gay

>>33601781
Same. How'd you learn? Bi or gay?

>>33601845
>How’d you learn
Experience and time. Got a lot of trauma but I’ve slept with a guy before. I’m bi

>>33601850
I meant what lead you to learning. Have you always felt the attraction or did it blossom when you were older? Latter for me. Bi here.

>>33601921
It blossomed as I got older, around 12 or so I think.

>>33601935
Oh it took until my early 20s. Wasn't a struggle for me once I realized. Isn't 12 right when all your sexual attractions start?

I don't need anymore advice now. I actually feel better about myself. I really don't care anymore about being left on the streets to die anymore or anything else that is negative. I'm okay.

>>33602118
You do NOT sound ok???

>>33602126
at least he doesn't start his asinine threads anymore.

>>33602118
These are the words of someone who is most definitely not okay and is gonna kill themselves soon

I maintain im right, and im far too wise in moral science to care for anything more than a second for your impotent rage, ive explained these clear and indisputable positive merits dozens of times

>>33602143
No need to talk about yourself in 3rd person. It's weird

>>33602313
Why does this board attract so many schizophrenics?

>>33594981
>What the fuck was I supposed to do here?
Your mistake was saying this
>"umm thanks bro you can keep those even though I paid money for them haha"
instead of
>"No, give me back my headphones"

And the fact that you followed it up with
>"umm thanks bro you can keep those even though I paid money for them haha"
is a good indication of how much therapy you're gonna need to unpack whatever fucking damage this guy has done to you to see you so beaten down.

I also just clocked this, wtf
>my computer (which he moved to his room a few years ago)

Beat this man. He has zero respect for you. Remove yourself from this living situation and regrow the self respect he's been siphoning from you.

>>33595270
>unplug
pft, get a load of this elder millennial
>t. younger millennial who literally just figured out bluetooth

>>33595650
Is this a sexual urge, or more of a fearful fixation? The latter is more along the lines of OCD-trait intrusive thoughts, being preoccupied with what the immediate reaction might be if you were to do something completely inappropriate, mostly when you don't even want to do the inappropriate thing in the first place.
If it's just "big butt, want grab, oogabooga" that's more just an impulsive thought in a horny brain, which is pretty normal.

>>33599328
You want to fuck her because she is a slut or she is a slut because of your feelings for her?

Would you rather accept what you perceive as total defeat and learn from your mistakes, or pretend you did nothing wrong and it's always other people that are dickheads?

I thought you never liked me.

I've changed my life around hoping that you would notice. I fell in love with you in the last 6 months and you didnt know. I was to righteous to say anything because I didnt want to ruin our work relationship thinking you would never date someone you work with. Little did I know this whole time your were already seeing someone else. That being another coworker from your other job. I feel like a fool. Here's to abiding by principles when others would walk all over them.

I cut some fuck out of my life who's been slowly stoking my paranoia for years

Holy shit, I didn't know people like this could exist

>>33602325
He thinks everyone is like the stories he hears from courtTV

>>33594928
> I don't get along with someone I know for several years on discord
> it's admittingly one sided because I try to tune them out and they are oblivious to why I dislike them
> they are arrogant, throw themselves constant pity parties, two faced, will make someone else look like the bad guy even when they're the instigator, acts like everyone else is stupid but them
> have the urge to snark and tell them to get over themselves
> I stop myself because I respect the owner enough not to start shit in his server

>>33602693
DM them?

>>33601650
I hate that shit. I feel like the longer I labour over a transaction, the more likely it is I'll realise 0.2 seconds after confirming that I've made a mistake.

I work myself up into almost throwing up from the stress I'm going under every single night, I have been completely isolating myself for months and ruining what little relationships I have left, I think about dying constantly and I feel worse now that all my methods of dying were taken away from me.
are hotlines straight up all there are? those are useless to me since i dont have a MEANS to hurt myself right? does no one truly give a shit how horrible everything is for me as long as im not inconveniencing anyone by physically hurting myself or others?

>Simping
I'm ashamed to admit, but this is my first day free of simping for this Tiktok girl in a while and its been really hard. This is very pathetic, I'm aware. But it is what it is, I've been obsessed with this Tiktok girl for a while and have been very tempted to send her money, as with a lot of hot Tiktok girls she has her Venmo in her bio. She has thousands of followers and has no fucking clue who I am, nor care. She's just so insanely fucking pretty I can't even get her out of my mind. It's acutally annoying why does beauty have this much power over me? Well, for today at least I made it through without looking at her socials at all. Clearly she is still on my mind as I'm making this post and all, but at least I'm not engaging by going on her account and losing myself in simping over her videos. Its acutally kind of sad she seems like a bit of a sad person at the end of the day, despite having thousands of men desiring her. A part of me wants to be the guy who saves her. Yeah fucking right zero percent chance that is happening. Anyway, time for bed. Hopefully tomorrow is a little easier and each day gets easier. She has a pretty face, big fucking deal, stop simping idiot.

>>33602860
talk about these feelings of yours with a family member or friend, not some random stranger through a cellphone.

