Hi, I wanted to ask for an advice. I am 20 years old, man, and I have a strong feeling that I am done with my life. I just don’t feel like I have any really good reason to try to fix or change anything, because I think it will be of no use. I just don’t feel that I am even capable to feel happy about anything, or passionate about doing something. And it’s the thing for entirety of my life. I never had any friends or just people I could talk with outside my family, and I still don’t have any. I don’t have any particular hobbies or interests that could make me feel a bit more than just meaningless person. I tried several things but in the end I didn’t found any of what I tried to be at least not insufferable. Like, video games were really fun at first but then I stopped enjoying them. I enrolled in uni recently for Computer Science, thinking that maybe this could be interesting and good choice for career, considering that I didn’t have any interest or passion towards other programs. But now it’s the beginning of the 2nd year, and I feel like I don’t like it at all - I feel always exhausted, some assignments make me cry, programming even the most easy things is too much for me… I don’t have any option to switch to anything else, or neither I can just drop uni. But besides that I don’t have any talents or skills I might use to work on something, or just make a hobby out of it… I also have some very unpleasant issues with health like scoliosis, shortsightedness, bad teeth health. I tried to seek medical help but in the end I didn’t improve those conditions any further. And I feel so anxious and depressed the whole time that I can’t force myself to do anything at home or outside home. I couldn’t force myself sometimes to do homework or do extra things outside my program… I sometimes can’t even clean my room or wash the clothes… and I wonder, maybe the death could be a good solution? If so, what could be the most quick way?
>maybe the death could be a good solution?Perhaps it may be good to observe the circumstances which drive you to the conclusion.If finally found, then perhaps not a complete change, but small and minute skews to it would steer you clear if you find it to not be beneath you.Death may also be a terrible problem solver, it neither destroys the problem nor solves.
> Perhaps it may be good to observe the circumstances which drive you to the conclusion.If you mean by circumstances the outer factors, then I don’t know if there is any of such. Maybe it could be that I often see people around me being so focused, so determined and knowledgeable about what they want and what they need to do… but I never felt like this. I always felt like in a fog, from which I can’t escape. But I think the things I mentioned in original post are main things that make feeling that way
>>33645715>I often see people around me being so focused, so determined and knowledgeable about what they want and what they need to do…Perhaps the same could be also be said to you:You are focused in these details which you immerse yourself in. You are determined to seek out the multiple ways to alleviate the situation - even considering, with complete seriousness, you very own finality. You are also knowledgeable of the circumstances enough to reach out for further, a usual trajectory of one who is committed in sciences and industry.All of this, albeit, in a different form and function.>I never felt like this. I always felt like in a fogThen, perhaps, you could find the needed variety in circumstances yet considered - a direction removed from where you are. To move forward is to trade where one firmly is for where one wishes.>I can’t escape.Perhaps, it may be good to appreciate the things around you which announces itself. With what strength you could muster to fashion your escape, be it some mundane chore to be done, or a bit of belief you need.The tools you need may be around you, and the cluster of it all may be robbing them from view.
This is very unusual perspective… I didn’t expect to see such response. But still, I am not sure what I really should do. I could of course start simple and do even simplest tasks for at least a short time… but I don’t know what to do with the rest of what I said earlier. Especially considering that I still feel that exhaustion and anxiety from my very childhood.
>>33645368>20>already giving upYou have no reason to. You're too young. I'm 2 years older than you and all I can tell you is to keep going, because the only person who's going to save you is yourself.
>>33646136I understand, but it just seems impossible. I always had hard time with keeping myself going forward. I’m actually very surprised how I managed to live to this age.
>>33646179>I’m actually very surprised how I managed to live to this age.Huh? Are you fighting in Ukraine or something?
>>33646204Oh, no, no, I am not from Ukraine. What I meant is… it’s not the first time I’ve thought about suicide. Well, if you ask me what is different from previous times - I never told anyone about it. I always kept it in myself and didn’t tell anybody, even parents. But now it’s just feeling like that there is so much of issues around me and with me that I can’t stop thinking about ending it everything already for a whole week.
Five more years before I. Would consider you a adult.
