I have trouble with my mindset.Three things orbit my mind permanently: The task of "being social", getting older, and the spent time on things that require putting a lot of effort. I really wish to not be the isolated mess of a person I actually am.I feel awkward and inadequate in the simplest social situations (smalltalk with teachers, smalltalk with any girl, deciding to tag along and hang out with an acquaintance). I get in a loop in which I:>Don't want to deal with the situation in the first place (no motive or goal, it's a random event)>All that's left is performing, which I don't know how to do>Performing bad, from not knowing, makes me feel bad and not want to deal with the situation.When there is a situation I really am driven towards like>Split second of a random girl alone, waiting, texting, etc, catches my eye>Know I'd be walking into a high alert situation, where I'd be a bother if I don't have a reason to be there>Know if I had the right mindset, I could "make use" of the chat with the random stranger>But my mind is 100% focused in the scenario, I'm not relaxed, I can't relax. Mind is forever stuck in "Do or die", "have business of go away".So How do I develop a calm mind, full of fleeting unrelated thoughts, rather than the autistic focused tracks im running on? What do you think about in moments of calm? What activities with or without people should I try?
bump.
>imageI want to bash you and hope your problems get worse
>>33613411It's just a pic. Why would you get so worked up?
Damn, does every picture in his board have to be instagram coombait to get replies?
>>33612140Problem: Failure to select Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Time-gated goals.Solution: Be more specific about What metric you're measuring, How you'll know when you met that metric, and When you're meeting that metric by.This way you'll train yourself to achieve goals instead of training yourself to be anxious about goals.
>>33618827I don't want to "achieve" goals. I want to stop looking at life like a sequence of goals to achieve, problems to overcome or records to beat.Normal people are capable of taking it easy, or that's what I think. When they tell you "Be yourself" it's because they are capable of and want you to live in the moment without pressure. So far only pressure has been my motivation, and whatever specks of enjoying myself I had were met with shame by family and schoolmates, so I find it hard to even realize when I'm enjoying myself.When people do me a favor, I can't freely receive, In my mind I feel obligated to compensate. For example a teacher just gave me permission to leave class without marking an abscence, first thing I feel is I need to use the time to study hard and excel his class or I will disappoint him.And if it's about indulging myself in hobbies, I feel I should be elitist, or the content should be good otherwise it's wasted time. Somehow I'm in a trap where I can't just enjoy things or form opinions without it having to do with how I will look to others.