Woah thats so crazy everyone you hate is perfectly aligned with whats politically acceptable to hate? With no evidence of that being the case? That's wiiiiiiild.

>>33602879
If I had anyone who cared I'd have done that a long time ago.

Rooming with the other races has exacerbated my racism significantly, particularly against arabs, who I now realize act extremely entitled and deadbeat about everything.

Waiting on a nice white dude to move in but the leasing company is dragging its feet and I'm getting frazzled about it. The arab twat has yet to vacate or even explain himself. He is scum and doesn't deserve the several rescue cats he brought in without asking us. My other roommate is a suicidal autistic black girl who I've had to talk to the cops for to keep her last suicide attempt from escalating. I then took care of her animals while she languished in a mental hospital.

I hate working in the arts and I hate the people I have to work with, who are weak-willed people who nevertheless suffer from main character syndrome and are rarely as helpful as I am. They also gossip nonstop, yet act extremely wounded about having it pointed out.

I used to be a way bigger piece of shit and have since tried to act better, but more and more that urge to be a bigger piece of shit again who would be less subject to the collective whims of the timids surrounding me is eating at me. I try to be as good a friend as I can be to them and it seems as if it doesn't help, and I've already gotten used to overlooking the dumb shit they do. I yearn to be a bully again, it was always better for me.

I miss my ex and I hate her parents for being losers and letting their failed marriage and divorce drive us apart, I resent her for being a codependent slob who didn't stand up for us and never rose above it. I disdain women a lot more than I used to because they come up with identities formed around being a loser, eg, 'passenger princesses', like children.

I hate my sister and how she decided to start drama with my mother as I had just patched up our relationship. She was a mean-spirited snake to me when we were young, now that she has children she realized how abusive our mom was. I'm tired of being in the middle of it.

>>33602968
My sister keeps trying to convince me our mom has dementia. I can't really say for sure. My sister's a doctor, but a fucking foot doctor, so I can't necessarily trust her either. My mom thinks my sister should have been medicated for postpartum depression, and maybe. Her kids are sweet, but my mom doesn't seem to like the daughter for being whiny. She was really strict with us, and I think that comes out when my niece starts whining. My sister takes that badly, and I think it finally clicked that our mom did a lot of shitty things to us and has been bandaiding it with me for a few years. I've forgiven my parents and wish my older sister could just let it go, but she can't, she's every bit as aggressive and willful as our mother. I want to be on good terms with both of them, and I wish our father would just care about it. Maybe he's got the right idea. He may be autistic though.

Do women ever actually fucking want anything
More and more every day I’m becoming sexist in the sense of like
>These bitches put in zero fucking work for anything that is actually worthy of desire
And I can’t stop noticing it more and more. The absolute wealth of women in my personal life who always made me not question it all WANT shit. My mother, my sister, my cousin, friend of the family, childhood friend, best friend, all these women I actually respect want something in life that they are working toward. But I’ve met women now with everything who just want… nothing. Yet they aren’t happy????

>>33603037
A lot of them want someone else to facilitate everything in their lives. They want all the same things, but want someone else to do it, it's like prayer without the sincerity.

I promise I’m trying I promise but it’s hard. I was going to see someone last night but he ghosted me :( deleted the chat from his goddamn phone right before we said we were going to meet up, god do I wish I was as lucky in love as you are because life is steadily getting faster for me and we never see each other any more. I’m getting a dog, going back to school, leaving this shit job. I’m getting out more, hanging out with friends when I can, I’m using the dating apps on my phone, I’ve even been successful a couple times (a couple) I’m doing all the things you’re supposed to do when you’re in this sort of situation but it’s still so hard. I think about you every day and I don’t know what to do because nobody has really made me feel the way you make me feel, and I can feel myself changing into someone else without you there, someone with this anger and bitterness who doesn’t know where to put it all. I stopped hanging out with Louis (who has always been good to me, mind you) because I don’t want him to see my face fall when he tells me about your wedding. And because I don’t want to hear about it because if I do it’s gonna hurt a lot. A lot a lot.

You were and still are all I have ever wanted. I’m sorry if us texting again every day became too much for you. It definitely became too much for me but I couldn’t help it because every time I saw your message notification pop up on my phone it gave me a little rush of joy and I had to respond. I don’t really know how it made you feel on your end but I hope you’re doing ok. I hope that your marriage is going well and that things are good for you all the way out there on the other side of the country.

You are an incredible person, and I love you more than you will ever know

>>33596676
I care about his narutard wife

>>33603245

(Cont)

I love and am in love with you but please, if you ever cared for me at all, then continue to leave me alone. We’ve made it eight months without talking so far, we can go for longer. No yearly rendezvous, no late night messages. It’s too much for me now. I need someone in my life to love who can be there, you know?? And you’re so far away from me.

I love you I love you I love you. Please be happy ok?

>>33603095
>it’s like prayer without sincerity
DAMN I feel bad for these bitches then, never-fucking-mind lol
Glad I grew up with so many respectable women around me

>>33602877
Relatable. I have had these fixations in the past until a year or two ago. It's a fun kink to play with when I'm horny, but then I remember that my personality would clash so hard with hers. We would hate each other and be misererable.