>>33646271I didn’t really understand what you meant.
>>33645368hi im also 20 but im a bit drunk so forgive me for any spelling mistakesi dont come from a stem background so i very recently learned about heat death, and honestly, that's what keeps me going. i;ve been utterly depressed for a DECADE and i was set on suicide. everything was difficult for me, i changed my major twice, had no interest in friends etcetc. but i keep thinking about the end of the universe and it keeps me going, maybe it sounds superficial or normie coded idk. i wouldnt mind talking with you, if youre up for that !! but if youre not that fine
>>33646395> i wouldnt mind talking with you, if youre up for that !! but if youre not that fineI don’t mind, I don’t really know what I could do right now anyway.
>>33646241a screwed up suicide attempt is worse than any problem you have right now, do you really want to add Failed Suicide Attempt to your list?keep going, live, try everythign, at some point something should make you feel something, find what you are good at and stick to it, even if you are not passionate about it, the success of it is enough to keep you going.
If you hang yourself you will die how could you not? It cuts off the oxygen and blood from your brain you will pass out in less than 30 seconds have you ever been choked out? I still can't believe Leo did it we were only 13 years old.
>>33645368Hi anon - I voiced my first suicide intention at 9, and tried at 13. Obviously survived, and struggled quite a while with what to do with my life. I resolved to: If I don't want to live this life myself, I can at least love to make life a bit better for others.This worked for many years - I am now learning that spme degree of selfacceptance is necessary too. Medication and therapy helped too - nowadays, I am in a sense more bothered by a flu then by suicidal ideation - they are a warning signal that I am living to stressfully, but I don't take them seriously anymore. Religion also helped, but here are many who find meaning without it.So um - I know this is likely not ringing true to you at all, but it actually will get better, even if you cannot imagine how yet. Also, many others were at similar points in life as you before (and will be) - depression and suicidal thoughts are one of the more common ways our psyche can troll us.If it is unbearable or urgent, call one of those suicide help hotlines. And in general, I would advise you to seek help, ideally medically trained help, or someone who knows about depression and stuff. If that is not an option, open up to anyone - this is not a normal state ypur mind is in, and overwhelming evidence show us that that state can be changed again for the better.Gotta sleep now - praying for you anon, wishing you all the best! Take care and don't do anything irreversible, if only to not disappoint some anons rooting for you :)
>>33645368Oh, addition: You sound similar to me in many regards, including CS, disordered room and so on. Turned out to be autism + ADHD, and high IQ brought me through school, but also hid diagnosis. You don't have to tackle this stuff now, just saying that there could be a very natural explanation for your specific struggles. Diagnostically, your current situation sounds lile burnout or depression to me (not a doc tho). Life for me is tough sometimes, but worth it. All the best OP, rooting for you! :)
>>33645368>maybe the death could be a good solution?You can't know what happens after you die, so why do you think that would solve anything?
>>33647123Oh, I… I don’t know what to say. Thank you. I am sure it was not easy to share this story. I truly don’t know what to say really in response. Thank you. I am genuinely happy that you have overcome this pain. I am sorry if I am sounding too dramatic, it’s just feels unbearable, and I didn’t know any other place where I could say about this. I unfortunately don’t have friends, as I said before, to just tell about what I had on my mind. And I didn’t tell anything to my parents either because I know that they will probably just brush it off as “You are saying silly things”.
>>33647138It could be something like this. I never checked myself for having any of this. But I lately started to question myself whether I am autistic or maybe I have ADHD. If I am not wrong, people are getting diagnosed with autism already in childhood? Could be there a possibility that doctors just missed it out?And if you don’t mind me asking this question - have you eventually finished your degree and now working in CS area or you have chosen something different?
>>33646542Failed attempt? I didn’t think it could be a possibility. But, won’t the added pain make you willing to die even more?
>>33647656But neither I know what will happen if I remain. It’s just I tried things, and they didn’t work out for me, and considering how long this lasted, I have a feeling that death might be the solution. I just don’t see that there could be a way to resolve everything… like, scoliosis? I have this back pain from time to time, that wakes me up at the middle of the night.