>>33594928
conflict on NFSW. just go for debates and strange addiction to downloading content non-pornography. haven't reached down there, but think it wears on me psychologically

>>33595552
dont get addicted to luck

>>33601961
I believe so, but I had an early and hard sex drive. My sister showed me porn when I was 6 and I put my face in my stepmoms ass.

years ago a close friend of mine (who is also my ex) told me a fucked up story that i never forgot.

her, her best friend, and this other mutual friend of ours get together and drop acid at a party. some time passes and the mutual friend has a bad reaction to the acid. tries to rape her and the other friend. when unsuccessful he slits his wrists and runs through the house smearing blood all over the walls. cops are called but i guess my friend didn’t press charges because the mutual friend shows up the next day in an attempt to remove all the dried blood from the walls.
i end up hearing about this about a month or so later, from both my close friend and her best friend on separate occasions, independent of one another.

now years have passed and my close friend has moved away. the mutual friend however is still here and also happens to be close with another one of my good friends. this good friend of mine keeps on trying to convince me that now that he’s married, he’s a ‘changed man’, someone that i would be more comfortable hanging out with despite the fact that he fucking knows what happened (i told him).

it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. never before have i resented one of my friends so much for trying to get me to hang out with someone. why does he keep on fucking trying? why does he insist on me attempting to get along with someone i clearly have no interest in being around or hearing about? i dont give a fuck if he’s married, since when has an attempted rapist been reformed by marriage????? i dont fucking get it.

what a fucking idiot.

Some new chick was introduced to the social group and every time she got invited to something or someone was giving ideas for things to do she'd say no without offering anything of her own. After half an hour of this I said it was kinda lame of her to keep saying no without even bothering to discuss things or offering any alternatives and she had a melt down about how I'm being, like, so mean and rude and using an ableist slur (I have a prosthetic leg lol no one fucking uses lame as a slur) and making her feel so unwelcomed omgggg.

I want to get married and spend my life with one person, but aside from the difficulty of finding someone I like who also likes me, most of the marriages around me are unhappy.
My parents are doing fine, but my father cheated on my mother when I was young. His brother cheated on his wife countless times. She remarried and was cheated on again, then she went to live with another man and they cheated on each other. Her mom also got married and divorced twice. My paternal grandparents never divorced, but they couldn't stand each other and slept in separate rooms. One of my grandmother's brothers had two families at the same time. Another was a womanizer who ended up with a single mother. My maternal grandmother married three times. Her daughter was cheated on and never married again. My cousin has three kids from three different fathers and never married. Another cousin had a beautiful, good-natured wife, but for some reason he ended up with an annoying single mother. I don't know much about my other cousins, but I know that one is in a relationship with a woman who posts half-naked pictures on social media.

>>33594928
You can not touch people.
If you live in the united states... you can not touch women. It is rape. It is a crime. You can not touch people. Touching is wrong. Disgusting creeps.

>>33603582
Damn that sucks ass

New day new things.

>>33603487
It has nothing to do with the ableist slur. She isn't screaming at you about specifically what just happened, it's deeper than that and has the entirely different narrative that or herself for and her emotions at you are a reflection of that internal struggle

I just like saying I hope you feel better m, because I want more for you than hope.

>>33594928
Starting to think I have some latent and potentially severe mental illness.

>>33603747
Elaborate

>>33603591
I'm guessing you're a highschool sophomore? I'm sorry to say this, but you actually can touch people if you're not autistic about it.

>>33603719
Are you larping as a schi>>33602118
>Zach
zophrenic or are you actually suffering from it? You did sound like you were about to off yourself yesterday. Don't pretend that wasn't a delusion

>>33603904
I'm never doing this shit on mobile again. What the fuck is that?

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Went to an event that was also attended by many coworkers. One said hi and the rest shunned me, either by turning away when I walked past them or just ignoring me. Im actually not upset by it because I do everything alone anyway but I just wish I was better at networking and maintaining social contacts.

>>33600218
Unironically being religious probably would make me feel better. I wasn't raised religious though, and I think I'd struggle with the leap of faith in becoming a full believer. Maybe if I consumed enough religious material and went through the motions of leading a religious life, I could trick myself into thinking it's true, but I think it would always have the air of Pascal's Wager to it, and eventually the inauthenticity would lead me back to where I am.
I don't mean this in a high IQ Reddit atheist way btw. I just have a hard time accepting anything as 100% truth. I'm agnostic.

>Therapy is relitigating of trauma
I agree with you for the most part. I don't think I have any big traumas in my life that I can pinpoint as the cause of my troubles, which is why it's been such a slow process. It can be useful in some ways if you get a good therapist, but it's a timesink and any changes are extremely slow and easily reversed, at least in my experience of it.
>Mindfulness is a meme
It's definitely been oversold lately as a cure-all

kms

>>33604339
I am a strong advocate of two books in the Old Testament, Proverbs and especially Ecclesiastes of which is my favourite book of the bible and really changed my view on life.
I think there's more weight after having read the Old Testament to get to the books, both being written by King Solomon who is seen as the wisest man who's ever lived, but even in some simple truths, there's a lot I found in there to be very deeply meaningful, especially in the latter book.
Honestly just knowing the words to your heart is like having a second language I've found and I say that as someone who was an actual Anti-theist growing up, I've noticed since I've started reading properly, my outlook on life is a lot more positive, equally, there is something poetic about it too.

Recently I've made a better effort to fight forward, as when I look back at what has been, I think of God destroying Soddom with myself being like Lot's wife, unable to not look back, and for my sin I am turned into a pillar of salt for it.
It's apocalyptic, but there's an odd and deep beauty to that, it speaks to me deeply.

I really like when you test my patience by throwing a fit whenever you want me to reply. In fact I love it. Keep doing it. It definitely won't make me leave you.

>>33604853
HAHA

My pigass shitskin pajeet brother stole and "cleaned" one of my old US coins from the 1880s. God knows what's happened to its value. I fucking hate him so much hope he dies painfully. I hope the bullies at his school beat him to death, till he's a bloody pulp. I hope he loses all his coins and they tank in value. Might as well steal and hide his whole collection. Fucking retarded faggot nerd I hope he's a homeless drug addict when he's older. He doesn't deserve a future. He deserves to rot I the streets and be abused to death. Faggot shitskin I've been hoping since I was little that he'd die miserably. My fucking parents love him and don't care if he makes my life hell. Hope they all die in a car crash one day, then I'll be the happiest motherfucker on the planet. Can't wait to piss on their graves. If God is real and good he will make them suffer horrific torture and die for my sake.

>>33605003
I'm stealing his coins when he sleeps. Maybe I'll clean some of them too. He wants to fuck around he can find out. Pigjeet

I bullied my ex's friend over a decade ago and I'm still bullying her to this day. I don't really know why. Maybe because she's cute and I always kind of liked her.

My hairline is gg. Thankfully there’s lots of ways to hide it for a while, but baldness is inevitable now

I wish it was as easy to stop hating as it was to start.

>>33605235
You are too good at your craft

You don't hate me, you love me

I gotta quit this job. That anon was right those type of people are sociopaths holy fuck

>>33603487
Fucking lameleg faggot you should've took your leg off and slapped her with it, missed opportunity

I've been coming to the conclusion lately that I probably am a bit of a loser from a third party persective
I'm 28 now and haven't been on a date in years. I could never get into online dating or hookups and none of my mutuals friends have female friends, or at least none that they hang out with in our group. I work a job that's barely above minimum wage but which gives me a lot of downtime working from home to indulge my hobbies and I spend most of my spare time either watching anime, reading manga or reading Visual Novels
But on the other hand, I own my own apartment, have enough money to save a few hundred a month, I'm in decent shape from years of gymwork (although I carry a bit of fat around the stomach), I'm just about average height although I have long hair which I've been told by some people is a turn off. I've learned a second language (it's Japanese and I actually use it mostly to read Visual Novels) and I've picked up an instrument recently.
I don't have any particular desire to start dating due to a mix of not wanting to lose my independence, not being able to imagine myself in a relationship and because, as selfish and as cruel as this sounds, I feel like I'd end up having to settle for someone who I wouldn't be happy with. My family mostly doesn't bother to ask me anymore if I'm seeing anyone or anything like that for the most part, but occasionally they or my friends (or even one of my co-workers) have asked and I essentially have no real answer.
Anyways, that's the end of my blog. I suppose the point of that ramble is that I somehow feel simultaneously like I have a lot of good points, but also that I feel like a complete loser and I've got no real incentive to change much because there isn't enough of an appeal in changing myself because the "rewards" aren't good enough in my eyes, but at the same time I'm getting increasingly conscious that I'm no longer a younger adult

You do sound like kind of a loser, simply due to the the long hair and anime fixation.
Financially you seem to be doing ok, thanks to your parents, though it's clear you're not interested in developing any skills to create more income. Whatever, I don't care about that.

As far as the no woman thing, that's kind of weird to be honest and probably due to the the fact that you're into porn and are a gooner.

Not at least trying to find a woman is not natural. Download an app, make a profile and date some bitches. I recommend that because you seem too socially awkward and too much of a pussy to go meet women irl. It sounds like you have no real friends, so maybe fix that too.

>>33606091
I'm the same age as you and also can't imagine myself marrying or anything like that. You shouldn't try to judge yourself by external standards. If you think dating more would make you happy then try to find motivation to work on yourself. But there is no point on doing it just to keep apereances. You'll waste you live living for people who only exist in your own mind, because at the end of the day no one gives two shits about how many girls you have dated.

>>33606114
>Financially you seem to be doing ok, thanks to your parents
In the sense that I was able to save up money in the first place, sure. But I live alone and don't ask for or receive any money from them. I take about 20% of my salary a month and put it into a savings account. In that sense, I don't have any particular desire to go out of my way to get more income
>It sounds like you have no real friends, so maybe fix that too.
I have a few close friends who I hang out with semi-regularly, but we're all working different hours so it's not always easy to arrange plans. On average, I go to see a concert or a live band playing about once a month with at least one of them
>you're into porn and are a gooner.
Was this because I mentioned Visual Novels or something? I don't have a porn addiction

Apparently intensive outpatient treatment needs me to attend court every other week for 18 months. I don’t know the penalty for not attending court as the team that is part of the program doesn’t know either. It’s more important that I attend the job I just landed instead and I don’t see how this program is meant to help or benefit me whatsoever. I don’t need intensive outpatient treatment and there was never any legitimate reason to diagnose me with schizophrenia.

>>33606196
Anon was trying to put you down so he would look better or something. Loser behaviour.

ok I'll get out of my comfort zone and go into the unknown

>>33594928
4chan was better before it started getting flooded with christfags.

no, turn into a volcel black pill

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2.06 MB JPG

>>33594928
<get fired
>go to the company to sign the papers
<have a seizure on the way to work due to unemployment
>dismissal canceled or work accident
>earn social security money without working
<in October I go back to work

It was probably just different lighting and camera angles that made me think my dad was using doppelgängers. Mom seemed like someone else when we put my cat to sleep and I don’t know why she doesn’t remember what song I played at the veterinarian but maybe my parents are just losing their memory. Maybe they’re pretending they don’t remember to make things worse. I don’t know. I know who my parents are now. Sorry for being confused. Each time I spoke with providers and doctors about hearing voices I told them that the only time I ever thought I might have was one instance when I was 16. I don’t hear voices that aren’t there and other than that one instance I never claimed that I did hear voices that aren’t there. It doesn’t make sense that I received this diagnosis. Seems to be all because of misunderstandings and misinterpretations.

I never return clothes when they don't fit because I'm getting fat and it's embarrassing

>>33606408
Goooood, get bigger, yeesssss

There was one instance where it felt like I heard someone outside of my ear when I was 16. I told doctors that sometimes before I sleep I’ve witnessed phrases in my head that I didn’t seem like my own voice. Then I say it’s like getting a song stuck in your head. And they just decided to diagnose me with this nonsense.

Only reason I ended up in the hospital the first time is because I was targeted on 4chan.

im never gonna know if i let go now.

This woman at work pissed me off today. First she's talking to whoever walks by and leaves me with all the work. Then she goes off wandering around because her scanner broke. 10 mins later she comes back and no scanner, asks me to scan everything and tell her where everything is going. Then she goes and does other people's job and our work piles up which she then expects me to help her with. I tell her its their job, we have our own, her doing it only makes them not come around and do it because they think we can do it ourselves, but we're too busy to be doing both. Then she makes it harder for me to help her on her end because "it makes THEIR work easier" and I tell her that its their job and to leave it and not make OUR job more difficult, more specifically mine when I need to help her because her end piles up when she does all that. She then raises her voice at me and tells me to stop complaining. I get it, but I shouldn't have to tell her not to do something she isn't supposed to do and do OUR work instead, because then I end up doing her work and the people that are meant to do their job don't do it because they don't see the need to do it and then they just stand around and talk while we end up doing everything, mostly me because I do the heavy lifting for me and for her. That fucking annoyed me and she has the nerve to act like its my fault. I went for a smoke just to calm down because that got my blood fucking boiling. Then she leaves 10 mins early and leaves me on my own, then when I'm finished she just stands outside waiting. Fucking christ, I hate that I have to deal with other people at work. First she complains people don't do anything there, then she does their work which makes them do even less, then when I tell her to leave it because its the reason they do that, and she has a problem with it while I do her end of the work + mine. She can do it all on her own tomorrow if she wants, idgaf anymore, and then she'll complain...

People get annoyed with me easily once they get to know me enough. I always do something that gets them to make remarks on how I am or what I do. I'm not doing it consciously and its just the way I am and do things. Sometimes I say things because I don't know what else to say but that apparently pisses people of and gets them mad at me. I don't know why it bothers people so much but it drives people away from me. I mean, it has to be a reason I'm essentially friendless, apart from some people I see rarely and would call my "closest" friends, but even one of them gets pissed off with me. I don't know, its something about me that first people like, and then they get sick of me after a few months. 90% of the time I'm on my own and when around people I'm quiet, and when I get to talk it eventually drives people away and makes them annoyed with me. Its not like I do those things intentionally to piss people off knowingly, its always something I did that I later find out annoyed them, but in the moment it was no different to me than just being my "normal" self. Its always something I don't see coming, and its always something different so its not like I can identify it and change it about myself. I just feel like I'm unlikable, unlovable and theres just something about me that drives people away. Its like I'm easily "hateable". The fact I'm always on my own and keep to myself doesn't help, because on the off chance someone does interact with me, they get sick of me quick. I think its best if I just stay on my own, people do that more often than I think I'm pretty sure so it can't be that hard. I just feel like if I get old and something happens to me, theres not going to be anyone there I could count on, thats the only downside, but apart from that I think I'm ok with being alone in life, unless someone is willing to put up with my shit, but I don't think I'd want to put someone through that. Maybe its them and I just blame myself, but how likely is that?

I need to get a fucking grip. The worse thing happening to me right now is mild office politics and bitchy women.

It’s not even a bad gig. I’m just not confident in the role because it’s got no physical element and my social skills are shit.

>>33602968
What don't you hate inshallah

its impressive, sure. but its just pathetic desperation. and im okay with that. a hope in hell.

>>33606514
She's a stupid cunt. Just ignore her.

>>33606436
Don't add fuel to their fire. Again like I told someone before you got to let the truth die. If the CIA and the world moves on from twisted covert operations in Asia during the Cold War, you can move on from this weird shit between you and people. Ha see there even if it was a conspiracy you still shouldn't feed into it.

it wasn't my fault, I had a lot of really bad stuff happen to me in my teens, therapy hasn't resolved my issues, I feel guilty for thinking about kms I don't want to pass on this trauma to anyone close to me but I want to die, people tell me how smart and talented I am yet I feel so hollow, I just wanted a family of my own but that time has passed and it kills me, I have the desire for partnership but I am completely dead inside and I know very well that having a family of my own won't relieve me of my own thoughts I hate God for making me like this I cannot stop feeling like a monster a goddamn freak

it's over.

>>33606798
It's never over

>>33603403
good luck means bad luck later

I worry my defeat is inevitable and that there will be no redeeming third act. A tragedy, I think it is called. My life is, perhaps.

>>33606844
I live in the moment.

>2nd day no simping
I likely won't post too many of these updates, because by doing so it puts in my mind the person I'm simping over and would like to fully move on from thinking about them. However, I did want to get it out there to nobody but out of my mind that today was very hard. Very hard. I feel FOMO about the fact that the Tiktok girl I've been simping over had let me into her private account and when I deleted my profile a couple days ago I also unfollowed everyone I was following before I did it. This was on purpose, but it has kicked up some FOMO. Like, what is she posting on her main and her private account? I may miss it! Yeah, that's the point, to miss it and move on from it.
>Send her money to her Venmo
Felt tempted to do that today also, so stupid. Like for what? Why do I feel this desire to send attractive females money? Why do I feel such a high when I tell someone attractive they are really attractive? As if they don't already know. This person in particular has thousands of people in her comments telling her how attractive she is, men and women, it isn't like she doesn't know. And based on some pics she has posted it seems she is a model also. Of course she knows. Maybe the high is because in the moment I feel it would be a brief, passing moment of connection between us. That she can't ignore. If I were to send her Venmo money, she would get the notification with the note attached, and whatever simpy comment I may leave. In that moment I had an interaction with her, or forced it upon her in a twisted way. To her, it would just be some more money and yet another sad guy sending her money and a few compliments. Stupid this fantasy in my mind, and the willingness to do something for this idea of a milimeter's worth of interaction with her. I don't even know her, nothing about her really, just a pretty face. A part of me yearns to be young again and to be able to flirt with and date the hot girl again. Sad. It's over, time to move on.

Talking into the void
Intrusive thoughts
'He doesn't love you, you don't deserve love, you reap what you sow'
If you keep mentioning other women I'm gone
I don't care if they are in the past
You love them more than you love me
You test me as if I'm the one who would hurt you
When you keep hurting me
You stripped me of all my emotions
Because I thought I could make you happy
There are men who would feel lucky for having this type of love
And you are throwing it all away because you are not sure

>>33594928
I don't know why anyone would get a Lamborghini when corvette and Porsche exists. I guess you might get it is an ostentatious flaunting of wealth but that's the only reason. The cars honestly look ridiculous.

>Selling childhood home
Feeling really sad. The home I grew up in, and later moved in to take care of my parents as they died, will close this month. Just sad. I inherited the place and am grateful for that gift, and the memories. But, I can't live there, the memories are too heavy having watched my dad die there over 6 months as I took care of him. But I'm going to feel a lot of sadness, pretty much all my family is gone and that house is where I grew up. My parent's will be there with me in spirit wherever I am though, at least, that helps me cope a little true or not.

>>33599301
May seem like a weird suggestion, but have you considered going to any support groups for depression or mental health or something? I have a lot of addiction issues and reluctantly started going to in-person support groups for them. Was surprised to meet people being real there, first time it felt like people were actually being real and putting it out there. Meet once a week. Over time, I started to make some friends. First real friends I ever had. There is a real bond that happens when people have shared suffering and support each other through it. Real connection develops.

Leaving a bunch of discord servers, want to get away from hyper reality, since I've moved to construction I want to stay more in tune with what's real rather than what only exists at my screen

I find some weird thrill out of being actively disgusting, vile and repulsive at times. Like being overweight and wearing tight clothes, while walking around in public farting loudly, not doing my hair. I don't know why. I used to fart in an office job a lot and it wasn't because I am inherently disgusting, or inherently vile. I was actively doing it with the intention of being vile and disgusting, almost like an act just to make people think I'm sick. Then, getting a kick out of it. I blew some absolutely massive fucking farts where people in other cubicles could without doubt hear them clearly, and be repulsed by them. I'm laughing and smiling thiking about it now lololll. One time I even shit my pants and it smelled like shit in the area for quite a while. Didn't do that intentionally but one fart came out wet

I wish you didnt eat his food.

>>33603729
She's physically and mentally healthy, the only thing you could say is physically wrong with her is she should brush her teeth more. Then again she's a psychology student who loves to bring it up at any opportunity so there's definitely something undiagnosed there. She's mainly just an upper middle class white attention whore who doesn't want to make any effort and uses therapy speak to bludgeon everyone around her.

>>33605494
As satisfying as that would be it still wouldn't outweigh the potential cost of getting it repaired, or the skank trying to sue me or otherwise drag my name through the mud. Not a lot of one legged people in my line of work, and white girl tears are powerful.

I'm doing exactly what people are saying to do to turn my life around and it's not doing anything at all. I am continuing to get worse.

I keep mulling over confessing to my crush and then fixing my life and being healthy if they say they reciprocate or if they say no take it as license to ruin my life so bad I have no choice but to kill myself and it really is arbitrary but it feels psychotic to involve someone else in those thoughts even though it has nothing to do with them in a way

>>33607319
Average fat man or a fat woman that got molested

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i have totally lost passion for anything. i am just waiting to die. i dont drink or do drugs. im sitting here

my ex won't stop calling and harassing me after i've told him 3 times already to stop contacting me. he is blocked everywhere, he just gets a new phone number to contact me. i can't go to the police because i know i won't get taken seriously. i don't even know what to do anymore

I called work to say I won't be in. Fine. Paycheck comes in, apparently I was on "holiday" for that day. "yeah we do that now", I thought it wasn't paid and now have -1 holiday. Try to take a day off, "you don't have any worked off holidays left", ask if it can be unpaid then "no, need proof to consider it and only in emergencies". I fucking hate this place and the retards in it. Their reason for unpaid leave is so that they're not "understaffed", meanwhile half the people show up to work to work every other day, half are students who only work few months in a year, then theres people who come in and just walk around all day and do nothing and we're constantly missing people and somehow unpaid leave is for "emergencies only"... on top of that theres some favoritism going on because these 3 guys who started a few months after me, since they started they only show up to work whenever they feel like it, 2-3 days a week max. Sign up for weekends and don't show up which means other people might not get it if they get it. They just say they won't be in and suddenly they're allowed to do that but I can't. They never had to fill out any forms or bring medical certs to cover absences, meanwhile I can't have an unpaid day off. They have been here for 9 months now and I'm pretty sure they are being paid for their days off on top of having unused holidays while they take mine without telling me, always send me letters and forms to fill out requesting proof and medical certs for which I have to pay and arrange appointments for. This place is a fucking joke.

>>33607634
I know how you feel

>>33607620
If this true you'd keep records screenshot and show to local police and get a restraining order

>>33607620
I don't know what demented part of me keeps thinking I'm your ex, then I remember the last time I contacted her was literal months ago. No response and another block, decided to leave it after that.

>>33594928
The most mentally ill homeless should be just dropped off near the highest concentration of white women.
If they want to deal with homeless they should invite them in.

>>33607513
You tried at least.
>>33606312
Everyone prefers pre 2014

That narcissistic chick ended it her bf.
It's for his better.
She was flirting with dudes at work.

>>33608038
How did she flirt with other guys at work? Poor guy, how do you know, are you her or the guy or girl who saw her flirt with people

>return bottles at Walmart
>go to self checkout area to return it as I have done several times
>middle aged black woman is telling people what lines to go to, ask her for assistance with my receipt
>she sneers at me and says "We don't do that" (yes they fucking do)
>just stare at her and go "I need assistance, though"
>she sighs heavily and walks to a terminal and seemingly does nothing
>after 5 minutes ask her if she'd like me to go to the only open checkout lane instead
>she snaps that she is "waiting on the computer"
>after like 5 more minutes she hands me my money without a word
>walk away and loudly call her a stupid slow bitch

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I fucking hate you so much. Your rumours are ruining my fucking life you fucking cunt. God only knows the truth and Im fucking innocent. My life’s a fucking living hell now that everyone seems to have this fucking horrible image built up in their minds. I will never forgive you and hope the truth is brought to light once and for all, however i think I won’t escape this for a long while. If I didn’t have god I would probably jump off a bridge because of this shit.

>>33607958
A few months ago I was moving a bum off my block and some liberal cunt stopped in his gay little prius and told me I shouldnt do that

I told him to take the bum in his car and they can go to his neighborhood

Shockingly he was not willing to do that

Perfectly happy to have the bum dirty up MY street and perfectly happy to hassle ME but God forbid he put his money where his mouth is

>>33608290
lol

>>33608368
What happened

Bruhs my mom just said my bf is getting fat, the absolute nerve of that ozempic guzzling whale to fucking say that lmfao. But when I dumped my ex for being too fat she called me a shallow devil and took it as an attack. Pick a lane mean ass cow

>>33608481
Call her a hypocrite you normalfag

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Of course I am not completely out of my mind, I’m just complaining. Surely I get mellow and bored with it, I soften under its weight, I just get intimate with it, you know. It’s part of the process and everything; I, understand.

>>33608368
If she finally sees the truth of Colton's lies and manipulations then I'm very thankful that karma is happening.

im always take the bait

>take class for the 4th time
>this time I will take it seriously
>can't even do the first tasks
yeah I think im just dumb and done with this education shit
minimum wage the rest of my life, yay!

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I'm starting to really fucking hate how our economic system is set up.

Everyone is required to get a job, which is fine, but society makes it fucking impossible to actually get one. It should be straight forward: college --> degree --> entry-level job. But nooo, nothing in this world can ever be simple. Simple entry-level jobs are made incredibly scarce and hypercompetitive, dozens if not hundreds of people all trying to get one lousy $38,000 position, so you need 5 years of experience just to get an interview.

But even that's not good enough. You have to make a LinkedIn, and post a bunch of corpo-slop about how perfect of a little slave you are. Jump through hoops, embarrass yourself, brown nose. What's your commitment to diversity? How would you resolve a dispute with a coworker? Would you still work here if you were a worm? MOTHER FUCKER JUST GIVE ME A JOB, THIS SHOULDN'T BE COMPLICATED. I WORK, YOU GIVE MONEY.

Fuck, bros. I'm tired of applying to hundreds of jobs and not getting a single interview. I'm tired of the performative bullshit. I'm tired of policy makers saying MORE MORE MORE. MORE PEOPLE, MORE GRADUATES, ADD TO THE POPULATION, CAN'T GET A JOB? TOUGH SHIT, MORE PEOPLE = GDP GO UP, GOTTA GROW THAT POPULATION, 1 BILLION AMERICANS LET'S GOOOOO

Just give me a fucking job. I went to school, I played by the rules, I did what I was supposed to do. Why the gatekeeping, just let me fucking work.

I am so sick of being called a bot or a baiter for my honest opinions. I made a pic in mspaint about my actual opinions and got someone calling me a botposter. A bot wouldn't make a pic like that using a template from early 2000's internet bro. I lowkey miss 2014 when everybody just said kys instead
>inb4 kys response

I'm starting to realize you're probably never going to come back to me in any way, but part of me still holds out hope. I'm done praying for your return and instead wishing you the best, thinking of you with every rainbow and sunset. If only the next shooting star could bring us back together like that night of the meteor shower. Just us in the boonies, nothing around for miles but each other. But I know those days are unlikely to return. And yet I'll hold on to that glimmer. If all that's left of you is memories then I won't lose that too.

I've heard that a person gets a bigger dick by masturbating a lot growing up I wonder how much of that is true

>>33608863
Yeah

>>33608788
Have you considered construction? I'm on decent money, about to be on even more.

>>33604560
Thanks anon, I might check those out. I'm a /lit/fag so I'd probably find them interesting from that perspective alone. Thanks for talking to me about it, I'm glad you found something that works for you

>>33607137
I went to an online support group for autistic adults a couple of times, but I didn't really get much out of it. There used to be a men's mental health support group that met in person in my local area, but I'm not sure if it's still going.
Maybe it's ironic to say considering I'm posting in here, but I don't think I'd have much to say. How did you find talking to them?

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>>33594928
I projectile vomited into the shitter and it splashed back onto my face.

>>33609110
I didn’t say much at all for a while and just listened, but made it a point of showing up every week. Then eventually slowly but surely began talking to some people after a meeting, or during. Has to be in-person though online won’t do shit. You should check into that group.

>>33608961
why not just reach out to them?

Weightloss is crazy because why am I excited for tummyaches and diarrhea

>>33608610
He raped other kids but he was just a kid.

>>33607350
I'm an experiment. You should know that by now. My life is never my own.

It's not your fault.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQht2yOX9Js

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mbBbFH9fAg&list=RD3mbBbFH9fAg&start_radio=1

>>33608368
You need to heal. You all do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnVUHWCynig&list=RDbnVUHWCynig&start_radio=1

>>33609168
She blocked me on social media I assume my number is blocked and her last words to me were very harsh. It's been 2 months since she broke contact, might give it a little more time before I make an attempt.

>>33609019
I'm mid 30's now so it's a bit late as you need like 2-3 years of school for any construction job in my country (Norway)
It's fucked as anything beyond warehouse work or cashier in a shop is gated behind years of school and diplomas and shit

The gangs will find me soon, I feel, but it's okay. I don't mind dying now.

Even though you ripped me apart, every step of the way, I hope you can heal and change your life. You probably aged me about 30 years throughout all this. Internally mostly but also externally... I am looking older. I don't care about that. I'm just glad that I made it to where I have to be.

>>33609315
She is going to take care of you now, in my place. She is kinder and a better person than me and I know you all need each other.

>>33609315
Unfortunately, I won't be able to return your perfume :3. I love you so much. I miss you, sister. It's Beyonce's birthday! A new era for all of you.

>>33609270
Its not that big of a deal youre fine.

>>33609391
You don't know... I'll just leave it at that. You don't know anything about him. It's an entire other rabbit hole. I can't explain that one.

While you were asleep, they built an army. They built in your name because you didn't change, you didn't heal. All I can do is pray that he will protect me because these guys, they have no humanity in there. There is none.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJjsm6CVsG8&list=RDLJjsm6CVsG8&start_radio=1

>>33609416
The hair is a hint too.